I make my way to the leather chair and once I’m seated, Chris kneels in front of me. The gesture would surely make me weak in the knees if I weren’t sitting.
Rising up, Chris takes my face in his hands.
“Brenda Appleby, sorry I don’t know your middle name. Look, I’m trying to do the right thing and give you space to digest everything—the baby, Ricky’s reaction, and coming to terms with it all. I shouldn’t have pushed you like I did out on the deck. I’m sorry.”
“Louise,” I whisper. “My middle name is Louise, after my grandmother.”
“Okay, Brenda Louise Appleby, I want you to get some rest. It was stupid of me to think we could, or even should, share a bed, with everything going on. I don’t want to influence any decision you may make.”
“What do you mean, decision?”
Chris blinks his long eyelashes. His eyes are going to be my undoing, I just know it.
“Well, I guess, whether or not you want to be my, you know, girlfriend.”
“Chris?”
“Brenda?”
“I don’t know if I can do this right now. Do I wish things were different? Yes! I wish this baby was yours.”
What the hell? Why did I just admit that?
I stand quickly. The room is getting smaller by the second.
“Wait!” Chris yells, louder than I think he meant to. “See, this is what I mean. I make you crazy and stressed, and I don’t want to do that. I know if I share a bed with you tonight, I won’t be able to sleep. And I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my hands off you. You don’t need that right now.”
“I feel guilty, Chris, even more than I did before. I feel guilty about getting pregnant by a man who doesn’t want this baby. I feel guilty about the way I treated you when we first met. Hell, I feel guilty about dragging you into the mess that is my life.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone move so fast. Chris is in my space faster than I can realize what’s happening.
“Don’t you ever say you feel guilty about any of those things ever again, Brenda. Goddamn it, you can’t control what Ricky does. And if you ask me, this baby is better off with one parent who loves him or her than with an asshole like Ricky.
“Second, we both made mistakes when we first met. I should’ve fought harder to get through to you. And this is the one and only time I’m going to say this. I’m here because I want to be. As long as you let me in your life, I’ll be in it—for you and the baby.”
His admission hits me like a tidal wave. Moving my hands to the back of Chris’s head, I crash my mouth to his. It doesn’t take more than a second for his tongue to match mine in our search for control. I’m just going to blame my hormones.
Our hands roam over each other. It’s as if we’re both starving for something, and his erection is hitting me just in the right spot.
I start to seek friction against him. It’s as if I haven’t eaten in days and the man kissing me is a free buffet. I want it all. But when Chris suddenly breaks away, his absence is almost unbearable.
“Brenda, if we don’t stop, I’m going to throw you over my shoulder, put you on the bed, and sink so deep inside you, I’ll never leave. Are you ready for that?”
Am I? God, I’m so hungry for his touch. For him…but I can’t right now.
“You’re right, Chris. I don’t like it but you’re right. I need time.”
Chris takes my face in his hands and gets close—really close. “Look at me. I’m not going anywhere, Brenda. I want to be with you, but only if, and when, you’re ready.”
I inwardly gasp at his words. He’ll wait for me? No man has ever said that before.
“Okay?” he asks.
I nod, then laugh. “Yeah, I’ll try not to take too long.”
Chris shakes his head. “As long as it takes.”
If I ever doubted I could fall in love with this man, those doubts just exploded into tiny pieces. And losing that doubt is scarier than raising this baby on my own.
Chris
Fuck, it was a struggle to sleep away from Brenda last night. I mean, I’m used to not having her next to me, but she was so close. Not to mention how worked up we both were. I must’ve stared at the ceiling for two hours.
Now, Carol, Rosie, and I are waiting for Brenda to get ready so we can leave for the zoo.
We had a quick breakfast, but Brenda left the table kind of quickly. When I followed her to the bathroom, I could hear her getting sick. She told me not to worry, she was okay and it was normal, but I couldn’t help my concern.
“There she is!” Rosie yells as Brenda makes her way down the hall.
“Come on, Rosie. Let’s go get settled in the van while she gets ready,” Carol says.
I don’t take my eyes off Brenda, but I hear Carol as she gathers some of Rosie’s things and heads out the door.
“Sorry I made you wait. I think I need to stick to toast for breakfast from now on.”
She still doesn’t feel well, I can tell from her pale face.
“Do you want to stay here and rest?” I ask, moving over to where she stands.
“No way. I’m not going to miss getting my face painted. Wait a minute, I’m not sure I should do that. What if it affects the baby?” she says as she searches her phone for an answer.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Rosie won’t be upset if you don’t get your face painted. We’ll make up something.”
Brenda juts out her lip in a pout. “But I wanted my face painted.”
I can’t help but laugh. She does too and it breaks the seriousness that’s facing her.
The rest of the day flies by. We visit the lions first, then move to the monkeys, and finally, the giraffe, so Rosie can feed it.
On two occasions, Brenda had to make a mad dash to the restroom. It was the smell of some of the animals, she said. A light lunch of pretzels and ginger ale helped settle her stomach while the rest of us had hot dogs and fries.
I felt kinda bad for eating in front of Brenda while she was so sick, but she reassured me none of it looked good to her.
