The Tiger Mom's Tale

by Lyn Liao Butler

  Bryson came running up. “Are you okay, Christy?”

  The treadmill belt came to a halt and returned to its original flat position. “I’m so sorry,” Lexa said, as she reached out to steady her client.

  Christy placed a hand over her heart. “Oh my goodness. I almost fell.”

  “It was my fault. I wasn’t keeping my eyes on you.” Lexa felt heat flood her face as people all around the gym turned to stare at them. Her heart pounded out of control. She’d almost let her client go flying off the back of a treadmill. This wasn’t like her. She was usually so vigilant.

  “It’s okay.” Christy turned to Lexa. “It was my own fault. I was so mad at my father, and I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Bryson asked.

  Christy nodded. “I’m fine.” She ducked her head and whispered to Lexa, “People are staring at me.”

  Lexa realized her hands were shaking, and she felt like she’d just run a marathon. Bryson looked at her hard and turned to Christy.

  “Why don’t we have Jennifer finish your session today?”

  “Oh, but I want Lexa.” Christy turned worried eyes to Lexa.

  “I think Lexa needs to go home. She doesn’t look good.” Bryson cocked his head in question at Lexa.

  “I’m sorry, Christy,” Lexa said. “I think Bryson’s right. My head isn’t here right now.”

  “We’ll comp this session,” Bryson said. “Okay?”

  After one more worried look at Lexa, Christy allowed Jennifer to lead her onto the training floor. Lexa was afraid to meet Bryson’s eyes. But his voice was gentle when he spoke.

  “This isn’t like you, Lexa. Are you okay?”

  She nodded, since she couldn’t form words over the lump that was growing in her throat.

  “Do you want me to reschedule the rest of your morning?”

  She nodded again, and when Bryson patted her on the shoulder, she had to bite her lips to keep from crying at his kindness when he should have been yelling at her for her negligence.

  * * *

  • • •

  Lexa paced her apartment, waiting for Hsu-Ling, who was taking a taxi from JFK Airport. She’d spent the morning cleaning her apartment in an effort to work off her nervous energy, berating herself for allowing her personal life to put a client in jeopardy. Zeus followed faithfully at her heels.

  Lexa threw herself onto the couch, and Zeus jumped on top of her and licked her face until she succumbed and laughed out loud.

  “Get off me, you big goof! What do you think you are, a ten-pound dog?” Zeus paused in his licking and panted at her, his tongue sticking out and his head cocked to the side.

  Her buzzer sounded, startling her, and her laughter died as she pushed Zeus aside gently. Running to the intercom, she pressed the button.

  “I’m here!” Hsu-Ling’s voice was staticky.

  “Stay there, I’m coming down.”

  Lexa slipped her feet into flip-flops and flew down the four flights of stairs and out the front door. And there she was. Hsu-Ling, all grown up, slightly shorter than Lexa, but with the same wide smile she remembered from when she was ten and a half and Lexa was fourteen. Her hair was cut to graze her shoulders, and despite the hours of traveling, her eyes sparkled. Hsu-Ling had inherited her mother’s sturdy build while Lexa had gotten their father’s long limbs. But they had the same square jaw and cheekbones and looked more like sisters than Maddie and Lexa did.

  “How was the flight?”

  “Good, thanks to the drugs.” Hsu-Ling laughed and dropped the bag she was holding to throw her arms around Lexa.

  Lexa hugged her back and then picked up Hsu-Ling’s suitcase and dragged it inside the front door.

  “What do you have in here? This thing weighs a ton.”

  Her sister grinned. “I didn’t know what to pack. I’ve never been this far from home.”

  “I live on the fourth floor and there’s no elevator. Are you okay?” She glanced at Hsu-Ling’s right leg, but her sister was wearing pants, so Lexa couldn’t tell she had a prosthetic leg.

  “I’m fine.” Hsu-Ling waved Lexa up the stairs before her.

  By the time they made it to Lexa’s apartment door, both of them were gasping for breath. Zeus was waiting, and it wasn’t until then that Lexa thought to ask, “Are you afraid of dogs?” There was so much they didn’t know about each other.

