by A. K. Evans
While it finally made sense to me why Reece had been looking at me funny for so long, I narrowed my eyes wondering how he could make assumptions about how I was feeling now.
As if reading my thoughts, he added, “I know you’re hurting because you’ve got the same look on your face that Holden has had on his since the night of the anniversary party.”
He needed to stop talking to me about this. I did not need to know how Holden was handling anything. If he was truly upset about where things were between us, only he could change them.
“I won’t keep you, Leni,” Reece said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I know you have another class starting shortly. I just wanted to make you aware that Holden’s purposely staying away so he can give you, and presumably himself, the space you need.”
With a nod, I responded, “Thanks, Reece. I appreciate it.”
At that, I stood and moved to the door. Once there, Reece called my name.
I looked back and asked, “Yeah?”
“Maybe it’s not my place to say it, but I think you should know that he does love you. Unfortunately, he’s too afraid to admit it.”
My breath caught in my throat. I parted my lips and whispered, “Excuse me.”
Then I ran out of his office.
“Thank you so much for offering to help,” I said as I threw my arms around Zara and gave her a hug.
“Oh, it’s no problem at all,” she insisted. “Besides, not only am I glad that you are going to be close by again, I’m also happy you’re at least a little further removed from that situation.”
Zara was talking about me being at Reece’s gym.
It was only a week ago when I ran out of Reece’s office after he told me that he knew Holden loved me. When I made it back to the room to try and pull myself together before my students showed up and class started, Zara was already there.
Instantly, she knew something was wrong. I told her everything that happened in Reece’s office but didn’t get the chance to fill her in on everything that had happened to bring an end to Holden and me.
Regardless, she knew I was hurting and mentioned that she’d seen significant progress being made on the studio. As soon as she said it, I knew I needed to reach out to my landlord to see how much longer it was going to be.
That night, when I got home, I called him up and learned that the major parts of the rebuild had just been completed, but that the cosmetic stuff needed to be taken care of. The minute he said that, I asked if I’d be able to bring a couple friends and do the painting and any extras myself. It took a little convincing, but he ultimately agreed, asking that I give him a few days before taking over.
Now, I was here in my studio for the first time since that dreadful day a few months ago. So much had happened since then, making it feel like I’d lived a lifetime waiting for the rebuild to be completed.
“Yeah,” I agreed with Zara. “I think it’s going to be much better for me in the long run to be back in my own space. Obviously, it’ll be nice to go back to Reece’s gym occasionally to see some of those students who won’t make the drive out here, but it feels good to be coming back.”
“Well, we’re going to work our butts off to get you set up as quickly as possible. In fact, Pierce should be here shortly with one of his co-workers.”
My body instantly tensed, and Zara noticed.
“Don’t worry. It’s not Holden,” she assured me. “I specifically told Pierce that if he wanted to bring one of the guys from work, we’d love the help, but he was forbidden from even mentioning it to Holden.”
I let out a sigh of relief and mumbled, “Even if he knew, it’s a sure bet he wouldn’t have shown up anyway.”
“Oh, you never know,” she started. “It’s possible he—”
Before she could finish the door opened and Pierce walked in with another guy. He was a handsome man, a bit taller and bulkier than Holden, but he seemed just as physically fit.
“Hey, beautiful,” Pierce greeted Zara. After giving her a kiss, he looked at me and greeted, “Morning, Leni.”
“Good morning, Pierce,” I returned.
He looked to his left, held out his hand, and said, “Leni, this is Tyson Reed. Tyson, this is Lennox Ford, but she goes by Leni.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I remarked. “And thank you so much for allowing Pierce to drag you over here to help. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s no problem. I grew up doing construction, so painting some walls, hanging some shelves, and putting up a bunch of mirrors will be no sweat,” Tyson assured me.
“Okay, well we should get to work,” Zara declared. “The faster we get this done, the sooner I can walk to yoga class instead of needing to drive.”
“The boss has spoken,” Pierce teased. “How about Tyson and I get started on hanging these mirrors while the two of you start on the paint?”
I looked at Zara, shrugged, and agreed, “That works for me.”
After I showed Pierce and Tyson where the mirrors were and where they needed to be hung, we all got to work. While the boys worked in the room at the back of the studio, Zara and I started out in my reception area. I had no plans for it to look like an official reception area, but I did need a space where I could greet new students, or where my current students could lounge and just hang out.
Once we’d pulled out all the supplies and filled up our trays with paint, we got to work. For the next couple of hours, we worked in the big open space at the front of my studio. Throughout, Zara and I talked about a bunch of inconsequential things. In addition, I’d also learned from her that she’d been battling some feelings of resentment and betrayal she’d felt at the hands of her family. Forgiveness had been something she was struggling with, and she was finding that yoga was helping her tremendously with it. Hearing stuff like that always made me feel good about what I chose to do with my life.
Ultimately, our conversation shifted into talks of relationships. It went there naturally with Zara talking about Pierce, but it eventually came to me.
