Christmas Card Murder

by Leslie Meier

  David shook his head. “No. Carol asked me to give it to you. To all of you.”

  “All three of us?” Rosana asked, confused.

  David nodded. “I was over at her house earlier. She knew you would all be here setting up for the party. It’s a Christmas card from her.”

  There was a pause.

  Hayley’s mind raced.

  The rumors she had heard were true after all.

  Carol Waterman, a local woman in her late forties, had been spotted around town on the arm of David Pine, a man nearly half her age. No one was particularly surprised. Carol had a reputation for chasing after men young enough to be her son. There had been the twenty-year-old mechanic. The twenty-two-year-old house painter. The barely nineteen-year-old stock boy at the Shop ’n Save. Bruce had once joked that the Mount Desert Island High School yearbook was Carol Waterman’s very own Tinder app.

  “That’s odd,” Hayley heard herself saying. “Why would Carol give one Christmas card to the three of us?”

  “Maybe she’s just cheap,” Mona said, shrugging.

  Hayley turned to David, a perplexed look on her face. “And why would she have you hand deliver it?”

  David shrugged. “I don’t know. I just do what she tells me.”

  “I bet you do,” Mona said, smirking.

  “I thought Carol was coming tonight. She RSVP’d two days ago. Since she doesn’t work here at the paper, I assumed she was attending as someone’s guest. She could have just given it to us herself when she arrived.”

  “Who cares? I don’t want to spend the whole night talking about Carol. You forgot napkins, Hayley. People are going to have to lick their fingers after eating your tuna dip. David, would you mind running to the store?” Mona asked.

  “Not at all. Text me if you need anything else,” David said, winking at them and then disappearing out the door.

  There was another pause as they all stared at the red envelope in Hayley’s hand.

  “He seems like such a good kid,” Mona remarked, shaking her head. “What in blazes does he see in that awful, stupid, shallow Carol Waterman?”

  “Don’t hold back, Mona. Tell us what you really think of her,” Hayley said with a sarcastic edge.

  “I just don’t like the way she prances around town pretending she’s as young and pretty as Meghan Markle,” Mona snorted. “It’s not becoming for a woman her age.”

  “Come on, Carol is a very attractive woman. I can see why all those boys would be taken with her,” Hayley said.

  “Well, I am never one to eavesdrop,” Rosana whispered, completely ignoring the fact that she had been eavesdropping on Andrea Cho’s phone calls with her husband all day. “But I overheard her talking to a girlfriend about how she was over dating boys and wanted to find a real man, someone ‘more mature, with some miles on his odometer.’ Those were her words, not mine.”

  “Good luck with that. All the older men in town are married or otherwise shacked up with someone. But I’m sure that won’t stop Carol.” Mona chortled.

  “You talk about Carol as if she should have a scarlet A sewn onto her blouse, Mona. She’s just trying to find a little happiness,” Hayley said, feeling bad that they were mercilessly trashing her.

  “Excuse me, Hayley, do you not remember what happened at the Way Back Ball last fall? You and Bruce had barely been married a few months and Carol was all over him, pawing him and stroking his face?”

  “She came to the ball dressed as a 1920s flapper. She was just playing the part,” Hayley said defensively.

  Mona shot her a skeptical look.

  “Aren’t you going to open the card? I’m dying to know what she wrote,” Rosana said, tapping her foot expectantly.

  Hayley ripped open the red envelope and pulled out the card. The cover was a beautiful wreath, and in the center, Season’s Greetings was printed.

  Hayley opened the card and began reading the handwritten message.

  Her mouth dropped open in shock.

  “Well, go on, don’t keep us in suspense. What does it say?”

  Hayley looked up at them, her bottom lip quivering, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, and then she began reading out loud.

  “ ‘To my Dear Friends, Hayley, Mona, and Rosana, Blessings, love, and peace to you all this holiday season. May the magic of Christmas fill every corner of your homes and hearts. If you haven’t heard, I am moving away from Bar Harbor. I have so much to be grateful for this year, especially since one of you has given me the most wonderful gift that I will be taking with me as I embark on this exciting new journey: your husband!’ ”

  Chapter Two

  “This has to be some kind of joke,” Hayley said, staring at the card.

