Grandpa was shaking his head, confirming my impression. “Patrick made his choice to abandon heaven long ago. That can’t be undone now—not by him, and not by you.”
He waited for my next question, but I could tell by the look in his eye he knew what was coming. I looked at him, and he looked back at me, waiting for me to say the words.
He didn’t have to wait long. “Can I stay with him?” I whispered.
If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “That choice comes with a cost,” he warned honestly.
I bit my lower lip, felt tears burn behind my eyes. “I know. Mom and Dad . . . You, and someday Grandma and the twins . . .” Just saying the words, recognizing the cost, nearly undid me. I swallowed back my emotions. “But I can be with the twins now; be with them as they grow up . . . And I’ll have Patrick forever.”
“Will that be enough?”
I hesitated to respond only because I was overwhelmed with sudden clarity. It wasn’t until now—now that I was truly forcing myself to answer the question—that I realized my answer had been confirmed again and again, every time I was near him.
I nodded. “You’ll let Mom and Dad know that I love them?”
He smiled, though there was a flash of something like regret—or pain—in his eyes. “Of course I will. But they already know. And you know? More than that, they understand.” He embraced me firmly, planting a quick kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Guardian Seer,” he said roughly.
The light in the room was getting brighter. I pulled in a deep breath, knowing time was up. I could feel the tears I’d been determined not to cry spilling down my cheeks. “Grandpa, I love you.”
He grinned. “And I love you.” He patted my hand. “Bit of advice, Kate. When everything starts to fade, you should look around the room one last time.” My brow furrowed, but he only winked, tapping the tip of my nose with one finger. “Tell your grandma I said hello.”
The brightness of the room had grown, forcing me to squint. It wasn’t painful light, like a brilliant flash that causes blindness—just intense.
Despite not fully understanding my grandpa’s advice, I cast my eyes around the room. I slid my gaze over the white walls, curious to understand his vague hint.
His voice was near my ear. “Sometimes I forget to close the door—drove your grandma crazy.”
My eyes flitted to the door he’d pointed out earlier—the door that would have led me to heaven, if I’d chosen to go. It was no longer closed, but I didn’t bother to look deeply past it. Glimpsing heaven didn’t interest me, because my parents were standing in the doorway, just on the other side of the threshold.
Mom had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. Dad was wearing his wire-rimmed glasses. They both looked exactly as I remembered, and the sight of them, arms wrapped around each other, caused my heart to warm. They were alive. They were happy. They loved me.
My heart tugged painfully in my chest. Was I making the right choice? Could I really leave them behind? Was it worth the pain of losing them again, this time forever?
And then I saw the couple standing behind my parents, and I felt myself smile, though my eyes still dripped with tears. Patrick’s parents, who looked exactly like I’d seen them in 1797 were watching me, eyes glowing. His mother—who I’d never really met, only glimpsed—was watching me with an expression of complete affection, and his father was holding her tenderly at his side, his countenance peaceful as he returned my smile.
I had so many things I wanted to say to each of them, but speaking seemed wrong in the face of such a miracle. Instead I lifted my hand and smiled, assuring them that, despite my tears, I was all right. And I knew I would be, even if this decision was laced with pain. Because in the end, it was the only choice that made sense to me.
The light in the room was too bright. I needed to close my eyes. I felt a pressure on my knee—my grandpa’s hand, strong and comforting.
My eyes closed, and I could sense the room slowly dissolving around me.
Twenty-Seven
Patrick O’Donnell
New Mexico, United States
The footsteps outside the SUV grew louder, and I heard Sean’s muted yell through the glass. “Patrick!” He tore my door open and wrenched the needle out of my arm.
Strange, it didn’t feel like the last time I’d contracted the disease. Last time I’d been exposed my skin had felt irritated. But aside from the pinch of the needle, I felt normal. Better than normal. I was feeling numb. Perhaps this was an advantage of direct injection.
