Hold Fast Through the Fire

by K. B. Wagers

  “And the adults in the room? They argued over the colors in reports and who would pay for what. It was always about the money, but in the end no one could eat that, could they? They made people go to work while they were dying. And here we are, right back where we left off with these fuckers doing the same goddamned thing. It’s all about money, and fuck everything—and everyone—else.”

  There it was.

  “I’m supposed to go out there and smile and fight and pretend like I’m not dying inside. And I get it, I really do. This is important, to show them we’re not beaten. But I’d rather be out there in the black hunting them down.”

  “Me too.” She rounded on him with an incredulous look. “I know I argued for this, and I still do think it’s important, Jenks, but I get it. I really do. I also think that this is the best possible diversion. Let them think we’re backing away from the investigation. That we’re just here to play games. When we get done and go to Trappist, we’ll be ready for them and they’ll see we’re definitely not playing.”

  Jenks smiled slowly. “I see Max’s sneakiness is rubbing off on you.”

  “I was sneaky before both of you were even alive, you know.”

  “Sure, big brother. But you’re lucky she’s not mad at you anymore.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because you’d never see her coming.”

  Thirty-Three

  Jenks pulled up her hoodie as she stepped out into the night air of London and shoved her hands into her pocket. She didn’t turn her music on, a concession to Nika, who’d been reluctant to let her go out by herself at all.

  But she’d needed to go and do this even as she’d been dreading it. So she’d promised to be careful and Doge was at her side.

  The walk to NeoG HQ and the Intel buildings wasn’t far from the academy, the streets quiet this late at night. It almost got very loud, though, because as she came around the corner she had to bite her lip to hold in the sob.

  The gaping hole in the side of the building where Luis’s and Stephan’s offices had been located was cordoned off with light tapes that flashed a yellow warning message to passersby. If a tape was crossed, that light would shift to red and the alarms would start.

  The alarms were already going off in her head. Over and over, saying, You shouldn’t be here you shouldn’t be here you shouldn’t be here—

  Not that she was going to cross the tapes. Or go anywhere near them. At the moment Jenks couldn’t even make her legs move, and she fisted her hands in her hoodie pocket as the memories overwhelmed her.

  She wanted to scream at the night sky, but there were enough people around to make that awkward. And while it had never really stopped her before—she usually took pride in being an outsize personality—it didn’t really fit with the image they were trying to put on for the enemy.

  The enemy. Their work was there, right in front of her. “I don’t know what you expected out of this, Jenks, but there it is. The fucking ashes of your life,” she whispered.

  She turned to go.

  The person who’d snuck up on her grabbed her and dragged her into the nearby alley. Jenks twisted in their grip, hearing the satisfying sound of air being expelled when she jammed her elbow into their gut.

  She wriggled free, knew she should turn and run, but instead put her hands up. “I’ve been spoiling for a fucking fight, you bastards, bring it.” She threw the punch right after the words, but her attacker avoided the strike like they’d been expecting it.

  And then they put their hands up.

  “Dai, it’s me.”

  The words slipped past her guard in a blow that almost put her on her knees.

  Broad shoulders, built like a brawler, anticipating her moves.

  I know this fighter.

  Her heart stuttered, stopped. Doge hadn’t reacted at all and there was only one reason the ROVER wouldn’t have come to her defense. Only one reason for him to be standing there with his eyes a friendly blue.

  “Luis?”

  It was barely audible, as if she was afraid the specter in front of her would vanish if she said his name too loud.

  “It’s me,” he repeated, and she caught a flash of his face in the streetlight as he reached for her.

  Jenks threw her arms around his neck, ignoring the pain. There were too many things colliding in her head for her to sort them out and turn them into words, so she just hugged him.

  Here was the second chance she’d been begging the universe for. She wasn’t going to waste it.

