Insanity

by Kira Moericke

  “Well, since this ‘Casey’ told you his name, I’m assuming that he has told you more about himself?”

  I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just looked at him, my nose flaring with growing anger.

  “Has he?” he prodded.

  “Yes…” I started slowly, stubbornly.

  “And what has he told you?”

  I hesitated for a moment. I didn’t really want to tell him about what Casey had told me if all he was going to do was consider me crazy.

  If you don’t tell him, he’ll think you’re crazy and stubborn, the voice in my head rationalized.

  I let out a rush of air between my lips and said, “He told me about a song.”

  “A song?”

  I nodded. I could hear the twinkly notes of the piano playing inside my head.

  “And what is this song called?”

  “‘Lavender’s Blue,’” I replied.

  Dr. Langley was silent as he turned to his laptop. I looked past him and stared out the window until my vision started to blur. I listened to the soft clicking of his keyboard.

  “‘Lavender’s Blue,’” Dr. Langley mused, staring at his computer. He glanced at me. “It’s a real song.”

  “I know.” I frowned at him. Why? Do you think that I’m that crazy? That I’d make up a song, too?

  Dr. Langley was silent as he dug up some information on the song, then turned to me. “You know what, Miss Knightley? I’ll prescribe you some new medication that should help with your nightmares, allow you to sleep, and help with whatever is going on with this…Casey guy. Does that sound good to you?”

  I nodded.

  “Come back tomorrow. They should be ready by then.” Dr. Langley clicked something on his computer, then leaned back in his pleather chair.

  “Okay. Thanks.” I got up and started for the door.

  “Have a good rest of your day, Miss Knightley,” he called after me.

  I mumbled Same under my breath and slipped out of the office.

  “So you see ghosts.”

  I jumped as I shut the door. Whipping to the right, I found Nova standing not very far from Dr. Langley’s office. She was leaning against the crème-colored wall, her arms crossed over her chest, and her legs crossed at the ankles.

  “What are you doing?” I nearly screeched. My heart was racing, and I felt my nerves become all knotted. “You can’t just sneak up on someone.”

  Nova laughed a dark twinkly sound.

  I rolled my eyes. I didn’t need this. Turning, I started down the hall toward the dorm rooms.

  “Wait!” Nova rushed to my side, her studded black boots thumping against the floor. She appeared beside me. “Can you really see ghosts?”

  “No,” I replied, keeping my gaze forward, “because ghosts aren’t real.”

  “But you saw something, didn’t you?”

  I groaned inwardly. Could she not see that I didn’t want to talk about it?

  “So…?” she prodded.

  “I met someone,” I finally blurted. Hopefully that would keep her off my back.

  “A human?”

  “Unh-hunh.” I nodded.

  “Not a ghost?”

  “Nope.” I shook my head once.

  From the corner of my eyes, I could see Nova’s face droop a little. She started to lag behind.

  Taking this as my chance, I hurried forward and disappeared around the corner.

  ELEVEN

  I AWOKE WITH a gasp and shot up in bed. My breath was coming out ragged. I could feel cool sweat run down the sides of my face.

  A soft clicking sounded throughout the room. Turning my head to the right, I saw Nova sitting at her desk, typing something into her iPod.

  “Bad dream?” Nova called over, not even turning to look at me.

  I was silent for a moment before answering, “Yeah…How–how did you know?”

  “You were talking in your sleep,” she replied.

  Embarrassment spiraled through me. I could feel my cheeks flame up and was suddenly glad for the darkness.

  Pushing past the embarrassment, I looked around Nova’s frame to see what was on her iPod, but the light was so bright that the small screen looked completely white. I squinted. “What are you doing at…” I twisted my head around to look at my alarm clock, “12:34 in the morning?”

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she said matter-of-factly.

  I didn’t say anything.

  She twisted in her chair to look at me, but I couldn’t see her face. “What’s the person’s name whom you’ve been seeing in the ballroom?”