I swallowed hard and let my head tip back against the headrest, eyes on the ceiling.
Sean’s presence was oppressive beside me. His breathing spiked as he saw he was too late—the syringe was completely empty.
“You idiot,” he bit off angrily, voice low and trembling. “You stupid, selfish jerk!”
He threw the needle to the floor by my feet, slammed my door vehemently without another word.
As he rounded the hood, fuming, I finally let myself watch him. He looked more like Fear Dearg in his rage, which made me wince. I didn’t want him slipping back because of me. The first twinge of doubt troubled me, but it was faint—hardly there, quickly forgotten. Perhaps if I’d had more time to deliberate I would have felt regret. As it was, I’d taken a chance—my only chance in the foreseeable future—to end the pain of losing her. I wouldn’t let myself feel regret for that.
He violently opened his own door and shoved the keys into the ignition as soon as he was behind the wheel. Hot air flooded the SUV, blowing my hair off my burning forehead.
“What were you thinking?” he hissed darkly, not making a move to shift out of park.
At first I thought a drop of sweat was slipping down past my eye. Then I tried to pretend that’s all it was. Staring straight ahead, my voice was a croaking whisper. “I can’t do this, Sean. I can’t. Not without her.”
He thumped his palm roughly against the steering wheel. “No. You don’t have the right to take your life. Not after everything we’ve gone through. You weren’t going to tell anyone, were you? You were going to run, tell us all you needed some space, knowing we’d honor your request—then you were going to die alone.”
I ducked my head, staring at the single red drop of blood on my arm. It was the only sign left, since my body had already healed the small entrance of the needle. “That’s still my plan. After the funeral . . .” I struggled to steady my breathing. I didn’t want to lose it. I needed to convince my brother that I was being calm, perfectly rational. “When things are done here, I’m leaving. There’s nothing else I can do.”
He was shaking his head. “You’re insane if you think I’m going to keep this a secret.”
“No one needs to know. They’d try to save me if they found out. Please, Sean. If you care at all—”
“How could you do this to yourself? Would she want this for you?”
I glared at him, let him take the brunt of my anger—anger that had been directed at myself since I first saw her body. “No. But she’s dead. She pushed me away. She made me go. She wouldn’t say yes, she wouldn’t listen—” I was choking. Again, everything was blurry. I knew I wasn’t making sense, but I didn’t care. “She died, and I’m here, and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to be left behind—I can’t be left behind. Not again. I’ve done the right thing for the past two hundred years, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of hurting. I’m sick of losing what I love. I’m . . . I’m just . . . I’m done. And you can’t make me regret this, because you can’t make me feel any more guilt than I already feel for abandoning her. For letting her die in the first place.”
While I panted and tried to stop my furious tears, there was silence. The air conditioner was kicking in, the air cool against my sticky face.
He shook his head and muttered to his window, “It wasn’t your fault.”
My voice was barely in control. “Don’t. You. Dare.”
He tried a different track. “Patrick,
what about the twins? Wouldn’t Kate—”
“I’ve given everything,” I cut in fiercely. “Everything! I can’t give any more. Don’t you get it? Can’t anyone understand? I’ve got nothing else to give!”
Sean glanced away, unable to meet my glare.
I looked down. My fists were unsteady. My throat felt clogged. I couldn’t breathe for a second—I choked. Head bowed, my hands dug into my leaking eyes. Couldn’t he see that I was incapable of surviving this? Couldn’t he understand?
Sean was looking out the windshield, staring at the warehouse wall. “I’m coming with you,” he finally said.
I met my brother’s stare but couldn’t speak.
He continued, voice grim. “If you don’t let me be there with you, I’m telling everyone. They’ll have you in a Guardian medical facility within the hour. You’d miss the funeral, and they’d administer a cure before you even started vomiting.”