  “I’m so sorry, Dai,” he murmured against her ear. “There wasn’t any way to tell you, we couldn’t risk it.” He tightened his arms around her until the pain was too much and she gasped. He immediately let go. “I’m sorry, I forgot you’re hurt.”

  She reached up and touched his face. “So are you.” A scar arced down the left side all the way from temple to chin. It was healed, but still red. “What happened?”

  “Which part?”

  “All of it. But start with how are you here? How are you alive? How are you—” Her hands were all over him, touching his arm, his chest, his face. Like she was double-, triple-checking her work to make sure she had the right answer.

  Luis just stood there and let her, and it was—for the moment—the most perfect thing in the world.

  Finally, she looked back into his amber eyes. “Well? How did I get you back?”

  “Grant sent men after us at the same time they hit the station. Stephan and I were able to kill them, but we knew they’d keep coming so we blew up our offices.”

  “You did that?” she said, gesturing out of the alley. “You faked your goddamned death?”

  “It seemed the easiest way to get them off our tail. Captain Kilini was already on her way. We sent her a quick message and she took charge, gave the false ID on the bodies as us.”

  “You utter bastard, I should skin you.” The perfect moment was over as fury went to war with the joy. “I—three weeks of hell.”

  “I know.” He cupped her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m so sorry. Forgive me. You don’t know how many times I wanted to answer your messages. I was terrified you were going to kill yourself and I couldn’t stop you. I messaged Nika anonymously, it was all I could think to do.” He kissed her and she could taste the salt of both their tears.

  “Oh.” She closed her eyes, his words finally sinking in. “You saw my messages?” She thought about it some more. “Nika didn’t say anything.”

  But then Jenks remembered how she couldn’t get a moment to herself in the days after the explosion and realized that while Nika hadn’t spoken, he’d acted to keep her safe in the best way he knew. The conversation with Asabi came back to her in a rush.

  Would you forgive him again if you had the chance?

  “I’m giving you a pass on this lie,” she murmured. The relief was bigger than any anger she could summon as she touched his face again.

  “Stephan’s going to kill me for this as it is.” He sighed against her fingers. “I saw you, though, and I couldn’t let you walk away—god, Dai, I’m sorry.”

  “I can’t believe you’re both alive.”

  He kissed her, his lips gentle on hers, but this time Jenks ignored the pain as she fisted her hands in his hair and kissed him back. They separated as quickly as they’d come together and she dragged in a breath, feeling the tears track down her face, and then pulled him in again.

  Finally, her side couldn’t overcome the endorphins, and she withdrew once more.

  “I heard how close it was for you, too.” He reached down and patted Doge. “I owe you, buddy. Whatever you want.”

  “I am just glad you are not off. I tried to tell her,” Doge replied, and Jenks choked on a disbelieving laugh.

  “You damn dog, how did you know? I was—” Her breath caught. “Luis, Tivo doesn’t know, does he?”

  “No.” He looked at her with a resigned smile. “And I know I shouldn’t even try to tell you not to say a word, so just
be careful.”

  “No more lies,” she said firmly.

  “No more lies.”

  “What about your boys?”

  “They know. It’s all right. We’ve got them and Moms in a safehouse a long way from here.”

  “That explains why I couldn’t get in touch with them.”

  Luis grinned sheepishly. “Mom Gina had some thoughts about the fact that she couldn’t talk to you and tell you I was okay. It did include the phrase ‘you galaxy-sized asshole,’ if you’re wondering.”

  “Have I mentioned lately that I love your mothers?” She stepped into his embrace again, lightly this time, pressing her face to his chest and inhaling. It was him, the familiar smell of coffee and spice. He was here and whole and the world was bearable again.

  “Are you smelling me?”

  “Shut up.”

  “I love you, Dai. But . . . I’ve got to go.”

  “No. Not when I just got you—”

  “It’s okay. I’m still here. Death can’t keep us apart, Dai. We just proved that.”

  “You bastard.”

  “That’s what Mom Monica called me. I reminded her that was her fault for not marrying Mom Gina first.”

