A Very British Witch Boxed Set

by Isobella Crowley

  Raven was the first to let loose. “How could you do it?”

  Vixen shrugged. “He deserved it.”

  Raven shook her head. “How can you say that?”

  “What kind of pathetic man chooses to live alone? After his girlfriend has gone and turned herself into a cat?” She cackled.

  Raven arched her back, fur standing on edge, ready to strike.

  Scarlett reached across to soothe Raven. “Easy now. You won’t achieve anything by losing your temper with her, however much you’re provoked.”

  Raven eased back and slumped down, sulking and muttering to herself.

  Vixen appeared to be reveling in the attention. “He told me over and over how much he loved me.” She glanced at Raven. “Oh, he couldn’t stand the sight of you. He was using you, love. I was the one he–”

  Raven got to her feet. “Right, that’s it. Let’s have this out here and now, just you and me.” She took a step towards Vixen, arched her back and hissed in her face.

  Tabitha rose and reached down to grab Raven by the scruff before she did something to complicate the situation even further. She went instantly limp, but it didn’t stop her from yowling angrily. “Come on. With me.”

  “What?! Where are we going?”

  “To the other room. Cliff was right, you’re too involved.”

  “Fine! Let go of me first.” Tabitha did, and after turning to glare at Vixen, Raven trotted behind Tabitha towards the bedroom.

  Scarlett coughed to clear her throat. “Now then… Vixen.”

  Vixen fixed her with a steely gaze. “What?”

  “What I don’t understand is, how Raven got caught to begin with?”

  Vixen shrugged. “What makes you think I know?”

  “Call it a hunch.”

  “Well, I don’t know a thing. And if I did, what makes you think I’d tell you?”

  Cliff leaned forward, clearly exasperated with her. “Come on, just tell us what we want to know and be done with it, will you? We haven’t got all day.” He crept even closer and put this arm around her shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be okay. You’ll feel much better for it, once it’s out in the open.”

  She looked at Cliff. “You think so?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Well, okay then.”

  Cliff looked at Scarlett. “It’s over to you.”

  She put on the face she wore when haggling over the price of wine with suppliers. “So, Vixen, I’ll ask you again. Are you going to tell us about how Raven got caught?”

  Vixen sat up straight and grinned. “Well, here’s something that will come as a shock to you all… ”

  They all leaned in. “What?”

  “I killed McMillan.” She looked at Scarlett. “You got the spell right, love. Well done.” She held out her arms, wrists together as if bound. “It’s a fair cop.”

  She smiled through gritted teeth and muttered, “Well, thank you, Abel Magwitch.” She watched Vixen struggling to comprehend the Great Expectations reference, with a certain amount of smugness. “Tell us something we didn’t know.”

  “So, here’s something your little spell overlooked. When I’d done it, I took the dagger with me to plant it on Raven.” Vixen scowled at the floor. “Bitch.”

  Scarlett shook her head and pretended she hadn’t heard Vixen’s mutterings. “And just how did you know where she lived?”

  Vixen sighed. “Talk about a dog with a bone. I followed her one day. I waited outside until she left Robert’s, then I followed her home. That’s how I knew where she lived.”

  Scarlett looked at the floor. “Obviously,” she whispered to herself.

  Vixen grinned. “Yes, it was obvious, wasn’t it? To anyone with half a brain, anyway. Honestly, call yourself a witch? You do us all down.”

  She refused to take the bait. “So, you were stalking her, is that what you’re saying?”

  “Well… stalking, that’s one way of putting it, I suppose.” She cheered and started clapping. “Well done, you got there in the end. It was on my way there that I had the idea.”

  Scarlett felt her blanket of patience slipping away. “What idea?”

  “To solve my problems, well two of them to be precise.”

  Scarlett took another deep breath. “We’re waiting.”

  “I always knew the military was on my trail, right from the start. Then, I discovered they put something in my drink. That was how they managed to trace me,” Vixen cackled, “and they told me as much afterward, thinking I was too helpless to do anything about it, idiots.”

