Christmas Card Murder

by Leslie Meier

  Bruce then dropped to his knees and began frantically searching the linoleum floor with his hands. Finally he scooped something up. “Found it!”

  He held it up for all of us to see.

  We all had to squint to see the tooth wedged between his thumb and index finger. “Hayley, get a glass of milk! We need to keep the tooth moist! Mona, warm up the truck! You’re driving me to the emergency room!”

  Nobody argued with him, but none of us were at all surprised when we were told by the emergency room admitting nurse, in no uncertain terms, that this was not a medical emergency, this was a dental emergency.

  As Bruce grumbled about the obvious lack of concern over what was happening to him, I got on the phone and tried to track down a dentist who would see us on a Saturday during the Christmas season. Well, none of the four dentists on the island were available, but we did find someone in Bangor who could see us later that afternoon, so we all hopped back into Mona’s truck and sped off toward the Trenton Bridge.

  Bruce held the glass of milk soaking his tooth out in front of him as Mona’s hairpin turns caused him to splash himself a couple of times during the seemingly endless one-hour drive.

  Unfortunately, Mona tried calming everyone down by making light of the situation. “Hey, Bruce, knock, knock.”

  “Who’s there?” Bruce replied.

  “Dishes.”

  “Dishes, who?”

  “Dishes how I talk since I lost my teeth!” Mona roared.

  Liddy and I both tried desperately to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. Bruce could plainly see our hysterical reactions, since we were all squeezed into the front of Mona’s truck—me practically sitting on Bruce’s lap, trying not to get milk spilled all over me. Suffice it to say, he was not amused.

  Thankfully, everything worked out in Bangor. The dentist was able to bond Bruce’s tooth and it was as good as new, but he sent Bruce off with a warning that he had had enough candy canes for one holiday season. Bruce agreed, especially after getting a look at the whopping bill we would have to pay after the receptionist handed it to us and chirped, “Merry Christmas!”

  Finally we all climbed back into Mona’s truck and headed home to the island, tired after a long day of drama.

  That was when Mona decided to try and lighten the mood one more time.

  “Hey, Bruce.”

  “What?” Bruce barked.

  “What did the judge say to the dentist?”

  Bruce sighed. “I don’t know, what?”

  “Do you swear to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?” Mona shrieked, tears streaming down her cheeks from laughing so hard.

  Bruce just shook his head and pretended to be asleep the rest of the way home.

  Candy Cane Cocktail

  Candy Cane Vodka Ingredients:

  3 cups vodka

  20 miniature candy canes

  Pour the vodka in an airtight jar, add the candy canes, and close the jar. Let it sit 10 to 12 hours, shaking every so often to mix.

  Ingredients:

  4 ounces candy cane vodka

  2 ounces peppermint schnapps

  Chocolate-flavored syrup

  Crushed candy canes

  Pour some chocolate syrup on one plate and place crushed candy canes on another. Dip rim of a cocktail glass in chocolate, then the crushed candy canes, and set aside.

  In a shaker filled with ice, add your candy cane vodka and peppermint schnapps and shake to mix well. Strain into the decorated cocktail glass. Add a miniature candy cane if you desire! A yummy holiday treat with a big kick!

  Candy Cane Bark

  Ingredients:

  8 ounces white chocolate, chopped

  2 teaspoons vegetable oil, divided

  ½ teaspoon peppermint extract

  8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped

  ¼ cup crushed candy cane pieces

  1 baking sheet with parchment paper

  Add the white-chocolate chips and 1 teaspoon oil to a saucepan and heat on medium-low heat, stirring until melted. Stir in the peppermint extract, then spread into a thin rectangle on the parchment paper.

  In another saucepan, add the semisweet chocolate and melt on medium-low heat, stirring until completely melted.

  Pour over the white chocolate and use an offset spatula to spread evenly and to cover the white chocolate. Immediately sprinkle the candy cane pieces over the chocolate and place into the refrigerator until completely hardened.

  Then break into the size pieces you want and store in an airtight container or bag up as a cute Christmas treat for your friends!

