Leaving Shades

by Leaving Shades (epub)

  ‘Miss Oakley, Miss Oakley, are you up here?’ Beth called out on the landing. All that could be heard were two different clocks chiming a quarter past three. Feeling like an insolent trespasser despite being here out of concern, Beth turned the first dusty glass doorknob in the dark, airless upstairs hallway. She pushed the door open wide enough for herself and Kitty to fully view the room. The curtains were closed, but there was just enough light for the women to conclude that this room had been the late Mrs Oakley’s. The room was tidy, reverently so – left, they were sure, exactly as it had been when the old lady died. Once it had been congested with Victorian furniture, most of which was pushed back against the walls to make room for Mrs Oakley to be nursed at the end of her life. A large gold cross, likely brought from the church, stood in the middle of a long table at the foot of the bed. Numerous candles had been burned in vigil. ‘Miss Oakley?’ Beth enquired, in case the daughter was somewhere in the shadows of the room.

  ‘She’s not here,’ Kitty said. ‘We must keep going.’

  The next room was a cold, functional bathroom, obviously boarded off from the first bedroom; once, when vicarage life was grander, it had probably been a dressing room.

  ‘It’s the next room, I feel it is,’ Beth said with a sigh, feeling morbidly stifled. The longer she spent in this house the more the atmosphere dragged her spirits down. ‘I hope Miss Oakley’s in there and she’s just resting and forgotten where she should have gone today.’

  ‘Me too,’ Kitty agreed heartily. The next door was at a sharp right angle in the corridor and Kitty went straight into it, Beth tight beside her. The room, kept fairly neat, appeared empty but on the bedcovers was a small heap of crumpled clothes. The women knew at once that these were the clothes Miss Oakley had intended to wear to lunch today.

  ‘So she was coming and something changed her mind,’ Beth murmured. ‘Kitty, we’ve got to find her. I just know something bad has happened to her.’

  Kitty nodded, the gloom and sense of despair in this bleak old house telling her that too.

  Beth went to the foot of the bed. She saw more discarded clothes on the floor, scrunched up oddly against the wardrobe. Then she knew it wasn’t clothes she could see. ‘Oh no! She’s here, Kitty, on the floor. I fear we might be too late.’ Beth rushed to the hunched figure and sank down on her knees. Kitty followed suit but made a detour first and threw back the curtains that dragged on their heavy rings. Daylight hit the room, making Kitty and Beth blink heavily.

  ‘Miss Oakley?’ Beth was grateful for the improved visibility and she took Muriel Oakley’s drooping head in her hands. ‘Thank God, she’s a little warm. She’s alive, but she’s collapsed and she’s very ill. Help me get her into bed, Kitty. We need to get her warmer. And we need to call the doctor – I know his number – and find her father. The Reverend Oakley needs to face the fact that this cannot go on. Miss Oakley needs help and I’m going to see that she gets it.’

  Muriel suddenly opened her eyes and stared directly at Beth. ‘You always were such a dear girl, Miss Beth, but I don’t deserve your help. I’m not ill.’ Her voice was cracked but strangely accepting. ‘I’m wicked, you see. I’ve done some very wicked things and I deserve to be punished. I want to confess. It’s time for me to confess and find my peace and then let justice be done.’

  ‘I advise you to see a priest a little later, Miss Oakley. First let Kitty and me get you comfortably in bed. You need something warm and nourishing inside you and a hot water bottle, and please allow us to call the doctor for you. Do you know where your father is likely to be? He needs to know you’re unwell.’

  ‘No, no.’ Muriel pushed Beth away and Beth was amazed at the strength in her. Gone was the mumbling, apologetic woman she had known since her return to Portcowl, but it was plain she was in terrible distress. Tears loitered at the corners of her stretched, reddened eyes and her face muscles were twitching. She straightened to prop her sagging weight against the wardrobe and pulled her knees up. It was then that Beth and Kitty saw she was clutching something in her trembling hands against her chest, a small box that perhaps had once held a pair of new gloves. ‘Please do what I ask you, Miss Beth and Miss Kitty. Sit on the bed and listen to me.’

  Glancing uncertainly at each other the friends did as she bid. ‘You don’t have to tell us what troubles you, Miss Oakley,’ Beth said softly.