  “But I knew that it was radiation, because I am smart,” she tapped her temple, “I managed to get my hands on a Geiger counter from one of the labs in Oxford and used it to find out what type of radiation it was.” She glanced at Scarlett. “Yes, radiation comes in many different forms, you know.”

  Scarlett smiled through gritted teeth, but managed to bite her tongue.

  Vixen continued. “So I did some research and stole some from a lab that’s local to me. Had it ready for when I found me a fall person.” She laughed.

  “So when I decided to frame Raven for murder, I realized I could take the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.”

  Scarlett knitted her brow. “How so?”

  “I knew that some time or other, Raven would come back and have a drink. So I dosed everything. All the drinks in her flat. Because then, once she’d quenched her thirst, the unsuspecting cow would be emitting an even stronger signal than the one I was emitting, and all their equipment would lead them to her instead of me.” She grinned at each of them in turn. “Genius or what?”

  “So I left the dagger, stole the handwriting samples and went on my way. But from that moment on, I managed to maintain a pretty constant watch on the flat. Nothing escaped my attention.

  “When Raven showed up, she was in cat form like she is now. As soon as I saw her, I knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t work out why she wouldn’t just continue living her pathetic life in human form. Unless—she was trying to avoid being banged up for her boyfriend’s death.

  “But my plans were ruined when she stayed in cat form. I tried to think of another way and came up with the brilliant idea of dosing the toilets. Well, that’s where cats drink from, isn’t it? And guess what?”

  Scarlett shrugged.

  “It worked. She didn’t show that cute little face of hers ever again. And do you know what else?”

  Scarlett wished she didn’t have to answer. “What?”

  “The military haven’t been on my case since.” Vixen laughed. “Brilliant, eh?”

  Scarlett’s indignation left a rising ball of emotion in her throat. “But they caught her. Do you have any idea what they do to people in those places?”

  “I do as a matter of fact, yes. That’s what makes this so very satisfying.” She cackled. “But, there was no way I was going in there though, not if there was any way at all of avoiding it.” She grinned at Scarlett. “Honestly… your face!”

  She felt her cheeks flush with anger. “Right, that’s it.”

  Cliff reached out and grabbed her, just in time. “Just be patient, Scarlett. Be patient and her time will come.”

  +++

  Tim slid the phone back in his pocket, stepped out of his car and slammed the door shut. He marched back up to the flat.

  As he entered the living room, he found Cliff leaning from a chair, his arm on Scarlett’s shoulder. The coziness of the situation was something Tim registered only below the surface of his conscious mind. “The police are on their way,” he announced.

  Cliff pulled away and both he and Scarlett turned to look at Tim with equally guilty expressions.

  Scarlett got to her feet, straightened her skirt and looked at him through a wall of awkwardness. “I’ve changed my mind.”

  Seeing the guilty look in her eyes, he tried to ignore the swelling thought that she was talking about their relationship. “Changed your mind, about what?”

  “About Vix
en. You were right.”

  Tim swallowed his sigh of relief and kept his expression as cool and collected as he could. “Was I?”

  “Yes. I think we should hand her over to the police.”

  Tim knew he should be happy with this turn of events, especially given the new-found competition, but he couldn’t help feeling concerned. He worried that his expression would give away his true feelings and his defenses would be breached. “What brought this on?”

  “I’ve just had time to think things through.”

  Cliff grinned. “Yes, that and the fact that you tried to throttle her.”

  Tim ignored Cliff’s interruption. “But darling, are you sure? Earlier you were—”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I know what I said earlier, but events since then have changed my mind. As far as I’m concerned, she deserves everything that’s coming to her.”

  Tim observed the way her face craved revenge. This was a side of her he’d never seen before, a side that he’d had no idea even existed. He felt a pining for the girl he’d first met. “Scarlett, that’s not like you. You don’t mean that. And you won’t mean it tomorrow, either.”