  Rosana snatched the card out of Hayley’s hand and read the inscription for herself, her lips moving along as her eyes scanned the words. She finally looked up nervously. “It sounds real to me.”

  “Oh, Rosana, it can’t be. David will be back soon from the store. We’ll ask him. Maybe he’s in on it,” Hayley said, trying to reassure her and keep Rosana from devolving into full-on panic mode.

  “I’m with Rosana. It sure doesn’t sound like a joke to me,” Mona said matter-of-factly, unconcerned.

  “How do you know?” Hayley asked.

  “Because Carol Waterman has no sense of humor,” Mona huffed.

  Rosana could not tear her eyes off the card. She just kept reading it over and over again. “Whose husband do you think she’s talking about?”

  “Carol is not running away with anybody’s husband!” Hayley declared.

  “But what if she is serious? I don’t know what I would do if Sal left me for another woman!” Rosana cried, slapping a hand over her heart, as if she was suddenly suffering from palpitations.

  “Well, I sure know what I would do if it was Dennis,” Mona said.

  “What?” Rosana gasped.

  “Praise Jesus!” Mona shouted, getting down on her knees and clasping her hands together in prayer.

  “Mona, you don’t mean that!” Rosana howled.

  “If Carol Waterman actually managed to get Dennis’s fat butt off the couch, I’d hail her as some kind of miracle worker and I would be the first one in line to thank her!” Mona said, her eyes falling upon the still-untouched cheesecake on the dessert table as she slowly inched toward it.

  “Mona, step away from the cheesecake,” Hayley snapped before walking over to Rosana and putting an arm around her and giving her a slight squeeze. “Rosana, even if the card was true, it’s definitely not Sal. I’ve worked for the man for over a decade. I know him pretty well. He’s just not the cheating type.”

  Rosana, still visibly shaken, stared up into Hayley’s eyes, desperately wanting to believe her. “I wish I could be as confident as you are.”

  “Has Sal ever given you one moment of doubt as to his fidelity in all the years you’ve been married?” Hayley asked.

  Rosana broke away from Hayley and wandered over to the window, staring at the dark, deserted street outside. “Yes.”

  “Really?” Mona asked, suddenly interested.

  Rosana nodded solemnly. “Once.”

  “Rosana . . .” Hayley was shocked.

  Rosana slowly turned back around, clasped her hands together, and rested her fingers underneath her chin as she spoke. “About five years ago. We were hosting a Christmas party at our house. I believe you were there, Hayley. I remember you spent the whole evening bickering with Bruce.”

  “That makes perfect sense. We hated each other back then. He was the last person I ever thought I’d wind up marrying,” Hayley said, laughing. “But I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary happening that night . . .”

  “Carol Waterman showed up,” Rosana said quietly. “I don’t remember inviting her. I assumed Sal had. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I was so busy putting the food out and making sure everyone had a drink.”

  Mona flicked her eyes toward Hayley, intrigued to find out where this was goi
ng.

  Rosana folded her arms, shivering at the memory. “She showed up with a present. The card was made out to both of us, but it was clearly meant to be a gift just for Sal.”

  “What was it?” Mona asked, filled with curiosity.

  “A bottle of Johnnie Walker Scotch. The expensive kind. The blue label. I remember looking it up online and finding out it cost something like a hundred fifty dollars.”

  Mona whistled, impressed.

  “In the box with the bottle were two glasses that were clearly labeled. From the Lucerne Inn.”

  The Lucerne Inn was a quaint two-hundred-year-old hotel tucked in the scenic hills between Bar Harbor and Bangor. Known for its eighteenth-century ambiance, the inn captured the spirit of the Maine Coast with its charm, spirit, and feel of romance. Many dignitaries, celebrities, and politicians frequented the hotel, and a host of weddings was held on its expansive grounds overlooking Phillips Lake and Bald Mountain.

  “I don’t understand the significance of the Lucerne Inn,” Hayley said.

