My voice trailed off. I fought to regain control of my voice. I shook my head and forced myself to go on.
“After the accident, something in me changed. I wasn’t able to control the things that day, and that bothered me. I applied for TPS and got in. Now my job is to make sure that our pilots get a safe and reliable aircraft for their missions, and I take damn pride in it.”
“I know you do,” Pete stated. “I know.”
I could feel Jack’s gaze on me, but I ignored him.
“What are we doing next?” Pete asked. “I know there aren’t any live volcanoes around here, so I’m not worried about hiking up to one.”
This time I let a wide grin grow across my face. “We’re going zorbing.”
Pete moaned and closed his eyes as Jack laughed. The tense moment was gone as quickly as it came.
“I’m not spinning around in a damn ball,” Pete stated. “I saw the video of when you did that in New Zealand. No, thanks.”
“He needs to have his ass run over,” Jack said, laughing.
Pete’s eyes widened. “Run over? What do you mean, run over?”
Jack and I simply looked at him.
“Fuck,” he whispered. “It’s because I thought too much, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Jack and I said at the same time.
I walked up to Pete’s office and knocked on the door. When he looked up, I couldn’t help but smile. “Dude, you still look a little green. You feeling good?”
He gave me a hard stare. “I’m still having nightmares about the fucking zorbing, and we got back a few days ago.”
With a laugh, I made my way into his office and sat down. Pete told me and Jack he was never going on vacation with us again. After zorbing, we went zip lining, then whitewater rafting, and the last day we sat on the beach so Pete could recuperate from the trip. Once we got back to Edwards Air Force Base, he dropped to the ground and kissed it.
“Are all your vacations that intense?”
“Nah, not really.”
He shook his head, then leaned back in his chair. “What’s up, dude? You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
I sat back in the chair, lifted my leg, and rested my ankle over my knee. “I’m heading to Texas for a few days. Long weekend. I don’t have any flight plans set until Thursday.”
Pete glanced at his calendar. “The F-22 pitch test.”
With a nod, I replied, “Yeah.”
“What are you going to do in Texas? Try and milk a bull?”
My brows drew in, and I tilted my head slightly as I leaned in a bit closer. “Milk a bull?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, I grew up in New York City. But that sounds like it would be a dangerous thing to do. A rush for you. So, of course, you’d try it.”
I was positive my mouth dropped open some. “Dude, you have a PhD. Why would you ask a dumbass question like that?”
Another half shrug. “I know you can’t actually milk a bull, Nolan. Seriously, what are you planning on doing in Texas?”
I shifted in my seat a bit. “Checking on my family’s cattle ranch, and attending my godson’s birthday party. They named him after me.”
“Wow. That’s nice of them to name their son after you. You must be close.”
I nodded. “We are. His dad Truitt is my best friend.”
“I didn’t realize you had a family ranch in Texas. Where about?”
“Boerne, Texas. It’s west of San Antonio.”
“Nice. Well, hopefully you won’t make the small child get on a bull.”
I stroked my chin as I looked up in thought. “You know, I never thought about bull riding.”
He laughed. “You know, I still think there’s a deeper meaning behind why you get up and fly in those planes and go on the vacations that you go on. You are one intense motherfucker.”
My smile slowly faded away.
Pete let his own smile fade.
It was time to get serious. “Look, when you mentioned me having another reason why I became a test pilot…”
Pete held up his hands. “Dude, I didn’t mean to pry. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Pete. Honestly. I didn’t want you to think I was upset about it. I’m sure Jack probably gave you a stern talking to.”
He lifted a single brow. “He might have told me not to ever mention it again.”
With a roll of my eyes, I let out a sigh. “Jack is like a brother to me. We were in the Academy together and at pilot school. He knows the reason behind it all, but you’re right in a way, Pete. When I go up, I am attempting to right a wrong from my past.”
Pete nodded, and I knew that was the end of our conversation. He didn’t need answers and wouldn’t ask a million questions.
“Jack and I are going out for a few beers,” I said. “You want to join us?”
“That’s it? Just beers? No side trips to bungee jump off a bridge or anything?”
