Shifting Tides

by Caitlin Ricci

  Chapter Fourteen

  They held hands as they came back from Blaine’s house. It was becoming a normal thing for them and Adam really liked it. “You know, you didn’t have to walk me back home. It’s like two minutes. I think I can manage it.”

  Blaine laughed and swung their hands together between them. “Yeah, but it’s starting to get dark. And besides, I’m not going to turn down more time with you. When school starts up, we’ll be doing a lot of our own things so I don’t want to miss out on the time I can have with you now.”

  The mention of school made Adam’s stomach twist into a knot. “Are you worried about what everyone will say? Or what they’ll think?” He slowed down so that they would have more time to talk alone. They’d had a little back at Blaine’s house but not really enough. Not with them also playing a racing game on Blaine’s Playstation and his gran getting dinner ready for them. Which had been delicious, but now Adam needed to talk.

  “About what?”

  “Us?” Adam quietly asked him. He was scared and worried, and while everything was perfect for a few moments at a time now, Adam knew that wasn’t likely to last. “What your gran said, she was right. People can be cruel and I don’t want you to have to deal with that just because you like me.”

  Blaine stopped them and pulled Adam in close to his chest. It was easy to wrap his arms around Blaine’s waist and cling to him as he dug his fingers in the back of Blaine’s shirt. And it was equally easy to pretend that they could stay there on that quiet corner of the sidewalk with night falling around them and act like nothing would ever change them.

  Blaine sighed and Adam buried his face in his chest. He didn’t want to hear that Blaine realized it would be hard with him too. Or that this thing between them was only good for the summer. He was too afraid of that. But if that was how Blaine felt, he wanted to know now and not when school started.

  “I’m not worried about it,” Blaine quietly began. “Sure, some people are probably going to be assholes. I know that. But I can handle them if they come after me, and Seth won’t put up with it either. It’s you I’m worried about. I won’t always be around and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I need you to be yourself, but I also need you safe. And I don’t know how to make sure that happens.”

  Adam smiled into his shirt. “And here I was thinking you wouldn’t want me once school started and you realized things could get messy.”

  “I don’t mind messy.” Blaine sounded like he was smiling too. “But I’m afraid of seeing you cry again like you did back at the beach.”

  “Will you still want me even when I have a boy’s body?” Adam whispered. It was just one more thing he was worried about when it came to his budding connection with Blaine.

  But Blaine just gave him a big squeeze, nearly taking all the air away from Adam so that there was only the two of them and not even the space in his lungs to get between them. “Some people think that being pan means that I don’t care about the bodies of the people I’m with and that I just see their heart. And that’s part of it. But I do still care and there are still things I like. To me, being pan is being accepting of whatever body the person I care about happens to come in and appreciating it. I like you in a girl’s body. I will like you in a boy’s, and I’ll still like you in all the space between as you change from one to the other.”

  “There are going to be so many steps. So many months, and maybe even years, that I won’t be either fully a boy or a girl on the outside,” Adam said with a sigh. He’d been reading, and knew there was a lot to go into transitioning. He knew that he wanted to, but he understood why some people didn’t. “Becoming a boy fully means I can’t have kids.” It wasn’t something he’d ever really wanted before, but learning that had pulled him up short. “Do you want kids?”

  Blaine laughed and gently kissed him. Adam liked that he kept his eyes closed, even after Blaine pulled away. “I’m sixteen. What I want is to make out with you, have my own car and get into a halfway decent college. Kids are nowhere on my radar.” Adam’s face started to fall. “But…say we did stay together forever. And say you did completely transition into a guy. Then is there any reason we can’t just adopt some kids?”

  Of course he would find the simplest answer, and Adam felt a bit dumb for not realizing that option sooner. “We can do that.” He smiled up at Blaine. “Of course we can. If we want kids in the future.” He didn’t say if they were going to be together, because he didn’t want to possibly jinx them.

