Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3)

by Tracey Jerald

  My heart.

  Up close, I can see Nick looks as awful as I do. He’s lost weight and there’s hollows beneath his eyes, which are red-rimmed. The punch Jennings took at him is causing a lump at the side of his jaw. But it’s the listlessness and pain in his brown eyes that’s a reflection of what’s been in my heart. Damn him. How am I supposed to hate him when he’s taken as many hits as me and still is willing to lay his heart on the line for me?

  I can’t.

  We have more than a few issues to work through, but I can’t think of a couple that’s in love that doesn’t. My heart speeds up as I lie beneath him, each word he says piercing holes in the fog I’ve been living in.

  “I swear, Maris, I will fight harder to heal this than I’ve ever fought for anything in my life. I don’t care if it takes me another twenty years to get you to believe me.”

  “Damn you, Nicholas.” Tears begin to pour out of my eyes. “You made me break the bowl.”

  He lifts his head. “I know Jed left it for you, but it was just a…”

  “I set all the pictures on fire.”

  “You did what?” His eyes widen incredulously.

  “And I burned all of his journals. I didn’t want to have his words if they had anything to do with you.”

  His head falls onto the bed, muffling his self-directed profanity. When he finally lifts his head, they’re wet. “There’s no way I can ask for forgiveness for fucking this up. Is there?”

  I slowly shake my head back and forth.

  Nick climbs to his feet. He holds out a hand, his face pale and stoic. “At least let me drive you to the hospital. Then…”

  “Then you’ll come inside and celebrate with our family while I’m with Kara bringing a new miracle into it,” I inform him calmly.

  “Wait. What?” Nick’s fingers jerk beneath mine. His mask drops and I see the misery and pain reflected in my own heart. I also recognize something else that’s branded all over me.

  Love.

  And it reminds me of something Jed said. I step close and I touch his face. “Jed once said family never has to ask for forgiveness because over the course of a lifetime we’re both right and wrong so many times if we kept count we’d do nothing else. I think he was trying to get out of the fact he chopped off my Barbie doll’s hair at the time.”

  “Maris, this is a hell of a lot more than…” Nick begins, but I lay my fingers across his lips. I smile when he brushes his lips against them.

  “Do you love me?” I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.

  Nick moves my fingers aside to answer. “I’ve loved you since you were eighteen and you wore a polka-dot bikini with cutoff shorts in your backyard. If what you’re asking me is if I’m always going to be in love with you, the forever-after kind, the answer to that is yes.”

  “Then don’t you think it’s time we figured out how to love each other without hurting…” I don’t get a chance to finish because Nick’s lifting me in his powerful arms, not to kiss me but to bury his face in the side of my neck.

  “When will you stop paying the price for me? You’ve lost your family and your faith because of me.” He manages to get those words out before I feel the wetness of his tears against my skin. His shoulders shake under my arms. Each drop knits together a wound. A strong man’s outpouring of love sending the lingering hurt away. Slowly, combined with my own, we send the pain floating away, leaving us refreshed and renewed.

  When he lifts his head, he looks much like I imagine I did when I first arrived, a shipwreck drifting aimlessly. I thread my fingers into his hair before I reach up and kiss his lips gently. “I love you, Nick. I told you that wouldn’t change.”

  His eyes fire. His arms tighten around me. Before he can swoop in and kiss me senseless, I pull away. “But we have to go. Jennings is going to be a mess in that delivery room. Someone has to go in and help Kara deliver her baby.”

  He yanks me back into his arms before pressing his lips against mine quickly and setting me back. After weeks of being denied the taste of him, I rock into him. “Then let’s go. Now. Otherwise you’ll meet the baby sometime next week.”

  “Baby?” I murmur, dazed.

  He just lets loose the private smile that won me over decades ago when he told me my brother should never, as in ever, wear flamingos, causing me to laugh. “Baby. Kara. Jennings.”

  I snap out of my stupor and race around him to snatch up my purse and room key. “Come on, Nick! Let’s go!”

  He laughs freely. And in that moment, it’s the best sound of the night.

