I cock my head and half-shrug. I don’t know what to say. Everything is shit.
“I have someone here who needs to talk with you. I… think you should talk to him too.” She chews on her lower lip.
My mouth turns dry and dread fills my chest. I have a very bad feeling about this and when Christian Russo appears behind Kerry, lit from above by the fluorescent light in the ceiling, his every feature enhanced, demonic in their rough planes, I scream and throw myself back. I fall on my butt and scramble backward.
Kerry holds up her hands. “Chloe. Please. It’s all right!”
My brothers come rushing from the living room, taking in the scene. “What’s wrong, sis?” Their eyes dart between the three of us, with Kerry and Christian standing calmly in the doorway, and me on the floor, acting like a maniac. Charlie extends a hand and pulls me up. I huddle close to him, my whole body shaking. That night, that eternal, infernal night flashes through my mind. The raw fear, the pain, my helplessness. No one, nothing, has ever frightened me on such a profound level like Christian Russo did.
“Chloe. We… he just wants to talk. You don’t have to say anything. Can you just listen, please?”
I look at my brothers, helplessly, and Chad steps up next to me as well. “We’ll be here. What’s this all about?”
I don’t answer him, but sandwiched between my tall, broad, and more than capable brothers, and with Kerry standing so calmly next to Christian, I know that whatever this is, he’s not here to hurt me.
I barely make my mouth cooperate. “Okay.” I shuffle back a little, letting them into the hallway. Christian holds my gaze as Kerry closes the door. I nod toward the living room. “We can sit in there.”
Chad runs ahead and when we get there, he’s clearing the couches, dropping clothes and old fast food packages on the floor, out of sight. “Sit,” he says. “Can I get you something?”
“I’m good,” says Christian, his voice a deep, rough rumble that I remember all too well.
Kerry shakes her head, and so do I. I couldn’t hold something without dropping it anyway. They sit on one couch and I squeeze in between my brothers on the other, eternally grateful for them being here.
Kerry licks her lips and looks up at Christian. He gives her a glance and then fixates his dark eyes on me. I force myself to not shrink back.
“I came to tell you how sorry I am for that night. I wish I could say that I wasn’t myself, but that’s probably exactly what I was. My head, my heart… I was in a bad place. I had hurt—” He gives Kerry a glance. She takes his hand and squeezes it. “—so many people. Especially Kerry. My actions were the reason for her disappearing and I just couldn’t cope. I turned that pain into a rage that consumed me. It made me lash out and you got in the way.”
“I moved out,” I say stiffly, pain stabbing through my heart yet again at the thought of Luciano. “We’re not gonna cross paths again.”
He gives Kerry a glance and she looks at me, pain in her eyes. “I was hoping that you and I could meet up sometime,” she says. “I have… We have a daughter, Cecilia, and I’d love for you to meet her. Christian doesn’t have to be around but… I was hoping you could at least know that he has changed. A lot. And he’s an integral part of my life. For better or worse.”
I inhale shakily, looking between them. I take in Christian, really look at him for the first time ever, trying to see the man and not the monster. A long time has passed. A long, long time. I’ve been through so much shit, and I’ve come to terms with all that. Why does this still hurt so much?
“I—,” I chew on my lip and fight to control my breathing. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. And believe me, scary things have happened to me.”
Kerry frowns and winces.
“I appreciate you coming here, Christian, but you hurt me bad. Really bad. Do you know what you did to me? Between my broken arm, my broken nose and ribs, the bruises, the brain hemorrhage and the nightmares, you made a lasting impression. I haven’t been able to get past that.”
His face falls and he looks away. “Chloe,” he says and turns back to me. “I’m so fucking sorry. From the depths of my black heart, I wish it had never happened. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I can’t ever make it undone. I just want you to know that you’ll never have to worry about me hurting you again, or Kerry.” He gives her a quick glance, and again she squeezes his hand. “I don’t know if I dare to ask you to forgive me. I don’t want to force you to do anything. But I really am sorry.”