  “Why do you ask?” I shifted uncomfortably in my bed.

  “Just because…” She turned back toward her iPod.

  I pushed aside my blanket and walked across the small room so that I stood behind Nova. I stared down at the screen and saw that whatever she was doing dealt with the enrollment of Brier Hall. Suddenly, it clicked and my mouth gaped opened. “Are you hacking into the school’s website?”

  Nova shrugged her shoulders innocently. “So what? I’m a D student, and sometimes I need a little boost.”

  I frowned down at her. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Let’s just stop talking about my grades,” she snapped suddenly. Then sighed. “Tell me the name of the guy you keep visiting in the ballroom.”

  “Are you seriously going to look him up?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I want to know if he’s really alive or if he’s risen from the beyond.”

  “You mean a ghost?”

  She nodded.

  “Nova, I already told you that ghosts don’t exist,” I said forcefully. I could feel my frustration growing. Why couldn’t she just accept that there was no such thing as ghosts?

  “Come on,” she begged. Then she looked at me pointedly. “You know what? I think you’re not one hundred percent sure if he’s real, either.”

  “What?” I scrunched up my face and took a step back. I was appalled by her accusation.

  “Yeah,” she continued. “I mean, if you were one hundred percent sure that this guy was real, you would have told me his name by now. But you’re hesitating. You’re scared that he won’t appear on the screen.”

  “I am not.”

  “You are, too.”

  “Not unh!”

  “Oh, yeah?” Nova stared at me. “Prove it.”

  “Fine.” I grabbed her iPod and held it close to my face. Tapping on the search box, I typed in Casey Brier, then clicked search.

  Zero results showed up.

  I stared at the screen, my blood draining to my toes. Where was his name? Why didn’t his name show up?

  Nova snatched her device back. “I knew it!” she cheered, seeing the blank screen.

  “He’s not a ghost!” I said, my voice rising in panic. Then before I could think about what I was doing, I hurried toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” called Nova as I wrapped my hand around the doorknob.

  “Nowhere,” I lied. I swung the door open.

  “You’re going to go see him, aren’t you?”

  I turned to look at her. I still couldn’t see her face, but I could sense that she was wearing an amused expression.

  “I’ll be back,” I said, then slipped away.

  ***

  Casey is not a ghost, because there is no such things as ghosts. And because there is no such things as ghosts, Casey is not a ghost.

  My mind kept going in a loop as I stole silently down the halls toward the ballroom. Nova was seriously starting to get on my nerves. She was making me all jittery and paranoid.

  When I reached the ballroom, I paused right before the doors. Did I really have to do this?

  This is crazy. I shook my head, turned around, and started toward the staircase. Then stopped. I whirled back around and plowed through the ballroom doors.

  As it was the last two times, it was dark and quiet in the room. I looked around, hoping to catch any sign of Casey, but all I saw was the darkness.

  I l
et out a giant sigh. I was kind of relieved that he wasn’t here. I wasn’t good with confrontations.

  “Em?”

  I whipped around, my heart racing in my chest. I saw Casey standing a few feet away, close to the door. I hadn’t even heard him come in.

  “Casey,” I breathed, placing a hand over my startled heart. I could feel it thumping in my chest. “I–I hadn’t even heard you come in.”

  “I apologize for startling you.” His eyes were wide with the look of sorrow drowning in them. “I did not mean to.”

  “It’s–it’s okay.” I sucked in a deep breath, hoping to calm my nerves. “Really.”

  Doubt flitted across his face.

  “So…” I started. “I…I came down to ask you something.”

  “Yes?” Finally the look from his face fell away. He took a step closer, but then caught himself and took a step back.

  “Who are you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean,” I swallowed a rising lump from my throat, “I know about Castiel.”

  A look of surprise rose across his face. “You do?”

  I nodded, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and nervously crossed my arms over my middle. “I know that he was the last owner of Brier Hall. Not you.”

