Meant to Be

by Terry O'Reilly

  Howie walked up to the desk at the gym. Evidently the computers were still down as a clipboard lay on the desk with a locker key sign out sheet attached. Grateful to the god of broken computers, he picked up the clipboard and quickly scanned the page. Matthew’s name was not there. Howie sighed and wrote his name at the bottom of the list. Just as he finished, Chris walked up to the counter.

  “Hey, Mr. Bosley! How’s it goin’?” the young man asked, giving Howie a broad smile.

  “Fine, Chris. I see the computers are still down.” He pointed to the clipboard.

  “Yeah and the boss is spittin’ mad. The company that’s supposed to service them keeps giving him the run around.”

  Howie wanted to ask Chris if Matthew had been in, but wasn’t sure just how to make it seem like a casual request. He needn’t have worried.

  “You know that Mr. Timmons you asked about the last time you were here?” Chris handed Howie his locker key.

  “Yes?” Howie asked, trying to keep his voice from revealing his heart had just skipped a few beats.

  “He was in the other night. I told him you were looking for him and asked about his phone number.”

  Howie felt the color rise in his cheeks.

  “He didn’t seem to know who you were.” Chris looked at Howie with a puzzled expression.

  Howie was now in full blush. He tried to give a little nervous laugh and then said, “Those clients. Probably doesn’t remember my name.” He nervously wrote the key number on the key sign out sheet.

  “He didn’t seem to know he was one of your clients either. He said he didn’t have enough money to have a financial advisor.”

  “Oh,” was all Howie could come up with. He shrugged, tapped the key on the desk, gave Chris a weak smile, and left for the locker room.

  Once there, he leaned back against the lockers and stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. Chris probably thinks I’m some sort of weirdo, and Matt thinks I’m stalking him. Nice play, Bosley!

  Figuring there was nothing he could do about his screw up, Howie undressed, put on his workout clothes, and went out into the gym. He made the rounds of the various workout stations ending, as he usually did, with a chest workout on the bench press machine.

  By the time he’d gotten to that station, his embarrassment had subsided to the point where he could indulge his libido and think about the hunky man of his dreams. He was able to picture his dream lover as he’d last seen him: naked, smiling, and as desirable as the man that had actually stood before him in the locker room.

  The images had their predictable effect, and soon Howie’s jockstrap was being stretched to the limit as his cock strained against the fabric. Howie finished his last rep slowly, with an effort that made him close his eyes and groan. He racked the bar and took a deep breath. He gradually opened his eyes. Then he rapidly closed them again. Standing at the end of the bench between Howie’s legs, arms folded across his magnificent, bare chest, and staring down at Howie with a sweet smile on his handsome face, was the man of his fantasies in the flesh. Howie lay there for a moment, cleared his throat, hoped he wasn’t imagining things, and opened his eyes again. He wasn’t.

  Matthew reached out to give Howie a hand up. “Chris tells me I’m one of your clients,” he said, still smiling.

  Howie stood up. Matthew took a step back, but not too big of one.

  “I…I…don’t…don’t know what to say,” Howie stammered, feeling his embarrassment return.

  “No problem. Actually, I’m…I’m kind of glad that you’re that interested.”

  Howie had the impression Matthew was feeling some awkwardness at the situation as well.

  “Well, anyway, I’m Howie Bosley,” Howie said, feeling relieved and extending his hand.

  Matthew took it. “Matthew Timmons. But I guess you already knew that.”

  They both laughed.

  “I’m about done with my workout but I don’t mind waiting around for you to do yours if you’d like to go out for coffee or something,” Howie said, thinking that both Ernie and Kelly would be proud of him for being so bold.

  “I’d like that. If it’s not too much trouble for you.”

  “No, no trouble at all,” Howie said, just a bit too eagerly, he thought. “I’ll…I’ll do a few laps and stuff while you work out.”

  “Okay,” Matthew said.