Does it help me to hold on to this? It keeps hurting me. I might see him again, if not at Luciano’s, then with Kerry, like she says. I look at him, and at how honest he actually seems, so different from that night and the threat, the promise of death he radiated. I see nothing but tenderness toward my friend, and she is so at ease with him.
Not tonight. Not right away. I need to process this. But maybe one day?
“I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate you coming here. Can we leave it at that for now? I think we should meet up again. I do want to see your daughter.”
Kerry’s face lights up and then splits into a smile. “I’d love for you to come!”
I’m still clutching Charlie’s arm when we say our goodbyes to Kerry and Christian. My chest aches from all the conflicting emotions. I do want to move on. I’ll be wary around that man for a long time, but maybe one day I won’t?
I don’t know if I can forgive that night, but maybe I can accept that there is true change in him, and take it from there?
One week turns into two. I force myself to open my laptop and try to reconnect with my old customers. Luciano hasn’t cut my access to the bank account, but I can’t keep using his money in the long run. Every morning I pack a bag and head to a nearby coffee shop where I spend a few hours working on starting up my business again.
It’s Tuesday. It’s been two weeks and two days since I left him. Right outside the front door to the apartment complex stands a black car with tinted windows. My heart shoots to my throat and everything around me disappears. I’m transfixed by the vision. It’s him. I know it with a certainty that isn’t rational.
The back door opens and out steps Luciano in all his breathtaking glory. He’s wearing a dark gray coat over a black impeccable suit. He oozes power, wealth, strength, and a raw sensuality that makes me fight not to double over with need. My whole body screams for him to put his arms around me and never let me go again.
I can’t get a word out. I clutch my bag, but I can’t feel my limbs.
“I’m lost,” he says.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins a mad tap dance behind my breastbone.
“I’ve missed you.” I give out a short, weird sounding laugh and put my hand to my mouth. “I can’t feel my lips.”
Raising his eyebrows, he extends a hand toward me. “Come.”
“Where to?”
“Just go for a ride with me.”
“Are you kidnapping me again?”
He huffs, then shakes his head. “Just a ride.”
“I’m not right in the head,” I say as I take his hand and let him guide me into the darkness of the back of the car.
“Were you ever?” Luciano sits down next to me and closes the door as he knocks on the divider between us and the driver.
The car starts moving and I buckle up, excitement and trepidation shooting out of my ears. We drive fast, weaving through the traffic. I wait for him to speak, glancing sideways again and again, taking in his gut-clenchingly beautiful features, drinking him in. He sits with his gloved hands resting loosely, one over the other on his lap, occasionally he meets my gaze, making my heart leap every time. There’s darkness there, heat, rage and despair. I know it because it mirrors what I’ve seen in my own eyes every day for the last sixteen days.
Finally we come to a stop by a cliff edge that overlooks the bay and the Golden Gate bridge. Far below cars rush along the highway, people living their lives. My own life is either about to end
, or kick start again.
The driver jumps out and opens the door. Luciano takes my hand and pulls me with him. He nods to the other man who hops back into the car and takes off. It’s windy and the waves crash against the shore far below us.
“Are you planning on pushing me? Do I know too much?”
He gives out a short laugh. “You definitely know too much.”
I swallow hard and widen my eyes, suddenly unsure of his intentions. I do know too much. I’m not with him anymore. I left. Maybe he does see me as a liability?
“Don’t look so afraid.”
“I don—”
He gives me a deadpan look and I snap my mouth closed.
“Are you afraid of me?”
My heart speaks the truth and I force it past my lips. “Yes and no. Why am I here?”
“Did you really want to leave?” He frowns as he steps closer, shielding me from the wind.
I pull my coat tighter around me, hugging myself, trying to hold myself together, then I shake my head. “No,” I whisper.
“Chloe,” he says as he reaches out and puts a strand of hair behind my ear. “I need you by my side. I don’t know how to show you how I feel. I don’t have the words and I’ve never—I’ve never wanted this before. I want to shower you in luxury. You won’t have to work another day in your life. I don’t want your hands calloused, I want them soft and on me. I don’t want your mind troubled. I want your smile, your passion, your compassion.”