  “Oh.” Casey’s face fell.

  “Why did you lie to me?” I stared at him, waiting for an answer.

  Casey looked down at his feet as if the answers were written somewhere on the floor before peeking up at me. Some tendrils of hair fell in front of his face, but he didn’t bother to push it back. “Do you care for a stroll through the yard?”

  “What?” My brows scrunched in confusion.

  “A stroll.” He straightened up and offered me his arm. “I will then explain everything to you.”

  I looked back and forth between Casey’s arm and face. I should say no and just go back to my room so that I could try to get back to sleep, but instead, I took a step forward, then another step. I couldn’t describe what it was, but I felt comfortable with Casey.

  “Okay.” I slipped my arm through his. “Let’s go.”

  A small, caring smile rose across his lips. Then he turned, faced forward, and guided me out of the ballroom.

  I inhaled a deep breath when we made our way outside. It was completely dark except for the moon that seemed ginormous in the dark, cloudy sky. It casted a spooky shadow across the lawn, but being with Casey, I didn’t feel frightened at all. Instead, I felt at peace. It was as though we were the last two people on earth.

  “So, are you going to tell me why you lied to me?” I piped up after a moment of strolling in silence. Around us, frogs croaked and crickets chirped a happy tune.

  “I did not lie when I said that I am the rightful owner of Brier Hall,” he said. “It’s just...when my great grandfather died, he didn’t leave an ownership for Brier Hall.” He turned his head a notch and glanced at me. “So I assume, in a way, Brier Hall is not part of my ownership, but in my heart it is.”

  “Oh.” That made sense. It explained why everyone claimed that Castiel was the last owner of Brier Hall. A question nagged me, and before I could stop myself, I asked, “Why did he kill himself?”

  Casey froze. He kept his gaze straight ahead. It sent little pricks of nervousness throughout my body. I leaned forward, trying to catch his eyes. “Casey?”

  He blinked, suddenly coming out of whatever trance he was in. He swallowed hard, then motioned toward the little stone bench that Jayden and I had sat on a week ago. “Sit. And I shall…I shall tell you about my great grandfather.” His eyes had a shine to them. I could see that he was nervous.

  Unwrapping my arm from his, I took a spot on the bench. Thankfully, the moon’s glow was bright and radiant, and I could see Casey–to an extent. His face was shadowed with darkness, but I could see the gleam of his eyes looking down at me.

  “So, you know about my great grandfather?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I heard.” I dug through my memory for the story that Jayden had told me the first day that I had met him. The day I had questioned about Lover’s Leap.

  Casey stared down at me as if waiting for me to continue.

  I looked down and balled my hands in my lap. “I was told that he was engaged. He and his fiancée had thrown this giant party to celebrate it, but during the festivities, the man, your great grandfather, had snuck off with another woman. His fiancée, Adelia, had caught them. Being so heartbroken, she killed herself.” I turned my head to look at the path shrouded by trees and wild bushes toward Lover’s Leap. “Your grandfather then hung himself from the chandelier in the ballroom.”

  “Wrong.”

  “What?” I turned my head and saw that Casey had walked a few feet away from me, and was now standing in the moonlight with his back toward me. The glimmer around him was intensifying. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to clear my vision.

  My eyes have got to stop playing tricks with me.

  “Your story. It is wrong.” He turned at the waist to look at me. “Her name was Emilia, not…Adelia.” There was bitterness in his voice when he said Adelia. “And they weren’t engaged; they were married.”

  “They were married?” Something about that struck a chord inside me, but I didn’t know why. Pushing the feeling away, I focused back on the story.

  “Emilia and my…great grandfather were in love. Their souls were two halves of a whole, and when they said ‘I do,’ they were bound as one.

  “That night they were celebrating their marriage. Emilia wandered from the party” –I closed my eyes as he spoke, picturing everything that Casey said– “close to the stroke of midnight. When my great grandfather noticed his wife’s absence, he went out in search for her.”