  They stood for a few more awkward seconds, then Matthew said, “I guess I better get started so we can get to that coffee.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Howie said, backing away and almost tripping over the workout bench behind him. He gave a little nervous laugh, waved, and jogged off onto the oval track that surrounded the workout area.

  Holy shit! Holy shit! Howie thought over and over as he ran slowly around the gym, never taking his eyes off Matthew as the man worked his fantastic muscles, Howie’s dick still straining the confines of his jock. I can’t believe this is happening.

  * * * *

  I can’t believe this is happening. What am I doing here?

  Matthew thought as he sat across from Howie in a booth at the coffee shop down the block from the gym.

  But what’s wrong with it, really? We’re just two guys having coffee and getting to know one another.

  So far, their conversation had no suggestion this was anything other than that. They had merely given one another a rundown on jobs and family. However, Matthew consciously omitted he was a theology major and that his ultimate goal was the priesthood. And he couldn’t deny the sexual tension that flowed between the two men. It crackled like static electricity no matter how hard he tried. He knew, too, that this tension was the reason for his omission of his vision for his life as a priest. He had no idea how Howie would react and for some reason didn’t want to take a chance it would drive Howie away.

  Matthew’s mind kept returning to the shower they’d taken together earlier that evening at the gym. Both had tried their best to keep the surreptitious glances as discrete as possible. Both had been semi-hard and at half-mast the entire time, neither one admitting they had more than a passing interest in the other’s anatomy. Now the table top of the booth hid things from view, Matthew’s cock was so hard it hurt and was demanding attention. It was all he could do to keep his hands on the table.

  “So, I’ve been a volunteer at the shelter for about five years,” Howie was saying. “Last year they gave me the job of volunteer coordinator. So if you’d ever like to come down and donate some time, I’d love to have you on the team.”

  “That sounds great,” Matthew replied, although he’d never been much of an animal person.

  Howie fiddled with a teaspoon lying on the table. “Uh…I have two cats that I adopted from the shelter. They’re Russian Blues, brother and sister. They’re about three. Their names are Katya and Sergei and…”

  Matthew glanced down at his watch.

  Howie noticed. “I’m boring you,” he said.

  “Oh, no, not at all. It’s just I have an early morning class. So I probably should…”

  “Oh, okay.” Howie looked embarrassed as well as disappointed.

  Matthew was torn. He really did have an early class but he didn’t want this evening to end either. “Um…tell me more about your cats.”

  Howie lowered his gaze, took a deep breath as if he were building up courage, then looked Matthew in the eye and blurted out, “Would you like to meet them? My apartment isn’t very far. Just a short walk.”

  The invitation sent a wave of excitement through Matthew’s body, and he surprised himself by saying, “Sure, I’d love to.”

  Howie looked relieved. He smiled and said, “Great.”

  Howie insisted on paying for the coffee and the two men left the restaurant. They walked down the street shoulder to shoulder, occasionally making contact. Matthew wondered what it would be like to just reach out and take Howie’s hand. He resisted.

  They came to Howie’s building and took the elevator to his floor. Matthew’s imagination
still working overtime, he pictured himself stealing a kiss as the metal box moved upward.

  As they walked down the carpeted hallway, Matthew a step behind Howie, he studied the rhythmic swing of Howie’s ass, watching the flexion and relaxation of the man’s glutes. He stifled a shuddering breath.

  “Here we are, home sweet home.” Howie reached into his pocket and retrieved a set of keys. “I should warn you, Katya and Sergei may not be too friendly at first. They’ll probably run and hide in the…”

  Howie’s keys dropped from his hand as he fumbled to unlock the door. The two men bent to pick them up. Their hands touched the key ring at the same time. They raised their heads, faces inches apart. Slowly they stood up. Both were still holding the keys. For a long moment they just looked into each other’s eyes. Then Matthew put his arms around Howie’s waist. Howie raised his and placed them on Matthew’s shoulders. Matthew pulled Howie to him. He could feel Howie’s hard dick pressing against his through the fabric of his shorts. Matthew felt a dribble of pre-cum run down his leg. Howie closed his eyes and leaned toward Matthew. Matthew leaned forward as well. Their lips were almost touching.