Rosie made it about two hours before she fell asleep in her mobile chair. It’s really a cross between a stroller and a wheelchair. She wanted to walk some of the time so she could get closer to the animals.
Brenda asked questions about different types of adaptive equipment Rosie uses and I did my best to answer.
I drove the van to and from the zoo. When Carol offered the passenger seat to Brenda, Rosie insisted her new aunt sit back with her. And of course, Brenda did.
As Rosie slept on the twenty-minute ride home, I glanced at Brenda in the mirror. She didn’t take her eyes off my niece. And I know the worry must weigh heavy on her mind.
After carrying Rosie in and putting her in her room, it was my turn to eavesdrop on Brenda asking Carol how she does it all.
I’m so proud of my sister and all she’s been through. Her ex deserted her and Rosie but Carol rocks at being a single parent. I know it’s not easy, but she makes it look that way.
I give them a few minutes before going out to join in on the conversation.
“Here,” I say as I hand Brenda some lemonade and Carol a glass of wine.
Carol takes a small sip. “Want to order pizza tonight?”
“Brenda?” I yield to her since she was sick off and on all day.
“Actually, that sounds really good,” she says as she leans her head back against the back of the chair.
“You look tired. Wanna take a nap?”
“I’m okay, but maybe a little walk would wake me up. Care to join me?”
There’s a warmth in her eyes I’ve seen before. It’s usually after she’s sated.
“Sounds good. The beach isn’t too far. We should be able to make it there and back before dinner.”
The three of us debate over the pizza toppings and settle on mushrooms and black olives on half for me and Brenda and cheese on the other for Rosie and Carol.
After tying her hair up, Brenda grabs us some water for t
he journey.
As we start our walk, Brenda reaches for my hand. She doesn’t look at me, she just takes it. Fine by me.
“These houses are so cute. They remind me of your place.”
She’s right. The houses really are small beach town cottages. The streets are lined with hibiscus shrubs and the salty air warms around us.
Brenda looks up at me with a smile. “Thanks for bringing me here to meet your family. Carol and Rosie are great.”
I give her hand a little squeeze. “You fit right in.”
The minute it comes out of my mouth, Brenda’s eyes flash to mine. I just smirk, with no backtracking. Do I want her to be a part of my family? Hell yeah, I do. But that’s something for another day.
“Do you come to Jacksonville often?” she asks, changing the subject.
“Not as often as I should. When the soccer season starts, I’m traveling too much.”
“Oh. When does the season start again?”
“Right around Leo and Sophia’s wedding. But I’ll start my conditioning in two weeks. I’ll be at the gym and the field twice a day. So, between work and conditioning, the time will fly by.”
“I guess we better finish the wedding planning before you get too busy then. At least we know where, when, and the food, so that’s a good start.”
I rub my thumb over hers. “So, what else do we need to do?”
“Well, we need flowers, someone to marry them, plan the shower, stuff like that.”
“What about the bachelor, bachelorette parties? I can plan one for Leo at Club Desire. We have private rooms for that.”
Brenda stops. “I hadn’t thought about that. Um, yeah, that sounds like a plan, I guess.”
I pull Brenda left down another street. She’s quiet.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just hadn’t thought about what Leo and Sophia would want for their bachelor, bachelorette parties. I guess I’ll be her designated driver.” She laughs.
“What do you think Sophia would like to do? I mean, she doesn’t seem the type that would want to get too crazy anyway.”
“Will Leo?”
“Get crazy? Nah, but the other guys from the team probably will.”
Brenda looks down at the sidewalk. “Will you?”
Brenda
What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never been the jealous type. Usually, I don’t give a damn what guys do. But somehow, with Chris, the thought of him being surrounded by naked women makes me want to hurl in the bushes.
“Will I get crazy?” he asks with that damn smirk.
“I’m sorry. I had no right to ask you that. You can do what you want.”
Before Chris can answer, my phone rings. I glance down and cringe. “Shit, it’s Ricky. I wonder what he wants.”
I look at Chris and he gives me a reassuring smile, giving me the strength to answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Brenda, I’m calling to tell you that I’m meeting with an attorney on Monday. I’ll be signing over my parental rights to this baby.”
Now, I knew this was a possibility, but the minute Ricky says it, my heart is broken.
“Are you freaking kidding me, Ricky? One, I don’t care about you and I ever having a relationship again, but you would turn your back on your child? Why? Because your girlfriend doesn’t approve?”
I can see Chris is getting just as angry as I am.
“Jesus, Brenda, don’t be so dramatic. Lots of kids grow up with single parents. You know that. Look, I’m signing the papers. You’ll get copies once they’re filed. I also have to tell you that I’m moving to Michigan with Ronda. This is for the best.”
His comment cuts me to the core. He knows what it was like for me growing up. Yet here he is, doing the same thing.
I can’t take anymore. I hang up without any kind of response because really, what can I say at this point?
I cover my face with my hands, and Chris pulls me into his arms. My tears are big and many as they hit his shirt.
“You know you and this baby are going to be okay, right?” he whispers as he rubs my back.