  Until Kara’s daughter is born a few hours later, that is.

  Nicholas

  “What are you doing here?” Rainey’s brows lower suspiciously.

  Brad slips an arm around her, whether just to touch her or to hold her back from taking a similar shot to the one Jennings did before he left to be with Kara. His words ring more in my head than the clip I took to the jaw. “Make this right with her, Nick. She may never give you another chance. And then where will you be?” And even though by some miracle, the forgiveness I begged for from the woman I love was granted, it’s not just her whom I need to seek amends.

  I’ve wounded people all along my journey by being afraid to let them in. That stops now.

  “I flew here to tell Maris I’m late in pulling my head out of my ass because I’ve been making plans to move to Juneau.”

  “Perfect. I know where to hide the dead bodies there,” Rainey snaps before her body locks in Brad’s arms. “Wait? What did you say?” I can barely hear her voice over the cacophony of sound in the hospital waiting room—phones ringing and bodies moving all around us while we’re in our own bubble.

  My eyes dart over her shoulder to Brad. His serious mien relaxes into a broad smile. “Well, this makes up for you missing our wedding, you douche.”

  A laugh escapes my lips just as Rainey whirls and slaps her husband in the chest. “This isn’t about me and you, Brad! Do you remember the state Maris was in when Nick left?”

  “And did you see her face when she walked through the door a few moments ago? When was the last time you saw Maris Ione Smith glowing like that? Maybe we were in our twenties,” he challenges his wife.

  Rainey scrunches her nose while she thinks, but I keep my mouth shut because I know differently. The last time I remember that glow, it was beaming at me along with the Alaskan sun. We were lying in bed before she got ready to go to work the night that fuckwad Carter showed up. We’d spent the morning loving, then simply lying in each other’s arms. Making plans for a house of cards that was about to be blown over with nothing more than my disrupting a single card.

  Since the women took to calling us “the Jacks,” I researched the meaning behind each of the cards in the deck. The Jack of Diamonds wears a crown of good values. That’s our Brad. Rock solid, trying to do what’s best for everyone—even now as his wife faces off against me to protect the woman I love. Then there’s the Jack of Spades, who devotes his life to works for the love of their job. If that doesn’t describe the man Kody became, I don’t know which one of us it is. The Jack of Clubs is supposedly a young visionary, symbolizing the future. Here we are—waiting for the future of all of us to continue with Jennings. That leaves me. The last Jack in the deck. The Jack of Hearts. Climbing to immeasurable greatness and an emotional tyrant.

  Sounds about right. But somehow, some way, Maris still loves me. For the rest of my life, I’ll do whatever I have to in order to protect that and her.

  I clear my throat. “I know it’s going to take time to repair my relationship with Maris, with all of you. But for her sake, for the years we have between us, I’m asking for a chance to show you I’ve changed.”

  “No, you haven’t,” Rainey declares abruptly.

  There’s a part of me that begins to pull back, automatically recoiling from any disappointment—much like I did for years. “I’m sorry if you feel that way. Perhaps over time…”

  “Oh, shut the fuck up, Nick
.” I’m taken aback by Rainey’s declaration until she breaks away from Brad. Wrapping an arm around my waist, she leans up, presses a kiss on my cheek, and whispers, “We’ve loved you all these years just as you are. Why do we want you to change from being an egotistical—”

  “Closed off,” Brad contributes. I shoot him a fulminating glare. He shrugs. “Sorry, buddy. It’s the truth.”

  “Any other names you want to add to the list?”

  It’s the voice that comes from behind shocks us all.

  “Uncle.” We all whirl around as a beaming Maris makes her way toward us. Rainey steps back, and Maris slides up against me to rest for just a moment before asking, “Where’s Kevin?”

  “That quick?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  Maris hurls herself into my arms. “She was like a damn freight train. The last time, it seemed to go on forever. Then again, maybe that was my perception of it.” A frown puckers her brow before her lids lower.

  I press a kiss against the wrinkles that have formed due to her disquiet because I know where her mind went—that her brother and Dean should be standing by our sides because damnit, they should be. “You can ask Kara later,” I remind her.

