A Cup of Silver Linings

by Karen Hawkins

  Ellen nodded.

  “I never realized how you must have felt, how worried you must have been. It just never dawned on me.” Julie winced. “I’m sorry.”

  The words, so simple, hung in the room between them.

  Ellen pressed her lips together to stop them from trembling. When she could, she said, “Thank you.”

  Julie’s eyes glistened with tears. “I wish I had time to explain what I was going through, but we need to talk about Kristen. I don’t know how long I’ll be here.”

  “Dreams don’t last forever,” Ellen agreed, saddened by the thought. Suddenly chilly, she tugged her robe closer. “What can I do to help Kristen? Just tell me, and I’ll do it.”

  Julie’s gaze rested on Ellen’s face. “You like her.”

  “I love her.”

  “Of course you do,” Julie said, instantly impatient. “She’s your granddaughter. But you also like her. When you add that to love, it’s special.”

  “She’s a good person. And kind too.”

  Julie nodded, tucking a strand of her unruly hair behind one ear.

  Ellen noticed the stains on Julie’s fingers. “Your hands… what’s that?”

  “It’s paint.” Julie held up her hands and eyed them as if she were admiring a recent nail job. “When you die, you get to carry reminders of who you once were.”

  Ellen wondered what reminder she’d have. Perhaps a handheld laser distance meter would shine out of one ear. Lovely.

  Julie snorted. “I’d pay good money to see that. Or I would if I had money. They don’t use it here, so…”

  “Where is ‘here’?”

  “If you’re asking if I’m in heaven or hell, I’m not telling.” Julie’s grin broadened. “But let’s just say I’m glad to be here.”

  “With you, that could mean either place.”

  Julie’s laugh rang out once more. “So it could.”

  Ellen had to laugh, too. It had been so long since she’d done so, that her laugh sounded almost rusty. “I wish I could hug you.”

  A flash of regret crossed Julie’s face. “I wish you could, too, but there are rules.” She winced. “Too many, if you ask me.”

  Ellen smiled. “They have rules, eh? That must chafe.”

  “I’m used to it. I lived with you, didn’t I?” The twinkle in Julie’s eyes took the sting from her words, and for a moment, they smiled at each other.

  “Oh, Julie. You seem the same as ever. A little pale, but good.”

  “ ‘A little pale,’ she says. I’m dead, Mom. That’s more than ‘a little pale.’ ”

  “Fine. You’re—” The word stuck in Ellen’s throat, her humor fleeing as suddenly as it had arrived. Tears burned behind her eyes.

  Julie leaned forward, her eyebrows lifting. “You’re crying.”

  “Of course I’m crying; you died.” The words came out sharp, almost angry. No. Stop it. That wasn’t her fault.

  Julie said softly, “I miss you too.”

  The tears did fall then. Ellen had to use the edge of her robe to dab them away. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to stop.…” Why was she explaining herself? It’s just a dream. “I don’t know why I’m even talking to you. You’re not here. I shouldn’t have had all that cheese before bed. I won’t do it again. Or maybe it was that silly tea. I should have never drunk a tea made by a Dove. It tasted okay, good even, but—”

  “Mom, you’re wasting our time,” Julie said sharply. She straightened in her chair, her bunny-slippered feet now resting on the floor. “I just wish you understood Kristen. I—” Julie stopped, her eyes widening. “That’s it. That’s why I’m here. I’m supposed to help you with Kristen.”

  “That’s ridiculous. You’re not even—” Alive. The word stuck in Ellen’s throat like a huge rock. She hated saying it out loud, even in a dream. Hated saying it with a passion so deep it burned. After a short struggle, she said, “You’re gone.”

  “I’m right here. And I think I’m supposed to help you and Kristen become a family. Mom, there’s something you should know. Kristen is not going to Raleigh with you.”

  “Of course she is. We haven’t set the details, but we’ve been talking about it. And she doesn’t get as angry as she used to when I mention it, which is good. We’ve come a long way this past week.”

  Julie rolled her eyes. “Mom, think! What would you have thought if I suddenly agreed with you about something I hated?”

