“So, are we done with this now?” Sinner asked. “Can we get back to drinking beer and watching Harry Potter? Cuz, I kind of want to see how Quidditch turns out.”
“You know what? I think a game of Quidditch is exactly what I need,” I said as I stood.
“Uh, Lola. We can’t exactly fly around on broomsticks,” Sinner pointed out.
“Are you trying to tell me that when I’m depressed and needing something to pick me up, you guys are going to tell me it’s not possible? Do you want to see me cry?”
“No,” they all answered quickly. I smirked at Florrie, who was sitting quietly across the room. Her responding grin agreed that I had just played them.
“So, what exactly do we need to play this broom game?” Cap asked.
“We’ll need seven players to a team. A snitch, a quaffle, three bludgers, and a referee.”
“What the hell is a quaffle?” Chance asked.
I rolled my eyes in frustration. “Doesn’t anyone pay attention? Of course not. You’re all men. We’re going to need to use the training center at Reed Security. My yard isn’t big enough. There are seventeen of us, but we’ll probably need another three players to make it work with the snitch. We’ll need broomsticks for all of us and two different colored shirts so that we can tell teams apart. Preferably maroon and dark green. We can use a dodgeball for the quaffle and soccer balls for the bludgers. A golf ball should work for the snitch. We’ll also need six hula hoops for the goals.”
“You’re fucking joking, right?” Knight asked. I scrunched up my face and let the tears fall. One thing I was able to do quite well was create tears at the drop of a hat. It was a gift I had learned at the age of six when my mother said I couldn’t go hunting with my father.
“No, no, no. No tears,” Ice said quickly. “We’ll get all that shit and meet you at Reed Security. It’s gonna be fine,” he said, patting my shoulder awkwardly.
The guys quickly filed out as I wiped away the fake tears. Hunter stopped beside me and whispered in my ear, “Well played.” Then he followed everyone else out of the house and I quickly cleaned up the ice cream that was still laying around.
When I arrived at Reed Security, I was pleased to see that Cap was taking charge of getting everything organized. The guys were just showing up with all the supplies we needed.
“Do you know how fucking ridiculous I looked buying this many brooms?” Alec said.
“Could have been worse,” Gabe said. “I had to buy the fucking hula hoops. They only had pink.”
We split into teams with Derek, Hunter, Ice, Jules, Chris, Knight, and I on one team. The second team was Cazzo, Burg, Sinner, Chance, Gabe, Jackson, and Cap. Alec, Craig, and Florrie were going to be handling the snitch.
“I guess we won’t have a referee,” I sighed. “Oh, well. Let’s get this party started.”
“I just want you to know that I am really against running around on a broom and playing a fake game all to cheer you up,” Knight said.
“Relax, I could have made you wear tights with your shirt. That really would have cheered me up.”
“Okay, so who’s going to be in what position?” Hunter asked.
“Well, I’m definitely a Beater. I want to throw balls at people.”
“I like the sound of that,” Knight grinned.
“No, I think you can be the Seeker. You get to chase down the snitch.”
Knight glared at me, but didn’t argue.
“Chris will be the other Beater and Jules, Ice, and Derek will be the Chasers. Hunter will be the keeper,” I grinned.
“What the hell does a Chaser do again?” Ice asked.
“You throw the ball through the hula hoop.” I stepped back and studied the guys. “You guys look good in Maroon,” I smiled, happy that my plan had worked out so well.
“I don’t see why we couldn’t have been the evil team,” Knight grumbled. “Who wants to be the do-gooders?”
“Gryffindor is awesome. Besides, all the guys from Slytherin die in the end.”
We started playing and it was rough going at first, but I had so much fun watching the guys running around with a broomstick between their legs. I glanced over to the corner where I had Maggie hiding, taking pictures. I had called her on my way over and snuck her in so that there was evidence of all this.
When I got ahold of a bludger, I whipped it as hard as I could at Cap. It was a game after all and I could get away with hitting the boss. Every time he had the quaffle, I attacked him, knocking him to the ground with a bludger to the head.
Gabe had ahold of the quaffle and was racing on his broomstick toward the hula hoops. He jumped to the side, but Hunter jumped higher, blocking his shot. Gabe’s forward motion had him slamming into Hunter and falling on top of him.
“Sorry about that, man. I didn’t think I’d actually be able to take you down. You’re like a fucking hulk.”
“Can you get off me, Gabe? It’s a little weird to have another dude’s junk pressed against mine.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry about that.”
Gabe pushed off Hunter and then held a hand out for him. Hunter shook him off and stood on his own. I laughed, thinking about how hilarious it was going to be when I told Ryan about getting the guys to play Quidditch, and then I frowned when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to tell him. Ryan wasn’t mine anymore and there would be no more lazy Saturdays at his house and no more movie marathons. That really shouldn’t bother me this much. I was a strong woman and I kicked ass for a living, so why did I want to cry so much?
“Shit, someone grab her the quaffle. She’s about to cry,” Hunter said urgently. But it was too late. Tears poured down my cheeks and sobs wracked my body as I remembered how good it had felt to be with James and Ryan at their house. The comfort of being accepted so easily into their family was gone and I was all alone. Again.