  ‘I need to tell you, Miss Beth, because it is connected to you,’ Muriel rasped, firm but stricken.

  ‘To me? How?’ Beth was baffled and apprehensive.

  ‘I didn’t mean it to happen, believe me. I couldn’t stop him. He was too strong for me. I…’

  ‘Who are you talking about? Did someone hurt you?’ Beth prompted. She was afraid for her former teacher, for Muriel Oakley was remembering something that had clearly thrust dark and terrible shades over her, and Beth knew how dreadfully that could affect a life.

  ‘Beth,’ Kitty whispered in her ear. ‘I don’t think you should interrupt her. Her mind is not with us. She needs to bring out what is mentally torturing her.’

  Beth nodded and braced herself, like Kitty, to listen. And to wait, for however long it took for Miss Oakley to reveal her appalling secret and how it involved Beth.

  ‘I… I didn’t like him, I certainly didn’t approve of him. He didn’t take any notice of me for years.’ Muriel let out a terrible moan. ‘Then one day when I was alone cleaning in the church he was there. He told me some story about wanting help and would I go with him. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t refuse a plea for help. He led the way outside. It wasn’t far, he said. Then he did it to me, he hurt me so much. I cried and pleaded with him to stop but he just laughed. I was so ashamed. Of course, I couldn’t tell anyone. He said it was my fault. I’d smiled to entice him every time we’d met and led him on. I tried to avoid him after that but the shame happened again and again until he suddenly left the area. I thought my prayers had been answered but…’

  Beth and Kitty traded looks of pure horror. Both had to resist the urge to go to comfort the distressed woman. ‘Poor Miss Oakley was raped, but what has it got to do with me?’ Beth whispered.

  Kitty gripped Beth’s hand and entreated her with her eyes to understand. Then Beth was gasping in utter shock and revulsion as she grasped the truth. The rapist had been her father! Knowing how cruel and heartless he had been, she knew there was no doubt. How many more people had he tried to destroy? Beth was overwhelmed with shame. Had she inherited some of her father’s indifference to the suffering of others? She had willingly embarked on an affair without a thought for her lovers innocent family. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Miss Oakley,’ she cried. ‘Please don’t believe that. There’s no need to let your agony go on. Let us help you, oh please let us help you. It’s what we want to do. We can take you away from here where all your terrible memories are, to somewhere quiet and private for you to recuperate. I’ll stay with you. I promise I won’t leave you.’

  Beth’s desperate imploring broke through Muriel’s great sorrow. ‘Bless you, Miss Beth, but you don’t know the full story.’

  ‘I don’t care what it is. It was my father who violated you, wasn’t it? He nearly destroyed my mother but she managed to survive. Don’t let him ruin your whole life. You have nothing to confess. You did nothing wrong.’

  ‘Oh, but I did.’

  ‘How? How could you possibly have done anything wrong? You’ve been honourable and caring all your life. You cared for your mother like a dutiful daughter and you’ve done your best for your father. Forgive me for saying this but your father is old and getting senile. He needs help too. You both need looking after, your father for the rest of his days and you, Miss Oakley, until you are rested and well. Let me and Kitty take you away now to Owles House. My mother will be glad to have you there until proper arrangements can be made.’

  ‘I know what you’re saying is right. My poor papa should be in a nursing home. He wanders off every day and one day he’ll get lost and might not come back at
all. Bless you for wanting to help me too, but you see I’ve committed an unforgivable sin and I must be punished for it by judge and jury.’

  Beth was having a hard task to stop herself from weeping over the woman’s misguided belief. ‘What was it you did, Miss Oakley?’

  ‘I’ve never told anyone what happened to me, of course. I tried to put it all behind me, and I thought I would in time by serving the Lord. My womanly function had ceased and I thought it was judgement on me for my shame and that I was being denied having children. It was unlikely anyone would want a plain woman like me anyway, so I wasn’t too upset. Then it happened. Pains throughout one night like I never knew possible. And I gave birth, you see, in this room, in my bed. There was this little baby and stuff. The baby was all blue and about four inches long, dead of course, born too soon. I cried so much. I wanted that innocent little child of mine, you see. If it had lasted longer inside me and been born alive I would have placed it on the doorstep and told my parents it was abandoned by a desperate mother. It’s not unknown for babies to be left at a vicarage. I would have convinced my parents somehow that we should bring the child up, that it was God’s will. Its life had come about by sin, but I believed God would have blessed it because it wasn’t its fault it had been conceived, and through that little life I hoped I would have been happy and fulfilled. It was a little girl. I named her Martha Mary. Years before I had dreamed of having a daughter called Martha Mary after the two sisters faithful to the Lord.