  Blaine gave him another little kiss then took his hand. They were back to walking a second later, and as they turned the corner into the cul-de-sac where his aunt and uncle lived, Adam frowned. “What are Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jerry doing here?” He recognized the car they had come to Assateague in. After they’d left without saying a word to him, Adam wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing them again so soon. Just like his parents, he was pretty ready to not see them anytime in the future at all.

  “No idea. Maybe your aunt and uncle invited them over.”

  Adam wasn’t sure, but he thought that would be pretty unlikely. Still, he kept his chin up and his hand tucked firmly in Blaine’s as they came in through the front door.

  Aunt Sarah rushed him with a hug, which knocked his hand out of Blaine’s and shocked the hell out of him. “Uh…” He had no words, only confusion as she kept clinging to him and rubbing his back.

  Then she released him and turned to glare at Uncle Jerry. “Get over here and give your nephew a hug.”

  But Uncle Jerry defiantly shook his head. “I don’t—”

  Aunt Sarah wasn’t having any of it, though. “Unless you want to keep sleeping on the couch, you will get over here and hug your nephew, Jerrald.” There was a demanding tone to her voice that Adam had never heard before. It didn’t take much to figure out they’d been have some major fights since leaving the island.

  If Uncle Jerry didn’t want to hug him, Adam wasn’t going to be forcing that. He’d much rather get a hug from someone he liked touching him. Like Blaine. “Really, Aunt Sarah. It’s fine. If he doesn’t want to touch me, then I’d rather not get a hug from him anyway.” Uncle Jerry looked a bit shocked by Adam’s words, and before anyone could say anything else, Blaine came over and wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders from behind. Since Adam was shorter than him, having his arms there meant that he could rest his chin on Blaine’s forearms as he stared across at Uncle Jerry and Aunt Sarah.

  “Kiddo,” Aunt Sarah began. “Your uncle was a jerk the other day. He was in shock and behaved horribly. We were hoping that we could talk to you. And get to know you how you are now. We both feel that would be important.”

  Adam felt like he was in an episode of Twilight Zone or something because this was too weird. “Do Aunt Amy and Uncle John know you’re here?”

  “Of course they do. They thought we should have some privacy,” Aunt Sarah said.

  Blaine gave him a bit of a squeeze, which Adam was grateful for, since it seemed like he was trying to get some of his strength into him. “I’d rather have them here too.”

  Uncle Jerry shook his head. “That’s not necessary.”

  Blaine snorted. “Necessary or not, if it makes Adam feel better, then I think you should do it.”

  Adam nodded along with him. These people had walked away from him and he didn’t want them saying anything mean to him or trying to hurt him in any way again. Having Uncle John and Aunt Amy there would make him feel better for sure. They could either come over or Uncle Jerry and Aunt Sarah could leave. That’s how he felt and that’s what he was sticking to.

  “Fine.” Uncle Jerry sounded really nasty right then. He went to the back door and said something too low for Adam to hear but a few seconds later Seth, Aunt Amy and Uncle John came into the living room with them. Seth went right to Blaine and Adam, forming an obvious side against their aunt and uncle.

  “Are you okay, Adam?” Uncle John asked.

  He shrugged and met his gaze before l
ooking at Aunt Amy. She’d quickly become his mother figure and confidant in the wake of his own mother’s rejection of him. “I’d just rather have you guys here with me. In case they say something nasty to me.”

  Aunt Sarah gasped. “Adam, sweetie, we only—”

  Uncle Jerry shook his head and started heading to the front door. “I told you we shouldn’t have come here. I can’t even look at her…him…” He threw his hands up in the air. “It’s not going to work.”

  Aunt Amy grabbed his hand. “You want a relationship with him, then you will damn well stay here and work on it. No freaking out and running away. This is Adam, your nephew. Who you watched grow up. Who you took to that awful ice skating with people in costume thing that I also took Seth to when he was five. Adam, honey, has anything changed about you since you realized you’re a boy? Do you still like action movies? Do you still lick the icing off cupcakes then not eat the actual cupcake?”