  “Neither did I. But Sal sure did,” Rosana lamented. “When he took one of the glasses out and looked at it, he and Carol exchanged these knowing glances and started laughing, as if they were sharing some kind of private joke.”

  Hayley balked at the suggestion. “Rosana, you don’t think—“

  “Think about it, Hayley. Sal drives up there all the time to interview state politicians holding fund-raisers in one of the ballrooms, or when he is writing pieces on celebrities or newsmakers who are staying at the Lucerne while passing through. He’s been up there countless times. And you know how Sal can get. Once he’s done with the interview, he heads straight to the bar to down a few Scotches. More often than not, he gets so drunk, he decides to check into a room for the night and sleep it off before driving home early the next morning. What if that was just the story he told me? What if Sal was really rendezvousing with Carol Waterman all those times?”

  “It sounds like my mother’s favorite old movie she made me watch with her on VHS when I was a little kid about a man and woman who were both married to other people, but they got together every so often to have sex. What was the name of it, Same Time, Next Month?” Mona asked.

  “I think it was called Same Time, Next Year,” Hayley corrected her.

  “If Sal was getting busy with Carol, I’d say he was doing it a lot more than just once a year,” Mona said bluntly.

  Hayley shot Mona a look, trying to alert her to the fact that she was hardly helping the situation.

  “This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever,” Hayley insisted. “Carol has always had a thing for strapping young studs half her age. Sal is many things, but he’s not young!”

  “And certainly no stud!” Mona added. “Or strapping, for that matter. What’s his belt size, fifty-two?”

  “Mona!” Hayley cried.

  “What? I’m just trying to help.”

  Hayley rolled her eyes and spun back to Rosana, who was still processing what she had just heard.

  “Maybe you’re right,” Rosana muttered.

  “On the other hand, Carol could have been dating all those younger men only because the older guys in town were already married and unavailable. But maybe she finally decided she didn’t like her limited options and just said, ‘Screw it! I’ll pursue men who are taken and see how far I get?’ ”

  Hayley gave Mona a withering look. “Thank you, Mona.”

  Rosana was so upset that she had to sit down behind Hayley’s desk. She planted her elbows on the desk and covered her face with her hands. “I can’t get the image of him at that Christmas party out of my head. He was drunk on the spiked punch and he was acting like a smitten teenager around Carol, even before he saw those glasses from the Lucerne. How could I have been so stupid not to see it until just now?”

  “Rosana, you’re just speculating. You have not one shred of proof that Sal has been unfaithful,” Hayley insisted. “You need to stay calm until David gets back and we can ask him about that silly card. Right, Mona?” Hayley turned to Mona and forcefully mouthed the words Help me here.

  Mona finally spoke up. “Uh, yeah, sure. Sal’s a stand-up guy. He would never do anything like that.”

  But it was obvious from Mona’s expression that she, in fact, had serious doubts and didn’t necessarily believe a word she was saying.

  And Hayley breathed deeply, willfully ignoring her own memory of an incident just last week that did not make her feel any better about this Christmas card from Carol Waterman.

  Chapter Three

  Rosana paced back and forth, her mind racing. “I just realized, Carol is re-creating the plot from that old film they show on Turner Classic Movies all the time. A Letter to Three Wives!”

  “Never heard of it,” Mona barked.

  “Really? It’s so good. It starred Ann Sothern, Linda Darnell, Jeanne Crain, and a very young Kirk Douglas,” Hayley said.

  “Is it in black and white?” Mona asked.

  “Yes,” Hayley answered.

  “That’s why I’ve never seen it,” Mona said.

  “Mona, do you know how many incredible films you’ve deprived yourself of just because you refuse to watch anything that wasn’t filmed in color?”

  “No, and I don’t care. Who’s got time to waste watching people running around who have been dead for years?” Mona scoffed.

  Rosana continued pacing. “In the movie, a local woman nobody really likes writes three women a letter claiming she’s going to run off with one of their husbands. That’s exactly what’s happening here!”

  “All the more reason to believe Carol is just playing some kind of joke,” Hayley insisted.

