Insanity

by Kira Moericke

  Clicking on the link, it brought me to a new page. Words upon words filled the screen. I quickly scrolled through them, skimming them. There wasn’t much that I didn’t already know, such as how the love of his life jumped from a cliff, and that shortly after, he hung himself from the chandelier in the ballroom at Brier Hall.

  Was that why Casey always appears in the ballroom? I thought. Because that’s where he…died?

  Scrolling down a little, I saw an image of an oil painting of Castiel, or as I know him, Casey. My heart flipped inside my chest like a fish out of water, and I swallowed down a lump that was building up in my throat. I clicked on the image and looked at his eyes. I could never see the color of them in the darkness of the ballroom. In the painting, they were the same mesmerizing colors that I saw in my nightmares.

  “Hey, what are you looking at?” Before I had time to move, Nova was beside me, pushing herself close so she could look at the screen. I caught the scent of her perfume–which surprisingly smelled of flowers–and a whiff of smoke from her cigarettes. My nose crinkled in distaste. “Hey, isn’t that the guy who used to own this place?” She pointed at the picture, accidently touching my phone and blowing up the picture across the screen. “And didn’t he, like, kill himself over some girl?”

  Some girl…Nova’s words rang through my head, and suddenly I couldn’t stand it anymore. I stood up from my chair so fast that it screeched across the scuffed wooden floor and started for the door.

  “Where are you going?” Nova asked just as my fingertips brushed against the doorknob.

  “I’ll be back,” I replied before slipping out of the room.

  ***

  I threw open the doors to the ballroom and marched inside. I didn’t want to be here, but I had to know…know if I was truly Emilia. I had to know if Casey and I had a past, and if so, what that was like. I had to know if the feelings that I was starting to feel toward him were as true as they were then.

  My eyes scanned the darkness around me until I found the familiar figure sitting at the piano, playing a sad, haunting melody. When he saw me, an ugly note sounded before we were surrounded by silence.

  “Em?” he called out.

  “What is my favorite color?” I asked, nearly breathless. I had basically ran all the way here.

  “What?” His brows furrowed into a frown.

  “What is my favorite color?” I repeated. “If I am…her, then surely you must know.”

  Casey slowly stood up from the piano bench, but didn’t come toward me. He just stared at me. “Rose. Your favorite color is rose.”

  My mouthed popped open just a little in shock. He was correct.

  But that doesn’t prove anything, does it? It could have just been a lucky guess. Right…?

  “What’s my favorite season?” I took a step closer, daring him to answer.

  He took a step around the piano, closer toward me, as if he too was challenging me. “Winter,” he finally replied. “You adore the snow.”

  As if he had unlocked a piece of my memory, I heard laughter–mine and a man’s–and the whizzing of a snowball slicing through the air. Blinking, the sounds disappeared and I was left with the eerie quietness of the ballroom.

  Tears sprung into my eyes. I was going to ask one more question; a trick one. With a slight quiver in my voice, I asked, “What’s my favorite flower?”

  Casey took several more steps closer to me. A part of me wanted to step back–to put some distance between us–but a larger part of me told me to stay put. He stared straight into my eyes, looking deep into my soul as he replied, “You do not like flowers. They make you sad whenever they die.”

  I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Tears slipped silently down my face. No one knew about my thing with flowers except Rue and my immediate family.

  I took a step forward, then another. I started to make my way across the room, not knowing exactly what my intentions were. But soon I found myself directly in front of Casey. I stared into his eyes as I raised a hand, cupping it against his cheek.

  “Em.” He closed his eyes as he brought a hand up, placing it over mine. He leaned his face into my palm.

  Something passed between us. Something strong, powerful, and everything.

  Emotions swirled inside me: anger, sadness, hurt, fear, happiness…They all blended together until I couldn’t tell what I actually felt anymore.

  “Em,” Casey purred. He opened his eyes, and even though it was dark and we had only the silvery, shimmery light of the moon to guide our way, I could see the colors within them. They were a kaleidoscope of colors: a molten gold in the center, which faded to a luscious India green, then darkened to a sapphire blue. They were so beautiful that I could get lost in them.

  The next few seconds were a blur. It was as if my body was on autopilot. I didn’t think, I don’t even think I breathed…I just did. Letting my hand slip from Casey’s cheek, I reached back and slipped them into the strands of his long hair and leaned it. Hot, silent tears ran down my cheeks as I rose to my tiptoes and gently pressed my lips against his.

  ***

  “How can I touch you? I asked later that night as we sat on the piano bench, watching as the moon casted shadows throughout the backyard. I grabbed onto Casey’s hand and held it out in front of us. I slipped my fingers through his. “I mean, I thought spirits were translucent.”

  “We are,” Casey replied, his voice soft. “But I have will power, and if you have will, anything is possible.”

  I stared at his hand for a few more moments, feeling all the creases before wrapping his arm around my waist. He tightened his hold on me and I snuggled closer to him.

  “What’s your favorite memory?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “What’s your favorite memory?” I tilted my head up to look at his face. “You didn’t answer the first time I asked.”