  Jenks snorted.

  “I know you’re going to do what you want as far as telling people, so just be careful. We’re headed to Trappist tomorrow to follow up on a lead.”

  He turned to go, but she didn’t want this moment to be over, and so a thought occurred to her to prolong this just a little longer. “Wait—we need to figure out a way to get some info to you. We’ve been doing our own investigation. Max has a plan.” She felt his jolt of surprise. “What, did you think we’d just let it go?”

  “I should have known better.”

  “Well, it’s not like we knew you were alive, and we would have been damned if we’d let them get away with it.”

  “True. Interceptor.” He grinned at her.

  “Intel,” she swore back. “Wait—”

  “Dai, I have to go.”

  “One more thing.”

  “Okay.”

  “You really got all those messages from me?”

  His laugh was the single best thing she’d ever heard. “Every last one. Even the one about the ducks.”

  A warmth spread through her, a feeling she hadn’t had in weeks. Luis was here. Luis had seen her heart, exposed in those messages. And Luis loved her enough to defy Stephan.

  He said, gently, “Tell Nika to talk to Admiral Chen. She’ll be able to send you all straight to Trappist-1d after the prelims. We’ll meet you at the West Ridge habitat and go from there.”

  “I’ll tell him. But first, I need to tell you one more thing.”

  “What?”

  “I love you.” She lifted onto her tiptoes and kissed him again. “I don’t remember all of the last conversation we had, but I think I was remembering bits of it because you were in my head. I was trying to do what you told me. Trying to be open about how I felt and letting people in. Trying to live my life without you,” she whispered the last bit against his mouth. “I’m really fucking glad I don’t have to.”

  “Same, Dai. I love you, too. So much. Watch your back.” He let her go and gave her a little push toward the street.

  Jenks went, and her steps were so light it felt like she was walking on the moon, whispering, “I’ve got yours.”

  Nika looked up as Jenks slipped back into their quarters, Doge trailing behind her. The anxious band loosened from around his chest until he saw the tears on her face and it snapped tight again.

  “Is everyone here?” she demanded. “Where’s Sapphi?”

  He frowned at the abrupt question. “Yes and she’s in her room.”

  Jenks disappeared into the room Sapphi was sharing with Chae, emerging a moment later with both of them. As she disappeared into her own room, Nika glanced over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Max?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Come in here.”

  “One second.” She emerged a moment later, a tablet in her hand as Jenks and Tamago came out of their room. “What’s going on?”

  “Sit,” Jenks said. “Sapphi, jammer.” She waited for the nod from the ensign and then looked at Nika. “Luis and Stephan are alive.”

  Nika’s own “What?” was lost among the exclamations of the rest of the team. The clamoring got to the point that he was afraid that even the jammer wouldn’t be enough. “Everyone be quiet,” he ordered, and the room fell into silence once more. “Jenks?”

  “Not a joke and I’m not losing my mind. I went down to the Intel building to see the wreckage for myself.” She shrugged a shoulder in apology, but Nika waved her off. He’d known that was where she was going even if she hadn’t said it outright.

  “Luis was there. We talked. He said Grant sent men after him and Stephan to kill them but they failed, and rather than continue to be targets they blew up their offices.”

  “How did they fake the bodies?”

  “They didn’t,” Jenks replied. “The killers were dead. Davi was already on her way because of the alarm and she just took over and told everyone the bodies were Luis and Stephan.”

  “One of them must have been pretty big,” Sapphi said.

  “What?” Jenks asked.

  “I’m just saying—if you’re going to pass off a body as Luis’s, they’d have to be pretty big.”

  “That’s what you’re worried about?” Tamago asked.

  “I am going to kill both of them.” Max’s muttered promise somehow cut through the chatter.

  “Jenks—” Nika hated to even ask, but he had to know if there was any chance it hadn’t been Luis.

