Strength

by Daws, Amy

  “Mmm, you could have told me you have some time off before I got in a huge battle with your brother, you know,” he moans and nips my neck playfully. “But I forgive you because I get to see you in a bikini.”

  Cupping his head to my neck, I reply while he nuzzles, “Actually, I was thinking we could try one of those nude beaches.”

  His nibbling halts instantly. “Like fucking hell we will.”

  I bite my lip to stop my giggle. “It’s all the rage there, and I do hate tan lines.”

  “Look at me.” Hayden yanks my shoulder back so I’m lying on my back and he’s holding himself over me. All good humour completely evaporates from his face. “I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

  My eyes twinkle with mirth. “It’s a bucket list thing I’ve always wanted to try.”

  “You’re out of your mind, Vi, if you think I’m going to allow my girlfriend to traipse around a beach bloody naked for all of France to ogle. Christ, I’m actually getting fucking pissed off just thinking about it.” He runs a hand through his hair as my heart does little summersaults over his girlfriend title for me.

  It never gets old.

  I clasp his face in my hands. “Maybe we can work out an alternative.”

  “What is that?” he groans, his grey eyes watching me in agony. “I swear you like to torture me.”

  I lift my brows. “Rooftop sex is also a bucket list item for me.”

  His eyes instantly heat with desire. The possessive side of him has to look around first, clearly noting that we’re the tallest building for miles and there’s no way anyone can see us.

  “Or, we could always go back to the cinema.” He shoots me a salacious grin. “I know my Bunny loves the movies.”

  His head drops down to my neck, and he places kisses down every square inch, all the way to the tops of my breasts. He bites down on my tank top strap and pulls it down my shoulder. His breath stutters with excitement when he sees I’ve ditched my bra for the night.

  “Fuck…Kissing you will never get old.”

  “You know what never gets old for me?” I ask and my breath catches as he cups the weight of my breast in his warm, rough hand.

  “Hmm?” he asks as his lips continue their assault along my collarbone.

  “Hearing you call me your girlfriend.”

  “Mmm, you like that do you?” he asks, thumbing my hardened nipple. “I got one better for you.”

  “What’s that?” I suck in a quick breath and let out a sudden moan as his lips wrap around my nipple and he bites down softly.

  “Future wife.” His head pops up to watch my reaction.

  My hooded eyes turn wide. My expression drops in shock. “I…I…” I stammer.

  “I’m not asking yet, Bunny. Believe me. When I ask, you’ll know. But I want you to know that’s where I see this going with us. I told you I wasn’t going to waste any more moments with you, so that’s why I’m telling you now.” His face is deathly serious. His grey eyes warm pools of open sincerity.

  “Okay then,” I croak in a lame reply.

  The corner of his mouth tilts up proudly. “So eloquent with words.” His wicked laughter vibrates against my chest as he touches his lips to mine in a sweet, final gesture.

  I wrap my legs around him and inspiration strikes. I blurt against his mouth, “Maybe you should move in here?” He pulls back and looks down at me with a distinct twinkle in his eyes. “Bruce and I have discussed it already, and we both think it’s a good idea. I’ll have to warn you about Bruce Hugs, though. They can be rather intense. But it’d be nice to have you around to fix things, take him for a walkies, water the plants.”

  “Water the plants?” he asks, pursing his lips to conceal a laugh.

  “Yes. I think you’d do a proper job,” I state with a deadpan expression. “Vincent is such a flirt, you know.”

  “Vincent is a flirt,” he grumbles. “I think I can water your plants. And I can take care of your dog. And I can take care of these precious assets,” he purrs, squeezing my bum. “It’s time for more.”

  I touch the crinkles around his eyes affectionately all the while knowing that 11:11 has come and gone and he’s stayed right here with me…in the moment…in the present…talking about our future.

  “That’s exactly what I had in mind.”

  A Few Weeks Later

  “These floor-to-ceiling windows won’t do, Bunny.” Hayden harrumphs as he drops a moving box down inside my en suite bathroom and ruffles his dirty blonde hair.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorframe to ogle my man in his worn jeans and a fitted white T-shirt and making my thighs clench like a sex addict.