I grimaced at the easiness of his words, though a part of me—a small part of me—looked forward to his company. I would be able to say my good-byes, assure myself he had a place in this world before I left him behind. I wouldn’t be utterly alone when the racking pain tore my body apart. I wouldn’t have to slip into nothingness alone.
“You won’t try to save me?” I asked thinly.
He grunted but wouldn’t look at me.
We sat there for a tense minute. The air was beginning to cool, and my breathing was becoming easier.
Finally Sean spoke, and I turned to look at him. “We can leave after the funeral. It will probably be in a couple days. Can you keep it together that long?”
I nodded confidently. Even if the headache set in, I could fake it. I was sure even Toni wouldn’t suspect a thing. “Thank you, Sean.”
“Don’t thank me for doing this. I wouldn’t, if I didn’t owe you so much. ” He blew out his breath, tone changing with the subject. “Lee will be down any minute. She was just gathering a few of Kate’s things . . .” He shook his head. “I really can’t believe I’m going to let you do this—help you do this. I must be completely out of my mind . . .” His words faded as his eyes widened. He was looking beyond me through the window.
I twisted around instinctively, fearing the worst. His look of shock—almost fear—made my stomach clench. And then I was gaping in shock as well.
Two figures were coming out of the warehouse, hand in hand. Lee was easily recognizable in her eccentric outfit. But the girl next to her was . . . Impossible.
It was Kate.
Sean swore lowly beside me, still reeling in confusion.
I couldn’t breathe.
They were walking slowly but getting closer. I could see Kate’s face. Her watery eyes were focused on me, her lips forming a tremulous smile.
My shivering hand grabbed frantically for the door handle, desperate to get rid of the barrier between us. I didn’t care if my mind was playing tricks—a hallucination was better than nothing. I shoved out of the car and nearly tripped, barely catching myself on the still swinging door. She paused, only a couple yards away.
I couldn’t speak. Not yet. But her lips parted.
“Patrick?”
Her voice was incredibly gentle. Unbearably sweet. Her questioning tone, weighed down from seeing my grief, caressed my ears, my soul.
It must be a lie. I’d stared into her dead face. I’d held her close for so long, begged her to come back, and she hadn’t stirred. Perhaps I had been driven to insanity.
But no. The others could see her too.
She was standing right in front of me. I was staring into her face—her beautiful, perfect face. Moisture clouded her eyes and a pained sort of smile turned her mouth. Lee was hanging back, her hands clapped over her mouth in joy.
I had to know if she was real. I moved slowly, afraid she’d disappear if I moved too fast. Forcing myself to ease my fingers out to catch her extended fingers, I was thrilled by the warmth I felt. Her hand closed around mine and I swallowed hard, blinking back harsh tears.
“Is this a dream?” I whispered, my throat raw.
She lifted my hand to her lips and pressed her mouth against my pale knuckles. “No,” she breathed against my skin. “It’s not a dream. If it was, I would be wearing something a lot cuter.”
I let my eyes wander her face, and then—suddenly realizing she was actually here, that this was reality—I used my free hand to lay unsteady fingers against her face. She reached out to catch my tears with her soft fingertips.
I whispered her name at last, and then I was kissing her. Her arms wrapped around my waist, her lips matching mine easily in deep urgency. I must have been whispering other things, because she was answering me while she ran her fingers through my hair.
“I’m here. It’s okay,” she said. “I love you too. I’m really here, I promise . . .”
We both needed to breathe. That more than the thought of our attentive audience had me shifting away. I pulled back from her mouth only to snatch up her hands and pull them both to my face. I kissed her palms, her wrists, each precious finger.
“Patrick?” she breathed heavily, her forehead against mine.
“Hmm?”
“I just . . . I wanted to change my answer.”
I pressed a last kiss to the back of her hand before holding them both in one of my hands, so I could cup her cheek with the other. “What?” I felt almost delirious.
“When you asked me to . . . marry you? I just wanted to tell you that I meant to say yes.”
