Hold Fast Through the Fire

by K. B. Wagers

“Not if they don’t deliver those medical supplies. I keep getting the runaround on it. They say it’s been here since the ninth, but I told them they were welcome to come down and look at our fucking empty stores if they thought I was lying.”

  “I know you’re frustrated. I am, too.”

  “This is beyond frustrating, Gun. This is wrong and you know it. Things were supposed to be different after Mars. That’s why we agreed to the deal.”

  “Your naivety is one of the things I’ve always loved about you.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Their father’s laughter faded as quickly as it had arrived. “We really are going to have to do something.”

  Chae took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. “Hey, Dad, I have an idea. Julia told me about . . .”

  “Chae.”

  They jerked when Jenks snapped her fingers in their face. “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine. Flux just hooked up. Come down and meet everyone for real. Tama, come down when your stomach has settled.”

  The Interceptors were designed to be able to connect the rear airlocks together, giving the crews a chance to meet up out in the black and exchange supplies, assistance, or even a meal.

  The ship always felt large with just the six of them on board, but now with the added crew of Flux in the galley and the hallway outside, it seemed cozy for the first time since Chae’s arrival.

  “ZZ, you are officially no longer the fucking newbie. Chae, meet Spacer Zavia Zolorist, aka ZZ. This is Spacer Chae Ho-ki, but call them Chae.” Jenks gestured grandly.

  “Chae it is, then.” The woman offered up a bright smile. “I hope the chief here isn’t giving you too hard a time.”

  “She’s great.” Chae choked back a laugh at the raised white eyebrow ZZ offered in response just before stage-whispering, “If you need rescuing, just wink your left eye.”

  “ZZ likes to think she’s a comedian, but truth is Nash is funnier.”

  The trans man behind Jenks shook his head with a roll of his eyes. “Hi, Chae, Atlas Nash. Welcome to the NeoG. I hear you get used to Jenks. I don’t see how, but don’t sweat it.”

  Chae rubbed their hands down the front of their pants in an effort to smooth out their nerves. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

  “Don’t put them on the spot, you two.”

  Chae looked behind and spotted the commander of Flux Capacitor, Vera Till, standing with Nika. “Welcome to the NeoG, Chae,” she said.

  “Thank you, Commander.”

  Vera grinned and Nika shook his head as he said, “We’re still trying to break them of that habit.”

  “ZZ did it for six months,” she replied. “It’s like the sergeants at boot haven’t been out in the black in forever, and insist on this nonsense during basic.” She shook her head, lavender curls bouncing. “They’ll settle in when they’re ready, yeah, Chae?” The commander didn’t wait for an answer before shouting over Chae’s head, “You want to unblock the hallway there so we can get to the food?”

  Jenks was in an embrace with a taller woman with a shaved head whose handshake read Senior Chief Dao Mai Tien, she/her, and Chae choked back a startled gasp as both women lifted a middle finger to Commander Till without looking back.

  Nika laughed and patted Chae on the shoulder. “Your first official ship meeting, kid. Move your ass, Jenks, before the food gets cold.”

  Jenks’s reply was lost to laughter and Chae found themself swept up in the group of people headed for the galley, all thoughts of the past and worries of the future forgotten for the time being.

  Ten

  It all came crashing back down on Chae when they stepped off the last rung of the Interceptor back on Jupiter Station and spotted Julia chatting with a lime-vested deckhand.

  The memory rushed in, carrying with it the awful certainty that they had been set up for this whole thing. That Julia had found them on Trappist-1d, and dropped the information about the medical supplies. All just to get Chae here.

  But why?

  They almost bolted, but Max was right behind them and she put a hand on their shoulder. “Good job out there, Chae.”

  “Chae!”

  Chae froze and felt Max’s hand tighten, her fingers digging into their shoulder for a moment before she relaxed and let them go.

  Julia was crossing the open space with a practiced smile on her face, and for a desperate moment Chae wished they’d taken one of the hundred opportunities Max had offered to tell her the truth.

