Smile Like You Mean It (Charlotte Reynolds Book 1)

by Willow Hadley

  Apparently, I’m the only one who’s worried about Sebastian’s injury. I furrow my eyebrows and pull him into a hug. His arms come around me and he rests his head on top of mine. I whisper quietly so that the other boys don’t hear, “You can tell me the truth if it really does hurt.”

  Sebastian doesn’t answer my question. Instead he whispers, “Thank you for telling us your story.”

  I pull away and wipe my tear-stained face. I don’t care that I probably look like such a mess. I feel so much lighter after talking, and so much closer to Arthur and my boys. I smile around at all of them and ask, “So, can we still watch girly movies all day today?”

  Elliot laughs and reaches forward to ruffle my hair. “Of course we can, gorgeous.”

  Sebastian

  “Is she still asleep?”

  I frown at the TV and force myself not to look at my step-dad when he walks into the room. I’m so fucking mad at him, even though I know it’s not logical, and I know what happened to Charlotte isn’t actually his fault. But all morning, all I can think is ‘if Charlotte lived with Arthur after her dad died...’

  Charlotte is the sweetest, kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met. She didn’t deserve any of the shit she went through with her mom. God, I need to fucking punch something. It’s killing me to sit here calmly, and I clench my fist angrily. It hurts from hitting Charlotte’s wall earlier, but not nearly enough.

  “Yeah,” Grayson answers Arthur. “Should I carry her back up to her room?”

  “Nah, she looks comfy. Just let her sleep,” Elliot whispers in response.

  I turn to look at them, my eyes falling on Charlotte where she’s snuggled up against Grayson with Elliot on her other side. She fell asleep about halfway through the first movie we put on. The two of them have barely stopped touching her all morning, and it’s driving me fucking insane on top of everything else.

  “Such fucking bullshit,” I mutter under my breath. None of the guys stop me when I stand up and storm into the kitchen.

  I pour myself a glass of water and begin counting backwards from one hundred like Dr. Collins told me to do whenever I’m feeling mad enough to hit something. It doesn’t always work, but I don’t know what else to do with myself right now.

  Someone touches my arm, and I glance over my shoulder to find Arthur frowning at me. “Sebastian, I’m sorry.”

  Shame washes over me, and I take a drink of my water before turning around to face my step-dad. “I know it’s not fair to be mad at you. I know you would have done something if you knew what was going on. It’s just not fucking fair. She didn’t deserve for anything bad to happen to her, ever.”

  Arthur squeezes my shoulder. “You didn’t deserve for anything bad to happen to you either, kid. But at least you and Charlotte are here now.”

  I brush my hand through my hair and nod, silently admitting that he’s right. I was in a really bad place after my mom died, but Arthur’s always been here for me. And now that Charlotte’s here with us, we can make sure nothing bad ever happens to her again.

  “Did you know what happened to her?” I look toward the living room where Charlotte and the guys are sitting around the TV.

  Arthur clears his throat and leans back against the counter. “I didn’t know the specifics, but I had a pretty good idea.”

  Part of me is afraid to ask, but I can’t stop the question from leaving my mouth. “What happened to her mom? And that guy?”

  For the first time, I see true fury flash in Arthur’s eyes. It makes me realize all over again what an asshole I was being earlier by putting any blame on him. He loves Charlotte too, and I know he’s done everything possible to help her since he became her legal guardian a couple of months ago.

  “Her mom signed away her parental rights when Charlotte was first arrested. I don’t know where she’s living now, and I honestly don’t give a shit about what she’s doing with her life. The man Charlotte stabbed was taken to the hospital. From what Anne told me, he didn’t press charges, but the state went ahead with Charlotte’s case anyways because of the violent nature of the incident and her mother’s witness statement.”

  The realization that Charlotte’s mom is still out there, living freely and without worry, causes another wave of rage to surge through me. “How is she not in jail?” I’m fucking seething.

  Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs sadly. “Sebastian, this is the first time Charlotte has ever admitted that her mother did anything wrong. There’s never been any case against her.”

  I open my mouth to shout every obscenity I can think of, forgetting for a moment that Charlotte’s asleep in the other room. Arthur cuts me off, leaning close as he whispers in a sharp, authoritative tone.

  “I’m not saying it’s right. If it were up to me, that woman would rot in a cell for the rest of her miserable life. But until Charlotte comes to me and says she wants to make a case against her mother for abuse or neglect, I’m going to leave it alone. I’m going to make sure she’s happy and healthy, and I’m going to make sure she has everything she could ever want, just like I’ve tried to do for you. Ava has been helping me with Charlotte’s case to ensure I become her permanent legal guardian, so that way there’s no chance she can be taken back into foster care, or, god fucking forbid, in case her mother ever requests her parental rights be reinstated.”

  His words hit me like a slap to the face, and my anger freezes over and transforms into a cold, razor-sharp fear. No. There’s no way that could happen. Arthur said he’s doing everything he can to make sure Charlotte stays with us forever.