I lifted my eyes so they could meet hers. She was crying, just as I was crying. I brushed at her tears, and then I pulled her close against my chest. “How is this possible?” I finally asked, my breathing uneven against her neck. “How are you here?”
Her arm smoothed up and down my back and she tipped her forehead against my shoulder. My lips were at her ear now, but I didn’t have the strength to question her further.
Her words were soft. “When a gifted Seer dies, they get to make a single request. It’s like a reward, for everything they had to go through.”
My throat constricted as understanding clutched me. She didn’t need to explain the rest. She’d used her wish to see me one last time. Simple.
She wasn’t here to stay. She was here to say good-bye.
I pulled in a shaking breath, trying to keep myself from breaking down. There would be time for that later, when she was gone again. It would be an unspeakable crime to waste the precious seconds I had with her. Knowing I still had the virus spreading inside of me assured me that oblivion could be mine, once she was gone.
“How long do you have?” My voice cracked, and I ordered myself to be strong. “Until you have to go?”
I already hated whatever her answer would be. There was no way it would ever be long enough.
She did the last thing I wanted her to do in that moment—she pulled away from me. My stomach ached and my hands reached to frame her face, to hold her there.
She was smiling through her tears. “Patrick, I don’t think you understand. I’m not going anywhere.”
I blinked but otherwise remained motionless.
She set a single finger against my chin, carefully tracing the shape of my lips, my jaw. “Patrick, my wish was to stay with you. Forever. I’m an immortal now. I’m a Seer living on the Guardian plane. Literally, a Guardian Seer.” She shrugged. “I guess even in death I’m abnormal.”
My gut tightened. “But . . . Kate, your family. Your parents—?”
She leaned in and placed an easy kiss on my trembling lips. “They understand.”
“Understand?” Her words made no sense. They were too perfect, too incredible to grasp.
Her eyes traced every line on my face, the tenderness on her countenance deepening into something that made my heart lurch in my chest. “They know that you’re my family now, Patrick. If that’s what you want?”
It was the most absurd question I’d ever heard. To prove it, I grabbed her again into my arms and I kissed her ha
rd.
All too soon, reality hit. I pulled back, my face pale. Kate opened her eyes, caught sight of my haunted expression.
“What is it?” she asked, concerned.
She was here, and now my stupidity was going to take me away from her. What if Terence couldn’t help me find the cure for this strain of the virus?
I glanced over my shoulder and met Sean’s deep stare. As I turned, Kate got a partial view of the car’s interior. It was enough. The clutter on the floor easily drew her attention—the discarded needle making her body go still.
“Patrick . . . ?” she questioned, uncertain fear coloring her tone.
Sean addressed me before she could fully ask her question. “You’re not in any danger,” he said softly.
“But . . . it was the virus,” I argued thinly, trying to ignore the pained gasp Kate produced at the confirmation.
Sean nodded. “But it’s the same strain I used on you before. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t take it in with me when I got to the farmhouse with Yuri. I knew it would be ineffective on you.”
“But . . . you were upset with me. For using it.”
“Of course. You were trying to kill yourself. It didn’t matter that your attempt was doomed to fail. You didn’t know that. You were obviously in a fragile state of mind.”
I could feel Kate’s sharp look, but I remained focused on Sean. “But then . . . why pretend I was going to die? You were going to go with me—help me!”
“Yeah—to keep you from trying anything else stupid, once you realized your health wasn’t declining.”
Kate had found her voice, though it shook dangerously. “You actually tried to . . . ?” She abruptly slapped my hand, and I winced—more from the idea that I’d upset her, than the actual blow. “You boneheaded moron!” she piped, the pain in her eyes somewhat belaying the outrage in her words. “What were you thinking? How could you do something like that to yourself? And what about my sisters? Toni? Sean?” She looked like she might hit me again. Instead she pulled my head closer and kissed me soundly.
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