  Her brow smooths out. “I will. And I’ll bring each of you back to meet…” She slaps a hand over her mouth.

  “What? We can’t even know the baby’s name? Still?” Rainey is astounded.

  Maris shakes her head. “Not until Kevin does. Now where did he go?” Her voice holds impatience, excitement, and love. So much love.

  Inside me, any leftover anxiety about the decision I made to move to Juneau smooths out. I know what a life without Maris is like. I’ve been living it since I was in my early twenties. And before the last few weeks, I’ve been given the glimpse of what a life with her will be like. My memories will be with me no matter where I go. Now that they include the ones of Maris, why wouldn’t I choose to be with her no matter where that is?

  The sound of a can opening cause all of us to jump. “Geez, Maris. I needed something to drink. You know Mom’s going to be in labor forever.” Kevin takes a quick slug of Coke before he recognizes we’re all gaping at him. The can begins to slip from his fingers.

  I reach out and snag it midair, sticky sweet soda sloshing all over my fingers. I quickly dry my fingers on my jeans before placing it on a nearby table.

  Rainey comments, “You’ll handle the ‘Dad’ part of the job just fine when the time’s right, Nick,” before her attention returns to Maris.

  A warm glow races through me as Brad murmurs, “Big praise,” just as Maris moves out of my arms.

  She holds out her hands to Kevin. “Honey. I have some news.”

  “Is Mom okay?”

  “Yes. She wanted me to come out and tell you—” There’s a collective inhale as Maris announces, “You have a baby sister, Kevin. Her name is Deana Smith Jennings.”

  “After Uncle Dean?” Kevin whispers, the kid being man enough at eighteen to let tears drip from his eyes. I wish I’d been that strong, that self-assured, when I was his age.

  Then again, I hadn’t met Maris yet.

  “Yes. And Uncle Jed. Your mom told your dad just as Deana’s head was about to come out.” Maris rubs his arm as she tells him the rest.

  Rainey lets out a little whimper before turning into Brad’s arms.

  “Can I go see them all?” Kevin asks.

  “That’s why I’m here.” Maris tips her head back and smiles so brightly, I’m certain there must be energy grids going mad. When she turns that smile on the rest of us, I’d swear if she hadn’t already healed everything inside me by telling me she still loved me, I’d be renewed by it. It’s that blinding.

  Little Mari Sunshine. I hear Jed’s voice in my ear as clear as day.

  “I’ll be back to escort all the rest of you to our newest family member in a bit,” Maris assures us before hooking her arm through Kevin’s and leaving Brad, Rainey, and me in the waiting room again.

  A minute passes before the sunlight passes and my arms are filled with rain. “Whatever you did to fix her, thank you!” Rainey presses kisses to both of my cheeks before she hugs me tight.

  “Rainey,” I start, even as I hug her back. Helpless, I seek out Brad to do something with his wife.

  Bastard just shrugs.

  “She’s beaming, Nick.”

  “I know, Rainey, but I don’t know if that’s…”

  “Then who?” she demands.

  I set her back a bit and smile sadly. “Do you not think her brother’s not looking out for her? I’m just the schmuck who had his head up his ass for way too long.”

  “No, what her brother sent her—sent both of you—was the only thing she needed. And by the way, not to add to your already inflated ego, that’s love, Nick,” Rainey fires back. Throwing up her hands, she stomps back over to a grinning Brad. “And he’s moving to Juneau? Life is never going to be the same, is it?”

  “No, sweetheart. It’s going to be awesome,” Brad declares. Stepping forward, he gives me a one-arm slap on the back. “Welcome home, brother. It’s good to have you back.”

  My heart clenches at his words, said each time I’ve visited, but now that I plan on staying, they mean everything. “Thanks, brother,” I manage to get out.

  Then we all settle in to wait to meet the newest member of our family. A family I hope Maris still wants to add to one day.

  “She’s so tiny. Where’s this strength coming from?” Deana’s gripping my finger with such force, I’m enthralled.