  “Hey, dude.” I jump at the sound of Liam’s voice and turn to find him standing a couple of feet away, rubbing the back of his neck with a dejected look on his face. “Can we do something? I just...I know Charlotte wanted us to sit and watch movies with her, but she’s asleep. And I feel so fucking keyed up. Sitting still is driving me nuts.”

  I let out a long, deep breath and nod my head. He’s right. It would probably help me calm down too, doing something other than sitting still and stewing over my thoughts.

  “Okay,” I agree. I brush my thumb over the stupid bandage on my right hand and remember the mess I made upstairs earlier. “I still need to fix Charlotte’s wall. You wanna run to the hardware store with me really quick to get the stuff I need?”

  Liam shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs. “Sure, okay.”

  Even though Arthur’s standing right there and heard our conversation, I still double check with him to make sure he’s cool with me leaving.

  We quietly walk back into the living room, and Liam asks the other guys if they want to go with us. Grayson and Elliot shake their heads, and I roll my eyes in frustration. I guess I can’t blame them because I wouldn’t want to move either if I was the one snuggling with Charlotte.

  Remy doesn’t answer us. He’s caught up in his own world. He’s sitting on the other couch with his knees pulled up and a sketchbook open in his lap. I haven’t seen him draw much this summer, and I curiously step behind him to see what he’s working on.

  It’s a drawing of Charlotte, a close-up of her face where she’s looking off to the side, tears in her eyes and her hair pulled up into a messy bun. She looks sad and strong and beautiful, and I finally realize it’s a drawing of her from this morning while she was telling us her story. I’ve always thought Remy was an amazing artist, but this is seriously incredible.

  My mouth goes dry and dread slowly settles in my chest. I can’t even explain it, and I don’t get why I’m caught off guard in the first place. We’re all close with Charlotte, and I know we’ve been worried and focused on her since last night. It makes sense that Remy would want to draw her right now.

  “Hey,” Liam says quietly, startling both of us. “Why don’t you come with us, Remy? We’re just running to the hardware store really quick.”

  Remy hesitates, shrugs his shoulders, and closes his sketchbook. My eyes are glued to the thing as he stretches his legs out and st
ands up to join me and Liam. When he moves to set the sketchbook down on the coffee table where Charlotte could easily find it when she wakes up, I panic and blurt out, “Can I look through that, actually?”

  He doesn’t answer. He gives me a challenging look that I choose to ignore and hands the sketchbook over. I carefully tuck it under my arm and carry it outside with me, glad that Liam offered to drive.

  I wait until we’re backing out of the driveway before I open his sketchbook. Liam and Remy are talking, listing off the things we need to buy to patch the holes in the wall, but I’m barely listening. There’s another drawing of Charlotte on the first page, and the page after, again and again. My heart is beating out of my chest, and anger is slowly taking over my mind once more.

  “Are you going to show these to her?” I ask, cutting their conversation off mid-sentence.

  Remy turns around from the passenger seat and gives me a long, intense look. He shrugs and says, “She’s already seen them. Well, except for the one I just did, obviously.”

  “What did she say?” My chest feels tighter and tighter with every passing second.

  He frowns and doesn’t answer me for a few seconds. When he does respond, I can’t read his expression or tone at all. “Nothing, really. You know how quiet she usually is. She just smiled at me, and then Grayson walked back into the room.”

  I slump back against my seat in relief. And before I can think better of it, I mumble, “Okay, good.”

  “Good?” Remy asks, turning further so he’s able to face me better. He looks fucking pissed now, and that stupid, panicked feeling settles in my stomach. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? How many fucking pictures have you taken of her, huh? And she’s seen those too, hasn’t she?”

  My face burns from shame and embarrassment. “That’s different.”

  “How?” Remy snarls defensively.

  I brush my hand through my hair and grimace. I thought the guys knew how I felt about Charlotte. I thought they understood that meant she was fucking off-limits. “Because I like her.”

  Remy laughs, but he doesn’t look amused in the slightest. “I like her too, you fucking moron!”

  The sharp, stabbing pain in my chest becomes unbearable and my hands shake unsteadily as I struggle to control my anger. I was afraid something like this might happen. Charlotte is gorgeous and funny and sweet, so of course Remy thinks he like her. I just need to explain to him, make him understand...

  “No.” I shake my head. “You can’t like her. Not like I do, at least. We have so much in common and—”

  “And what?” He laughs humorlessly. “You don’t think I have anything in common with her?”

  My throat feels thick, and it’s like my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. All the times Charlotte and I have talked about my mom and her dad, and the bond we’ve shared over our losses and the way we both struggle to control our anger, I thought those things made our connection special, unique. But it’s just now fucking hitting me that Remy’s right. He does have just as much in common with Charlotte as I do, if not more.

