To the Moon and Back

by Becca Van

  If she told the six deputies what she’d been through, would everyone else in town find out, too? Would Talia decide she couldn’t or didn’t want to work with Jodi and decide to buy her out so she could have the shop to herself?

  Stop it! You’re being stupid. Talia wouldn’t do that. You have to stop punishing yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid.

  After brushing her teeth, gargling some mouth wash, and rinsing her mouth, Jodi glanced at Walt, but this time instead of looking away again, she held his gaze. She knew in her heart that she had done nothing wrong, hadn’t done anything to entice her uncle and warrant what he’d done to her, but trying to convince her mind of that was nearly impossible.

  Whatever the outcome, Jodi was going to hold her head up high. She’d learned to portray a confident façade she didn’t feel, but no one had ever seemed to notice and called her out.

  She had a feeling that wasn’t the case here.

  With a weary sigh, she resigned herself to telling the six deputies of the abuse she’d suffered as a child.

  * * * *

  Dirk had never been so concerned for someone in his life. Sure, he’d worried about his brothers when they’d all been serving in the military, but he’d also trusted them to keep themselves safe. He and his siblings were trained to be the best of the best, had and could take down men bigger and stronger than they were. However, right now his guts were tied up in knots. When he’d seen the color drain from Jodi’s face, he was sure she was about to pass out, but she’d turned her back on them and breathed through her emotional shock and quickly gained control. At least, that’s what he’d thought until he’d seen her cover her mouth.

  There were so many scenarios going through his mind, and he was full of fear and anger, but not for himself. He was angry and fearful on Jodi’s behalf, and he had a feeling he was going to be feeling way beyond anger once he found out what had caused her reaction.

  “Are you feeling all right now, sweetie?” he asked as he took a step closer to her.

  She swallowed audibly and nodded. She was still too fucking pale, but at least she no longer looked gray.

  When Walt lifted her into his arms again, Dirk wanted to pluck her from his brother and hold her against himself, but he refrained. She was already upset enough, and he didn’t want her thinking that he and his brothers would ever play a game of tug-of-war with her physically or emotionally.

  She already had way more than enough to deal with without him adding to her upset.

  Dirk stepped aside and then he and Emmet followed Walt and Jodi back to the kitchen/dining room. The Sheffield brothers gazed at Jodi with concern, but none of their work colleagues made any comments.

  Walt sat at the head of the table with Jodi on his lap. Dirk and Emmet took the chairs on either side of them.

  “How are you feeling, Jodi?” Wilder asked.

  “I’m okay,” she answered softly.

  “Are you sure, honey?” Cree asked. “We can call one of the docs to come and see you if you want.”

  “I don’t need a doctor.”

  Walt nudged her chin up until she was gazing into his eyes. “Tell us what’s going on, baby.”

  Jodi turned her head, dislodging Walt’s finger from beneath her chin before she inhaled raggedly and lowered her eyes to the table. Though Dirk wanted to see her pretty blue eyes as she spoke, he had a feeling she needed to keep her gaze down so she could get through telling them whatever had caused her to throw up.

  “My mom died when I was a baby. I never knew her since I was only a few months old. I don’t know who my father is because she didn’t name him on my birth certificate, but I think her getting pregnant with me was an accident. I’m not sure if she told my biological father, but if she did, he obviously never wanted anything to do with me.”

  Dirk’s heart clenched with pain on Jodi’s behalf. When he saw that she was clutching her fingers together tightly, he reached out, untangled them, and entwined his with hers. She didn’t look at him, but she didn’t grip his hand tightly.

  “I was put into foster care for a few years, but then apparently out of the blue my mother’s brother turned up and applied for custody. Even though his guardianship was still pending, the social worker in charge of my case acceded to letting him take care of me so we could get to know each other and form a bond.”

  When Dirk realized his breathing had escalated he concentrated on getting his tumultuous emotions under control and slow his rapid pants. When he had his feelings tamped down, he kept them on a tight leash so they didn’t get away from him again.

  “Since I was so young, I can’t remember much, but when I turned seven, I started noticing things about my uncle that I didn’t like.” Jodi paused to suck in a breath, but Dirk, his brothers, and the Sheffield men all saw her shudder.

  Walt wrapped his arms around her, trying to offer her comfort, the warmth from his body, and the courage to continue even though he had his teeth clenched. Emmet had his hands curled in tight fists, and Dirk was so tense the muscles in his neck and shoulders were aching.

  Again, Dirk wished he was holding her, getting the chance to comfort her himself, but this wasn’t about him or his brothers. Right now, he needed to put his wants on the backburner. This was about Jodi and what she required.

  Dirk saw that Wilder had his note pad and pen at the ready. He knew his fellow deputies would start searching for Jodi’s uncle as soon as they had a name and got back to the station.

  “I didn’t think anything of it when he asked me to sit on his knee while he read me a story, but after a week, I began to notice things.”

  “Like what, love?” Emmet asked.

  When Jodi glanced up before quickly lowering her eyes again, the anger Dirk had been trying to keep under wraps began to bubble inside of him, getting hotter and hotter.

