by Ella Miles
5
ENZO
WATCHING Kai have nightmares about me, guts me. It’s like living through a never-ending explosion, ripping my heart to tiny little pieces. Over and over. There is nothing left of my heart when I see her pain.
It’s like Kai is strangling it, stabbing it, and drowning it all simultaneously, unable to decide which will inflict the worst pain on me.
I’ve felt so much pain in my life, but none worse than what I experience seeing Kai in pain. No training my father put me through could have prepared me for seeing her in this much pain.
Fuck.
This is the worst kind of punishment, and I deserve every drop of it. Kai may not be purposefully punishing me. She may not feel this is all my fault. But I know it is.
Kai’s life before my world entered it wasn’t perfect, far from it, but she saw a way out. She had a chance to get away, and instead of letting her go, I trapped her in this world.
I deserve so much worse than watching her in pain because of me. I took the beautiful spark inside her and drowned it.
It’s still there, I know it. She’ll find it again, but without me. I’ve hurt her too many times. Failed her more than either of us can count. And loving her will only result in her early death. I’ve already risked her life too many times. Danger follows me wherever I go. And being one of the most powerful men in the world will draw my enemies to her. If my enemies know I love her, they will try to hurt her to get to me.
That’s what this world does to people like us. We live a life of luxury, but one where we are always looking over our shoulder to see who wants to kill us. We always have to be at the top of our game to survive.
This shouldn’t be Kai’s life. I love her, and loving her means I have to be strong enough to protect her, which means getting her as far away from me as possible. Because I will suck the life out of her.
Tomorrow the fourth game starts. I’m currently winning two to one. Tomorrow I could clinch the win. Then all that would be left is sorting out heirs and completing the paperwork for the next generation of competitors.
Please let the game tomorrow be kind to Kai.
I don’t care if she wins or loses. I’ll support whatever she wants. But I can’t let this game hurt her. She’s already hurting too much.
Please let it not risk her life, not hurt her.
Who am I kidding? My father created this game. It will be the worst kind of pain. The worst kind of torture.
The sun seems to stretch out infinitely, the day moving slower than any days before. Kai stays outside soaking in every ray of sun with us. None of us speak to each other. We just drink, like alcohol is the only thing to take away all of our pain.
We all have torment for different reasons. But the only pain I’m focused on is Kai’s. She is my everything. My sun and my night. My reason for living and my reason for dying.
I’ve failed before. I won’t fail again. She will never suffer again. I will not let it happen.
From now on, she is my queen. She is no longer a stingray. She will no longer have to use her stinger to protect herself. I will lay down everything for her.
The men and women who work for the organization may think I’m the best leader for them. They are wrong. I’m the worst. Because I will put Kai above all their lives. Maybe at one time I would have made a great leader, but not anymore.
These games are a waste.
Kai doesn’t want to become Black.
And I only want to use the power to protect her.
Neither of us is worthy of the title.
Neither of us will do the job required of us.
Neither of us will be selfless enough to run a powerful empire, using the power to protect the lives that work for us.
Finally, the sun begins to set, and Kai gets up from her chair. I watch her disappear inside silently. Liesel follows next. Then eventually Langston.
I’m alone.
I’m always alone.
I’ve lived alone, and I’ll die alone.
That is my fate.
I get up off my chair, every bone in my body throbbing. It only seems fair my heart is broken like every other part of my body. So many bones have been broken I’m not even sure how my body is staying together. My skin has been stitched, my bones put in casts, blood pumped into my body. But none of those things truly healed me. I’ll always be broken. And that’s how my heart feels, unable to be repaired.
I walk through the hallways of the yacht until I reach Kai’s door. I lean against the door, considering knocking. I just need to see her face. I need to breathe the same air as her. Because my time with her is running out. This could be the end of her existence in my life.
But I’ve been too selfish when it comes to her. So I don’t knock.
Instead, I slide down the floor and sit outside her door.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up the security camera in her room. I’ve never used it before. But I need to see her now.
Kai is lying in the bed. Her eyes are closed, and her breathing is steady, but I don’t think she’s sleeping.
Langston is lying shirtless next to her, studying her to see if she’s asleep. After twenty minutes of watching her steady breathing, he decides she’s asleep. He rolls over and is out within minutes.
As soon as Langston starts snoring, Kai’s eyes pop open. She wasn’t asleep. She just didn’t want Langston worrying about her.
Oh, stingray.
She takes the scrunchie out of her hair and starts fidgeting with it.
She should have fallen for a man like Zeke. He was still involved in this world, but the second she became his, he would have given it all up for her. He could have gotten a normal job as an accountant, or engineer, or salesman. Anything to provide stability to her. He would have married her, had kids with her, protected her. Bought her a gorgeous house in the suburbs. Learned to make friends with the neighbors and take the kids to soccer practice. Even coached the little league team.
He would have been the husband and father I could never be.