  Worst of all, he could actually date her. She’s not living in his house. He’s not forced into a situation where they’re practically considered adopted siblings. I can barely stand to see the guys flirt with Charlotte, even when I know they’re not being serious. If Remy or one of the other guys really dated her, kissed her, touched her...just thinking about it makes me want to fucking explode.

  “Bro, you can’t!” I brush my hands through my hair roughly, not caring that my voice sounds ragged and whiny as shit.

  Remy grits his teeth, even tenser and angrier now. If we weren’t in Liam’s car right now, I’m pretty sure he’d hit me. “You need a fucking reality check. Even if she ever liked you back, you can’t be with her! Do you even get how fucked up that would be?”

  We’re not related. That’s what I want to say. But I can’t get the words to form in my mouth. I’m completely overcome with fear and panic and rage that my best friend wants to date the girl I’m falling in love with.

  “It doesn’t even matter.” Remy sighs in defeat, all of the anger leaving his voice. “Liam, Grayson, and Elliot like her too. I was going to ask her out today before any of you guys could get the chance to. But after what happened last night and listening to her story this morning, I don’t know. Maybe we should give her a little more time and space. I think I really freaked her out.”

  Thank fuck he decided not to ask her out today. At least now I have more time to think of something. It’s not until after I’ve regained control of my fear that I realize what else Remy just told me. I meet Liam’s eyes in the rear-view mirror, feeling betrayed all over again.

  “You like her too?”

  Liam’s face reddens and he shifts his gaze away from mine. “I mean, yeah, I like her a lot. But she’d never like me back, so it doesn’t matter. And anyways, I don’t want to fight with you guys over a girl.”

  I get what he’s saying and normally I’d agree. But she’s not just a girl. The three of us are quiet for the rest of the drive. We don’t talk until we reach the hardware store, and even then, we only go over the supplies we need to patch the drywall.

  The entire time we’re walking around the hardware store, I’m anxious and jittery and honestly terrified to go back to the house. If it’s true that all of the guys like Charlotte, then I’m fucking screwed. This summer has been too perfect since she moved here, and now everything is about the change. Not only because school starts the day after tomorrow, but if the guys are going to start fighting over Charlotte...

  “What are we going to do?” I ask helplessly once we’re done checking out.

  Liam and Remy look at each other first, then me. Liam shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets, and Remy adjusts his glasses like he’s nervous before answering me. “I don’t know.”

  I’ve been so sure Charlotte likes me best, that she feels the same way about me that I feel about her, that we were just forbidden to act on any feelings because of Arthur’s rules, and that maybe she was too shy or nervous or worried about ruining her friendships with the other guys. But I’m clearly a huge, oblivious idiot. I knew my friends were attracted to her, but if they like her the way Remy thinks, then who’s to say Charlotte doesn’t like one of them instead of me?

  “We should talk to Elliot and Grayson, at least. Just please don’t do anything stupid or rash.” Liam rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “I’m sure she’s still feeling awful after last night and this morning. Charlotte needs us to be there for her today, not for us to be fighting or challenging each other over something completely out of our control.”

  Remy’s face falls and he nods. I’m sure I look as miserable as he does, but I have to admit Liam’s probably right.

  We’ll talk to Grayson and Elliot first. The five of us have been friends for so long. I know we’ll be able to figure this out, and that nothing will ever come between us. I just need to convince them that Charlotte and I belong together, even if it means we have to sneak behind Arthur’s back.

  Grayson

  I hear the guys fucking around downstairs, but I pretend to still be asleep. They’re usually pretty good about giving me space when they know I’m having a bad day, and I don’t have the energy to explain myself. It’s been a while since I’ve had a day like this, where I have zero energy to do anything other than sleep, where everything seems pointless and uninteresting, where every conversation feels forced.

  When I hear them on the stairs, I groan and pull the covers up over my head. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to give Sebastian a key?

  “You’re still in bed? What the fuck, Grayson. It’s after noon already!” Elliot jumps onto my bed and wrestles me into a headlock.

  I push him away half-heartedly and glare at him. When he meets my eyes with an asinine grin on his face, I shift my gaze away and shrug. “I’m just not feeling very well today.”

  Elliot’s eyes flash in understanding and he t
urns to face my bedroom door when the other guys walk in. “Gray’s not feeling well, guys.”

  I sigh and sit up, pushing my hair off my forehead while I press my tongue against my lip where I haven’t put my lip ring in yet. I feel like such a fucking pussy every time I act like this around the guys, no matter how understanding they try to be. They know when I say I’m not feeling well like this it means I’m feeling depressed and want to be alone.

  Seb’s the first one into my room after Elliot, and he frowns apologetically at me. “Sorry, dude. I probably should have texted you before we came over.”

  Guilt and shame churn in my stomach. Sebastian, Remy, Elliot, Liam, and Charlotte have real problems. Real, valid reasons to be angry at the world and to be sad enough to warrant seeing a therapist once a week. I’m the one who’s too pathetic to deal with real life. The one who gets depressed for no fucking reason.