  “You? I’d think you were lying to me so you could—” Ellen frowned. “Kristen wouldn’t do that.”

  “Wouldn’t she? I know my own daughter. And I know you, too. You aren’t very good at listening to other people. But you’re very good at hearing what you want to hear.”

  “I listen just fine. You just never told me anything. That’s why our relationship was so strained. You refused to let me be your mother. You could have asked for my help with anything, and I would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen.”

  “I didn’t need any help, so…” Julie shrugged.

  “Didn’t you? Kristen told me about your diagnosis, which you never mentioned to me, not once. You should have told me.”

  “Why?”

  “Why? Because I was right there. I could have—”

  “Whoa, whoa. It was mine to handle, not yours. Plus, if I had told you, you would have swept in and taken over. Even when you didn’t know I was bipolar, you acted as if I couldn’t do anything correctly.” Julie tucked a tangled strand of hair behind her ear. “You don’t even think I can comb my hair right.”

  “You don’t comb it at all.”

  “I comb my hair all the time. See?” Julie raked her fingers through her hair, brushing it back from her face. “See?”

  “That’s not combing.”

  “It is to me. And it’s fine. But not to you. It’s your way, or it’s wrong. I hated that. So when I found out I was bipolar, I decided to handle it myself. And I did. I didn’t come home until I had it under control. I couldn’t fight both you and being bipolar.”

  “Julie, I—” Ellen threw her hands up. “This is ridiculous. You know I would have helped. I don’t need to keep saying it. Whatever happened, I’m just glad you finally came home. I only wished you’d stayed and given us another chance.”

  “I came back because I wanted you to meet Kristen, but you did what you always do. You charged in, criticized everything, and acted as if I couldn’t raise my own child. So I packed up and came here, which I never regretted.” Julie leaned back in her seat, a resigned expression on her face. “I’m not saying I’m perfect or that it was easy. It took a while before I got my meds lined up right. But I did it. And Kristen helped.”

  Julie’s gaze moved from Ellen to the window. Outside, the tree limbs were illuminated by Julie’s blue light, and beyond them, the night sky gleamed a dark velvet. “I’m so glad we moved here. Dove Pond is special.”

  Ellen sighed. “Dove Pond is special to you, maybe.”

  “There it is. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s why Kristen isn’t being honest about her intentions right now. She hates arguing even more than I do.” Julie put her hands on her knees and leaned forward. “Listen carefully, Mom. Kristen isn’t going to Raleigh with you.”

  The sincerity in Julie’s voice hit Ellen hard. I thought Kristen was beginning to see things my way. But… is she? Now that Ellen thought about it, Kristen hadn’t exactly agreed to move to Raleigh. And yes, she was stonewalling Ellen’s attempts to nail down the details of the move. But surely she’ll come around when… When what?

  Oh dear. Julie is right.

  “Finally!”

  Ellen stood.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to have a talk with Kristen.”

  “Right now? She’s asleep.”

  And I’m dreaming. Ellen sighed and sat back down.

  “Mom, she’s hurting. She’s lonely and scared, and she needs you right now. But she also needs you to stop pushing her so hard. She wants t
o stay in Dove Pond.”

  “She’ll have to trust that I know what’s best.”

  “Trust is earned. You used to tell me that. What have you done to earn Kristen’s?”

  Ellen opened her mouth, then slowly closed it. “It’s only been a few weeks. I haven’t had time to really get to know her.”

  “So slow down. Get to know her. Let her get to know you. But I’m warning you; she’s not going to go quietly. She has enough of me in her to keep that from happening.”

  Ellen’s chest ached. “She’s going to run away.”

  Julie chuckled, her eyes twinkling. “Lord, no. She’d never do that.”

  “How do you know?”

  “She’s not the type. She won’t run away, but she’ll find a way to stay here, and she’ll do it with or without your permission.”

  Ellen had thought her heart couldn’t hurt any more after Julie’s death, but she was beginning to realize she’d been wrong. She’d really believed she and Kristen had grown closer, but Julie’s words made too much sense. I’m being played. That’s all there is to it.