Kai should have been with a man like Zeke. Instead, I took away any chance she had. But I will give it back to her. I promise.
Kai continues to fidget with the scrunchie, no doubt missing Zeke. I should have died that day instead of him. He would have gotten her away from Milo. She would have been safe.
And then I see it. The tiny heart I carved for her. It’s still on the scrunchie, not only that, but it’s what she is fidgeting and focusing on. The heart, not the scrunchie. She’s thinking of me.
Her eyes flitter up to the corner of the room, as if she knows there is a camera there, even though she can’t see it. Her eyes glaze to mine as I watch her.
My connection to her is still there even if hers is gone, but for a moment I think she feels it too. Our old connection that breaks through walls, time, and space to reach each other.
But she quickly breaks the connection. She slips the scrunchie back on her wrist and then closes her eyes, as sleep quickly takes her.
Sleep, my queen. You don’t have to worry anymore. I will protect you, even at my own expense.
I watch her breath change from easy to fast, and I immediately know what’s happening.
My hand reaches for the doorknob, but I stop.
If I go to her, I’ll make her nightmare worse.
Wake up, Langston.
Protect her.
There is nothing I can do but wait.
My hand rests on the wooden door, trying to feel all her pain. Hoping if I feel it, she won’t have to.
She tosses in bed, wrestling with an imaginary man.
It doesn’t take Langston long to stir. He grabs her and pulls her to his body, trying to warm her and bring her out of the nightmare.
But she doesn’t immediately stop her thrashing.
I grip the door harder, willing the universe to give me all of her pain.
I stare at the tiny image of her on my phone as her nightmare gets worse.
Tears. Tears cascade down my cheeks, flooding my face. Running over my lips and off my chin.
I’ve never been a man who cries, but for her, I cry. I don’t care if the emotions make me weak. Before her, I thought the tears and emotions made me a pussy. Made me weak. But I realize now my love for her makes me stronger than I’ve ever been before. Maybe if I’d given in to the feelings after our first encounter in that bar, I would have saved her from all of this.
But I didn’t. And I don’t get a do-over. I don’t get to turn back time and save her.
She went through hell.
Now it’s my turn.
I sit silently outside her door—my hell. The fire consumes me as I watch her slowly come out of her nightmare. Langston protects her with his body. I’ve never been jealous of Langston before, but I am now. I wish I were him. I wish I could feel her in my arms again. Just one more time.
Instead, I suffer alone.
Tomorrow this could end. I could win the final game. I could become Mr. Black. I could take over the empire as I was always destined to. And then I would have the power to protect her.
I would send Langston and a dozen of my best men to protect her. And then I would send her far away from here. I would hide her, even from myself because as long as I knew where she was, I would come for her. My love is too great to stay away. And I’m her greatest enemy. I have to give her up. But when the time comes, will I have the strength to do it?
6
KAI
I GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS.
I shower.
I get dressed.
I eat breakfast.
But my heart isn’t really in it. I don’t want to win the game; I just want this to be over.
All of it.
I stand in front of the mirror, gripping my flat stomach that will soon hold a bump. How long can I keep this a secret? How much time will it take for my little baby to be visible?
I try not to ignore the game, but that’s all I could think about last night.
The last game gave me a broken leg, a dislocated shoulder, and more stab wounds. Enzo faired worse—almost dying.
Either one of us could have died during that game. It was by far the most dangerous either of us has faced so far. My father created that game.
What will be coming now that Enzo’s father created this next chapter?
Whatever the game is, it will be far more dangerous than any of the previous. And unlike every other time, my only focus is on surviving.
I walk out of the bedroom and find everyone on the main deck of the yacht. I notice land in the distance. Not just any land, my home—Miami.
Miami may have been my home, but it’s not a place I plan on staying in when this is all over. Miami has not treated any of us well.
An ominous feeling settles on the group as I walk closer. All of us are exhausted; we just what this over. We are tired and weary and don’t want to fight anymore.
Maybe it can be over?
Archard is standing at the end of the yacht with papers to read us in his hand.
“What happens if I withdraw?” I ask.
Liesel smiles.
Langston’s mouth falls wide.
And Enzo frowns.
I don’t know why any of them care if I withdraw. They all know Enzo is the better person to run the organization. I want nothing to do with it. I want to get as far away from here as possible.
“At this point in the game, I would highly recommend you don’t withdraw,” Archard says in a mysterious tone. He doesn’t tell me why I shouldn’t withdraw. He doesn’t say I can’t withdraw. Just that he recommends I don’t.
All eyes are on me, as more dark clouds roll overhead. Something dark is coming. My whole life is nothing but darkness, so it doesn’t shock me. But Milo is dead. My biggest threat is gone. All that is left is finishing this stupid game.
Something deep in my gut tells me not to withdraw. So I don’t say anything further.
Archard hitches an eyebrow looking directly at me. “Should I start?”
I nod.