  My eyes shift to his hands as he adjusts the brown leather cuffs on his wrists. I suddenly forget about his physical beauty and see the inner beauty that drew me to him in the first place. Hayden wears the cuffs to hide his past from the world, but he’ll take them off when he’s with me. He’ll expose his scars, let them breathe, give them light because, when we’re together, there is no darkness anymore.

  Hayden gestures to the huge, sweeping window beside my large claw-foot bathtub. “I don’t need all of bloody London constantly seeing you naked, Vi. Now that we’re living together, I think I deserve to have you all to myself.” His grey eyes pierce me with a possessive glower that doesn’t intimidate me.

  It excites me.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you fill a bubble bath for me at one point in time?”

  His face remains firm. “That was different.”

  “Different how?” I ask with a laugh.

  “I was wooing you.” He looks away, clearly embarrassing himself with his response.

  I burst into a full-on belly laugh at his expression and shake my head. “Relax, Hayden. We’re in the tallest building around for miles.”

  He gives me a pouty look. “I don’t care.”

  I have mercy on him. “It has a reflective exterior.”

  “What do you mean?” His voice is different now. So are his eyes.

  I bite my lip and then nervously reply, “I mean London only sees London out there.” I gesture toward the matching windows in my bedroom behind me. “What we see in here is only for us.”

  Hayden’s possessive glower turns into molten lava as he strides toward me.

  I inhale sharply. “Don’t we have more boxes to bring up?” I nearly pant. God, I’m pathetic. I’m a pathetic, wanton floozy, but it’s My Hayden…and he loves me.

  “Stuff the boxes. They can wait,” he murmurs, seizing my mouth with his and anchoring one arm tightly behind my back as he walks me across my bedroom until I’m pressed up against the smooth, cold glass.

  The contrast of his warm lips working magic against mine is heady, and I cry out when his hand firmly squeezes my arse. Without hesitation, he spins me around to look out the window.

  Oh, God, I really hope he…

  Slap.

  That.

  One Year Later

  STANDING OUTSIDE OF BOLT FROM THE BLUE CAKES and looking at Vi’s excited eyes as she awaits our mystery cake box delivery is an experience in and of itself. I don’t think I ever fully realised how much she loved this place the first time she brought me here. Her blue eyes are bright and twinkling. Her feet won’t stop shifting in anticipation. And she keeps beaming back at me like this is the best day of her life.

  I grin.

  Bunny has no clue what’s coming.

  That’s my new favourite thing about her.

  Life with Vi isn’t perfect. Far from it. But with her beside me, I don’t feel broken. I feel whole. I feel loved, and I feel fucking fantastic because she makes me strong enough to know I can feel. Being angry, or sad, or upset doesn’t feel like the end when you have that one person in your life who wants to love you through it, no questions asked. She fucking loves me. Any ripple in our relationship is a wave we ride together. Our ripples make us, us. Loving her doesn’t make me weak. In fact, I’ve neve
r felt stronger than when I hold her in my arms.

  Vi Harris makes me desperate to continue moving forward. She stirs the ripples.

  And now it’s time to make a fucking splash.

  The man behind the window returns with a very different type of box from the normal cardboard ones the mystery cupcakes usually come in. I imagine Vi is frowning in confusion, but I can’t see her expression…

  …because I’m kneeling behind her.

  She grabs the box and turns around with a puzzled look as she finds me on the ground.

  “Hayden?” she croaks, her mouth a strange mixture between an O and a smile.

  “Vi,” I start with a sneaky smirk. “Open the box.”

  She purses her lips together and, with trembling hands, she strokes the lid that I’ve spent months hand-carving to make utterly perfect. It’s a baroque-style design, espresso-stained, wooden keepsake box. I carved in a round clock face with the time 11:11 engraved on the lid. Right next to it, there’s a tiny ornate genie lamp representing a wish. She swallows hard and opens the lid.

  Inside are two cupcakes with a ring box nestled in between.

  She smiles.

  She cries.