  Casey was silent for a moment, and I was afraid that he wasn’t going to answer. But then he opened his mouth and said, “The day that you became my wife.”

  For a second, it felt as though time had stopped. The words he had just said made my heart aflutter. And I felt an emotion stir inside me…Love perhaps?

  Love? Em, you can’t fall in love with a ghost. It’s impossible, I thought. You’d have to be insane.

  Then call me crazy, my inner voice said.

  “What was I like?” I asked. I was curious if I’m the same girl now as I was back then. And maybe if Casey told me stories of before, I could remember what life was like then.

  A smile spread across Casey’s face, making his eyes twinkle in the dark. “You were glorious…So full of life.” His eyes found mine, and I smiled. “You were different from all the other women.”

  “Different? How?”

  “You never cared what people thought of you. I remember this one time you made up a shanty and belted it out while we strolled along the docks,” he replied with laughter in his voice. “I remember the folks passing by, cringing at each word you sang.”

  I laughed. It was true that my singing voice sucked. Rue had recorded me once on her phone and had played it back so that I could see. I had sounded like a cat on a hot tin roof.

  “What else?” I asked. I wanted to know everything.

  Casey paused for a moment thinking. Then he replied, “The Christmas when your parents went away to an evening party, and you spent nearly the whole night at my father’s manor. It was the first Christmas that we spent alone together” –at the mention of my favorite holiday, I closed my eyes so that I could picture his words inside my head– “I had gotten you a present…” As he continued on with his tale, images started to form inside my head, so crisp and bright it was as though I was there…

  “What is in this box?” I asked, picking up a small green present adorned with a bright red bow. I moved the box close to my ear and gently shook it.

  “Your Christmas present,” Castiel replied as he finished getting the fire going in the giant hearth. “So you must wait �
��til morrow to open it.”

  “But morrow is so far away.” A devilish smile rose upon my lips as I dug a fingernail into one of the side folds. “Just one little peek.”

  “Emilia,” Castiel called out in mock warning. “Do not open it.”

  “And what if I do?” I challenged as I undid a corner of the wrapping paper.

  “Then I have no other option than to do this.” Without a second’s warning, he charged at me with his arms outstretched and a smile on his face.

  I shrieked at his quickness, then spun around, taking off out of the room. I was thankful that I had changed from my gown into my cotton nightgown, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to run as fast as I could now.

  “Emilia!”

  I turned my head and saw that Castiel was not far behind. I knew if he really wanted to, he could catch me, but like me, he liked the chase.

  I took in a sharp breath of air when I turned forward and almost crashed into one of the maids. She gasped, stopping short. I didn’t see who it was, but her green eyes widened in surprise. I dodged her just in time.

  “My apologies!” I called over my shoulder, then squealed as I tried to slow myself down so that I could make it around the corner without sliding or crashing into anything. But Castiel knew I was going to slow down and used this as his chance to take advantage. He grabbed my wrist and spun me, pinning me against the wall.

  “Now Miss Prentiss, are you going to hand back the present in which you took?” he asked seriously, even though there was a smile twitching on his full lips.

  “No,” I giggled, shaking my head.

  “Very well then.” He pressed closer to me and brought his face close. “It seems I have to punish thee for disobeying me.”

  I didn’t have time to react to his words when Castiel crushed his lips against mine. I flattened myself against the wall. Castiel grabbed my waist while still hanging onto my wrist with the other. With my free hand, I reached up and tangled my fingers into his blondish-brown hair, which was held away from his face by a dark green ribbon. Grabbing the end of it, I pulled the ribbon loose, letting his hair fall down around his shoulders. I loved the way his hair slipped through my fingers.

  His tongue grazed across my lower bottom lip, and I shivered with delight.

  I was drowning in pure delight that I barely notice the present slip from my hand. My eyes fluttered open in shock when Castiel pulled away, and I could no longer smell his scent that had filled the air around me. Glancing around, I noticed the small green box in his hand. My mouth popped open in shock.

  He smiled cheekily at my expression.

  “You,” I hissed, though I couldn’t stop the laughter and disbelief from leaking into my voice. I opened my mouth to say something more, but was silenced by a kiss.

  “Until morrow, my love,” he whispered.

  Then my eyes opened.

  “I remember,” I said, my voice just above a whisper.

  “You do?” Casey sounded shocked.

  I nodded. Pulling away, I turned my body to face him. “But I don’t remember what was inside the box.”

  A hint of color rose upon Casey’s olive cheeks. He looked bashfully down at his hands. “It was my grandmother’s engagement ring.”

  “Your what?!” I couldn’t help it when my voice rose a few octaves. Did I just hear him correctly?

  “I had wanted to surprise you,” he continued. He looked down sheepishly. “I knew how much you loved Christmas…I just wanted to make it a little more magical.”

  “Casey…” My voice trailed off. A tidal wave of emotions overcame me, and I didn’t know what else to do but lean toward him.

  We moved in on each other, drawn to each other’s essence. Even though my eyes were closed, I could tell that our lips were barely an inch apart. But before anything could happen, light broke through the window. Opening my eyes, I turned toward the window and saw the first rays of sunshine poking out from behind the pines that boarded most of the backyard.