  “No,” Hsu-Ling said, holding out a hand for Zeus to sniff. “He’s so big. Much bigger in person.” She rubbed his head, and he licked her arm in approval.

  Zeus herded them inside, and Lexa threw out her arms. “Welcome to my home.”

  Hsu-Ling dropped her bag to the floor. “I’m so glad to see you.”

  They gazed at each other without a word, each taking note of all the changes the past twenty-two years had brought. Lexa walked to Hsu-Ling. “I’m glad you’re here too. And I’m so sorry about Baba.” She put her arms around her sister, and they held each other for a moment, until Hsu-Ling pulled away.

  “Where’s the bathroom? I really have to pee.” She wiggled her hips and bounced on her heels.

  “Is that the Taiwanese version of a pee-pee dance?”

  “A what?”

  “When someone has to go to the bathroom badly, they dance around.”

  “Oh, yes.” Hsu-Ling laughed, and Lexa pointed to the bathroom. As she waited for Hsu-Ling, Lexa tried to catch her breath. Her sister was really here. The little girl she remembered was all grown up.

  Hsu-Ling came out of the bathroom. “Much better.” She looked around Lexa’s studio. It was small but cozy, and filled with pictures of her family and friends. Hsu-Ling’s eyes studied the wood-and-cork map of the United States that Jake had given her, which was hanging on the wall over the couch. Then her eyes settled on a picture Lexa had placed on the windowsill. It was of Lexa and Hsu-Ling with their father, from the last summer she’d been in Taiwan. Hsu-Ling walked over and picked it up. “I can’t believe this was the last time we saw each other.”

  “I know.”

  “I was so mad at you. I came back from Ah-Ma’s that day and you were gone. I didn’t know why you never came back to see me again.” There was a hitch in Hsu-Ling’s voice.

  “I couldn’t.”

  They looked at each other in silence until Lexa asked, “Are you hungry? I know we have a lot to talk about, but why don’t we get something to eat before we check you into the hotel?” Hsu-Ling was staying at a hotel on Lexington Avenue, a fifteen-minute walk from Lexa’s apartment.

  “Yes. I’m starving.” Hsu-Ling gave a visible shake of her head. “I want pizza. Or maybe a bagel—you were telling me how amazing the bagels in New York are. Or a pastrami sandwich? I’ve never had one.”

  Lexa laughed, and the tension dissipated. “You’re here for a week, so we’ll have plenty of time to eat all that. How about pizza for now? Maddie’s going to meet us at your hotel later, and we’ll go out to dinner. I can’t wait for you to finally meet her.”

  “Sounds good. I can’t wait to meet her either.”

  “Do you want to shower first?”

  “No. I’ll just wait until I get to the hotel. It’d be too much trouble taking my leg off and then putting it back on.”

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  They walked to the pizzeria around the corner and found stools facing out the front window so Hsu-Ling could people watch. Hsu-Ling took a bite of her giant slice of pizza and moaned in pleasure.

  “Sorry,” she said, speaking in Mandarin, trying to separate the long string of cheese from her pizza. Lexa had told her she wanted to practice her Chinese. “This is the best pizza I’ve ever had.”

  Lexa smiled at the expression on her sister’s face. She reminded Lexa of herself on her first trip to Taiwan, when they’d taken her to the night market.

 
They talked about what Hsu-Ling wanted to see and do while she was in New York, making a list while Hsu-Ling chowed down on her pizza with gusto. When they’d finished eating, Lexa turned on her stool to face her sister.

  “So where’s that letter from Pong? I’m dying to read it and see what the heck is going on.”

  “It’s in my purse. You want it now?”

  Lexa scrunched up her nose, looking around the noisy and crowded pizzeria. There was a long line at the counter, and people were looking for available seats. “I guess not here. Why don’t we go back and get your bags and check you into the hotel? We can talk there.”

  “Sounds good.”

  They threw out their garbage and made their way back to Lexa’s apartment to get Hsu-Ling’s luggage. Lexa hailed a cab to take them to the hotel. Sitting in the cab next to the sister she hadn’t seen in twenty-two years, Lexa realized she was nervous. Her palms were clammy, and her heart was racing the closer they got to the hotel. She knew the truth was finally going to come out. She’d never talked about it with Hsu-Ling because she was sure her half sister would side with her mother. After all, Lexa would stand by her own mother no matter what. But as she’d always hoped her father would one day believe her, she’d also held out hope that Hsu-Ling would also believe her.