  However, his sister seemed to anticipate the question. An embarrassed look slid across her face and she lifted a shoulder. “He smelled like Luis, Nik, and kissed like him. It was him. You got an anonymous message about me after the explosion, didn’t you?”

  “How did you know—”

  “It was Luis.” Jenks looked at the floor. “I emailed him about how I’d almost walked out the airlock when I ditched Max. He got in touch the only way he could without blowing their cover.”

  “Explains why I couldn’t track the sender,” Sapphi said. “Luis was always good at covering his tracks. Is good. He is good. Hades, I’m glad he’s not dead.”

  Jenks smiled at Sapphi’s babbled correction and then tapped Doge on the head. “Plus, this damn dog apparently knew he wasn’t dead, don’t fucking ask me how, though.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “He was not off,” Doge answered. “I couldn’t talk to him but I knew he was still there.”

  Nika frowned at Doge, then decided to file that information away for later. “Did Luis tell you anything else?”

  “Just that they were going to Trappist-1d and you need to talk to Admiral Chen so we can follow them after the preliminaries. He said to meet them at West Ridge.”

  “We’ll still want to come up with something for Admiral Chen to use as a reason besides ‘I’m in charge,’” Nika said. “The new admiral on Jupiter station, Kira Oshi, is by the book and we don’t have a good reason to leave Jupiter for Trappist.”

  “I’ll come up with something to do with the task force,” Max said softly, and Nika looked at her. “Even with Dread down two members it shouldn’t be hard to have Admiral Chen put in orders to move us like was originally planned.”

  “Okay.” He nodded once, gestured at Sapphi to turn off the jammer. “We’ve got a day left, people. Let’s finish these games strong.”

  There was a chorus of agreement and Nika pushed to his feet, catching Jenks before she could walk off. He pulled her in close.

  “You okay?” He whispered the question against her ear.

  “So much better now,” she replied, wrapping her arms around his waist, her breath hitching just a bit. “Will you pinch me? I want to make sure this isn’t a dream.”

  He complied, smiling when she yelped and jumped away. Jenks shook h
er head at him as she headed for her room and he turned to find Max smiling at both of them.

  “Do you—” She stopped, hesitating, and Nika waited while she sorted out whatever she wanted to say in her head. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

  “Me either.” He held out his hand.

  Interstitial

  “Well, Barnes, we are well into the fourth day of the preliminaries and so far it’s been a relatively predictable Games, all things considered. Zuma’s Ghost and Flux Capacitor are leading the pack to the point where there’s little question that these are the two teams the NeoG will be sending on to the Boarding Games.”

  “You’re right, Pace. Although, if you could have predicted they’d be here, we both could have made a lot of money. It’s quite the about-face for Flux, especially, their performances in the Games have usually been less than stellar.”

  “Ha ha, I guess you’re right. But we shouldn’t have doubted.”

  “No. It’s probably made these prelims all the more exciting for it. And speaking of exciting, we’re about to watch Zuma and Flux go head to head in the Boarding Action championship. And after that we’ve got Jenks versus Till in the cage match we’ve all been waiting for.”

  “Commander Till took Carmichael down earlier this morning, revenge for last year when Carmichael swept her with one of her famous kicks and took her out in the second round with a killing blow. This time, she played Carmichael’s game, slow and steady, and let the young lieutenant make an anxious mistake.”

  “I wonder if Carmichael was just trying for a bold move, or if she simply decided she didn’t want to have to face Jenks.”

  “Can understand why she’d want to stay out of the ring with Khan! Jenks disposed of Burden of Proof’s Captain Evans with a little more vigor than we’ve seen from the Zuma fighter so far in the preliminaries.”

  “Jenks does seem to be mostly back to her old self, Pace.”

  “At this point, you almost have to feel bad for Till.”

  “True enough. But she’s a warrior, too, so don’t think she’s just going to let Jenks walk all over her.”

  “Definitely not. That’s what Jenks is so good at, though—rising to meet her opponent.”