“I don’t want my baby to feel how I felt growing up. You don’t know what it was like.”
Chris pulls away just enough to look me in the face. “I may not know what it’s like to have parents who purposely leave you. But I do know what it’s like to grow up without parents, Brenda. And this baby is very lucky to have you as his or her mom. You will be enough.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry. Of course, you know what it’s like. Shit.” I rub my eyes.
“Do you trust me?”
I look up at Chris. He’s waiting for my answer—for an honest answer.
Do I trust him? Next to Sophia, he’s the person I trust the most.
“Yes, I trust you.”
“Come with me,” he says as he leads me down an alley.
“Where are you taking me?”
“Change of plans. We aren’t walking to the beach, but I want to show you something.”
Two minutes later, Chris stops in front of what looks like a house, but there’s a sign in front of it.
“Orphanage?” I ask, confused.
“Yep. Neither of my parents had any brothers or sisters, so when they died, Carol and I were sent here for not quite a year. Once my sister turned eighteen, she left the orphanage, got a job, and found a cheap place to live. As soon as she was stable, she filed for guardianship of me. Several months later, the court granted her petition and I was sent to live with her. Carol felt really guilty about leaving me, but she knew in the end, she had to in order to make a life for us.”
It hits me just how selfish I’ve been. I’ve been so stuck in my own past I haven’t even considered what other people close to me have gone through.
“I had no idea,” I whisper.
“I know. I don’t really talk about it much. I was so young, only three, so I don’t remember it, but Carol said the people who ran this place were great. They loved each child as if they were related by blood. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, everyone has struggles, and no family is perfect but you do your best and love them with everything you are.”
“What if I’m not enough, Chris? What if my baby feels abandoned by Ricky like I feel about my parents?”
“Brenda, believe it or not, I think Ricky is doing the right thing.”
I gasp. “How could you say that?”
“Well, I suppose once your child is old enough to realize what Ricky did, it’ll sting like hell. But just maybe, someday, you’ll marry a man who’ll love your son or daughter as if he or she was his own. Isn’t that much better than your young child waiting for Ricky to pick them up and not showing? Or hoping Ricky will send a birthday card and doesn’t?”
“But don’t you think it’s better for a child to have both biological parents in his or her life?”
Chris takes my face in his hands. “No, Brenda. I think it’s much better to be loved by whoever raises the child, be it a biological parent, an adoptive, foster parent, or stepparent.”
Deep down, I know he’s right. One loving parent is better than two who don’t know how to love their child. It’s just that I’ve spent my childhood wanting my parents to love me.
I hug him harder than I’ve ever hugged anyone in my life. “Thank you for this, for showing me just what I can do.”
“Always.” Chris kisses me on the forehead. “I think we should start back to my sister’s place. Rosie is bound to wake up soon and she won’t be happy if we aren’t there.”
“I’m going to miss her, that’s for sure,” I admit.
We turn back the way we came, not only holding hands but I’d like to think holding hearts too.
“The pizza is here,” Carol yells to me and Chris.
Rosie is sitting at her table while Carol cuts up a slice into smaller pieces. It’s easier for her to handle, Chris informs me.
I’m so hungry, I eat three pieces of pizza while Chris smiles at me.
<
br /> “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” He winks.
“Much better.” At least for now.
“Uncle Chris, can I come to your house?” Rosie asks as she tilts her head and arms his way, her black curls falling to the side.
Chris looks to his sister with a raised eyebrow.
Carol sighs, knowing she’s going to lose the battle, so she gives up at the start. “Do you want to spend a few days with Uncle Chris and go to soccer camp?”
“Yes!” Rosie squeals from her seat.
“Soccer camp?” I whisper to Chris.
“Yeah, she came last year. We do it for kids with special needs. She did a great job last year. Coach is going to help me put it on this time. Leo helped last year. It’s next month at the stadium.”
I can only imagine how freeing it must be for Rosie to do something like play soccer. And the thought of Chris helping the kids with special needs just makes me want him that much more.
“Will Uncle Leo be there?” Rosie asks with a giggle.
“She has a little crush on Leo,” Carol says.
Rosie nods. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Hmm, I’ll have to tell Sophia she has some cute competition.
Chris and I clean up while Carol helps Rosie change into her pajamas.
“When we get home, I think we should finish up the plans for the wedding.”
“Well, getting an officiant and doing the flowers shouldn’t take too long, right?”
I shake my head. “I know someone who owns a flower shop so I’ll go talk with her. You don’t need to be involved with that if you don’t want to be.”
“I can help. You shouldn’t have to do that by yourself.”
“Okay, then I guess the only other thing is to pick out the cake. Obviously, Leo and Sophia will pick out what the wedding party is wearing.”
“Yeah.” Chris glances at me. “So, I was thinking about the bachelor party thing,” he says as he lays a dishtowel over his shoulder.
“Okay?”
“Maybe we should just do like a coed party or something. No strippers, but just hang out, have some food and drinks. Keep it lowkey.”
Well, this is a switch, for sure.
His Runaway Goal: Book Two in the Game Winner Series Page 8