  Suddenly, Matthew pulled back, his eyes wide. He felt panicky. Without a word, he backed away, then turned and retreated down the hallway. When he got to the elevator, he stopped and looked back. Howie was standing as if frozen, one hand still raised, the other hanging at his side. He looked confused.

  The elevator was taking a long time to arrive. Matthew tore his eyes away from Howie’s and found the exit sign to the stairwell. He went through the door and sprinted down the stairs. He ran all the way back to the gym parking lot and jumped into Carl’s car. He sat, his breathing heavy, his heart pounding in his chest.

  What are you thinking! You can’t do this!

  But I haven’t made a decision about seminary yet!

  If you get involved it’ll be harder to make it!

  It’d just be sex.

  No it wouldn’t and you know it.

  Matthew sighed. He did know it wouldn’t be just for the sex. Something inside him told him that if he continued down this road his relationship with Howie could easily become much more, and that wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

  He started the car and drove back to the university.

  Chapter 6

  Howie stood at his door bewildered as he watched Matthew disappear into the stairwell. What had just happened? Slowly he turned, unlocked his door, and walked into his apartment. Sergei and Katya came running to him, rubbing against his legs and mewing loudly. He hardly noticed they were there.

  Robotically he walked through the living room into the kitchen where he prepared and fed them their dinners. He then returned to the living room where he slumped down onto the sofa, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, his jaw slack, his hands folded between his knees. Gradually, his brain began to function and he tried to piece together the events of the evening, concluding with Matthew’s hasty exit.

  Everything seemed to be going so well. The mutual sexual tension had been there from the moment Howie had opened his eyes to find Matthew standing at the end of the workout bench. Their time in the shower together at the gym was awkward, but Howie had no doubt Matthew had been as interested in him as he was in Matthew. Howie had boldly asked him out for coffee and Matthew had accepted without hesitation. They talked fairly easily at the coffee shop, and it seemed Matthew’s eager acceptance of Howie’s invitation to meet Sergei and Katya was sincere.

  As if on cue, the two felines trotted into the living room and jumped lightly onto the couch, purring their forgiveness for Howie’s lack of attention and affection when he’d first come into the apartment. They accepted his pets and scratches as atonement and settled down on either side of him, still purring softly.

  Howie’s review of the evening’s events continued. It was all Howie could do not to have attacked Matthew in the elevator. Only his knowledge of the security camera prevented him from doing so. And then—at the door to the apartment when he’d dropped his keys—Howie could almost taste Matthew’s desire for him as they’d looked into each other’s eyes! He’d purposefully pressed himself against Matthew’s body, making sure Matthew could feel his erection, letting the man know exactly where Howie was expecting this to go. Matthew had returned the pressure. Howie had felt Matthew’s sexual excitement—had felt Matthew’s stiff cock against his. Then bam, he was gone.

  “Fuck!” Howie said aloud, causing both dozing cats to look up at him. He looked down at them. “Just when I decide to not be so rigid about when sex should come into a relationship, the guy bolts! We did get to know each other some over coffee at least,” he informed Sergei and Katya in justification. “I was sure he was into me, felt something for me. What did I do wrong?”

  Both cats cocked their heads to one side as if they understood Howie’s confusion and frustration. He reached down and gave each an affectionate rub. He lay his head back on the back of the couch and sighed. “Damn it!”

  Chapter 7

  “He just ran off and left you standing there? What the fuck! You must have done something to scare him off!” Kelly said the next time The Three Bs got together for drinks.

  Howie had just finished telling his friends about his encounter with Matthew.

  “Don’t be so judgmental,” Ernie admonished Kelly. “I’m sure Howie didn’t do anything. There’s got to be a logical explanation. Maybe the guy’s married and had a sudden attack of conscience.”

  “Or maybe Howie blurted out, ‘Oh, Matt, I love you, I can’t live without you!’ and freaked the guy out,” Kelly said, bringing his folded hands to his chest, raising his chin, and blinking several times in dramatic fashion.