“What did you do?” I heard Cap ask over my own sniffles.
“I didn’t do anything. We were playing and then she just started…this.” Hunter was looking at me like I was a crazy person that needed to be handled with care. Funny, a serial killer didn’t break me, didn’t destroy my life, but walking away from the one man whom I had grown to love was sending me over the edge.
I laughed maniacally at the thought, throwing my head back and screaming at the ceiling. The release felt cathartic, but when I wiped my face and looked around at the guys, they all looked uncomfortable. “What? Can’t handle a woman crying?” I shouted. “Yes, this is me. Crazy Lola,” I said, waving my arms around in the air. “The once rational and stable woman that treated men as terribly as they treated women is now crying over a man. That’s what you guys do to us. You stick your magical dicks in us and turn us into batshit crazy women that cry over stupid shit. Look at me,” I shouted.
And they did. They were all fucking staring at me in terror. “Is this what you guys plan on? To get us so wrapped up in your web that we can’t function without you? I was happy. I had my guns and I liked to shoot people. I never cried over anything! Now all I can think about is how much I want to curl up on the couch next to Ryan and watch movies all day with him and his son. Are you happy? You made me into a girl!”
Soft hands wrapped around me that were way too delicate to be a man’s. “I think you’ve done enough,” Florrie said as she walked me away from the men.
“What did we do?” I heard Knight say in confusion. “All we did was play her stupid game.”
“It’s not a stupid game,” I shouted, but Florrie kept dragging me off in the opposite direction. Maggie came rushing up out of nowhere and took me by the other arm, guiding me out to a vehicle. I couldn’t see through the tears that continued to pour down my face. Everything was just so messed up. I was so messed up. No matter how hard I tried, I would never be the same woman again after Ryan. He had made life wonderful again.
Before I knew it, I was being dragged into someone’s house and shoved into a chair with a glass of wine. Suddenly, there were women surrounding me,
looking at me with sympathy that made me want to cry even harder.
“Lola, I know this is hard, but you need to talk about it,” Maggie said. “I know we’re not exactly friends, but you need to let it all out.”
“He broke up with me,” I cried. “He couldn’t handle my job and he said that if something ever happened to me, it would break him. I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. I didn’t realize until I walked away how much I love him. And not just him, but James too. They’ve become like my family, only now they’ll move on together and I’ll be all alone.”
“He lost his wife,” Cara said sadly. “I don’t know him that well, but I was around when it happened. He was devastated. He probably just doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that something could happen to you. How does he just accept that?”
“This is so sad,” Claire said. “If this was a book, he would realize what he had in his relationship with you and he would take you back.”
“That’s not helpful,” Lucy hissed.
“Maybe I did a bad job of reassuring him of how good I am at my job,” I sniffled. “Should I go back to him and talk to him?”
“No,” Kate and Vanessa shook their heads.
“Don’t beg. The last thing these men need is a woman down on her knees in front of them. It sends their egos into overdrive,” Vanessa said.
“Then what do I do? I can’t lose him. He’s what makes me whole.”
“He completes you,” Claire said dreamily.
Maggie sat down beside me and took my hand. “Lola, do you love him more than anything else in this world?”
I thought about the time I spent with Ryan, and how at peace I felt with my life. Everything seemed so easy with him. There were no demons and no reminders of a life spent in battle. I did love my job, but I wasn’t sure that it was still the thing I loved most in the world. “I do,” I finally said.
“Then you need to decide if you can live without Ryan or your job because you can’t have both.” Maggie held my hand in hers, squeezing it tight. It was so weird because I felt this camaraderie with these ladies, yet I barely ever talked to them.
“Is it really that simple? What if he says he doesn’t believe me?”
“Make him believe you. Show him that he’s what you need,” Claire said wistfully.
I sniffed for the hundredth time and took a tissue that someone handed me. I had to pull myself together. I wasn’t a weak woman that cried over men. I was strong and I needed to get that back, especially if I was going to figure out how to get Ryan back.
“Enough of this,” I said as I stood. “I can’t sit around here crying over everything. I need to be proactive.”
“Right. Let’s go blow something up,” Maggie jumped up with a grin.
“I was actually thinking I needed to have a talk with Sebastian.”
“Sure, of course. After we blow something up. I need some action and this is the perfect opportunity to get some. Besides, it’ll make you feel great. One last hurrah before you destroy your life.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. “But I thought you said…”
She waved me off. “Must be the wine. I meant before you go get the love of your life.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door before I could really think about it. Next thing I knew, we were at Reed Security in the outdoor training area and Maggie was handing me a loaded rifle to shoot at the target. When that was not quite as satisfying as I hoped, Maggie dragged me over to the demolition area.
“Listen, this always makes me feel better. Let ‘er rip,” she said, handing me a grenade. I took it, pulled the pin, and tossed it. The explosion shook the ground and loosened the tension in my body. Maggie was grinning at me as she handed me another.
“That actually did help.”
“See? It’s so cathartic.”
I tossed a few more, laughing with Maggie as she threw her own. I had always known this was fun, but to do it for stress relief hadn’t crossed my mind.
