Gabriel frowned at that but I didn’t have time for his answer and I shot out of the room with my Vampire speed.
My head spun dizzily as I came to a halt in the bathroom before the sink. I brushed my teeth as quickly as I could and splashed water over my face as I tried to fix the panda eyes my makeup had left behind. I spared a moment to use healing magic to clear my hangover and sighed as the headache slipped away.
A quick glance at my Atlas told me I had three minutes to get to my counselling session across campus and I shot back out of the room, tossing my wash bag into my dorm before speeding down the stairs.
I sped across Acrux Courtyard in the torrential rain, moving so fast that there was hardly any time for the rain to catch me. I came to a halt before Miss Nightshade’s door with thirty seconds to spare, moisture clinging to my cheeks and my boots leaving wet footprints on the carpet.
The door swung open and I came face to face with Eugene Dipper.
“Remember to work on your obsessive compulsions this week!” Miss Nightshade’s voice called after him. “We don’t want you straying into stalker tendencies again.”
Eugene’s pale cheeks flushed scarlet as he stared at me in surprise and I lifted an eyebrow at him as he failed to look away.
“I-I’ll try,” he muttered, pressing his back to the door and shuffling sideways to let me pass him.
“Come on in Miss Callisto before poor Mr Dipper has a heart attack!”
I frowned at that weird comment and stepped into the room.
“Hi,” I said, my tone clipped as I pushed the door over behind me.
“I’m glad you could join me today, Miss Callisto, it would be such a shame if you had to lose your place at the academy because you were branded unbalanced,” she said, softening the dig with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Feelings of trust and safety washed from her towards me and I scowled.
Fucking Sirens. I didn’t want her pushing at my emotions like that and I threw up a strong mental wall as I dropped down on the comfy couch before her.
“Heaven forbid,” I said dryly. And unbalanced didn’t really cover it with me. Hell, it was probably one of the better diagnosis I could have been branded with. Obsessive. Vengeful. Shattered. Psychotic. Broken. I could be given enough labels to fill a short book.
“I have agreed not to pry too closely into your thoughts after speaking with Professor Titan. He told me you have a few sensitivities when it comes to the power of my Order, will you talk about the root of that mistrust?”
I pursed my lips, looking about the room as I wondered how to answer that question. I could tell her a little about Old Sal but I didn’t really want her prying into my family life much.
“My mom had a Siren for a boss my whole life, she isn’t the strongest willed person you’d ever meet and I always felt that her boss manipulated her,” I said with a shrug.
“And did this leave you feeling mistreated?” she asked.
I pushed my tongue into my cheek. “I survived. I’m just not particularly inclined to allow a Siren to manipulate me.”
“Perhaps you’re underestimating yourself. The young woman sitting before me seems anything but weak willed.”
I snorted in amusement at that.
“I never said I was.”
“But you do feel weak. Powerless…is that since the death of the person you’re grieving?”
I bit my tongue against the rude response I wanted to give to that. She wasn’t supposed to be pushing me on this subject, but I wasn’t surprised that she was. I cursed myself for over sleeping, I was supposed to be prepared for this meeting, overloaded on strong emotions to stop her from snooping and catching more subtle feelings from me but I’d overslept and screwed up my entire plan for this.
“You don’t need to panic,” she urged. “This is a safe space.”
Shit.
My gaze scoured the room and fell on a weird sculpture built out of brown blocks of wood all balanced together at strange angles to create a kind of nest.
“What’s that for?” I asked, nodding towards it to distract her for a moment as I scrambled for a strong emotion to focus on. `
“It’s a Solarian Evernest,” she said with a smile. “It’s supposed to help you banish distractions and focus on the truest emotions you’re experiencing.”
She started explaining more about the way it worked and I zoned her out as I let my mind drift and my thoughts snagged on last night. Lust was a damn powerful emotion and I was easily able to tap into it as I remembered the way it had felt to have Dante’s mouth pressed to mine, static electricity spilling through my body and making my heart race.
“So do you want to tell me about your loss?” Miss Nightshade asked softly as she pressed at me.
I dropped my gaze to my lap. “My father…” I said in a small voice, thinking of Gareth just long enough to let some grief colour my words. Something about this woman put me on edge which should have been the opposite of the effect she had on me. I didn’t know if it was fear of discovery or just my instincts telling me there was something off about her but I’d be fighting against her intrusion into my thoughts every time I stepped into this room.
“The loss of a paternal figure can be devastating on a young girl,” she said kindly.
I wouldn’t know because I never had one but sure.
“Do you think you may have been acting out at all since then? Allowing your emotions to alter your behaviour?”
Had my grief altered my behaviour? Well I never used to spend all of my free time hunting killers and planning revenge with the most torturous and painful methods I could come up with, so I’d have to say yes.
To drown that out, I thought about how hard Leon had been for me as I ground my ass against him, the way his fingers had teased the line of waistband as he wrapped his strong arms around me.
“Maybe... I don’t really want to discuss my grief.”
Miss Nightshade nodded like she understood. “Acting out sexually is perfectly normal. It can be good to have the support of a lover, but it can also be a rather unsettled time for you. Forming a relationship on the foundations of grief can make for a crumbling house in the future.”