  “Phew. I did not!” Howie scoffed.

  “Well, you told us you loved him, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. But I didn’t tell him that.”

  “Maybe he sensed it. You know a dude can tell if the sex is just for sex or if there are strings attached,” Kelly said sagely.

  “You would know,” Ernie jibed.

  “You bet I would,” Kelly said with a note of pride in his voice.

  “How do you know you love him, anyway?” Kelly went on. “You just met him.”

  “Don’t you believe in love at first sight?” Ernie interjected.

  “Love at first sight? Nah, I don’t. Now lust at first sight—that’s a different story.” Kelly laughed. “I bet that’s what you were both feeling, Howie. A good dose of lust at first sight.”

  Howie didn’t want to continue this conversation, so he asked Ernie, “How’s it going for you? Met anyone since that guy in the vegetable aisle at the grocery store?”

  “As a matter of fact I have,” Ernie said, smiling broadly.

  “Where’d you meet this one, in the fruit department where he was squeezing the melons?” Kelly said, chuckling and winking at Howie.

  “Well, I was in the grocery, in the pharmacy actually. I was picking up a box of condoms and—”

  Both Kelly and Howie broke out laughing.

  “What?” Ernie asked.

  “That’s real subtle,” Kelly said. “Gets right to the point, buying condoms—don’t it? So much more efficient than fondling cucumbers.”

  “Or squeezing melons,” Howie added.

  Ernie rolled his eyes. “As I was saying, I was picking out condoms and—”

  The two men chuckled again.

  “Stop! You know I believe in safe sex! Anyway,” Ernie pressed on, “he was checking out the lubricants—”

  Howie and Kelly lost it again.

  “If you’re just gonna keep laughing at me—”

  “I’m sorry,” Howie said, wiping his eyes. “Go on, please.”

  Ernie took a deep breath. “So, he asked me if I’d ever used that particular brand—”

  Another round of belly-busting laughter came from the two friends.

  “Do you two want to hear about Todd or not?” Ernie asked rather indignantly.

 
“Oh, Todd is it?” Kelly choked out. “Did you find that out before or after you gave the rubbers and the lube a trial run in the pharmacist’s consult room?”

  Ernie crossed his arms over his chest. “Forget it. You’re obviously not interested.”

  “We are, really but you have to admit, meeting a guy this way is kind of—well, bizarre,” Howie said.

  Ernie smiled, then chuckled. “I guess you’re right,” he said. “Okay, skip the pharmacy part, I met this guy in an undisclosed location.” Ernie looked at Kelly, then at Howie. Both men made a zip-the-lip motion.

  Ernie went on, “His name is Todd Ellsworth. He teaches at the university, a professor of musicology. We’ve had a couple of dates. He’s really nice and very easy on the eyes. I really do think this might be the one. And by the way, we did test the rubbers and the lube after dinner that night back at my apartment.”

  All three laughed.

  Chapter 8

  “Mr. Timmons?”

  Matthew’s head snapped up. He’d been doodling Howie’s name on a piece of paper. Where was he? Oh—yes, 19th Century Church History. “I’m sorry. Um—would you repeat the question please, Father Janis?”

  Father Janis took a deep breath, as if asking God Almighty for patience. “I asked if you could tell me what the two problems were that the bishops dealt with during The First Vatican Council convoked by Pius IX in 1869.”

  Matthew’s mind raced. He knew this. He’d studied it. It was elemental. However, since his encounter with Howie Bosley the only thing that seemed to occupy his thoughts were recollections of their two brief encounters.

  “Mr. Timmons?”

  “Yes—uh—First Vatican Council. The First Vatican Council…”

  “Yes, Mr. Timmons—the First Vatican Council.”

  There were titters from the other students, especially the seminarians.

  Finally the answer came to him. “The Council dealt with the rising influence of rationalism, liberalism, and materialism, which Pope Pius felt were a threat to the authority of the church and…and papal infallibility when teaching on matters of faith and doctrine.”