  Scarlett glanced around at the others, with an air of resignation on her face. “Well, oh I suppose you’re right. I would regret it if we handed her in and let Moseley do his worst.”

  +++

  A car pulled up outside the flat, prompting Tim to stride across the living room to the window. “It’s them,” he said, turning back to the room. “It’s the police. It’s time”

  They heard the sound of the front door bursting open and footsteps coming up the stairs. Tension and anticipation contorted everyone’s faces as they waited in silence for the door to the flat to open. Raven scurried under the table, where she looked on with interest.

  Tim marched towards the door and opened it. “Good evening, officer. I’m Flight Lieutenant Clarke.”

  “Good evening, Flight Lieutenant. Was it you that requested police assistance?”

  “It was indeed. Come on, this way.” He motioned them to the living room.

  Tim took a glance over his shoulder at the cloudless sky through the misty window and mopped his brow with the back of his hand. Turning around to make eye contact, he felt his head start to spin. How he wished he could cast a spell to transport him forward in time. Throughout his career, he’d always relied on undisputable facts and well thought out theories to construct a watertight argument. Having to use his charm and powers of persuasion as he did now was a whole new experience for him. One that he’d spent his career trying to avoid. He glanced at Scarlett before he began and wondered if she knew what he was putting himself through for her.

  One of the policemen, the one he’d been dealing with at the door, stepped forward. “So, what was it you wanted assistance with?”

  Tim ran his tongue around his mouth just as his stomach started to churn. He wished he’d thought to grab a bite to eat whilst he was alone earlier. “Thank you for taking the time to come here, officers. I just want to fill you in on a small investigation I’ve been carrying out.”

  One of the policemen looked at his wrist, despite the fact that he wasn’t wearing a watch.

  “Don’t worry, this won’t take long. It’s been a long day. Think we all have places we’d rather be.”

  The policeman nodded. “You can say that again.”

  “Okay, I’ll get started. I believe you are acquainted with our friend here.” He glanced at Vixen, who was slumped down in a corner.

  The policeman nodded.

  “I took the liberty of going to her flat. As soon as I walked in, I was amazed. Amazed that someone could be so obsessive about anything. Everywhere I looked there were pictures of Raven and McMillan together, handwriting samples, letters, you know, that type of thing. I felt it safe to make the conclusion that Vixen was, no is, obsessed with McMillan and his girlfriend.”

  Tim saw one of the policemen taking notes and waited for him to look up before continuing. “Officers, all the evidence I found pointed to one thing. Vixen killed McMillan and attempted to frame Raven for a crime she didn’t commit. And if you don’t believe me, then do your own testing. I’m sure forensics will support this alternative explanation; Vixen’s DNA will be all over the body.”

  The policemen nodded, but looked unconvinced.

  “As for the murder weapon, have your bobbies conduct a thorough search of the dumpsters in the area, I believe you may find the knife in one of them,” Tim hinted, winking at Scarlett.

  “You seem certain of that… ”

  Tim, now getting into his stride, continued, “and do you know what else I found? McMillan’s girlfriend has disappeared. Literally, just vanished into thin air, leaving just a bundle of clothes in her place.”

  The policemen started muttering to each other, and turned to hear what else Tim had to say. It was obvious to everyone that they were entertained if nothing else. Grinning, one of them shrugged. “She’s run off, so what? Happens all the time.”

  “Ah yes, but this is different. It’s different, because it appears she didn’t run off, like you said. From the evidence I came across, I’d say it was far more likely that something happened to her.” He gave it some thought. “Might I suggest that we file Raven, the girlfriend, as a missing person?”

  One of the policemen shrugged. “Why would we do that?”

  Tim felt something furry brush against his leg. He looked down, just in time to see Raven make a quick getaway out the door. Scarlett stood up. “Err, excuse me, I’ve just got to attend to something. Won’t be a minute.”