  “It’s morning already?” I said in disappointment. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with Casey and try to unlock more memories.

  “‘With a bound, the sun of molten fiery red came above the horizon, and immediately thousands of little birds sang out for joy, and a soft chorus of mysterious, glad murmurs came forth from the earth; the low whispering wind left its hiding–place among the clefts and hollows of the hills, and wandered among the rustling herbs and trees, waking the flower-buds to the life of another day.’”

  “What’s that?” I asked, tearing my gaze away from the vibrant colors that chased away the darkness of the night.

  “It’s Elizabeth Gaskell,” Casey replied.

  “Huh.” Casey and I were silent as long seconds stretched between us. I didn’t mind the silence, though. It was comforting, wholesome.

  “You must go now,” Casey stated flatly. He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “For you have classes soon, do you not?”

  “I do,” I confessed, even though I didn’t want to. Maybe I could skip and go back to bed?

  But you already missed Monday, I accused myself. You probably shouldn’t miss another one.

  “I’ll try coming back tonight,” I said as I stood up from the bench.

  “Alright.”

  I pressed my lips together and smiled awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say. “I love you” seemed like way too much–at least for me anyway–but a simple “good-bye” didn’t seem significant enough. So after a minute of just standing there, I finally settled on, “Well, I’ll see you later sometime.”

  He nodded and stood up. He walked over to me, his eyes boring into mine. “Until then, my…Em.” He quickly grabbed my hand and kissed it.

  Slight relief slipped through me when he didn’t say “my love.” I may have been Emilia in the past, but I am Em now. And I still didn’t quite know what my feelings toward Casey were. There was definitely attraction, but I didn’t think I felt love for him…not yet anyway.

  I exhaled deeply as I pulled my hand slowly from his and turned when I suddenly remembered the Autumn Ball. Even though I was going with Jayden, I still wanted Casey to be there.

  “Casey, there’s this–” I turned around, ready to invite him to the dance, but the words died on the tip of my tongue when I saw a fading glimmer left in his wake.

  TWENTY

  NOVA WAS ASLEEP when I arrived back to the room. I opened the door as quietly as I could, then tiptoed over to my bed. If I closed my eyes now, I could catch a little bit of sleep.

  I slipped under my covers, careful not to make the springs creak. Nova was always slightly cranky, so I really didn’t want to know what a sleepy, cranky Nova was like. I closed my eyes and let out a breath, ready to sink into darkness.

  “Are you a witch?” Nova mumbled in a sleepy voice.

  One eye shot open in surprise, then the other. I slowly turned my head to look over at her. She was lying on her bed, her eyes closed. At first I thought she was still asleep and that I had just imagined her voice, but then her left eye popped open and she turned her head just slightly to look at me.

  “What?” I frowned and raised myself up into a sitting position.

  “Are you a witch?” she asked again, slower this time. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed, staring straight at me.

  My face contorted into a frown. I was appalled by her question. “No? Why would you even ask that?”

  “Because I followed you after you left last night,” she replied matter-of-factly. She held no shame whatsoever in her voice. “I heard you talking to someone, but there was no one in the room with you.

  Panic rushed through me when I realized that she had caught me talking to Casey. I had to come up with a reasonable lie because there was no way Nova would believe that the spirit of Castiel Brier, the original owner of Brier Hall, lingered within these walls.

  I forced out a laugh that sounded more like a nervous giggle. “I was talking to myself. You know, because I�
�m one of the Crazies.” I made the looney motion with my finger.

  Nova slowly shook her head. “No. You’re not crazy, but…” her voice trailed off as she studied me. “But there’s something about you…something different.”

  I could feel myself pale at her accusation.

  “Is it something to do with that picture that we found?” she asked.

  “Nova,” I started, making my voice sturdy, “it’s nothing. Okay? So just drop it.”

  Nova huffed out a sigh. “Fine. Whatever.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Besides, there’s no such thing as witches,” I said, lying back down in bed.

  “You don’t believe in them?” She sounded shocked.

  “Why?” I turned my head to look at her. “You do?”

  Nova shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. There are forces out there that we can’t even comprehend. I mean, people believe in angels and demons, and two spiritual realms that people go to once they’ve died, so why can’t we believe that witches are real, too?”

  Nova had a point. I guess I never thought about that before.

  “Besides,” she said, relaxing back down on her bed, “I don’t think she jumped.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “In the article that you had on your phone, it said that the girl–Emilie or whatever her name was–jumped. But in all the stories I’ve heard about this place, she and that one guy had such an unimaginable bond…I mean, if someone was that much in love with someone, why would she jump?”

  Now that she brought it up, I realized that Nova was right. I had seen that in the article, too.

  Every ounce of my being told me to stop, to turn around, and head back to the ball, but I couldn’t. It was as if I were cast under a spell.

  The piece of my nightmare flashed through my mind and I shivered as a chill crept up my spine.

  Are there really witches out there in the world? I wondered.

  “You know what I think?” Nova asked, sitting up again. Her one visible eye glimmered excitedly. “I think there’s a witch here at Brier Hall. Probably the same one who made the girl jump from Lover’s Leap.”