  Julie watched her, sadness in her eyes. “I love you. And I know you love me and Kristen, too. But you have trouble accepting people for who and what they are. You’re always trying to make them better.”

  “Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do?”

  “They’re supposed to love you, Mom. No matter what.”

  Ellen could feel her lips quivering. “I did.”

  Smiling softly, Julie crossed her arms and rested them on top of her knees. “I know that now.”

  Ellen fought to regain control against a staggering flood of raw emotions. “I have to ask you this. Why did you put Kristen under my care? You surprised both of us with that decision.”

  Julie tilted her head to one side, her gaze lively. “You haven’t figured that out yet?”

  “I assumed it was because you knew she’d be safe with me and would have a good life. But now you’re questioning my decisions, so there must be another reason.”

  “There is. You and Kristen…” Julie’s words faded as the blue light around her flickered.

  “What’s wrong?” Ellen asked, alarmed.

  “My time is almost up. I’ve got to go soon. Kristen will be safe with you, but you have to be careful. Don’t hold her to the same sort of perfection matrix you did me.” Julie leaned forward earnestly. “Let Kristen be who she is. Listen to… Stop making… for her.”

  “She’s sixteen.”

  “And smarter than you or I will ever be. Trust her… knows what’s best for her.”

  “Wait!” Alarmed, Ellen scooted forward in her seat. “Who knows what’s best for her?”

  The bluish glow around Julie began to pulse steadily. “You’re waking up.”

  Ellen started. “No!” She stood. “I don’t want to wake up! This isn’t real, I know that, but I—”

  “Mom, it’s real. Listen.…” Julie leaned closer, her lips moving but her voice flickering in and out. “Kristen and I had an agreement. I promised her I’d always… and in return she’d… And it worked, too. I…” Julie faded and then slowly came back into sight. “There’s more to it. You need to find it.”

  “Find what?”

  “The red cube. It’ll… what Kristen wants and needs.” Julie faded with each pulse, her voice flickering in and out. “You must… and then read it… -self.”

  Ellen took a hasty step forward. “Red cube?”

  “In the… behind…”

  Julie was almost gone.

  “Julie! Where do I find it? What will it do?”

  But it was too late. The blue light faded, and Julie disappeared with it.

  The light flickered to black.

  And Ellen was alone in the dark.

  She stood staring at the spot where Julie had disappeared, unsure what to do or say.

  How long Ellen stood there, she didn’t know, but when she finally moved, her legs and back were stiff. She made her way to her bed. That didn’t happen. It’s a dream.

  And yet… and yet… “No,” she announced, the sound of her voice shockingly loud in the quiet. “I’m just dreaming. I know how to handle Kristen. I definitely don’t need Julie to tell me what to do.”

  Irritated at herself for being so foolish as to believe in something as fanciful and ridiculous as a ghost, Ellen took off her robe, slid off her slippers, and crawled back under the covers. “I’m still asleep,” she told herself as she settled deeper into the bed. Her voice sounded sleepy, even to her.

  She closed her eyes and, as she tried to reason away the things Julie had told her in the dream, slipped into a deep, blissfully dreamless sleep.

   CHAPTER 9  Ava

  A cold February wind whipped Ava’s hair across her eyes. She tucked the loose strands behind her ear, shivering as she pulled her knit cap farther down and hurried across the street to the Moonlight Café. Most Wednesdays, she, Sarah, Kat, Grace, and Zoe met here for lunch. But because of Ava’s schedule over the past few weeks, she’d had to skip a couple. But not today. She’d missed this time with her friends.

  The sky was dark, the threat of sleet heavy in the air. Her temples ached with the change in the weather, throbbing as if to the beat of a distant drum. She’d had so many headaches lately. I should talk to Doc Bolton about that the next time I see him. Meanwhile, I need some coffee.

  She stepped inside the café and stopped to breathe in the rich scent of the day’s specials, shepherd’s pie and a bison burger with bacon aioli. Her stomach growling, she tugged off her cap and coat and hung them on a peg beside the door. She loved the Moonlight Café. Run first by Don Stewart, and now his daughter, Jules, the café kept the grill going even in the worst of weather.