  “He kept wriggling around in his chair and he made strange noises. Being a naïve child I had no idea what was going on. I even remember asking him if he was okay.”

  Dirk hadn’t even noticed he was clutching his thighs or digging his fingers into his muscles until he started hurting himself, but there was no way he was letting up. The self-inflicted pain was the only reason he hadn’t exploded like a powder keg. Though he didn’t want to hear anymore, he wanted, needed Jodi to finish it. The brief glance she’d sent Emmet’s way had been so full of pain and sadness, his heart hurt for her. He had a feeling she’d never told anyone she was close to about what had happened to her as an innocent child. He wanted her to purge the ugly stain, which, through no fault of her own, had marred her heart and soul.

  He was hoping that once she got all the pain out, once she’d cried and eradicated all those horrid memories and emotions, she’d be cleansed, and hopefully, she’d be open to dating him and his brothers and eventually agreeing to be their woman.

  Dirk wanted her in his and his brothers’ lives forever, but he wasn’t sure she’d ever agree to be theirs. If she refused, she was going to break his heart into a so many little pieces, there’d be no way for him to put it back together again.

  Chapter Eight

  Shame was something Jodi had lived with for long time, and it had become a part of her she’d tried to keep hidden, but now here she was finally spilling her guts, and with each word she spoke she felt another crack in the hard shell she’d encased herself in.

  She was having a difficult time keeping her emotions at bay, and she was worried if she let her feelings take over, she’d splinter apart. It didn’t matter that she’d told her teacher at school, then the police, and finally the psychologist that the social worker had made her see. The insidious shadows she’d kept locked down deep were slowly seeping out through the cracks and consuming her from the inside out.

  She tried to push the darkness away so she could finish up quickly.

  “When he started coming into the bathroom while I was having a bath, I knew it wasn’t right, but then things got worse.”

  Although she hadn�
�t been raped, Jodi had been sexually molested, and she rushed and told them the rest. When she was done, the silence in the room was so fraught with tense rage, she couldn’t take it anymore. The bastard hadn’t even been charged since it had been her word against his. She’d been taken away from him and he’d been expunged from ever having another child in his care, but from her point of view that hadn’t even been a slap on the wrist. The asshole had gotten away with hurting her and hadn’t been punished.

  She jumped up from Walt’s lap and ran from the room. Even though she had no way of getting back home, or no idea where she was going to go, she didn’t care. She needed to get away from the evil blackness eating up her insides.

  Her gaze locked on the front door, and she sprinted toward it, opened it, and stepped outside. She sucked in the clean fresh air, trying to rid herself of the thick evil tar clogging her up insides as she ran toward the steps. A muscular arm snagged her around the waist, and she broke.

  Jodi kicked, screamed, and tried to fight her way free, but he was too strong. She fought until she’d tired herself out, and then came the tears. The first sob was ripped out of her, sounding so deep and tortured, even she could hear as well as feel the pain she’d carried for so long bursting free.

  As she drew in a deep breath, Dirk’s spicy scent wrapped around her just as his arms did and she was lifted from her feet. She buried her face against his chest, one of her hands clinging tightly to his shirt, and she cried until she felt sick again.

  As her tears slowed and dried up, she gasped for breath and tried to pry her stinging, swollen eyes open, but she’d bawled so much she felt as if they’d been glued shut. She was aware that Dirk had carried her back into the house and was sitting with her on his lap in the living room, but she was so exhausted, she didn’t care where she was. Emmet and Walt had sat on either side of her and Dirk while she’d cried. All three of the men had caressed her and given her comfort she’d been missing out on since she was a baby.

  She’d never felt so much warmth in her life, and though it frightened her, she wanted to hold onto the three Kyson brothers and never let go.

  Now that she’d released all the emotional baggage she’d kept hidden from everyone and even partially from herself, she felt so much lighter. She felt as if the dark stain on her soul had been washed away, and for the first time in her life, she wanted to get closer to other people.

  She heard footsteps heading their way, and her cheeks heated with embarrassment over her breakdown. She’d totally forgotten the other three deputies were still in the house since she’d been frantic to get away from everyone before she broke down.

  “We need a name, Jodi,” Wilder said from between clenched teeth.

  She didn’t know if he was angry with her or because of what her uncle had done to her, but she was too tired to care. Now that she felt calmer, all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and go to sleep.

  Jodi had thought she’d been tired because of her disturbed nights and lack of sleep over the past few months, but that was nothing compared to how exhausted she was feeling right now. “John Regan,” she answered, not caring that he probably hadn’t heard her, that her voice was soft and muffled because she still had her face pressed against Dirk’s chest.

  She heard the men talking, but their voices seemed to come from a long way off as her the tension in her muscles dissipated and sleep tugged her down into its peaceful oblivion.

  * * * *

  “She’s asleep,” Dirk said quietly.