  Chapter Six

  A good time was had by all at the Island Times annual Christmas soiree, with three noticeable exceptions. Although they kept happy smiles plastered on their faces, and made a valiant effort to engage in small talk with the entire staff and their guests in attendance, it was obvious to any clear-eyed observer that Hayley Powell, Mona Barnes, and Rosana Moretti were not enjoying the festivities. In fact, at one point, Mona had to pluck the red plastic cup of spiked eggnog out of Rosana’s hands because she had guzzled down so much and could barely stand on her feet.

  Her eyes were squinting and her words were slurring as she tried focusing on a random conversation with one of the reporters. Apparently, the reporter had just gotten engaged to her boyfriend of four years. Upon hearing this wonderful news, Rosana had burst into tears, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. Mona had decided at that point that Rosana needed to be cut off from the eggnog.

  As the host and organizer, Hayley worked hard to pretend nothing was wrong, trying to ignore the fact that all three of their husbands—Bruce, Dennis, and Sal—had yet to show up to the party.

  Where were they?

  What were they doing?

  Had all three of them run off with Carol Waterman?

  Hayley needed to keep her mind focused on the task at hand.

  Make sure everyone kept having a nice time.

  She circled the room, checking on all the guests, making sure they had sampled the hors d’oeuvres and their red plastic cups were filled with the spiked eggnog. She tried putting Bruce out of her mind. He would show up eventually. She could feel it in her gut. Or was that just indigestion from grazing on too many appetizers before the party?

  Hayley spotted Mona, with her arm around Rosana, leading her over to a chair in the corner. Rosana was stumbling drunk, and could barely walk, the room obviously spinning fast. Mona gently lowered her down in the seat, and Rosana gave her a grateful smile. Hayley flew over to join them.

  “I can’t believe none of them are here yet. People are going to start leaving soon,” Hayley said, gazing at the merry crowd, the volume of their chatter rising with each cup of eggnog.

  “I really thought I was going to grow old with Sal . . .” Rosana was slurring, her tongue half hanging out of her mouth as her glassy eyes stared ahead, the tears on her cheeks finally having dried up.

  “Don’t talk like that,” Hayley said, pointing a finger at Rosana. “We don’t know why they’re so late. There has to be a totally innocent and logical explanation.”

  “Then why are we all so upset?” Mona barked. “I’m ready to send out a search party for Dennis. This is the first time he’s left the couch since the Clinton administration.”

  “Look, we need to stop obsessing about this,” Hayley said, more to calm herself than her two friends. “We have no clue what’s really going on with Bruce, Sal, and Dennis. Why worry until there is actually something to worry about? Right? Now let’s get another cup of eggnog . . .” She stopped herself, glancing down at Rosana, who was swaying side to side. “Mona, let’s get another cup of eggnog and maybe a bottled water for Rosana, join the party, mingle, and catch up with everybody.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Mona said, nodding.

  Rosana tried nodding her head, but instead it just drooped forward as she slumped in the chair, seconds from completely passing out.

  Mona reached
down and pulled her back so she was sitting upright again. “Rosana, there’s a couch in Sal’s office. Let’s take you there so you can sleep it off.”

  “No, I want to be right here when Sal arrives,” Rosana insisted.

  “How about this? The minute Sal walks through the door, we’ll come and wake you up. Does that sound good?” Hayley suggested.

  Rosana smiled, her eyes now at half-mast. “Okay . . .”

  “Now, no more talking about our husbands,” Hayley said emphatically.

  As Hayley and Mona hauled Rosana to her feet to escort her to the back bull pen, where all the offices were located, Liddy breezed over to them. “How come all your husbands blew off the Christmas party this year?”

  Rosana’s body sagged again, making it harder for Hayley and Mona to drag her to Sal’s office.

  “We’re not talking about our husbands,” Hayley snapped to Liddy.

  “I don’t blame you. I’ve been trying to forget all about mine,” Liddy said wearily.

  “You don’t have a husband,” Mona growled.