What the hell is this bullshit?
“I wouldn’t call it a relationship,” I said as my mind lingered on the way my hands had pushed beneath Dante’s shirt and ridden the lines and ridges of his abs.
Miss Nightshade nodded thoughtfully. “Being satisfied sexually is a good way to alleviate some of the tension caused by your grief. But you can’t obliterate that sense of loss entirely.”
“I know,” I agreed.
“So perhaps over the next few weeks you could think about restricting yourself sexually and giving some time to your grief? You need to work through it if you ever want the keenness of the pain to fade.”
I don’t want it to fade because I want to feel every inch of this agony inside me as I dole out revenge on the one responsible for it. I want their suffering to equal mine before the end.
“You want me to practice abstaining?” I scoffed. Why the hell would she want me to swear off sex?
“Not all the time but if you separate yourself from the object of your desire a few times a week and spend an evening or two just sitting with your grief, thinking it over, trying to process it, you may feel more able to discuss it with me by our next session.”
We continued to dance back and forth around the subjects she wanted to snoop into while I used lust to hide my feelings and I started to get the sense that she was growing frustrated by the time our hour was running out. I’d had to endure the lecture on my use of Killblaze but to my surprise, she hadn’t lingered on that subject for very long which I hoped as because I clearly wasn’t an addict.
“Do you feel like we’ve begun to make some progress here?” Miss Nightshade asked, concealing the irritation I was sure she was feeling.
“Sure.” I glanced at the clock, restraining my smile as I realised I’d made it through the session. �
�I’ll see you in a few weeks then.” I got to my feet and she pursed her lips at the eagerness I didn’t bother to hide. I didn’t care if she knew I hated these sessions, I wasn’t here to bolster her ego.
“See you then,” she agreed. “Don’t be late.”
I offered her a salute and strode out of the room.
As I pulled the door closed behind me, the sound of a phone ringing caught my enhanced hearing and I paused, focusing on my gifts as Nightshade answered the call. I lingered where I was for no other real reason than me being a nosey bitch, but I was intrigued to find out a little more about the woman who insisted on poking into my business all the damn time.
“Hello?” she said, a little breathlessly like she was excited about whoever was calling her. Or maybe afraid.
“Is it done?” a voice came on the other end of the line. It was almost impossible for me to make out at this distance even with my gifts and I couldn’t be sure if it was a man or a woman.
“I think so,” Nightshade said, dropping her voice. “I destroyed the referral records so no one will be able to connect him to me even if they did find the-”
“Good. Double check everything you did to make sure,” the voice interrupted and I cursed as I failed to hear the next thing they said.
“Thank you, Card Master, I won’t let you down.”
Holy shit is she a member of the Black Card?
My mind whirled with the implications of that one little title spilling from her lips. What could that mean? Was she one of those psychos who had been there in the woods with me that night? Had she stood there while that asshole had tried to convince me to kill myself? Watched while that poor boy did just that? Was I spending hours of my time with a woman who was using her Siren gifts to sift through my brain searching for my secrets? For the one secret I held which might just have something to do with that cult of psychopaths?
What if she figured out I was looking for her precious leader? What if I was literally sitting in the company of someone who held the answers I was searching for every other week and I hadn’t even suspected a thing?
I suddenly had a new lead and I was sure as shit going to follow it. If Miss Nightshade had any secrets, I’d make it my mission to hunt them down.
The person on the other end of the line replied but I didn’t hear what they said as heavy footfalls came from beyond the corner at the far end of the corridor.
I flinched away from the door guiltily and started walking quickly, not wanting to be caught snooping by whoever was heading this way.
I turned the corner and found Ryder walking along the corridor towards me.
His expression tightened as he spotted me and I looked at him for a long moment, wondering if he even felt the littlest bit guilty about the way he’d threatened me. A more terrifying thought sprang to life following that; he’d sworn to kill me if I screwed Dante and now there was a video of me making out with him circulating all over the school.
Ryder didn’t seem to spend any time on FaeBook but if the story interested people enough for them to start talking about it then it wouldn’t be long before he found out what I’d done. Oscura or Lunar. I’d sworn I’d never pick one and I’d meant it. But I’d crossed a line with Dante last night, letting the beer and the excitement of the moment wash me away with it. Maybe it wouldn’t matter. But I got the feeling it would.
Ryder’s stride was steady as he walked right towards me, his gaze hard, jaw locked tight.
My heart beat faster as the distance between us closed. It was a narrow corridor, we’d have to pass within inches of each other, especially as his broad frame took up so much space.
For an insane second I wondered if he might apologise to me but as his cold gaze slid to mine I knew that was a hopeless wish.
Ryder narrowed his eyes and kept walking, his muscular arm brushing against mine as he swept right past like I didn’t even exist.
My gut twisted painfully at the treatment but I shrugged it off. If that was how he wanted it then fine. I’d wanted him close so that I could investigate him, but I’d just do it from a distance instead. And that was the only reason I was so disappointed by his behaviour. I wasn’t going to admit to anything else.