  Emmet surged to his feet then paced quickly across the room then back again. He was so fucking furious he couldn’t sit still any longer. His gorgeous, sweet woman had been abused by someone who was supposed to have protected her. It was no wonder she was so skittish around him and his brothers. The sound of her sobs had torn him apart, and though he’d wanted to help her, to fix her and take away all of her pain, there was nothing he could do, nothing any of them could do.

  He’d never felt so fucking helpless in his life. He and his brothers were always ready to charge in with guns blazing and protect the innocent, but he had no idea who the enemy was.

  “Find out where her fucking uncle is,” Walt said. “I hope he’s behind fucking bars for some reason, because if he isn’t…”

  “You can’t take the law into your own hands, Walt,” Wilder said. “Leave the uncle to me and my brothers.”

  “I can’t believe the fucker got off without any punishment,” Dirk snarled. He cursed softly when Jodi whimpered then he gently rocked her.

  Emmet hadn’t stopped his pacing and didn’t think he’d be stopping anytime soon. The fury bubbling up inside of him was so hot, he was sure he had to have steam coming out of his ears.

  “That asshole has to be on the pedophile register,” Cree said.

  “No,” Nash snapped. “Since he wasn’t convicted, that fucker has been free and clear to live his life the way he wants.”

  “Unless he abused another child and was caught,” Wilder said. “As soon as we get back to the department we’ll look him up.”

  “And the other?” Dirk asked. As soon as he’d felt Jodi slump against him, he’d turned her face away from his chest. Her eyelids were red and swollen, and she had tear tracks down her face, but to him she was gorgeous. He hoped she felt better after her nap, but he also hoped she was more receptive to him and his brothers.

  He needed her in his life like he needed air. If she didn’t want to have anything to do with him and his brothers, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

  She’d burrowed her way under his skin and was now lodged in his heart and on his soul for all time. He couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine how lonely he’d be if she decided she didn’t want to be their woman.

  Pushing his pessimism aside, he thought about the break in at her home and tried to figure out what the motherfuckers had been looking for. It could be all manner of things, and until they got a lead, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

  Dirk just hoped that something came to light soon, because if it didn’t he, Emmet, Walt, and the other law officers could be searching in the dark for years.

  He shook his head.

  No, one way or another they’d figure out who was behind terrorizing their woman. Whoever it was would make a mistake eventually, and they’d be waiting in the wings when the bastards did.

  The assholes were going down even if he had to wait months to take them out.

  In the meantime, he, Walt, and Emmet were going to court Jodi and slowly ingratiate themselves into her life and, hopefully, into her heart.

  Dirk nodded at the deputies when they said goodbye and his brothers saw them out.

  Although he knew he should carry Jodi to bed so she could rest comfortably, he couldn’t bring himself to move. He’d dreamed of having her in his arms since the first time he’d met her, and while she wasn’t awake, he was going to savor the moment.

  His brothers came back inside, each of them gazing at the amazing woman Dirk was holding, and they both still looked as pissed as he felt. He needed to rid himself of his anger before she woke up, because he didn’t want her thinking he was angry with her.

  Jodi had been through hell and back. She’d had no one she could trust or rely on to share her worries or even to just hold her when she needed it. Well, he presumed she hadn’t. He thanked God that her teacher had called child services and she’d been taken away from her sick fucker of an uncle, but then she’d been put into the system again. He’d heard so many horrors stories about evil foster parents and some of the kids in foster care, he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing about what she’d had to endure.

  If he ever met the fucker, Dirk would want to beat the prick within an inch of his life, but even he realized that wouldn’t atone for what the bastard had done to his niece.

  * * * *

  Even though it was late and he should have been in bed hours ago, Emmet couldn’t sleep. He was so full of fury and adrenaline there was no way in he
ll he could close his eyes, let alone lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

  Dirk had carried Jodi to bed after her breakdown and she’d fallen asleep. Their poor woman was so fucking tired she’d slept half the day away, and as far as he knew, she was still out cold. The clock on the DVD player said it was just after three in the morning, but he was still so full of energy, he had a feeling he’d be up all night.

  He was sitting in the dark in the living room sipping on a beer hoping the alcohol would help him relax so he could get a couple of hours shut eye. When he heard a noise he went on full alert, but he calmed again when he saw Jodi’s silhouette as she walked across the room toward the kitchen. While he didn’t want to scare her, he didn’t like that she was walking around in the dark and could end up hurting herself, so he flicked the lamp on.

  She startled and gasped. “Shit! You scared me.”

  “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to do that.” Emmet shoved to his feet, eying her body up and down. She was so fucking sexy in the T-shirt Dirk had changed her into before tucking into bed. Her legs were toned and seemed to go on forever even though she was way shorter than him and his brothers. The soft cotton material was molded to her breasts, showcasing the lush globes and her hard nipples were poking against the shirt. His mind immediately went to the carnal as he tried to imagine what color her nipples were and how they’d taste. His cock twitched, throbbed, and began to harden, but he tried to ignore that part of his anatomy.

  “Are you okay, Jodi?” He walked toward her slowly so as not to scare her, and when he was within touching distance, he reached up and cupped one of her cheeks, scrutinizing her face and then staring deeply into her eyes.