“So, if you’re not up for talking about it, that’s totally fine, but what’s the story with you and Holden?” Zara asked. “I thought you guys were making great strides toward a deeper connection.”
“We were,” I confirmed. “But then I told him I loved him, and it all went downhill.”
Zara was so shocked, I could feel her neck snap as she turned toward me. I stopped rolling paint on the wall and looked at her.
“What?” I asked because the look on her face was so alarming.
“Are you serious?”
Nodding, I said, “Yeah. After we had the chance to talk about it the night of the anniversary party for his grandparents, it all seemed okay. But once he left my place the next morning, things changed. I saw him less and less. And he didn’t call nearly as often. Even though I attempted to get together with him one day, he declined the invite. It was like no matter what he’d said or shown me before then, nothing was the same.”
“I don’t understand. Why?”
I rolled my eyes before I started applying more paint to the wall. Then, I shared, “I had the same reaction.” After a brief pause, I explained, “He’s had some things happen that make him afraid of taking the risk with me. I understand it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Nor does it explain why he would ever give me the impression that there was ever anything more between us than just sex.”
As I dipped my roller back into the tray of paint, Zara wondered, “Did you ever ask him why he went and gave you all the bells and whistles if sex was all it was supposed to be?”
Even though there was nothing funny about the answer to that question, I let out a laugh and responded, “I hinted at it, and he got really angry at me. He claims that it wasn’t just about sex and that he legitimately cared about me. The thing is, he never should have given me anything beyond a physical relationship if he knew there was no way he’d ever work for a real relationship and want to fully commit at some point. That’s what ups
ets me the most. I fell in love with a man who showed me somebody truly amazing. And it was all just… honestly, I don’t even understand what the point of it was.”
“Maybe he did have feelings for you,” Zara suggested.
“Well, you know the whole reason I’m here now painting these walls instead of at Reece’s gym. According to him, Holden does love me and is just afraid to admit it. I’m just not so sure I should believe that because it doesn’t make sense that anyone wouldn’t want to be with the person they love.”
“Believe it,” Tyson interrupted our conversation.
Zara and I both turned around to see the guys standing there.
That’s when Tyson went on, “It’s not my business, and I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but we finished with the mirrors and thought we’d see what else you need hung or lifted before we join in on the painting. And from what I just heard you say, you should know that Reece isn’t lying.”
Perhaps to everyone else it was great news to know that Holden loved me. Maybe they thought it helped me to know that he felt something deep for me. The truth was, I didn’t think it was helping. And I wasn’t sure they could make statements like that unless they’d heard those words from Holden himself.
“Not to be rude, but has Holden actually told you this and confirmed it?” I asked.
Walking farther into the room toward me, Tyson shook his head. “No, but evidence would suggest it’s the truth.”
“Evidence?” I repeated.
Nodding, Tyson added, “We’re private investigators, babe. It’s our job to pick up on the subtleties that might go unnoticed by others.”
My eyes shifted to Pierce. He jerked his head to Tyson and insisted, “He’s not wrong.”
“About which part?” I mumbled.
“All of it.”
With my mind swirling with a bunch of emotions I couldn’t even begin to dream of sorting out when I had my studio to finish painting, Zara came to my rescue. She knew, just like any good woman would, that neither Pierce nor Tyson offered any real proof of their claims.
“What evidence do you have that suggests Holden loves her?” she asked. “Because from what I just learned, I’m not sure that’s the case.” After a brief pause, she directed her attention at Pierce and scolded him, “And you told me a few months ago that Holden was a great guy that Leni would be lucky to have in her life. I’m having a hard time seeing anything special about how he’s treated her.”
“Beautiful, I think if you talk to Leni about the good she had with Holden, you’ll see that I wasn’t lying,” Pierce started. “But we all have our own things we’ve got to work through. I know you understand that. And that’s the case with Holden, too.”
Tyson added, “Holden hasn’t shared anything with us about the status of things between the two of you. Obviously, all the guys know what happened to your studio and how he reacted to it, so we’ve gotten on his case since then. But he doesn’t share anything about your relationship.”
“There is no relationship,” I corrected him.
“Maybe not now,” Tyson retorted. “And my guess is that there hasn’t been one for a good three or four weeks now, am I right?”
My brows pulled together. “I thought you said that Holden hasn’t shared anything.”
Tyson grinned, making him look impossibly handsome. He wasn’t Holden or anything, but the man was still a catch. “He hasn’t,” Tyson confirmed. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t figure out what’s going on based on his mood. He comes in and does a great job at whatever is on his plate for the day, but beyond that, he’s not his usual self. The man is just as torn up over you as you are over him. I swear, sometimes I look at him and wonder if he’s actually slept decently over the last couple weeks.”
I took in a deep breath and blew it out. This broke my heart. I shouldn’t have been standing here feeling bad for Holden, but for some reason I did. Maybe it was the words his co-workers were sharing with me. Maybe it was because I missed him. But there was something about standing in my newly rebuilt studio that made me feel a bit overwhelmed.