  “Well, I would have, if he hadn’t ditched me at the altar,” Liddy said, sighing. “All men are scum. Am I right, ladies?”

  “Yes,” Rosana slurred, perking up for a brief moment, before slouching back down in Hayley’s and Mona’s arms.

  “Liddy, excuse us. We need to get Rosana to Sal’s office, where she can lie down,” Hayley said.

  Liddy didn’t seem to hear her. “Men. You just can’t trust them. It’s as simple as that.”

  Hayley and Mona exchanged a cursory glance before continuing to haul Rosana away from the party. They had barely managed to move a few feet when Andrea Cho, armed with her own red plastic cup of spiked eggnog, appeared at their side, tipsy and eager to join the conversation.

  “Liddy’s right. If you meet a guy you think you can fall in love with, then get a dog,” Andrea said, raising her glass. “Here’s to a happy future with Fido.”

  Hayley sighed, straining under the weight of Rosana, whose eyes were now fully closed. “Andrea, can we continue this conversation a little later? We really need to get Rosana—“

  Like Liddy, Andrea seemed to be tuning out Hayley and was in her own little world at the moment. “I say we form a group, like the First Wives Club, and make a pact never to allow men to screw up our lives ever again. Now that I think of it, we might not be able to call it the First Wives Club, since Leonard is my second husband.”

  “So is Bruce,” Hayley wheezed, struggling with Mona to make a little progress on their long journey to carry Rosana to Sal’s office.

  “You’re right. I’ll come up with a better name,” Andrea said. “Just as soon as I dump that good-for-nothing Leonard.”

  “Where is he tonight?” Liddy asked.

  “I left him at home. I’m too mad at him to even look at him right now,” Andrea hissed.

  “What did he do this time?” Liddy asked, leaning in, delightfully curious.

  “The usual. He was all over another woman in the stands at the high-school basketball game last night. I swear that man thinks he’s as sexy and charming as Bradley Cooper. But we all know he’s not!”

  “Hardly,” Mona grunted, pushing past Andrea with Rosana, perched on the threshold of the back bull pen.

  “The worst part was, I had to hear about it from a cheerleader! A cheerleader, can you believe it?” Andrea cried before pausing to reconsider. “Actually, no, the worst part was who he was flirting with. Carol Waterman.”

  Hayley and Mona stopped suddenly, slowly turning back around with Rosana, who was now snoring.

  “What?” Hayley gasped.

  “I know! Of all people! Don’t get me wrong! I blame Leonard one hundred percent for acting the way he did! But truth be told, I can’t stand the sight of Carol Waterman, with her plunging necklines and come-hither smile, always cozying up to every unavailable man on the island! I know this sounds awful, but I am so furious, if I could have just one Christmas present this year, I’d want Carol Waterman to keel over and die!”

  At that, Hayley and Mona let go of Rosana, who collapsed to the floor in a heap, still snoring.

  Chapter Seven

  When Police Chief Sergio Alvares, who also happened to be Hayley’s brother-in-law, showed up in uniform at the Island Times office Christmas party, Hayley feared someone had called the police station with a noise complaint. Over the last hour, the festivities had become noticeably rowdier as people generously and enthusiastically ladled out more and more servings of the delicious rum-spiked eggnog. Someone had also cranked up the Christmas music and the high-pitched laughter from some of the tipsy revelers was at its earsplitting peak.

  Having successfully delivered Rosana to the couch in Sal’s office, where they covered her with a blanket, Hayley and Mona had rejoined the party just in time to see Sergio arrive.

  Hayley raced over to him with a worried look. “I’m sorry, is the music too loud?”

  Sergio gave her a quizzical look. “No, I just got off from work and thought I’d stop by. I am invited, aren’t I?”

  Hayley wasn’t about to tell the chief of police that the party was for employees and their significant others only, so she just broke out into a wide smile. “Of course! The more the merrier!”

