The Rift In Our Reality: A Sweet Young Adult Romance

by Amy Proebstel

  “Are you hungry?”

  I gestured over to the empty plate on the coffee table, “Jackson brought a sandwich for me when he came.”

  “But that was almost two hours ago. Let me get you some juice.” Mom jumped up from the couch and rushed to the kitchen. I could hear every move she made, but I turned my face so I could attempt to watch her as well. The images remained blurry, but I could definitely see her, even at this distance.

  I took the glass and dutifully drank as she resumed her seat. I held the glass with both hands and let it rest on my belly. “What’s going to happen to my foundation once I’m done with the drug trials?”

  “Haley, we won’t stop the fight until no mother has to endure the pain of losing her child to this dreaded disease.”

  “I figured as much. What about after I leave the house?”

  “Where are you going?” she asked, her tone slightly higher as she tried to contain her worry.

  “Not right away, but eventually I plan on leaving.” My hand went up to the ring, and I added, “Maybe I’ll get married and start a family of my own. Or, if not a family, at least I’ll have my husband and Charlie.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. There’s so much to do for the foundation; it’s a full-time job, you know.”

  “Yes, but you need to do something to relax and have fun. Both of you deserve some time away, where you can unwind from all this stress. Maybe you should take a cruise to Hawaii or something.”

  “That sounds nice.” She tweaked my toe playfully and started to say something else when the phone rang. With a longsuffering sigh, she said, “Duty calls. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  I rested my head against the back of the couch, letting my mind wander aimlessly. Something felt wrong inside me, but I couldn’t say anything about it until I identified the source. Anyone would immediately point to the drugs and say they caused it, but I knew differently.

  No, this stemmed from something else; something I probably should have mentioned to the doctor before accepting the drug trial. I had too many blank spots in my memory, almost as if I’d experienced long blackouts; maybe even as I slept. I don’t think the episode in front of Matt and my mom was the first incidence.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Well, that went downhill quickly. Mom and Dad were out in the hallway arguing with the doctor, and I experienced a sense of déjà vu as I felt the cold liquid dripping from the IV into my arm. Two days of intensive care after my massive seizure and the doctor was advising my mother to stop the drug trial.

  “It’s her only chance of living!” she argued.

  “It’s probably the cause of her seizures. We need to wean her off of the drugs. I’ve already contacted the doctor in charge of the study, and he agrees with me. Haley was their oldest test subject, and she’s proven not to be an ideal test subject.”

  “How dare you! You had no right to interfere.”

  “It’s the safest course for Haley. I’m sorry, Mrs. Vallem, but Haley has been dropped from the trial.”

  “I’m sorry,” Matt whispered to me from my bedside.

  “Did you already know?” I asked, turning my attention away from the hallway and back to my boyfriend.

  “I suspected it’d come to this. You weren’t the same after you started the new regimen. To be honest, it really scared me.”

  “I’m sorry, Matt.”

  “What’s even worse is the room they put you.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “This’s where my brother…” he faltered.

  I didn’t want to hear him finish. I rushed to fill the silence, “Oh, that’s terrible! Well, I’m getting out of here soon; don’t worry about that!” I felt a shiver run through me at the idea of Jimmy drawing his last labored breath in this room. My fingers curled into Charlie’s warm fur as I breathed a sigh of relief that they’d allowed him to come and be with me. I’m sure Charlie provided the turning point for my recovery.

  “I guess this unplanned stay in the hospital is going to put an end to the houseboat trip,” I said, my voice low and sad at the lost opportunity.

  “Yeah, but I’ve got something cool planned for us instead when you get home.” He squeezed my hand.

  I’m pretty sure he was only making that up to entice me to get well enough to actually come home. “I love you,” I said, taking us both by surprise, although it truly came from my heart. He leaned over the bed and gently kissed my lips. As soon as he pulled away, I whispered, “I want to go home today. Do you think it’s possible?”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Two days later, the doctors finally allowed me to leave. For once, I welcomed the familiarity of my bedroom where I could luxuriate in the comfort of my own bed. My family and friends made regular rounds to ensure my every need was taken care of.

  In the rare moments where I found myself alone, thoughts of my mortality kept plaguing me. Repeatedly, my thoughts kept returning to my closet where I could make out my purple dress hanging prominently. Would I soon be wearing it again?

  “Hey, are you ready for your surprise, Haley?” Matt brightly asked from the doorway.

  Plastering a smile on my face, I nodded enthusiastically and replied, “You bet!”

  He came to my bedside, taking a seat on the edge, and dropped a small package on my stomach. “You’ll never guess what it is.”

  I felt the size of the container, and said, “It feels like a CD. Am I right?”

  Matt chuckled, amused at my uncanny ability to guess accurately. “Yes. But what’s on it is the big surprise.”

  I opened the container and held it out to him, before asking, “Can you put it in my CD player then?”

  “Sure thing.” He took it from me and left the bed. Seconds later, the beautiful music of an orchestra filled the room. “Do you recognize it?”