  She giggles.

  She makes me the happiest fucking man on Earth and I haven’t even asked her the question yet.

  “Vilma Harris, will you marry me?”

  My words are simple because I’ve spent the last year of our life together never wasting a single moment. If she looks beautiful, I tell her. If I love something she makes, I tell her. If she makes me spitting mad, I tell her. And then we fight. Hard.

  And then we make up. Harder.

  God, do we make up.

  Vi makes me feel everything all the time. But mostly, she makes me feel alive.

  “Yes,” she answers with a squealing sigh. “God, Hayden, yes! I will so marry you!”

  She falls down on top of me, knocking me off balance and taking us both down as she goes. She giggles and smashes her lips to mine while clutching the box awkwardly between us. The corner digs into my chest. The pain is noticeable, but it’s also perfect because it’s not perfect. It’s exactly how life ought to be.

  “Happy birthday, Bunny,” I murmur against her eager lips.

  “I officially love my birthday.” She grins and kisses me sweetly once more.

  I smile at her and reply, “It’s about time.”

  “BUGGER. BUGGER. BUGGER!”

  My hands tremble as I watch the pee creep over the white box. First, one pink line shows up, then a second.

  “I thought these were supposed to take a minute,” I murmur to myself as two pink lines glare back at me.

  I shakily replace the cap over the pee stick and double-check the instructions. Two lines mean “pregnant,” so this means it’s positive?

  I put the stick down on the counter and stand to pull up my knickers. I smooth down my black sequined party dress and pause as panic takes over me.

  I’m pregnant.

  We just got engaged!

  Tonight’s our engagement party.

  This was not part of the plan.

  As I wash my hands, I glance at the stick again to be sure my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. There are still two taunting pink lines in the little box. Two glaringly obvious streaks having a laugh at the irony of this situation.

  I stare at myself in the mirror. My blonde curls are perfectly loose. My makeup light and flawless. My blue eyes bright and vibrant. But for some reason, I look different now. I no longer look like the responsible one. I can barely see the twenty-six-year-old daughter whom my father still leans on for support, or the girl who sets an example for her man-whorish brothers. Even though they are all grown men, they still need someone to guide them. To be their rock. Their one constant.

  The person looking back at me with a baby inside of her isn’t the Vi Harris I’ve strived so hard to be.

  And what about Hayden? I couldn’t even believe he proposed to me two weeks ago. Sure, we’d been living together for a year, but Hayden is…Hayden. It took everything he had just to tell me he loves me. We had a rocky go of it and he spooks so easily. This could mess everything up.

  Twirling on my Louboutin heel, I march over to the large floor-to-ceiling window in my bathroom and stare out over East London. I shiver as I recall the day that Hayden drew me a bath and dangled sex in front of me like a cupcake. Why didn’t we practice abstinence? Why did I have to be so horny around him all the time?

  A knock on the bathroom door makes my heart leap into my throat. I grab the pregnancy test, swivelling my head around frantically for a place to stash it. I decide my cleavage is safest, so I shove it down the front of my dress and reply with a forcibly cool voice, “Who is it?”

  “It’s Booker.”

  I exhale with relief that it’s not Hayden or worse, one of my other overbearing, loudmouth, pushy brothers whom I can’t seem to get shot of. Booker will take it easy on me. It’s Booker.

  I open the door.

  Booker’s brow is furrowed. “Hayden sent me in to see what’s taking you so long. He’s running Bruce downstairs to the neighbour’s flat and said the guests will be here any minute.”

  “Come in. Quickly.” I yank him inside, pressing my back against the closed door. “I really mucked it up this time, Book.”

  He pulls a face. “You? Vi, you’re perfect. You’re the only perfect one in our mess of a family.”

  I smile at his naivety. Then I want to cry as shame casts over me. I’ve prided myself on setting a good example for all four of my brothers. It wasn’t a choice I made. It was a reflex. I’ve always been their moral compass and their voice of reason. Now that their careers are taking off, it’s my job to ensure they don’t turn into self-important arseholes. That is my job in life. They need me to be the stable one!