  Taking big breaths in through her nose and then slowly exhaling out through her mouth to ward off anxiety, Lexa knew she was about to find out if there was anything left to that bond that she and Hsu-Ling had forged all those years earlier.

  21

  Lexa sat on the bed in Hsu-Ling’s hotel room and watched her pull out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black from a bag.

  “Duty-free, baby.” Hsu-Ling waved the bottle, making Lexa laugh. Hsu-Ling had told Lexa she wanted to learn more American slang and phrases on this trip. Lexa marveled at how comfortable they were with each other, as if they’d only seen each other the day before.

  Hsu-Ling said in Mandarin, “Our relatives drink like fish. Whenever we have family dinners, someone inevitably breaks out the scotch and then everyone turns red from all the alcohol.” Hsu-Ling poured a shot into a plastic cup, toasted Lexa, and threw it back.

  “I’m impressed.” Lexa accepted the cup Hsu-Ling poured for her but added ice cubes from the bucket of ice they’d gotten from the machine in the hall.

  Hsu-Ling made herself another drink, with ice this time, and sat on the green brocade lounge chair across from the bed. “So.”

  Lexa swirled the scotch around in her cup and decided to cut to the chase. “Can you tell me more about the day Baba died? I know you told me, but I want details.”

  Hsu-Ling turned her head away from Lexa. “It was the cancer.” Her voice came out funny.

  Lexa looked at her with curiosity. “You mean Pong? I know that. But what exactly happened? When Baba ran out?”

  Hsu-Ling took a big gulp of scotch. “Oh, right. Baba.” Her head fell back on the lounge chair as if she was too tired to hold her neck up. “I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack or something because his face had gotten so red when Pong was talking to him. When we were waiting outside Pong’s hospital room after all those machines started beeping, I was holding on to Baba’s arms. He said he had to go, and he spun around so suddenly that I went flying in the opposite direction and slammed into some chairs. He didn’t even know what he did; that’s how intent he was to get to you.”

  “Oh my God.” Lexa covered her mouth with her hands. “Were you hurt?”

  Hsu-Ling closed her eyes. “Not really. Just had the wind knocked out of me, and I landed on my right side, so it hurt to walk. By the time a nurse helped me up and let me go, Baba was long gone.” Hsu-Ling’s eyes opened, and she looked right into Lexa’s. “And you know the rest.”

  “Did you . . .” Lexa swallowed and tried again, even as her stomach clenched at the image of Hsu-Ling lying helpless on the ground while their father drove his scooter to his death. “Did you see him?”

  “Yes.” Hsu-Ling’s voice came out barely above a whisper. “I ran out of the hospital as fast as I could, just as an ambulance was pulling out of the emergency area. I knew it was for him. I ran after it . . .”

  “Oh, Hsu-Ling.” Lexa slipped off the bed and went to kneel next to her sister’s chair, grasping her hands in hers.

  “At first I blamed myself. If only I’d managed to keep him from running out of the hospital.” Hsu-Ling looked down at Lexa. “But then I was so angry at Uncle Pong.” She lifted her chin, a hard glint in her eyes. “He killed Baba.”

  “He didn’t kill him . . .” Lexa trailed off, because maybe a small part of her also blamed Pong for upsetting their father and sending him to his death.

  “When Ah-Ma heard how Baba died, she was convinced our father’s soul is stuck and not able to travel to the afterlife.”

  Lexa looked up at Hsu-Ling. “I read about that. Ah-Ma really believes it? Why?”

  “In Taiwan, we believe if someone dies with unfinished business or of a violent death, their soul can’t rest and move on until they resolve the issue.” Hsu-Ling pointed to Lexa. “Ah-Ma believes you’re Baba’s unfinished business.”

  “I’m responsible for Baba’s lingering soul?”

  “In a way. Ah-Ma thinks it’s important that you come back to Taiwan and say good-bye to Baba.”