  It’s too late for that; you’re in too deep and they’ll kill your fathers if you don’t cooperate.

  “Hi! I’m Julia Draven, Chae’s girlfriend. They’ve told me all about you, Lieutenant.”

  “Girlfriend.” The smile on Max’s face was polite but lacking any of her normal warmth, and it was all Chae could do to stay relaxed. “What brings you to Jupiter? Besides Chae, obviously.”

  “I work for Off-Earth as a consultant and we’re running a few prototypes for the NeoG. Testing keeps me flying back and forth between here and Earth, but the nice bonus is I get to see Chae when they’re here.”

  “You should have dinner with us.”

  “No!” Chae scrambled at Max’s look. They hadn’t meant to say it quite so forcefully. “I’m sorry, LT, is it okay if Julia and I go to dinner alone? I haven’t seen her since graduation.”

  Max’s suspicion disappeared and she smiled. “That’s totally fine, Chae. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think you might want some privacy.” She lifted her bag. “Have a good evening. It was nice to meet you, Julia.”

  “Likewise.” Julia’s bright expression didn’t fade, but it turned calculating as she slipped her arm around Chae’s shoulders. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “I did what you told me.”

  “Oh.” Julia laughed as she walked them out of the Interceptor bay. “You’re not in trouble, Chae! You did brilliantly. Everyone was right where you said they’d be.”

  “So what do you want?”

  “Watch the hostility,” Julia said. “You’re supposed to be happy to see me.” She patted their cheek. “I’m here to tell you that you did a good job and to let you know that we’ve got some freighters coming through in a few weeks with important cargo. I want you to put these in your quarters and on the ship. The bridge and as close to Commander Vagin’s room here on station as you can get should be fine.”

  “What are they?” Chae’s stomach was a ball of frozen fear as Julia dropped two button-like devices into their hand.

  “Does it matter?” Julia folded Chae’s hand closed. “Relax—they’re only listening devices. You’re ours, Chae; we wouldn’t do anything to put you in danger.”

  Chae wrestled with the desire to wipe the smirk off Julia’s face, the sudden and stunning fury resulting in them just nodding as they fought to keep their hands where they were. Julia didn’t notice and patted their cheek again.

  “Also: I’m not actually going to dinner with you, Chae—I don’t think I’d want to have my meal ruined by being near you too long. I hope you weren’t looking forward to that.” Her laugh was sharp, savage, and lingered in the air as she left them alone in the hallway.

  Chae turned on their heel and headed back to the Interceptor bay before they could stop to think about it.

  Cascade failure imminent. Reset this switch and keep moving.

  “Hey, Chae, I thought you headed out to dinner. Max said your girlfriend was here.”

  They froze at the sound of Jenks’s voice from the galley. “I forgot something in my bunk. She’s going to meet me.”

  “All right. Just make sure you lock the ship up when you leave.”

  “Yes, Chief.”

  There was a pause and then a resigned sigh. “I swear, Chae, one of these days . . .” Jenks’s muttered threat trailed off as she left the ship.

  Chae felt the hot sting of tears start and for a heartbeat all they wanted to do was drop to the floor and sob over the unfairness of it all.

  Just get this done and forget a
bout it. You have to keep your dads safe. They’re all that matters. You can’t afford to care about anyone else.

  Chae looked around the bridge and moved toward the far wall. They slipped one of the devices out of their pocket and reached as far as they could behind the main coms panel. The button stuck with a metallic click and Chae pressed their head against the metal for a moment, letting the tears fall.

  I’m so sorry.

  “I still can’t believe you got Jenks to lace her boots properly.”

  Max chuckled at the disbelief in Nika’s voice and looked up at him. She was curled against his side in his room, the door closed, though the others were down at Corbin’s and unlikely to be back anytime soon.

  There was a movie playing on the tablet propped up on the desk, but neither of them had been paying it much attention in favor of the conversation.

  “It was easy once I figured out what the issue was.”

  “You finally able to predict my sister?”