In an instant, my mind flashed back to the day I thought I would die when this place went up in flames. I remembered standing outside feeling relief that I could continue to breathe in the fresh air, but also being devastated that I’d lost something I’d worked so hard and given up so much to have.
As awful as that was, it didn’t take long for me to see the positive side of it. The biggest blessing to come out of it all was meeting Holden. The compassion he showed me was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, especially from a stranger. And he quickly became so much more than just a nice guy doing something for a woman who was down on her luck.
He wormed his way into my heart, showing me all the things that I’m sure Pierce was referring to when he told Zara I’d be lucky to have Holden in my life. Once I let him in, I got those little nuggets of gold that proved just how special he was.
And in remembering all of that, I looked at Holden’s friends and asked, “Do either of you dance?”
“No,” they replied in unison.
“Do any of the guys you work with dance?”
Confusion washed over them as they looked at each other. “Just Dom. He’s crazy and always the life of the party. Other than him, nobody at the firm dances.”
“Holden does,” I deadpanned.
Pierce and Tyson were legitimately surprised. They had no idea. And knowing he’d given me that, something these men didn’t know about him, I lost it.
“Fuck,” I whispered, as my eyes filled with tears.
Then, even though it wasn’t overly dramatic or anything, I cried. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I stared off into space.
Tyson, being the closest to me, pulled me into his arms. After a few minutes passed, with one hand moving up and down my arm, he asked, “Is he any good?”
“What?”
“Locke. With his dancing. Is he any good?”
I closed my eyes, smiled, and whispered my reply, “The best I’ve ever seen.”
Tyson shook his head and laughed. “Never thought that man would have any moves,” he teased.
“Oh, he’s got moves,” I assured him.
They all laughed, which made me laugh. I hadn’t intended to put that kind of information out there, but I was caught up in the moment. And in the end, it made me feel better to get some of it out.
Before we got back to work, Tyson gave me a squeeze and offered, “We can’t make you any promises about where his head is and if he’ll come around. But I know one thing’s for sure. He can’t keep functioning like he is now. So, if that gives you a reason to hope, run with it. And if you’d rather not hope, then at least you can feel better knowing he’s feeling just as miserable as you are right now.”
I wasn’t sure I was in the mindset currently where it was beneficial for me to have hope. Sure, it would have been nice, but I had a feeling it would only lead to more disappointment down the road. And I had to be realistic. There was nothing wrong with dreaming and following my heart, but there was also a point where I had to listen to logic and protect myself.
So, for the time being, I’d find comfort in the fact that Holden was feeling just as miserable as I was.
I looked up at Tyson and said, “Thanks. It helps to know that.”
“No problem. Are you good now?”
I gave him a nod before he let me go.
Then, Pierce chimed in and asked, “What’s next?”
I gave out instructions on what I needed done next and the boys got to it while Zara and I got back to painting.
And it was then that I finally started to feel a small part of myself beginning to heal.
It was finally Friday night. And it was late.
Normally, the day of the week didn’t really play a factor in the way I felt, but this had been a long and exhausting week for me.
I spent most of my free time during the week working at my studio. While Zara had enlisted the help of Pie
rce and Tyson last weekend, they weren’t able to come and help out during the week when they were at work. Luckily, Zara did come over in the evenings after she closed her shop for the night to help me out.
I’d just finished my last live yoga class at Reece’s gym for the next two weeks. Given the week I’d had, feeling as exhausted as I did, I decided to make tonight’s class a restorative one. At the start of class I told my students that I thought this was the best way to unwind and recover after a long, stressful week, and they all seemed excited about taking a class that would offer some restorative benefits.
Now that class had just ended, I was planning to clean up my mats and take most of them back with me since I’d need them at my studio. Then, I was going home so I could get to bed early. I wanted to put in a full day at the studio tomorrow and figured it was best to do it after I’d ensured I had a decent night’s rest.
As my students began filing out of the room, I got to work on the mats. I decided to just roll them up and get them in my car. I’d deal with cleaning them before they were used again.
“Leni?”
I turned around to see Tanya, who hadn’t yet stopped coming to my classes, standing there.
“Yeah?” I returned as I continued to roll up the mats.
“I saw that you aren’t going to be holding another class here for a few weeks,” she started. “Are you not teaching at all for the next two weeks, or is your studio finally rebuilt?”
“My studio has been rebuilt, but I’m putting some of the final cosmetic touches on it right now. I’m taking the time next week to finish it up and will start hosting classes the week after.”
“Oh, okay. Um, would it be alright if I came to classes there as well once you are up and running again?” she asked as she joined in and started rolling up the mats with me.
I could not read this woman. Sometimes, she seemed like a decent human being, but other times she just came across as sneaky. I never really knew what I was getting with her, and it kind of creeped me out.
Even still, I recalled Holden’s words and believed she was mostly harmless. So, I answered, “Yeah, that’s totally fine.”