  Rapt in his account of the crime, Tim went on. “Because it would make it look like you were in control of the situation from the off. It would hide the fact that you almost made a wrongful arrest. If that got out then the press would be all over it, wouldn’t they? And just imagine the uproar if you’d actually made the arrest and had her convicted.

  “No, I think it’s best all ‘round if you do as I ask and file her as a missing person.”

  The policeman nodded and wrote something in his notebook. “Well, having given your theory some thought, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me. There’s nothing more for me to do than thank you for your time.” He turned to smile at the rest of them. “And thank you all too. I see you’ve gone to a lot of trouble.”

  Tim smiled. “No problem officer, no problem at all.”

  When the police had finished taking their statements, they grinned at Vixen, like a couple of sharks at a cornered seal.

  “Come on, Vixen. You’re coming with us.”

  After cuffing her, the policemen escorted her towards the door. They’d only taken one step out when Vixen looked over her shoulder and scowled. “Don’t think you’ve seen the last of me, because I’ll be back. You’ll rue the day you ever crossed me, I tell you.”

  With the critical moment over, Tim allowed himself a moment to bask in the warm, tingly vacuum that had replaced his anxiety. He smiled through the window, feeling pretty pleased with himself. I did it!

  “What’s happened to Scarlett?” Tim asked no one in particular.

  Tabitha averted her gaze from the window. “She went out partway through your speech. Didn’t you see her?”

  “Did she? No, I—”

  Cliff butted in. “Didn’t you see Raven running out from under the table?”

  “Oh yes Cliff, I saw that. Damned thing nearly sent me flying. The sooner she returns to human form, the better, that’s what I say.” They all chuckled.

  Cliff continued. “Well, Scarlett went after her. None of us have seen her since.”

  Cliff’s words consumed Tim’s high spirits. “So, she’s gone missing is that what you’re telling me?” He hung his head, his expression suddenly weary. “Didn’t any of you think to—”

  Tabitha leaned forward. “I’m sure she’s fine. Why wouldn’t she be? She only went out to… ” Her voice faded to a murmur. “Keep Raven quiet.” She sounded like her opinion had changed part way th
rough the sentence.

  Tarquin shot her a concerned glance. “Tabitha, I’m sure nothing has happened. I know you have your suspicions about Raven, but I don’t think there’s much to worry about. Not on this occasion, anyway.”

  “So you do think there is something to worry about there?” Tabitha said, leaning across.

  “I’m not ruling out any possibilities, but I don’t think this is the time or the place to go worrying about it.”

  “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

  Tim looked at Tabitha and Tarquin who had assumed the role of group leaders. “So, what are we going to do then? About Scarlett?”

  Tabitha patted Tarquin’s thigh and stood up. “Not much sitting here, that’s for sure. Come on, let's get that binding spell done on Vixen, then go out and look for that niece of mine.”

  Tim ran on ahead. “All right, catch up when you’re done, we don’t have a moment to lose.” Cliff trudged along after.

  Tim didn’t stop running until he stepped outside the main entrance and saw Scarlett sitting on the hood of his car, talking to Raven.

  “Oh, there you are,” he said, relieved.

  “Yes. Here I am. All sorted?”

  Tim grinned. “Yes. Thanks to yours truly. Tabitha and Tarquin will be down in a little bit, they’re doing a spell to keep Vixen from slipping away from the police.”

  “Without me?” Scarlett’s face fell in disappointment.

  “I think they feel you’ve had enough excitement for the day. Speaking of, did you take care of the knife?”

  “Yes, it’s in the bin over there, still wrapped up,” she answered, nodding towards a dumpster by the building.

  Tim flashed her a big smile “That’s my girl.”

  As Cliff finally made his way out of the building, he saw Scarlett and Tim chatting by Tim’s car, and decided to hold back and wait for the others before joining the couple.

  About ten minutes later they heard the fire door slam. She slipped off the car and turned to face Tabitha, who was navigating her way through the parked cars while Tarquin and Cliff hung back by the entrance to the building.