  They were all little things, but they were all parts of what still made him himself. He slowly nodded and looked to Uncle Jerry. He needed to help Uncle Jerry understand, if he was willing to listen. “I’m still me, just more me than I’ve ever been before. I’m still your nephew, but you didn’t know that about me before. I didn’t even know myself until a few months ago. But I’m happy now and I think I’ve lost enough family. If you want to be in my life, I’d like you both to stay. But if you don’t accept me like I am, then it’ll be my turn to walk away from you.”

  Blaine kissed the back of his head, and Adam blushed deeply. Saying that had taken a lot out of him. He rarely stood up for himself. It was easier to just avoid conflict and any of the bad feelings that came with it. But only being around people who cared about him as he was, was starting to be important to him. He didn’t want to hide who he was anymore and he didn’t feel like he had to either. Not with supportive people like Aunt Amy, Uncle John, Seth and Blaine around him all the time.

  Aunt Sarah came up to him and kissed him on his cheek. “You are such a good kid. Give your uncle another chance. Please. He’s being a moron right now but I’ll work with him. A little time to adjust is all he needs.”

  Adam wasn’t sure that he could do that, but if Aunt Amy thought Uncle Jerry really could come around, then he thought maybe it was worth a chance. He really didn’t want to lose any more family members if he didn’t have to. But if he was only left with the ones he knew still loved him, then that would be okay too. “Sure,” he told Aunt Sarah. “I’ll try.”

  She beamed a huge smile at him. “That’s great. Thank you. We got you something. Well, I got it for you. But he didn’t object. It’s an ice cream cake. Can I show it to you?”

  He definitely wasn’t about to turn down ice cream, and he nodded. Aunt Sarah rushed off to the freezer, then came right back with a bright blue cake. “Welcome to the World, Baby Boy!” Adam read in large script letters.

  “It was the only thing they had that would even kind of fit this situation,” Uncle Jerry said as he came toward them. He sighed and relaxed his stance a little. “Look, I’ll try. Okay? You were by far my favorite of you and Seth. This is just going to take a little time to get used to.”

  Adam could understand that. This was new to him too. And Uncle Jerry was only human. And, most importantly, he was willing to give being his uncle a try when his parents weren’t even willing to do even that little bit.

  “Well, Adam, what do you say? Your choice,” Aunt Amy said.

  He looked from her, to the cake, then back to Uncle Jerry. “Would you like to stay for some cake?”

  Uncle Jerry gave him a bit of a smile. “Sure. I’d like that.”

  Adam was really glad Blaine was still supporting him because he didn’t think he’d be able to hold himself up on his own. He nodded to them and the others started heading into the kitchen, leaving only him, Seth and Blaine still standing in the living room.

  “I hope you said yes just for the cake,” Seth quietly said, making Adam laugh.

  The day was full of new things, and his respect for Aunt Sarah went up. She might not be very useful around a campsite, but she could sure manipulate Uncle Jerry, and wanted to accept Adam. It gave Adam hope for his family. Inside the tiny spark he held on to—that his mother and father would see reason—grew to a flame. The hope warmed him almost as much as Blaine’s hand in his.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Blaine ran from his place over to the Flemings’. He skidded to a stop on the front porch and ran a hand over his hair, hoping he pressed it down and it still looked right. He’d just gotten out of the shower when he’d gotten the text from Adam. After throwing clothes on, he’d grabbed a Pop-tart from the cupboard and got to Adam as fast as possible.

  Before he could ring the bell, Seth threw the door open. “Jeez, get in here and help him calm down.”

  “What’s wrong?” Blaine asked, shoving past Seth.

  “He forgot we’re all going to the movies today with that friend of his, Heidi. Now he’s in a panic about looking right and worried that Heidi’s going to be a bitch to him when she realizes he’s really trans.” Seth followed him up the stairs. “I tried talking to him, but I just seem to make things worse.”

  With a long sigh, Blaine turned and handed Seth his Pop-tart wrapper. “You normally do. Thanks for trying, I’ll take it from here.”

  Blaine knocked on the open door frame going into Adam’s room. “Hey.” He stepped carefully into the room. Most of Adam’s new wardrobe lay tossed onto the bed.