  Sergio wandered over to the food table to grab himself a Christmas cookie. Hayley glanced over at Mona, standing next to Liddy, who was prattling on about something. Hayley could tell Mona wasn’t listening to a word Liddy was saying. Her mind was clearly elsewhere, undoubtedly on the whereabouts of her missing husband. A similar thought was raging through Hayley’s mind at the moment, too. She wasn’t going to panic. She was just grateful that Rosana, the most high-strung of them all, was sleeping peacefully, at least until she woke up and would most likely be suffering from a massive hangover.

  Hayley heard a few partygoers greeting some new arrivals near the front door and turned around. She gasped. There, in the doorway, laughing and shaking hands with a few reporters, were Bruce and Sal. Hayley marched over and barked, “Why are you so late? Where were you?”

  “Merry Christmas to you, too,” Bruce said with a sly smile.

  “I’m serious! We’ve been worried sick!” Hayley howled.

  “Are we that late?” Sal asked, checking his watch.

  “Yes, you are!” Hayley snapped.

  Sal looked around. “Where’s Rosana?”

  “She had a little too much of the spiked eggnog and is in your office sleeping it off.”

  “Really? She rarely touches the hard stuff,” Sal remarked. “She’s more of a Pinot Grigio kind of gal.”

  “It’s your fault, Sal. She had no idea where you were, and she got upset, and just started guzzling down the eggnog out of nervousness,” Hayley explained before turning back to Bruce. “So, are you going to tell me what you’ve been up to?”

  Bruce and Sal exchanged sheepish looks.

  “Well?” Hayley asked impatiently.

  “We skipped work to go ice fishing,” Bruce said. “I know, we probably should’ve stuck around here to help set up for the party, but we got talking this morning. Sal mentioned how he hadn’t had any free time to do much fishing this season, so on a whim we just decided to head out to his tent.”

  “They were biting today, too. You should see the haul we got,” Sal said, beaming.

  “Ice fishing?” Hayley asked, incredulous.

  Bruce nodded. “We’re going to have some nice trout dinners for the rest of the week.”

  “Why didn’t you at least call or text to tell me where you were?” Hayley asked, folding her arms.

  “We were camped out in the middle of Eagle Lake. You know how spotty the cell service is all the way out there,” Bruce explained.

  Hayley wasn’t sure she believed them. That is, until her nose crinkled up at the fishy aroma emanating from Sal’s clothes. Bruce, however, had no scent whatsoever.

  “Why don’t you stink like Sal?” Hayley asked pointedly.

  Sal
grunted, obviously insulted while smelling himself.

  “We swung by the house first, and while Sal unloaded some of the catch, I ran upstairs to take a quick shower,” Bruce explained, almost too quickly.

  Hayley turned to Sal, recoiling. “And what about you?”

  “We were late getting back. We didn’t have time to stop at my house, too. Who cares if I smell? I’m the boss. Who’s going to fire me?”

  Bruce hugged Hayley, who stiffened. “You’re mad at me for playing hooky today while you worked to get everything ready for the party, aren’t you?”

  He was right.

  She was mad.

  But her anger was slowly starting to melt as she accepted the explanation that Bruce and Sal had gone fishing, and that neither of them had been secretly plotting to run away with Carol Waterman.

  “Come on, Sal, I’ll buy you a drink,” Bruce said.

  “Yeah, real generous of you, but it’s an open bar, and I’m paying for it!” Sal groused as Bruce led him away.

  Mona suddenly appeared next to Hayley. “You buying their story?”

  “Yes, I suppose so,” Hayley said.

  Mona shook her head. “Well, go figure, it’s Dennis. Dennis is the one sneaking around with Carol Waterman.”

  “Mona, you don’t know that!” Hayley cried.

  “He’s the only one still not here. He’s obviously left town with Carol,” Mona said. “I can’t believe it.”

  “We still don’t know if Carol was being serious!”

  Mona checked her phone again.

  Still, no word from Dennis.

  Mona retreated from the party, slinking away to a corner to sit in a chair and stare glumly at the floor.

  Hayley tried cheering her up, but to no avail.

  But then, not five minutes later, the front door opened, and Dennis finally appeared. He looked calm and detached, almost as if he had just hauled himself up from the couch and driven over to pick up his wife.