  “No, should I?” I cocked my head to the side and let the music flow through me. Even if it didn’t ring any bells, I could still appreciate the skill of the players. One song ended and a cello soloist began. The notes resonated within my mind. This was my song. No, this was me playing my song. “Matt! Where’d you get this?”

  “The symphony just delivered it. Isn’t it amazing, Haley? Your music has been sent out to thousands of the symphony fans. You’re famous!”

  He hugged me to him, and I felt tears of joy falling from my eyes. This truly was a special gift from him, bigger than I could have imagined for myself.

  “There’s more,” Matt added, pulling away. “We just broke a new record on YouTube views with this same video.”

  “How many views? Two hundred thousand?” I picked the most outlandish number I could think of.

  “Try three million views. Haley, it’s going viral and only getting bigger by the day!”

  “Wow! I bet Jackson’s going out of his mind!” I laughed at the idea of how far my friend had come with his video channel.

  “I’ll say, he called me at two in the morning to announce we’d reached the one million mark.”

  “Sounds about right.”

  “Oh, and the owner of the orchestra sent you a personal invitation to come and play with them again any time you’re in town. How about that?” Matt pulled out an envelope from his coat pocket and handed it over to me.

  “Wow; I won’t be able to stop Mr. Abernathy from gloating about this. He always insisted I’d make it big with my music if I’d just apply myself a little more to practice.” We laughed together, the music continuing to play, the perfect scene we created only marred by my lack of energy to move away from my bed.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  THIS BEDREST BIT was getting pretty old, only made tolerable by Matt’s almost continual company. He kept teasing me that I had to get better soon because school was starting up again next week and he didn’t want to go alone. Matt had an uncanny ability to make me laugh at the dumbest things.

  I might not have been so melancholy had the weather been normal for the season. But the rain poured down outside my window for the fifth stra
ight day. Maybe my blindness caused me to be more susceptible to the change in barometric pressure. I should have lived in Arizona where I could soak up the rays every day. Sunshine always made everything better.

  “I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you planned on spending your summer,” I grumbled as soon as Jackson left us alone for the afternoon.

  Jackson had offered to go to the school to get all of our locker assignments as well as picking up our class schedules. He usually arranged for us to be in the same classes so he could be my guide throughout the day. This time, he would make sure Matt had at least one class the same.

  “You mean sitting at my girlfriend’s bedside? No, that was actually better than my original plans. Although, we all thought we’d be taking care of Jimmy, but that turned out quite different.”

  My thrill at hearing him call me his girlfriend was promptly overshadowed by my guilt. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, Matt. That was really insensitive of me.” I swiftly thought of how to turn his thoughts of his brother into something positive.

  “You once told me you had a lot of things planned to do with your brother when he got better. We did some of them this summer, but I’m sure there were more things. Right?”

  He absently played with my fingers with both of his hands. It seemed so strange that such casual contact could cause me to feel so loved and cherished. He took a minute before answering.

  “Sure. He loved petting zoos and wanted to visit one in every state. Then there was his weird fascination with bugs and spiders. I’m pretty sure he would have become an entomologist if he’d had the chance. He even wanted to start a worm farm and sell the poop as fertilizer.”

  “Okay, that’s a little strange.” I chuckled as I imagined how we would have accomplished this bucket list item for our video series. Shaking my head in dismissal, I added, “I’m glad we skipped doing that this summer, to be honest. Where’d he come up with that idea? Wasn’t he a little young for something so advanced?”

  “He was really smart; besides, I think they did a field trip about it on Sesame Street or something. Ever since then, we’d catch him hiding worms in plastic cups in his room.”

  “Ugh! Your poor mom. At least he didn’t put them in his pockets!”

  “Oh, he did that, too. She finally started making my dad go through Jimmy’s pockets before she would do the laundry. Obviously, that was before his diagnosis and before he went blind.”

  Even though I was smiling, I felt empty inside, like my fire had been extinguished. I was sure it was just the lingering effects of the drugs, but it still felt weird. Trying to bring myself out of it, I said, “I’ve been working on a bucket list.”

  “Oh yeah? Let’s see it.”

  I tapped my forehead and answered, “I’ve kept it all in here. I didn’t want Mom or Hunter to find it and think I was planning on dying or anything drastic like that.”

  “That makes sense. How about you tell me what you’ve got planned, and I can see about what we can get done together. I’m sure some of the things are group activities, right?”

  “Sure. To start with, there’s skydiving. I’ve always thought that would be the next level up after zip-lining. I’ve always wanted to fly and be free like the birds. It probably stems from feeling cooped up inside all the time.”

  I’m sure Matt thought he was being stealthy, but I could hear his pen rolling across the paper he held. I didn’t say anything to stop him; it was probably better to have it written down. After all, my bucket list wasn’t complete.

  “What else?”

  “Hang-gliding.”

  “Definitely noticing a trend here.”

  “You asked. Okay, then there’s going up in a hot-air balloon. I’ve heard there’s no wind when you’re in the basket because you’re traveling at the same speed as the air itself. I want to feel that.”

  “Do you have anything you want to do on the ground?”

  “Sure. Let me think, how about visiting all seven of the natural wonders of the world.”