I inhale to say that living means worried frowns, that nothing works the way he portrays it, but he puts a finger to my lips.
“I want you naked, bent over the edge of my bed as I fuck you hard night after night. I want you to be my queen when the sun is up and my whore at night. I’ll rip apart any man who even looks at you the wrong way. You’re mine. Come back. Stay with me. I tried to wait you out, thinking you’d come back, but you’re too fucking stubborn and knowing you, I’d have to wait forever. Life is short. People die. We have something and I know you feel it too.”
I lick my lips and inhale shakily. I want to scream yes, but there is shit to sort out. If it doesn’t happen now, we’ll never be equals, there’ll never be an equilibrium.
“Luciano, you tore my world to pieces. You kidnapped me, forced yourself on me, treated me like I was dirt. You’ve beaten me, and worst of all: you’ve lied. How the fuck do you expect me to want to be with you?”
He freezes up, his face falling. “Is that a no, then?”
“Did it truly never occur to you to mention that Kerry had returned?”
“It truly didn’t. Christian came back, but I didn’t see any reason telling you that. You’re not overly fond of the man, I’ve just made sure you don’t stumble across him. And with Kerry… No, I didn’t think of the connection.”
“What else aren’t you telling me?”
He throws out his hands. “Ask me. I have no idea what else you want me to say. Ask and I’ll answer.”
I clench my hands into fists, then I slap him. I’m not really that mad. I’m not mad at all. I just felt like it was long overdue. Also, I really need to touch him. His hand shoots up and grabs my wrist before I have time to pull away. My heart darts to my throat as I wait for retaliation. Luciano holds my hand, my palm still on his cheek.
“I probably deserved that.”
“You did.” I cup his other cheek, pulling him to me. “Come here you motherfucking capo piece of shit.”
He flinches and narrows his eyes.
I pull him closer, my forehead to his. “I have a lot of pent up rage,” I mutter.
His lips touch mine, his breath hot and ragged. “Really now? Well, let me fuck that right out of you.”
“Here?” It’s getting hard to breathe as the air between us thickens.
“Yes, here.”
In the next moment, he has kicked my legs out from under me and has me pinned to the ground. I rip up the hem of his shirt and find soft, warm skin. My hands find their way up along his chest, my fingers threading through the rich carpet of hair that I know is black with strands of silver. Luci groans, tears off his gloves and pushes a hand between my thighs, up under my skirt. He’s not gentle about it. He wants me with a desperation that steals my breath away. Sitting up, he pushes my skirt to my hips and pulls down my thong to my ankles.
“Spread your legs for me.”
I swallow hard, holding his gaze as I pull up my knees and then let them fall apart. Sudden apprehension makes me glance around us. We’re outside for fuck’s sake.
A low, seductive murmur, rumbles through his chest as he lowers his gaze, caressing down my chest, belly and then landing on my pussy. The heat in his eyes makes a tingle spread from between my legs, to my stomach, to my breasts, peaking my nipples.
“Our driver is blocking off the road. No one’s getting here. We’re alone.”
A rush of need runs through me at his possessiveness. “You planned this,” I gasp. “You bastard.”
Luciano smirks. “I already told you, you need better insults.”
“Asshat.”
He pulls open his belt and unzips his pants, pulling out his already thick cock. Stroking it in his large hand, he still far from engulfs it. I’m transfixed by his display of strength and power.
“Do you want me?”
My heart leaps to my throat. “Yes,” I whisper.
He falls over me, putting the head of his cock to my entrance, teasing it up and down. “I didn’t hear you.”
I arch and try to make him slide inside, achingly empty. “Fuck me, Luci,” I groan.
“Here? Now?”
“Yes! Oh my God! Stop teasing me.” My pussy quivers in anticipation, needing him to fill me and stretch me. I need that discomfort, the rush of adrenaline and endorphins.
“You’re a bad girl, Chloe.” With one push, he thrusts his cock all the way in, making me squeal and clutch his shoulders.