“What is going on out here?” Sebastian’s voice boomed over the ringing in my ears.
“Emotional therapy,” Maggie said with a laugh.
Standing next to Sebastian were most of the members of Reed Security and they looked pissed.
“Emotional therapy? Hell, we could have done this hours ago.”
“But you didn’t,” Maggie pointed out. “You played Quidditch.”
“Because she asked us to,” Hunter said.
Maggie rolled her eyes at the guys as she shook her head. “You never give in to a person that’s not thinking right. Especially when it’s something that will remind her of what she just lost. You should have plied her with alcohol.”
“We brought beer,” Sinner said indignantly.
“And then you let her watch a movie that would remind her of Ryan. Seriously, you guys are amateurs.”
“So, we didn’t have to run around on broomsticks?” Knight said angrily.
“You didn’t have to, but it was great video footage. Thanks for that,” Maggie smiled.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ryan
“YOU READY TO do this, little man?” I asked James as I walked out of my bedroom. I was going for the relaxed look today, jeans and a t-shirt, because I was anything but relaxed. Today was James’s birthday and I was taking him to get his license. Inside, I was freaking the fuck out, but outside, I was cool as a cucumber. Or, so I told myself.
Things between James and I had been getting better over the past few weeks since we had talked shit out and I didn’t want to ruin that with my fears. But there was one thing we needed to do before I could really move past all the shit that was raging in my head.
“Before we head out, I want to do one more drive with you.”
He groaned and rolled his eyes. “Dad, I’m ready for this. I took all those courses that you wanted me to with Sebastian. I’m probably the best sixteen year old driver you’ve ever seen.”
“This isn’t for you. This one’s for me. I just want to take you out one time to show myself that everything’s going to be fine.”
“Okay,” James nodded.
We got in the truck and I stopped myself from giving him instructions on what to do. The kid had it all down. “Alright, head to Potomac Street.”
“What? Dad, but that’s the road-”
“I know.” I swallowed hard and forced myself to remain calm. “I think we both need this.”
He took the roads like a pro, stopping for the correct amount of time at stop signs and looking both directions before continuing. The kid would do fine on the test. As we approached the intersection where Cassie died, images flashed through my mind faster than I could handle. I could hear James talking to me, but I was lost again, trapped in memories that I just couldn’t handle.
As we got closer, one image took front and center in my mind. It was Cassie smiling sweetly at me the morning we left for work and she died. But this time, I didn’t get the ache in my chest, just an overwhelming feeling of peace. Instead of James driving through the intersection, he stopped and pulled the truck over, staring out the windshield.
“Come on,” I said, opening my truck door and stepping out. He followed me and we walked to where her car had rolled into the cornfield. I don’t know what I expected, maybe to see tracks from her car or the odd piece of wreckage, but there was nothing. Five years had completely washed away any sign of the accident that took her from us.
I sat down on the ground, James sitting next to me and we stared off into the countryside. “You know, the thing I remember most about your mom was her ability to call anyone on their bullshit.” I laughed, remembering the day she walked into my office and I was having a panic attack about having just hitched myself to her.
“I miss her laugh,” James said quietly.
“Me too. You know, I chased her for two years because I knew she was the woman that would change my world. Just everything about her pulled me in and had me craving just an ounce of her time.”
“But
then you totally freaked out when you married her,” he laughed.
“Well, that was mostly because I was gaining a kid.” I leaned over and shoved him with my shoulder. “Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Do you think she’s okay?” he asked after a minute.
“I don’t know. I’ve never really thought too much about what happens after we die, but your grandma would say that she’s in heaven. You know, the morning of your mom’s funeral, your grandma came in and saw me crying over a shirt that was hanging in the closet. It was the one she was wearing the first day I met her. Your grandma told me that God took your mom for a reason and even though we might never know why, it was meant to be.”
“Do you believe that?”
“It makes me feel better if I tell myself that’s the truth.”
“I think she’s good,” James said. “I think she’s watching over us and she’s probably pissed that you let the guys talk to me about sex.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Yeah, and she’s probably pissed every year that I let you have a beer. I can hear her in my head telling me that you’re not old enough to drink.”
“Every night when I get ready for bed…” He paused and I looked over at him. His eyes were shimmering and his throat was practically having a seizure for how hard he was trying to control himself. I placed my arm around his shoulder and pulled him in close to me. “I still hear her voice, asking me if I brushed my teeth. And if I didn’t remember, I can’t go to sleep until I do. I can just picture her pointing her finger toward the bathroom and telling me that my teeth are going to rot if I don’t brush them.”
“I miss the smell of her perfume.” Tears started rolling down my face and I didn’t try to stop them. “When she died, I used to spray her perfume all around the house just so that it felt like she was still there. I miss waking up next to her every morning. The house just isn’t as warm without her.”
“I stole the bottle of perfume,” James admitted. He laughed a little and wiped the tears from his face. “You were almost out and I had this feeling that when it was gone, you wouldn’t buy any more. So, I took it so that I could still smell her. It’s in my nightstand.”
Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8) Page 20