  “Why? I mean, I don’t mean to be rude, Haley; but why would you want to go there? You can’t even see it.”

  I sighed, rolling my head until I faced Matt. “There’s more to our senses than just sight. It’s fun to hear what people are saying around me about what they see. And I want to smell it all. Sometimes, I wish I could bottle up the scents from where we’ve gone so I could open it up and relive the adventure when I’m stuck at home on rainy days like today.

  “You know, like the time we went to the coast and we got caught out in the thunder and lightning storm. I love that ozone smell mixed with the salty spray of the sea. There’s nothing else like it in the world, but I can imagine it vividly even now.”

  “Okay, I stand corrected. When you describe it like that, I know what you’re talking about.” More scribbling sounded before he asked, “What else do you want to do?”

  It seemed like hours passed as we talked about our plans for the future. I know I told him more than I actually meant to and I thought of things while he was there that hadn’t been on the list before. Having him by my side made me want to accomplish more.

  “That’s all I remember right now, but I’ll be sure to keep you updated when I think of more.” I stifled a yawn, my hand came up to cover my mouth. My fingers had started shaking lately, which I detested because it demonstrated a physical symptom for people to notice and make comments about.

  “I hate this, Haley! It just isn’t fair!” Matt spoke angrily, his hand grabbing mine to hold it steady.

  His outburst caught me by surprise and I jumped in alarm. Out of reflex, my other hand grabbed the pendant on my chest, feeling surprised to find the addition of Matt’s ring nestled next to the familiar heart pendant. As soon as I calmed myself, I said, “Hey, it’s okay, Matt. It’s just the drugs leaving my system.”

  “How can you even say that? How is any of what you’ve gone through okay with you?” His fingers dug into my palm as he got angrier.

  I weakly squeezed his fingers and sighed. My movement must have reminded him of his hold on me because he relaxed his hand until it became pleasant again. Matt’s patience had run out and I needed to say something to help give him some comfort. “I heard something once that made a lot of sense.”

  “What’s that?” Matt rested his elbows on the mattress as he leaned in closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating off of his skin.

  “That we choose to come into this life for certain experiences.”

  “What do you mean? Like reincarnation or something?”

  “No, not exactly. It’s more meaningful than that; it’s like this existence is merely the rift in our reality. There’s more to life than just what we do here on Earth.”

  “No! I refuse to believe anyone would choose a life of suffering and pain. Nobody comes here wanting to die as a kid.”

  “But look at all of the beauty and love I’ve known. People go their whole lives and don’t ever find what I’ve had with you and my family and friends. I’ve been so blessed and I’m thankful for all of it, even the bad stuff, because it made the good things feel so much…more. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “I hear what you’re saying; but that doesn’t mean I agree with it.”

  “Well, it’s easier for me to accept my reality if I think I chose it rather than the idea of having some random mishap decide to pick me for trouble.” I yawned again, only this time I didn’t try to hide it. “You know what? I’m getting pretty tired. I think I’m going to take a nap. We can talk about this again tomorrow. Okay?”

  “Sure. I love you, Haley,” Matt spoke before leaning over and softly kissing my lips. His fingers caressed my cheek and I brought my hand up to cover his.

  I’m sure my eyes were facing him, but I couldn’t see him as I answered, “You’re the best thing to ever happen in my life. Your love and friendship was the one thing on my bucket list that I never thought I’d have. I love you, too, Matt.”

  “And I’ll keep on
loving you forever, Haley. Sleep well. Tomorrow’s supposed to be sunny and I plan on taking you outside to soak up the sunshine.”

  A smile played on my lips as I said, “Sounds like a dream after all this unseasonable rain we’ve had. See you tomorrow.” My lips tingled where he’d kissed me, and I could still feel the warmth of his touch on my cheek. I pulled the covers up higher as a chill coursed through my body as soon as Matt moved away from me.

  Charlie immediately jumped up on the bed and took up his usual spot next to me as soon as Matt left. His body snuggled next to my leg and side, warming me instantly. His chin rested across my ribcage and I took comfort in stroking the silky hair on his head. “Stay with me, Charlie. I always feel safer when you’re near.”

  I listened as Matt left my room and heard the faint click of my bedroom door latching shut. I still had something I wanted to do tonight and I wanted to make sure I had enough strength to finish before it got too late.

  I reached over and picked up the video camera which I kept there for these occasions. I pushed the record button and began speaking. “Hunter, when you get the chance, I’d like you to write out this note and keep it in a special place until the time is right. You’ll know when that is.”

  I’m not sure how long it took for me to get everything recorded, my mind kept wandering in longer and longer lapses in between thoughts. Still, I’m fairly certain I remembered the gist of what I wanted to be said.

  I don’t remember if I turned off the recording or not, but my hand relaxed enough for it to fall onto the bed beside me. I’d pick it up in the morning, it seemed like too much effort right now.

  My thoughts raced lightning fast and I wondered if this were one of the side-effects the doctors had warned me about. It reminded me of the old days when I could still see the movies at the theater. Reaching up, my fingers touched my pendant while I gave into the motions of the pictures in my head, delighting in my own personal show.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  (Matt)