  “Not in the slightest,” she replied with another laugh. “As Hoboins told me, ‘Even Jenks doesn’t know what she’s going to do until she’s done it.’ And he wasn’t wrong about that. No, the bootlace thing was her making sure the team knew she was part of it.” Max propped herself up on one arm and smiled down at Nika’s obvious confusion.

  “I don’t get it. She’s the heart and soul of this team most days. So why would she think she needed that?”

  “Think about how she grew up, Nik. My parents may have treated me poorly, but I knew they wanted me. And even without affection, I was well cared for. With Jenks, she didn’t even get that assurance until much too late. That kind of abandonment leaves scars.”

  “You’re saying she deliberately left her lace untied so we’d step on it?”

  “Sort of.” Max smiled again and rolled the next words around in her mouth before she said them. “I’m not saying that you all did the wrong thing by avoiding it, but what she needed was someone to acknowledge that she was there. So I did.” She grinned. “Once she realized that I was recognizing her presence, it annoyed her enough to fix it. More important, she didn’t need it anymore.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but I’m glad you two are friends.”

  “I love her,” Max said, and laid her head back on Nika’s shoulder before he could see the gleam of tears in her eyes. “She’s an amazing human being.”

  “You are, too. All this time and I thought she was just doing it to be annoying. It never occurred to me it might be more than that.”

  “I mean, it was annoying. But it was also more. It’s okay, though—sometimes we don’t see these things when we’re really close to a person.” Max took a deep breath, bracing herself for the potential fallout. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything. What’s up?” Nika frowned at the look on her face as he sat up with her.

  “Did you know Chae had a girlfriend?”

  “What?”

  “Julia Draven. She met us at the Interceptor bay, probably has clearance because she works for Off-Earth. I know they’ve been here testing a few new things—apparently we’re supposed to be on the list for the new helmets at some point. It’s just odd that Chae hadn’t mentioned her at all.”

  “Chae’s not going to tell either of us about their love life.”

  “No, I mean at all, Nika. I asked everyone and they didn’t know, either.”

  “Max, what’s your point?” Nika’s voice held enough of a snap that she blinked at him in shock. “It’s just a girlfriend.”

  “My point is the same as it’s always been. That something is off here. It’s fucking weird for them not to mention her a single time.” She slid off the bed, suddenly furious at his dismissal. “Why won’t you listen to me about this? This is more than Chae just getting busted for stealing. My gut—”

  “Saint Ivan, Max. Your gut is not always going to be right. Stop looking for problems where there are none and deal with the fact that not everyone talks to you about everything going on in their lives. This is supposed to be our downtime and you’re wasting it trying to push something that’s not there. I know you don’t have much experience with relationships, but can you give it a rest and actually focus on us when we’re together?”

  She stared at him, the sick dread in her chest spreading like a shipboard fire at the echo of her father’s words: that she was always too pushy, imagining things, not thinking of others but only of herself. Max tried to shake the encroaching pain away. This was Nika; he hadn’t meant it the way it sounded. “I am trying to do my job.” It came out in a whisper.

  “No, you’re trying to do my job and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop second-guessing every decision I make.” His reply hit like a slap and Max couldn’t stop herself from retreating in shock.

  “Nika, I—”

  “Look.” Nika shoved a hand into his blond hair with a frustrated sigh. “We’re not going to get anywhere with this and I just remembered Stephan wanted to have a call this evening with the task force commanders. I need to go and sort through what he might need for that.” He somehow backed her up through the doorway of his room and Max stood in shock as he closed the door in her face.

  She fisted a hand, tempted for a second to pound on the door and demand he open it again. But too many years of being told to respect the demands on other people’s time kicked in and Max turned away.

  Just because he’s being a jerk doesn’t mean I have to be one back. I haven’t been second-guessing him. I was just pointing out the regs about the boarding, and it was his fault for only wanting to take Jenks and Chae. I didn’t do anything wrong.

  “Damn it.” She grabbed her workout gear from her trunk and headed out the door, composing an email to Jeanie Bosco as she went.