  ‘I washed and dressed her in my old doll’s clothes. I held her for a while. She was pretty and had a little fine hair. Then I baptized her with water from my wash bowl. St Philip baptized the Ethiopian eunuch in roadside water, there was just the two of them. The Ethiopian’s actions were sincere and so were mine, so I hoped God would understand. I couldn’t tell my parents of course, the shame would have killed them. Then I wrapped Martha Mary up tight in silk with potpourri and put her in this little box. My wardrobe has a false bottom to hide valuables and I put my baby in there, and there she stayed until my mama died, when I took her from her hiding place and hid her in the folds of my mama’s wedding dress which she was buried in. So finally Martha Mary took part in a Christian burial and I went to her secret grave every day.

  ‘I was quite at peace for a while. Then he started appearing to me, to torment me. It was my punishment for concealing Martha Mary’s stillbirth. I’ll only get away from him when I finally confess to the law and am punished by it.’ Muriel’s eyelids fluttered and slowly closed, her voice grew fainter. Beth and Kitty were both wiping away tears of sorrow for the poor tragic woman. ‘Papa wouldn’t really understand it, and if he does he’ll soon forget for ever. He won’t remember the disgrace. I don’t think I’ll be sent to the gallows and I shouldn’t think they’ll want to exhume my mama to search for my baby’s remains. It will be prison or the asylum for me and I won’t mind at all.’

  Muriel’s body slumped and Beth and Kitty jumped up off the bed. ‘She’s out of it, thank goodness. We can get her into bed now,’ Beth said. Then she added defiantly, though still weeping freely, ‘I’ll be damned if I let her go to rot in prison or an asylum. I’ve just learned my evil father was responsible for fathering yet another child. I would have had another sister. I shall convince Miss Oakley that her secret is safe in God’s love and with us. And I’ll be damned if my sister Evie is kept from me. Davey Vage might be a good man but he has no right to insist that Evie should have nothing to do with me.’

  Twenty-Four

  ‘I can’t believe what I’m seeing out in the lane!’ Up in Joe’s tree house, standing on an old upturned crate, Lily was using Joe’s spyglass.

  ‘Don’t tell me. Mark Reseigh’s on his way to garden here,’ Joe said, uninterested. He was sitting powwow-like on the timber floor with Richard, where they were proudly discussing Joe’s recent athletics club wins and his acceptance into the county team. Richard had recently achieved an impressive third in the hurdles, and a win with Joe in the relay races at that successful meeting. Joe had been photographed for the newspapers thanks to his achievement and he was lauded down in the cove. Joe’s headmaster had been in touch and once the autumn term began the school was to put on a ceremony for him.

  ‘It’s not him,’ Lily piped on. ‘It’s a she and she’s got her stupid legionnaire’s hat on and even sunglasses, but I don’t know what else she thinks she’s wearing, they’re either long shorts or short longs. Still, it’s better than those old long johns she was once seen wearing.’

  ‘Can’t you just shut up for once, maid?’ Richard shouted at her, his freckled cheeks growing nearly as red as his hair. ‘Joe, why do we have to keep having her around? She’s a ruddy nuisance! She filches all our grub. She never stops chattering and then she only spouts nonsense. We look blimming fools letting her tag round with us. I mean, who cares who’s out in the ruddy lane?’

  ‘You can’t speak to me like that.’ Lily twisted her neck round to poke her tongue out at Richard. ‘Tell him, Joe, I’m part of this gang.’

  ‘We don’t really have a gang, Lily,’ Joe said, hardly knowing himself why he was so patient with the fidgety little girl. Lily could be such a pain, but she did make him laugh and she was as tough as old boots. ‘Just get to the point, eh?’

  Lily looked again through the spyglass. ‘It’s Gabby Magor.’

  ‘So what?’ Richard seethed, gritting his teeth and making strangling motions with his hands.