“You’re so fucking big,” I whimper.
“I know.” He smiles wickedly, but doesn’t move, lets me adjust.
My breathing calms a little and I squirm beneath him, desperate for more. When he finally does move in me, I throw my head back in raw pleasure. It’s as if every nerve ending has traveled to between my thighs, as if every drop of my blood pools there. Luciano pumps in me furiously, clutching my hips, slamming me to him over and over.
“Fucking hell, Chloe. Don’t ever disappear on me again. I’ll always find you.” Increasing his pace, both of us panting louder, making incoherent sounds, he suddenly tenses up and jerks, falling on top of me with a shudder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles when his gasps slow into more normal breathing. “I didn’t mean to be so desperate.” I dig my fingers into his shoulders, arching into him. I need more. I can’t stop here.
Still lodged in me, he grabs his phone and taps on the screen, then he pulls out, zips up and pulls down my skirt. Slipping my thong off my ankles, he drops them next to us, leaving them on the ground. “You won’t be needing these for a while.”
Oh my God, thank you!
There’s a murmur from an engine and Luciano pulls me to my feet, putting his arm around me as we walk. I wobble and he chuckles. “Weakling.”
I stick my tongue out at him and he quickly leans in, catching it in his mouth, then deepening the kiss, grabbing my nape in his large hands, pressing me closer. It’s a kiss that makes my toes curl, that shoots distress to my desperate pussy. The car rolls up in front of us. Come dribbles down the inside of my thighs, but by God, I don’t care. It’s his. It means he’s marked me. Pulling me into the car, Luciano slams the door closed and we move through the landscape, the view probably breathtaking, but I only have eyes for him.
“I want to sit on you,” I say, my voice shaky.
“You took the words out of my mouth. I’ll grant you your wish.”
I grin and open his pants with jerky, desperate moves, taking out his cock that grows harder as I stroke it. Luciano leans his head back and groans, the veins on his ne
ck swelling. Pulling up my skirt to my waist, I then straddle him and line up the smooth head to my tingling flesh before I sink down on him, gasping out loud.
“Oh, that’s good,” he growls. “Move on me. Show me how much you want me.”
I rise and then slam down on him, again and again, taking him deeper, going faster. My legs shake with exhaustion but I want this so bad. He grabs my ass cheeks and squeezes so hard that I whimper, then he slides a finger to my much tighter hole and pushes inside. He doesn’t ask, he just takes what he wants. While I claim his cock, he claims my ass, stabbing deeper, harder, in rhythm with me. His other hand moves to my front, pushing up my blouse and my bra, grabbing my breast in an unforgiving grip, squeezing it past the limit of pain. The pinching ache shoots to my pussy, making it spasm around him. I clutch his shoulders tighter, bruising his skin as I keep moving on his cock. He rolls my nipple between his fingers, pinching it brutally tight. I whimper and squirm. The narrow space between us crackles with lust, excitement, desperation.
“Put your hand on your clit. I want to watch you come.”
“Yes, sir,” I breathe and slide a hand to my swollen clit that’s been aching for a touch for a long while. The car rocks, we move in tandem, his finger in my ass has become two and he pushes deep and fast. I slam down on his cock, my moves increasingly jerky as I rub my clit. I don’t have much left and I can’t control my body any longer.
“Show me,” he growls. “Look me in the eyes the whole time. Don’t dare close them. I want to see you. Then I’m gonna fuck your mouth, your cunt again, spread eagle you on my bed, and claim your ass until you plead for mercy. I’ll put a blindfold over those beautiful eyes, tie you to the cross and scorch your back. I’ll make every scar flare to life. I promise you, you will never get bored, not with me, not with life. You’re the most brilliant fucking woman I’ve ever met, you’re my perfect match, and you’re gonna come on me now.”
The tingling increases, spreads, I think I scream. I think I hold my eyes open for him, but I can’t see a thing. My whole world explodes in deep, long spasms that make me float and fall. He puts his arms around me and holds me tight to his chest as I shake uncontrollably.
Russo Saga Collection Page 140