And then Liesel and Langston’s eyes are on Archard, not on me. But Enzo stays focused on me, like I’m his whole world. Hiding my pregnancy from him is going to be near impossible. He knows everything about me. And even if our connection isn’t what it used to be, he still can see through any lie I tell.
I need to get out of here before he finds out.
“This round was created by Enzo’s father to test your bravery, courage, and self-sacrifice,” Archard says.
Enzo snorts. “My father knew nothing about any of those qualities.”
Archard ignores him, choosing to continue speaking. “This game will test all of those qualities and more. The winner of this round won’t be decided by me. The winner will be chosen by a team of five people selected to represent the men and women who work for you.”
What?
Every game before has been very straightforward. Very easy to determine the winner. But this time we will be judged by a team of people who work for us. This doesn’t even seem fair, if I cared about winning. Enzo has grown up in this world, around these people. He knows them on a personal level. Of course, they would vote for him over me.
“I will introduce you to the five people deciding your fate after I finish discussing the rules. The game will last one month. This is a test to see who is the better leader. Each of you will take turns leading the Black empire, and proving you are the best fit for the job.”
This seems too easy. We just do the job we’ve already been doing but individually?
“Enzo will be the first to have his leadership abilities tested. Each night the five-member team will vote to decide if he has done a good enough job to stay in power or if Kai should take over,” Archard continues.
“Wait, Kai doesn’t even get a chance to prove herself unless Enzo screws up? That doesn’t seem fair,” Liesel says.
“This game isn’t fair. It was created by Enzo’s father, so of course it will favor him,” Archard says, defiance in his eyes.
Liesel growls back and looks like she’s about to punch Archard, but Langston steps in, wrapping his arms around Liesel which only ignites her further.
“It’s fine, I don’t need a fair fight in order to win,” I say. But I don’t want to win. I just want out of here.
Liesel relaxes before pushing Langston away from her.
“What’s the catch?” Enzo asks.
“What do you mean?” Archard asks.
“I mean, this is too easy. Just do the job we are both competing to do. That’s it? That’s too easy and doesn’t involve much danger. So what’s the catch?” Enzo asks again.
Archard sighs reading over the papers again. “A month isn’t a long time. You could have a relatively easy month, which wouldn’t test your abilities fairly. So your father arranged a series of events guaranteed to happen during the month-long period. But the events will be very real, with real-life consequences.”
“Of course, he did,” Enzo sighs, shaking his head as if his father could see his disappointment.
This game could be more dangerous than all the rest. Because the game is all about surprise. Who knows what event we will face. What enemies he’s sparked to attack. For the next month, we will never be safe. And I don’t know if it’s better I sit on the sidelines, or try to lead myself to ensure my own safety.
“One last thing before I introduce you to the judges. Remember, it doesn’t matter who wins this game, whether it’s Enzo or Kai. After the game is over, you will both have a year to produce an heir. And then the final task has to be completed. If Enzo wins this game, he would simply have to complete the final task solo in order to win. If Kai wins, the games are tied, which means you will both compete in the final round. Either way, a blood heir has to be found.”
Archard doesn’t say what will happen if neither of us produce an heir, but I’m guessing from how the games have worked so far, it woul
dn’t be good.
“Any questions?” Archard asks.
I have a million—like why the hell this stupid game was invented in the first place? What happened to cause this entire sequence of events? But I don’t ask.
“Good, Enzo will take charge first. And as I said, if the five crew members decide you are doing a bad job or that they want to give Kai a chance to lead for any reason, they will take a vote at the end of the day. Any other questions?” Archard repeats himself.
His eyes flitter around the room. “Good.” He whistles and four men and one woman start climbing the ladder up the side of the yacht.
Enzo frowns. He doesn’t like anyone getting on his yacht without his permission.
“I’m Clifton, head of intelligence,” he first man says. His skin is light, his hair shaved, and his clothes are glued to his thick muscles.
“I’m Denziel, head of technology,” the next man says. He’s much smaller than the first, with pale skin, and very little muscle.
“I’m Vance, head sailor,” the next man barks. His voice is rough, just like his exterior. His clothes already look dirty, and his skin is much darker, like he spends all his time in the sun.
“I’m Ulysses, debt collector.” This man is by far the biggest. In some ways he reminds me of Zeke. He’s all big and brawn. But for some reason, I’m not sure he will be as much of the teddy bear Zeke was. His eyes look crueler.
The woman steps forward. She’s in the same uniform of dark pants, boots, and a gray T-shirt. “I’m Odette, in charge of security.” She may be a woman, but she seems just as fierce as all the others on the team.
Enzo nods at all of them. And they all nod back at him, placing their arms behind their backs as they await his orders. They all show him respect, and I have no doubt they all respect him as a leader. It’s a good thing I don’t want the job, because I would be screwed.
In a way, it makes me wonder why we are playing the games if everyone in the organization wants Enzo to be their leader. Did I ever really have a chance? If I had won, would they all revolt against me anyway?
It doesn’t matter now.