  ‘The point is,’ Lily announced in her maddening gloating way, ‘she’s got a little dog with her.’

  ‘She’s what?’ Joe bawled, scrambling to his feet. ‘Why didn’t you say so in the first place? This is serious. Right, out into the lane!’

  ‘Stupid ruddy girl!’ Richard raised a fist at Lily, pushing her aside so he was second down the rope ladder. ‘One of these days I’m going to half drown you.’

  * * *

  Under the shade of a large parasol, Christina was relaxing on the terrace. Beth and Kitty were fetching morning coffee, and because it was her last day before she left for home, Kitty had been down early to the shops and brought back cream cakes for a treat for everyone. Christina had told Joe to bring the other children to the terrace table at ten thirty. Their constantly ravenous tummies would ensure they wouldn’t be late. It amused Christina how Joe allowed cheeky Lily to trail round after him and Richard. Beth and Kitty thought Richard’s irritation with Lily was a hoot.

  Christina stretched out her bad leg and rubbed it gently, smiling, for the arthritis didn’t shoot half so many aches and pains through her hip joint nowadays. That was because she was relaxed and so happy now. Beth was staying for good in Cornwall. She had her daughter back and Beth was never going away again. Chaplin and Grace were side-by-side dozing in the sunniest spot on the terrace, and Charlie was chasing a butterfly on the lawn. If Francis were here things would be idyllic.

  At the weekend, Beth had said she was going to knock on Davey Vage’s door and ask nicely if she could see Evie. Beth’s determination – although Christina was concerned about it – suggested that she was not going to rest until she had succeeded in nothing less than claiming Evie as her older sister. If all ended well Christina would be glad to have Evie, even though she was Phil’s child, in her house. When asked how he felt about Evie Joe had expressed the horror of being always ‘surrounded by women’, but as long as he was left to do things his way, and he still got time alone with Christina, which Beth was sensitive to allow, he was fine about it.

  One day soon, Christina thought, without flinching from the notion, she would get involved in local life. A curate was to take services in the church until a new vicar was appointed. No doubt he would see a swelled, curious congregation. Christina had received praise, as had Beth and Kitty, passed on via Mrs Reseigh, for their kindness to the Oakleys. Miss Oakley had stayed at Owles House, under complete bed rest, for two days. Christina had called in Mark Reseigh to search for the Reverend Oakley, and Mark had tracked down the confu
sed clergyman sitting beside a farm stream, talking aloud to his dead wife as if he could actually see her. Now both of the Oakleys were in the same Christian-run nursing home, and after some soothing words from Beth and Christina, Miss Oakley had gradually been persuaded she had nothing to confess to anyone. ‘God knows everything,’ she had said in the end. ‘Only he can judge me.’

  He would certainly have passed severe judgement on her rotten first husband, Christina had thought fiercely, glad to have this latest episode of Phil Tresaile’s evil doings brought to a satisfactory end. Evidence – old potpourri and a few fine hairs – that Miss Oakley had not imagined she had given birth to a baby had been discovered in the forlorn little glove box. Sorrowfully Miss Oakley had agreed to allow it to be burned in the fire lit in her sick room and she had tearfully watched that part of her harrowing past disappear. ‘Fire cleanses,’ she had said. ‘One day when I go to the Lord I’ll be fully cleansed. Martha Mary didn’t deserve what happened to her. The Lord is merciful and she might be with Him waiting for me.’ Then she had fallen into a proper restful sleep.

  Christina saw Joe and his cohorts tearing across the lawn, making for the drive. ‘Joe! Where are you going? It’s time for the cakes!’ Chaplin was up on his paws stretching his legs and watching the tearaways. Christina called Grace to her.

  Beth and Kitty arrived with the trays of coffee, lemonade and treats. Mrs Reseigh was with them; more than ever, she was regarded as part of the family. ‘What on earth are the children up to?’ Beth said in astonishment.

  ‘Must be something serious for them to forget their tummies,’ Mrs Reseigh frowned.

  The women forsook the goodies, and with Chaplin – and Grace, scooped up in Kitty’s arms – they all started off for the lane. They soon heard shouting and screaming and a dog barking out there. Christina let Chaplin run on ahead in case Joe needed help.