My Atlas pinged in my pocket and I pulled it out as I continued to walk away from Ryder and his sucky attitude.
My gaze fell on Dante’s name and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.
Dante:
I missed you this morning, bella. Come and meet me for lunch.
My stomach growled at that suggestion and I messaged back to say I’d meet him in the Cafaeteria.
I turned to look back at Ryder just as he reached the door to Miss Nightshade’s room. He looked around too and for a long moment we just stared at each other. My heart beat harder and I tried to work out what he was thinking as he stared at me, but before I could figure it out, he snapped the door closed between us.
I shook my head to clear it of Ryder Draconis and turned away again, speeding out into the rain to meet Dante.
I moved to sit on the couch before Miss Nightshade, taking a razor blade from my pocket and twisting it through my fingers in my usual habit. I kept my gaze fixed on the window to my left, my pulse thumping heavily in my skull.
Fucking Elise. She was a nail hammered into my brain. A cold hard piece of metal driven deep and causing me unspeakable agony. But if I removed her I’d fucking die.
“Let’s see your horoscope,” Nightshade asked. She loved to start a session like that. Every scrap of insight she could get into me was like a piece of candy for her.
I took out my Atlas, bringing up my horoscope and tossing it to her impatiently, knowing she was going to have a fucking field day over this one.
She tapped her long nails on the screen then started reading it out loud. “Today you’ll find yourself up close and personal with the object of your affections. Although these new feelings may frighten you, it could be a good time to lean into them. With Mars moving into your chart, it may feel like you are at war with yourself at times, but there is a more physical war coming. By embracing the softer vibes of Venus, you could find yourself at peace today. If not, you will likely shed blood before sundown.”
I ground my teeth as I waited for Nightshade’s verdict on that but for once she didn’t give one. She just slapped a smug look on her face that said I’m right about Elise. And I wanted to peel it off of her with my nails. She didn’t mention the bloodshed because frankly, my horoscope predicted that five times a week. But when Mars was in my chart it usually meant the fucker was going to lose more than a few teeth.
“Are you going to talk about her this week?” Nightshade asked, jotting down some notes before passing my Atlas back to me.
There were four hers in my life that mattered to Nightshade. My mom, Mariella Oscura, Professor King and now Elise Callisto.
“Which one?” I grunted, sliding the razor along my thumb, the blade threatening to spill blood. Nightshade always had a box of tissues on hand for people who shed tears. But she knew that wasn’t what she’d be handing them to me for. She never told me to stop cutting myself though, just wrote notes on her fucking clipboard like I was a mildly interesting puzzle she wanted to solve. Sucked for her, because there wasn’t a solution to this jigsaw. There were too many pieces missing and the ones that remained didn’t fit together right.
“Let’s start with Elise,” she said, raising a dark brow, her pen poised above the page as she rested the clipboard on her knee. “Do you want to talk about those emotions you felt when you saw her just now? Lust…frustration…loss?”
I ran my tongue across my teeth, pressing the blade down a little harder but not enough to break the skin. Part of me wanted to send Nightshade a vision of me bashing her head against a wall and she shifted in her seat as she sensed that. Her mental shields were solid anyway. Wasn’t worth my time.
“You can be angry at me all you like, Ryder, but who is it you’re really angry with?”
Myself. E
lise. The world.
I shrugged one shoulder, watching a spider crawl across its web against the window. A fly was hovering near enough to be caught in its trap, then turned away at the last moment.
I know the feeling.
Nightshade cleared her throat to draw my attention back to her and I knew I had to give her something. She had the power to say I was unstable. A few ticks in the right checkboxes could have me looked at closer by healthcare professionals and I didn’t need the headache. So occasionally I gave her what she wanted. And it looked like today needed to be one of those days.
“Elise is a complication in my life I don’t need,” I stated. It was a simple fact, though Nightshade could no doubt sense my underlying feelings on that matter.
“Define complicated,” she asked and I sighed, weary of this conversation already.
“She won’t be mine. She wants other assholes in this school. What more is there to say?” I hissed.
Nightshade leaned back in her chair, pressing out a crease in her navy skirt. “Well…I sense there is something more you have to say. You want Elise and she doesn’t want you back, is that correct? Because you said it was complicated and that sounds fairly simple to me.”
Fucking checkmate. I hated the probing ways of this bitch, but I had to admit she was disgustingly good at her job. “What makes it complicated, is that she does want me back, but she wants other guys too,” I snarled the words, rage ripping through me and making Nightshade draw in a slow breath as it crashed over her too.
“And you want to see her exclusively?” she guessed.
I frowned, the blade in my hand on the verge of slicing into my thumb. “Mostly I don’t want her anywhere near Dante fucking Oscura.”
Nightshade nodded in understanding. “Ah, now I see the complication. Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to Elise. If you were honest about your feelings maybe-”
“What feelings?” I snapped, curling my left hand into a fist and aiming the tattoo across my knuckles at her. “It’s lust. I want to fuck her that’s all it is.”
Savage Fae (Ruthless Boys of the Zodiac Book 2) Page 14