  “No, my gut is telling me she’s completely serious, and I know it’s Sal, I just know it!” Rosana squealed, her eyes brimming with tears.

  Mona raced over to the table and grabbed a knife. “Rosana, you need to calm the hell down. Here, have some cheesecake! It’ll make you feel better. It’ll make all of us feel better!”

  “Mona! I know what you’re doing!” Hayley cried. “You just want to eat my cheesecake!”

  “No, Mona’s right,” Rosana muttered. “Sweets always bring me back to my happy place.”

  Mona held the knife inches from the cheesecake, staring at Hayley, waiting for the go-ahead. Hayley finally sighed and nodded, and Mona eagerly started carving out three big pieces. “So, how does the movie end?”

  “It was true. The woman was planning to run away with one of the husbands, it definitely was not a prank, but I can’t remember which one, and what ultimately happens!” Rosana moaned.

  Hayley tried recalling the movie plot in her own mind. “I can’t remember, either.”

  “Well, like I said, I’ve never seen it, so I can’t help you,” Mona declared.

  Mona handed out the pieces of cheesecake on paper plates, and then with relish dove into her own piece with a plastic fork, but she stopped suddenly just before shoveling a large hunk into her mouth. “Oh no . . .”

  Hayley stepped forward, concerned. “Mona, what is it?”

  “I just remembered something,“ Mona mumbled.

  “What? What?” Hayley cried.

  Mona set the plate down on the table. “I didn’t think much of it at the time. In fact, I forgot about the whole thing until just now.”

  “Is it about Carol?” Rosana urgently whispered.

  Mona nodded. “It happened last fall, right after Labor Day. I came home from the shop and I found this wrapped gift on the front porch. It was addressed to Dennis. At first, I panicked, thinking I had forgotten his birthday, but then I remembered Dennis was born in March and a Pisces, which is probably why the man can never make up his mind about a damn thing! Anyway, I took the gift inside and gave it to Dennis, who was, big surprise, on the couch watching TV. He didn’t want to open it in front of me, but I was curious, so I told him to open the friggin’ gift already, and so he did.”

  “What was it?” Rosana gasped.

&nbs
p; “A DVD boxed set of that old Knight Rider series about the talking car that starred David Hasselhoff. It was the complete collection, all the episodes. Dennis lit up like a friggin’ Christmas tree! It was his all-time favorite show when he was a kid!” Mona recalled. “I asked who gave it to him, and, at first, he was real cagey, tried changing the subject. But you know me, once I’m curious about something, I’m like a terrier with a steak bone and won’t let it go.”

  “Did he finally tell you?” Hayley said quietly.

  Mona nodded, staring into space. “I got him to talk by threatening not to make him dinner. He’d make a terrible spy. He’d give up the nation’s secrets for a box of Hamburger Helper.”

  “Let me guess,” Hayley said. “Carol Waterman.”

  Mona folded her arms, a little disconcerted as she flashed back to the conversation. “I said to him, ‘Dennis, why on earth would Carol Waterman be giving anything to you? And how would she know your favorite show was Knight Rider?’ Well, he hemmed and hawed a bit, but I kept pressing him, and he finally explained that Carol had just wanted to show her appreciation.”

  Rosana’s eyes widened. “For what?”

  “Dennis has a part-time landscaping business in the summer. Trust me, I’m the breadwinner in the family by far, but when it’s sunny outside during July and August, it’s our best chance to get Dennis’s butt off the couch. He used to mow lawns and clip hedges back when he was a kid, so the last few years, he started making a few extra bucks for his six-packs of beer by taking on a few clients around town,” Mona said.

  “Carol Waterman being one of them,” Hayley said as a distant memory involving Carol and Dennis began gnawing its way into her brain.

  “I guess Dennis must have mentioned he liked Knight Rider, so she ordered the set from Amazon or something, gift-wrapped it, and left it on the doorstep for him.” Mona shrugged. “I have to admit, it was the perfect present for someone who is the literal definition of a couch potato.”

  “If Dennis was only working in Carol’s yard once a week, how would she know such a personal detail like his favorite TV show when he was growing up?” Rosana asked, suspicious.