  Ava wiped her feet on the doormat, soaking in the comforting sight of the red-checked tablecloths and mason jar tea mugs and the soothing sounds of low laughter and the clink of dishes. The Moonlight felt like home and eased her headache.

  Gray-haired, buzz-cut Joe Kavanaugh sat in his usual seat at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee. Rumor had it that the fifty-something bachelor who owned the Bait Me sports shop was having a secret relationship with Jules, the owner of the Moonlight. Ava couldn’t think of a single reason for the two of them to hide their relationship, so she didn’t believe that particular rumor, but still… he was here frequently. Pretty much every day. Joe saw her and lifted a hand in greeting before he went back to his cup of coffee and sandwich.

  “Ava!” Eric Callahan called from where he and his brother, Nick, sat near the window. “See you at the tearoom at two?”

  Ava gave him a thumbs-up as she looked past him and caught sight of Sarah standing beside their usual booth, waving wildly. Ava headed in the direction of her sister and their friends. She’d only taken a few steps when a voice stopped her.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Trouble heading over to meet More Trouble.”

  Ava turned to see Dylan standing behind her. She smiled. “Aren’t you supposed to be working on my tearoom?”

  He held up a brown paper bag printed with the Moonlight Café logo. “Can’t a man pick up a meal while he’s waiting for paint to dry?”

  “I guess that’s fair.”

  “Thank you, boss,” he said meekly, although the gleam in his hazel eyes was anything but.

  Despite her headache, she grinned. “You’re quite welcome. By the way, I left you a note on the tearoom door. Eric Callahan is stopping by around two. If I’m not back when he gets there, can you let him into the upstairs area? He’s going to take a look around and give me a quote on turning that upstairs space into two rentable apartments.”

  Dylan’s smile, so bright in his red beard, disappeared instantly. “You’re hiring my competition to complete your building?”

  “You told me to.”

  “When?”

  “When you first started work on the tearoom, you said you were booked through next year and wouldn’t have time for more.”

  H
e sighed. “I did say that, didn’t I. I guess I should have clarified.”

  “Clarified it how?”

  “By saying that if you really wanted it done, I would find the time.” He raked a hand through his hair, looking both vexed and amused. “I guess I’m just feeling a little proprietary.”

  She could understand that; she felt the same way about the tearoom. Dylan had put a lot of hours into her place, and his craftsmanship was evident on every wall, floor, and shiny surface. “If you want to give me a quote on the second story, too, then please do. I’ll need more than one anyway, and— Oh. Kat’s waving. I’ve got to go.”

  He looked disappointed but shrugged. “Sure. Catch you later.”

  She waved and left, threading her way between tables to the booth.

  “It’s about time,” Grace declared from where she sat flipping through the pages of a thick folder. No one in Dove Pond worked harder than Grace, the town mayor. She was a huge upgrade from the last guy, who only wanted to fish. Grace, meanwhile, was constantly working to improve their small town, and her ideas and programs had already made a huge difference.

  Sarah scooted over to make room for Ava. “You look tired.”

  “I have a headache, that’s all.” She slid into her seat and made a face. “This weather front isn’t being kind to my sinuses.”

  Kat slid an iced tea in front of Ava. “We ordered for you. If I’d known you had a headache, I would have gotten you a coffee.”

  “This is fine,” Ava said, taking a grateful drink. Caffeine was caffeine, after all.

  “We saw you come in,” Kat said. “We were beginning to wonder if you were going to join us. It looked as if you were going to have lunch with Team Construction instead.”

  “By Team Construction, she means Dylan,” Sarah explained.

  “I think Ava got that,” Zoe said in a dry voice. Zoe was the vice president of First People’s Bank and dressed the way Ava had always wanted to, but knew better than to try. She had neither the glamorous persona nor the svelte figure to carry off fashion the way Zoe did. Today she wore a stunningly simple red wool dress, a silk scarf draped around her elegant neck, and thick silver hoop earrings that shimmered against her dark skin. All of which made Ava feel utterly dowdy in her flannel shirt, jeans, and work boots.