  Now I’ve screwed everything up and got it all horribly out of order. I’m a hypocrite. An irresponsible imposter.

  Booker’s face falls when my chin begins to wobble. “Vi, what is it? What have you done?”

  Just when I begin to pull the pregnancy test out from my cleavage, I’m shoved forward by the door and topple over into Booker’s arms.

  “Oi, you bloody twats! You nearly knocked Vi over.” Booker helps right me, and I turn to see our eldest brother, Gareth, towering over us with his dark, intimidating glower. Shoving each other playfully behind him are Camden and Tanner.

  “What’s wrong?” Gareth’s deep voice demands as he takes in my face that’s probably starting to turn red and blotchy by now.

  “Nothing!” I reply quickly and force a smile.

  Camden shoves past Gareth and marches right up to me. “It’s not nothing, Vi. What’s happened? Did Hayden call off the engagement?”

  “On the night of your fucking engagement party? I’ll kill him!” Tanner shouts and turns to storm out of the doorway only to be fish-hooked under the arm by Gareth.

  “Let’s give Vi a chance to tell us what’s going on before we go thump her fiancé.” Gareth turns and, as if on cue, my brothers file in, close the door behind them, and line up next to each other. I could laugh when they all cross their arms over their chests, awaiting my response, but I’m too busy trying not to cry.

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” I rasp, clutching my belly and turning away from the Harris Brother Death Stare. “I don’t want to tell you guys yet.”

  “Just tell us, Vi,” Booker adds gently, giving me a soft look that he probably means to be calming, but it only sets me off further.

  “We’re not leaving until you do,” Camden adds with a firm tone.

  “Why can’t I have a moment of peace?” I exclaim completely irrationally. “Why can’t I have one tiny thought to myself? A secret even! I’m a grown-up. Hayden and I are living together. Why do you four think you can bulldoze your way in here and bark orders?” I place my hands on my hips and stamp my foot in a familiar, scolding fashion that I’ve used so frequently throughout our lives.


  “You’re our sister, Vi,” Tanner replies, scratching his blonde beard like he’s completely confused that I’d even question this situation. “We want you to be happy. It’s more important than pretty much anything.”

  I blink and tears slide down my face.

  “That looks like the opposite of happy,” Tanner adds flatly.

  I burst out with a garbled laugh and swipe at my cheeks.

  “What is it?” Booker asks again.

  “Out with it,” Gareth adds.

  I exhale and decide to stare at the floor while I say it. “I’m pregnant.”

  I’m met with silence, so I look up to see their reactions.

  Camden’s face looks contorted. “With whose baby?”

  “Hayden’s!” I bellow. “Who else’s would it be?”

  His shoulders drop as he runs a hand through his hair. “Well, fuck! I don’t know. You’re crying, so I thought maybe you were up the duff with another bloke’s kid and that’s what has you all emotional.”

  “No,” I groan.

  “Then why are you crying?” Booker asks.

  I drop down onto the edge of the tub with my head in my hands, unable to look at them. “I’m supposed to be setting a good example for you four. You’d all be the biggest sluts in football if I didn’t thump you from time to time. Now I’m being a hypocrite and getting things horribly out of order. This isn’t the way things are supposed to be.”

  “Vi,” they all reply in unison.

  I look up when Gareth approaches me. He’s got his big brother face on again. The one that almost always makes me cry. His dark-rimmed hazel eyes pierce through me with so much emotion, I feel my knees begin to tremble.

  He sits down beside me. “We weren’t supposed to lose our mum before you guys started primary school either, but we did.”

  The entire room freezes with Gareth’s change of subject.

  Gareth doesn’t talk about Mum.

  He did with me after Hayden and I broke up, but never again.

  He wraps his arm around my shoulders and adds, “Life is full of things that aren’t supposed to be, Vi. We weren’t supposed to watch Dad spiral into a deep depression for years after Mum passed, but we did. I wasn’t supposed to sign with Dad’s old team, but I did. If things happened the way they were supposed to, life would be pretty boring. Doesn’t mean it can’t turn out great in the end.”