  Adam stood in the closet with his back to the room. His torso was bare, other than the sports bra he wore constantly. He had on a new pair of baggy jeans. “Blaine, help me sort this out. I want to look right for the movie and don’t know what to wear. I thought being a boy was going to be easier than this.”

  “It is.” Blaine laughed softly. “You’re putting too much thought into this. Heidi’s your friend, not your date. I’m your date.” He straddled Adam’s computer chair and set his head on the back of it. “What do you want to wear?”

  “I want to look nice and like a boy.” Adam turned and gestured to the clothes on the bed. “Well, not that I have much of a choice, Mom still hasn’t sent me my stuff from her house.”

  Inside, Blaine beamed. It was the first time that Adam hadn’t referred to his mother’s house as home. He was impressed with the progress Adam was making to all the shifting changes in his life. “But you wouldn’t have worn any of that stuff even if she had, would you?”

  Adam stared at pile of clothes for a moment. “Maybe. There was a pair of dark blue board shorts that I might’ve worn.”

  “Okay, start there. If you might’ve worn board shorts, then wear board shorts. I know you’ve got a couple of pairs. It’s nice and warm out today. Too hot for jeans, I think.” He stuck out his leg that was bare below his own board shorts. “Change into some shorts. I like the black pair you wore at the beach.”

  “I do too.” Adam quickly dug through the pile of clothes and found them. Without hesitation, he shucked his jeans and pulled the shorts over his hips. “But now what? Do I go with a T-shirt or a buttoned shirt?”

  “Again, this is an afternoon movie, not a date.” Blaine cocked his head and gave Adam an appraising look. “Seth and I are both going to be in T-shirts. Find one you like and go with it.”

  Adam dug through the pile then stepped back. “God, I don’t know. You pick.” He put his hands on his hips and glared. Then sat down on the floor and put his face in his hands. “Oh shit, I’m acting like a girl now.” He sobbed. “Boys don’t do this.”

  Blaine hurried from the chair and knelt next to Adam. “It’s okay. Even boys get stressed out about clothes sometimes.” He hugged Adam and kissed the top of his head. “Plus this is the first time Heidi’s going to meet Adam. It might be a bit of a shock for both of you.”

  Gasping several times, Adam seemed to get his tears under control. “I just hope she doesn’t hate me or something.”

  “If she hates you, then she was
never your friend to begin with.” Blaine continued to hug Adam as he regained his composure. “We have to accept our friends for who they are, and not try and make them be something they aren’t. That’s what true friends do. Seth might be an idiot, but when I told him about being pan, he was cool with it as long as I didn’t want him to suck me off, which I don’t. I think he’d probably be horrible at it.”

  That brought a light laugh to Adam. “You’re right.”

  “I know. The point is, Seth understood and was willing to accept me as me and not someone he thought I should be. He’s a real friend. If Heidi’s a real friend, she’s going to accept you for you.”

  Adam hugged Blaine tight and gave him a big kiss. “Thanks for coming as soon as I texted. That means a lot. I don’t know how I’d be making it through all this without you.”

  Blaine kissed him back. “I’m just glad I live close enough to get here quickly.”

  Adam let go of Blaine and stood. “I am too. I guess I need to find a T-shirt and get some breakfast. Aunt Amy said she’d swing through on her lunch hour to take us to the mall to meet Heidi.”

  “Sounds good.” Blaine stood by the bed and gave gentle opinions on shirts as Adam sorted through them until he pulled one they both thought was appropriate for going to the movies with friends.

  * * * *

  People streamed around them as Blaine, Adam and Seth navigated the mall. The numbers surprised Blaine, and he kept scanning the crowd for people they might know.

  “I guess everyone’s out shopping for school,” Adam said. “I’m glad the crowds weren’t like this when we went to get my new clothes after the camp out.”

  “I am too.” Blaine agreed as they got into the right tide of people to carry them toward the theater that sat in the middle of the sprawling commercial mecca. Outside of a few days around Thanksgiving and Christmas, he couldn’t remember seeing the mall as busy as it was. But then, he couldn’t recall having to come to the mall right before school either.