  “Where did she go?” I asked, my eyes still closed. But there was something inside me that already knew.

  “She wandered toward the cliff.” His voice became grave. “He followed, tried to stop her, but it was too late. She fell.”

  I snapped my eyes open and stared at Casey. He still had his back toward me. “What did you say?”

  “She fell off a cliff.” He turned to face me.

  Oh. My… My nightmare started to race through my head, all the way until the fall. A shudder wracked my body, and the memory faded.

  “Is something the matter?” Casey asked.

  I opened my mouth to say that it was my nightmare, but no words came out. Instead, all that came out was a strangled gasping sound. Standing up, I quickly put some space between Casey and me.

  “Something is wrong.” He took several steps closer toward me. “Tell me, Em. Is it the story? Did it…remind you of anything?"

  I realized my mouth was hanging open, so I quickly clamped it shut. I shook my head, though I was screaming inside.

  It’s the dream! the voice screamed at me. He’s describing your dream!

  “Em?” Casey came closer. He reached a hand out toward me, but I quickly took a step back, almost tripping over the stone bench. I quickly twisted and grabbed the cool stone to steady myself. Then I shot up and stared into Casey with wide, panicked eyes.

  “I have to go,” I blurted.

  Casey opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out.

  “Goodnight, Casey.” I turned and started to quickly walk toward Brier Hall. I wanted to look back at Casey, but I knew if I did, I’d feel guilty for leaving him standing there all alone.

  Why? He left you standing alone in the ballroom a few nights before, my mind tried to reason.

  But still…I stopped right before the back door, ready to spin around and walk back over to him. But instead, I clenched my fists tightly at my side, feeling the bite from my nails digging into my skin, restraining myself. Inhaling deeply, I grabbed the door and slipped inside.

  ***

  I made my way slowly through the darkness, sliding my feet against the cool marble floor. I had my arms outstretched in front of me, feeling the space around me. I hated how they only had some lights
on the second floor and none on the first floor.

  That’s because no one is supposed to be on the first floor after nine o’clock, the voice in my head scolded me.

  I ignored the voice and continued forward. I had the floorplan laid out in my head, and I tried to follow it the best I could. But after a moment, I realized that something was wrong: I didn’t know where I was.

  Squinting my eyes in an attempt to see through the dark, I slowly moved in a circle, trying to see where I was. I didn’t recognize a thing. There were strange images on the wall and a weird scent in the air. It smelled like…dead roses.

  I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent, letting it seep into my bones…

  Rain poured from the heavy gray clouds as the reverend spoke from the book of John. Around me, people were mourning. I stared at the mahogany coffin, watching as the fat raindrops fell against it, bursting on contact. I stared and stared and stared until the coffin started swimming before my eyes. Then I blinked.

  “‘Peace I leave you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives,’” the reverend moaned, his voice low and frail. He struggled to speak over the pouring rain. “‘Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.’”

  Do not be afraid…

  Not be afraid…

  Be afraid…

  I gasped. Before I realized what I was doing, I took off, leaving the crowd behind.

  I could hear someone call my name, calling me back to him, but I ignored it and continued running. The ground was all muddy and sloshy because of all the water that fell from the sky, making me slip and slide all over the place. I had to reach out with one hand while holding up the front of my dress with the other, and grabbed hold of lopsided tombstones to keep my balance. Even though I could barely see through the rain and my tears, I still knew where I was going.

  When I came to the large familiar tombstone that was shaded beneath an oak tree, I dropped to the ground, not caring about the mud that splashed onto my dress. It was hard to breathe, and I was gasping for air.

  “Grandmother,” I whispered. I looked at the engraving on the base of the stone statue and saw Grandmother Isolde’s full name and life date written there. I stared at it when I said, “He is dead. Father is dead.” My bottom lip trembled but I continued on. “He died of cholera, and…and I was not there for him.”