  Maris leans over my shoulder, her hair cascading over me. “Isn’t it a miracle?”

  “How many can we have?” I ask her in all honesty.

  She turns her head and presses her lips against my cheek. “We’ll talk about it when we get home and see the kids Social Services has available. That’s after you pass all the classes and we get recertified. Okay?”

  “Deal.” I turn and capture her lips in a quick kiss before I marvel again at the strength a newborn can have in delicate fingers.

  Jennings’s booming laugh startles both his wife and daughter conscious. Kara mean mugs him before realizing he doesn’t have the baby. When she spies me holding her little darling, she holds out her arms and says, “Gimme.”

  Even though I’ve only had the courage to hold her for a very short time, I don’t hesitate to comply. But I falter. “Um, is there an easy way to do this without dropping her?”

  Kara and Maris both laugh. Fortunately, Maris rescues me by reaching in between my body and Deana’s to cuddle the baby to her. “Come to Aunt Maris. That’s right, my precious love. Uncle Nick doesn’t know how to do this yet, so I’ll give you back to Mama.”

  My fingers go to my lips as Maris places Deana in her mother’s arms. “At least three,” I say aloud.

  Maris’s flashes a smile at me before whispering something to Kara. They both laugh uproariously before they begin whispering again.

  I don’t know what’s being said. I couldn’t care less. And judging by the look on his face, neither does Jennings. Because like me, his whole world—including his son—is sitting on that bed. And nothing, certainly not past memories or old hurts, would hold either of us from feeling what we are.

  “When are Kody, Meadow, and the kids coming in?” I ask lazily.

  “Couple of days. The kids are wrapping up some exams. We should be out of here and at home. You guys planning on staying until they get here?” Jennings asks.

  I twist my head slightly and wait for Maris’s nod. “Yep. I’ll call the hotel in a few and extend our booking.”

  “Good. Then while you’re here, you guys can help me finally give Kara the gift she’s always wanted.”

  “Crown molding?” I jest, recalling the long-running joke that Kody’s company was going to charge an arm and a leg over the crown molding Kara and Jennings built their home.

  “No.” Even from across the room, the light catches the wetness gathering in Jennings’s eyes. �
��A family portrait.”

  I have to swallow hard before I can respond. “Yeah. That would be perfect.”

  I don’t wonder if Maris overheard our conversation. Her face, which was directed at Kara, is glowing at me. Then the little minx twists back to the new mother and declares, “It will look perfect next to my copy of the Mr. and Ms. Smith poster.”

  Kara gasps. “I can’t believe you made it! You’re not really going to take it from me, are you?”

  Maris shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe I’ll just make a copy.”

  Kara makes a sound of frustration that causes the baby to protest. After soothing her daughter, she glares at her best friend. “You never did explain how you got here on time.”

  Maris pulls away and saunters over to me before dropping into my lap. “Blame Nick. It’s his fault.”

  I choke as I both absorb Maris’s weight and Kara’s ire. But what can I say—it is my fault Maris is here. Then I crush her against me. “It’s part of my charm.”

  Kara mutters beneath her breath.

  Jennings groans.

  Maris rolls her eyes. “Lord deliver me.”

  “Listen, I’m holding the ultimate prize. And no one’s going to have the chance to take this one away from me,” I declare arrogantly.

  Maris contemplates my words before tossing her head back and laughing. “Damn straight, Champ.” Then she kisses me to prove it.

  In the wee hours of the morning, with Maris tucked against my side, I’m loath to disturb the moment of happiness we’ve been granted. But I have to. If it was just us at stake, I’d believe maybe us being on the same path toward our future together was enough to banish the ghosts in her eyes.

  But it’s not.

  I brush her hair away from her neck and press a kiss against the vein carrying her lifeblood. “I’m in awe by you, Maris.”

  Rolling around until she faces me, I marvel at the confusion washing over her face. “What do you mean?”

  “Sunshine.” I pause to order my thoughts. “Earlier, when we walked in—”

  “You mean when Jennings convinced Security the world was ending and to open my room,” she corrects.