  “How does she know his ghost is lingering?” Lexa didn’t believe in ghosts, but a sudden shivery feeling had her rubbing her upper arms as if she’d gotten a chill.

  “She said she feels him.” Hsu-Ling let that statement sink in and then leaned toward Lexa. “But more important, I want to know what my mother did to you.”

  “How much did she tell you?”

  “Not much. When we got into that argument before I left to catch my flight, I asked her what Baba was talking about, why he’d be mad at her. And what Pong meant when he said he’d been in love with you all these years.”

  “Pong wasn’t in love with me.” Lexa wrinkled her nose. “I haven’t seen him since that summer.”

  “I know. My mother told me he was in love with her.”

  “Your mother?” It all suddenly made sense. Why Pong had taken Pin-Yen’s side, why he’d lied.

  “Yes.” Hsu-Ling’s hands fisted in her lap. “She was so smug, I wanted to slap her. She said Pong had been in love with her for years, since before I was born. He’d do anything for her.”

  “Did Baba know?”

  “I don’t think so. He seemed genuinely shocked when Pong told him.”

  “Oh, God.” Bits and pieces of the summers Lexa had spent in Taiwan flashed through her mind.

  “I told her Baba seemed more concerned about you than he did that his best friend was in love with his wife. She almost spit in my face.” Hsu-Ling ducked her head, as if avoiding her mother’s spite. “She said some nasty things about you.”

  “I can imagine.” Lexa’s voice shook.

  “She said a woman has to protect what is hers. That this isn’t like the old days, when women had no power and had to do whatever their husbands wanted. She said I’m Baba’s real daughter, not you, and you had no right to worm your way into our family.” Hsu-Ling stopped to gauge Lexa’s reaction. “I’m sorry, ChiChi.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  Hsu-Ling stared off into space. “She’s been hard on me all my life. Always pushing, pushing. She felt I had to be better than everyone else to make up for only having one leg. I had to be smarter, a better pianist. I was supposed to be a doctor.” Hsu-Ling let out a bitter laugh. “Too bad I couldn’t play the piano to save my life. And I did go to medical school, but I dropped out. It wasn’t what I wanted. I can barely stand the sight of blood.”

  Lexa watched her sister. She’d always suspected Pin-Yen of being a Tiger Mom, but this was the first time Hsu-Ling had acknowledged it. “I always thought your mother pushed you too hard.”

>   “I finally grew a backbone when I realized I wasn’t cut out to be a doctor. I wanted to work in entertainment.” Hsu-Ling laughed again. “You should have heard the yelling when I told her I was dropping out and getting a job as an unpaid intern on a TV show.” Hsu-Ling turned her gaze on Lexa. “But enough about that. I want to know what my mother did to you.”

  Lexa drank the contents of her cup in one swallow, feeling the scotch burn its way down her throat and warm her belly. “Your mother.” Lexa swallowed back the bitterness in her throat. “She accused me of all sorts of things. Remember the gold necklace Ah-Ma gave you?”

  “Yes. She was going to buy one for you, but then you disappeared and never came back.” Hsu-Ling’s left eye twitched slightly, much like Lexa’s own did when she was upset.

  “That’s because your mother made sure I would go away and never come back.”

  22

  July, Twenty-Two Years Ago

  Taichung, Taiwan

  They’d warned her that Taiwan would be really hot in July. And she remembered the heat from the past two summers she was there. But she didn’t remember it being this hot. Every time she stepped outside, out of the air-conditioning, she literally felt like she was being roasted alive. The air was so stifling it was as if someone had stuffed hot cotton balls in her nose and down her throat. Sweat formed immediately and soaked her shirt.

  She’d only been there for three days, and she was miserable. Hsu-Ling had a list of activities planned, but after the first day, Lexa had begged to stay in the air-conditioning. At least indoors, she could think. When she was outside in the heat, it felt like her brain had turned to mush.

  “ChiChi, don’t you want to go to Taichung Park?” Hsu-Ling scooted into the room on her bottom and stared at Lexa sprawled on the bed. “I want to go to the playground with you.” She spoke in Mandarin, and Lexa was happy she understood it all. She’d been keeping up with Chinese school, and her spoken Mandarin had gotten really good over the years.