  Jeanie—

  At the risk of owing you, I have another favor to ask. This one isn’t really a rush. Can you do some digging for me on an Off-Earth employee by the name of Julia Draven? Whatever you can find.

  Thanks,

  Max

  Thankfully, she didn’t run into anyone she knew on her way to the gym. Max settled into the back corner by the punching bags. She’d debated a run to clear her head, but she really needed to hit something.

  Before I punch my commander in his thick head.

  She wrapped her hands with smooth, practiced movements and started in a routine Jenks had set up for her months ago. The clock in the corner of her vision ticked away and Max let the impact of the bag pummel all the worry and tension out of her shoulders.

  “Carmichael, did that bag do something unforgivable to you?”

  Max jerked out of her zone at the sound of D’Arcy’s voice and backed up a step, breathing hard. “Sorry, what?”

  “You look like you’re trying to kill it.” He tilted his head to the side, studying her with dark eyes. “Everything okay?”

  Two simple words and it all came crashing back. Max pressed her fist to her mouth, cutting off the sob that tried to escape as she turned away.

  “Shit, I was mostly teasing.” D’Arcy circled with his hands up. “Max, what’s going on?”

  “It’s nothing.” She fumbled with her wraps, unable to come up with a better response, knowing D’Arcy wouldn’t let it go. Her hands were throbbing in time with her heart, the same wounded pain echoing from both spots. The replay of Nika slamming the door in her face came to life in her head. He’d shut down right in front of her eyes, the blank look on his face turning him into a stranger. Max knew she hadn’t been in the wrong, but too many years of conditioning were surging up to cut off her air and make her question all her decisions.

  It was everything she’d feared about them being on a team together and it felt like taking a sword to the gut.

  “You’re full of shit, Carmichael. Sit down.”

  Max didn’t protest when D’Arcy pointed to the bench. She held her hands out so he could finish unwrapping them. He was a strange study in contrasts. A big man with a violent past who’d never so mu
ch as raised his voice in her hearing and seemed to possess a bottomless well of compassion.

  “D’Arcy, what do you think of Chae?”

  He paused in the act of rolling up a wrap; the hesitation was so slight anyone else might have missed it, but Max didn’t. “Seems like a nice enough kid. Why?”

  “I’m not sure they’re settling into the crew all that well.” It was the best she could come up with, but D’Arcy didn’t seem to be buying it.

  He didn’t question her about that, though, instead asking, “You talk to Nika about it?” He sucked air between his teeth when Max looked pointedly at the bag, not trusting herself to speak. “Gotcha. Well, do you need advice, or just someone to listen?” He pointed at her bruised knuckles. “Because you’re done hitting things for today.”

  “I need Nika to trust my gut the way Rosa did.” Max squeezed her eyes shut after the words slipped out in a rush. “Everything is off, D’Arcy. I know I don’t have anything concrete—just a lot of weird pieces and my intuition screaming. Chae’s afraid of something, but no matter how many times I try to coax it out of them they won’t talk to me.” She swung a hand through the air. “And then Nika tells me I’m imagining things and should drop it. He accused me of trying to do his job, of not caring about our relationship, and I don’t know what to do.” The story of the fight and what had happened before the boarding action spilled out of her. Max knew she should have felt guilty talking about her commanding officer like this, but all she really felt was relief at having someone else listen to her.

  D’Arcy stayed silent well after Max had wound down. She clenched her fingers, wincing as her knuckles protested, and waited.

  “Rosa did a good job with you, Max. I knew she would. You’ve gone from an uncertain lieutenant to a leader right in front of my face. Listen, every commander you serve under is going to be different. That’s the way of it. You’ll learn something from each of them, and sometimes it’ll be how not to lead.

  “I’m not saying Nika’s in the wrong here, except that how he handled it obviously hurt you. I like you, you’re a good officer, and you should know by now I don’t say shit like that lightly. More, I trust you out there to cover my ass. I trust Nika to do the same, though. Do you?”