Laughing, I held up my hands. “Just beers. Maybe pizza. We can meet at Joe’s.”
He smiled. “Then, I’m in.”
“Great, see you in what, an hour?”
“I’ll be there.”
“No chicks, it’s guys’ night,” I said as I stood and headed out of his office.
“Nolan?” he called out before I turned the corner.
“Yeah?”
He frowned for a moment and then smiled as he shook his head. “Never mind. See you later.”
As I headed out of the building to my motorcycle, I pulled out my phone and pulled up Truitt’s phone number.
Truitt Carter had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. We grew up together in Boerne, and he had been there for me during some pretty fucked-up moments of my life. He built playhouses—luxury playhouses—for a living. His wife Saryn was our other best friend Ryan’s sister. She had moved from Boerne and gotten married to a douche from high school and had a sweet little girl, Liliana, who was now five. After she and Truitt got married, they had Nolan. I would never forget the moment he called to tell me his son was born, and that he named him Nolan. It meant more to me than he could ever know.
I sat on my bike and sent Truitt a text.
Me: I’ll be able to make it this weekend. Flying in tomorrow and staying until Tuesday. That’ll give me a few days to see y’all and then check on the ranch.
It wasn’t even thirty seconds before he replied. I had already slipped on my helmet as I looked at his text.
Truitt: Dude, you have no idea how much this means to me. We can’t wait to see you.
With a smile, I closed out of his texts and saw I had one from Amy. Actually, I had five from Amy and three missed calls.
I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. “I can’t right now, Amy. I can’t.”
Eight. Years. I had cut back my trips to France to twice a year. Last year I had gone only once. The pain of seeing her was too much to handle. She had walked right past me one day a year ago and hadn’t even stopped. Her eyes had been steadfast in front of her, and I had prayed like hell she would swing her gaze slightly, if only to catch a quick look at me. She hadn’t. She continued to throw herself into her job, and the tension between me and Amy started to grow. She wanted to tell Linnzi. Hell, I wanted to tell her, but we still all agreed there had to be a better way. In a sense, Linnzi was hiding from her past. She even told her parents she was going to a therapist in France. If only she would go back to Texas. Maybe something there would trigger her memory. My only fear was that it would open the floodgates, and she would remember everything. I hated not having her in my life, but I feared her hating me forever the moment she remembered. Sometimes I thought it would probably be better for everyone if Linnzi had moved on with someone else. The thought of it killed me, and I knew if it ever happened it would destroy me, but there must be a reason she hadn’t remembered me in almost eight years.
Eight fucking years.
I deleted Amy’s text messages without so much as reading them. I’d listen to her voicemail lat
er. For now, I wanted to think about anything but Linnzi.
Linnzi
AS I HEADED down to the kitchen, after a lengthy twelve-hour period spent sleeping the jetlag away, I heard my parents talking in whispered voices. I stopped and listened.
“Steve, it’s been eight years. We need to tell her!”
“Now? We’ve let it go for far too long. We can’t tell her now, Amy. We can’t tell her. It won’t make any sense to her. No, I agree with what the doctor said, she needs to remember on her own. And maybe this is her body’s way of saying she doesn’t want to remember. If she hasn’t remembered him by now, after eight years, she’s never going to.”
My mother sniffled. “She’s going to hate us.”
Daddy sighed. “I think no matter what happens, she’s going to hate all of us.”
I covered my mouth with my hand and slowly backed away. My heart hammered in my chest, and I tried desperately to figure out what in the world my parents were keeping from me.
“We’ve let it go for far too long. We can’t tell her now. She’s going to hate all of us. If she hasn’t remembered him by now…”
Who was us? Who else was in on this secret of theirs? Who was him?
I stood taller, drew in a deep breath, and exhaled. As I walked into the kitchen, I plastered a wide smile on my face. “I’m finally up!”
“My goodness. You slept nearly the entire day away!” my mother said as she watched me walk into the kitchen.
“How did you sleep, pumpkin?” Daddy asked as he kissed me on each cheek and then settled back against the counter.
“Good! That flight is awful. I feel so guilty for making y’all take it all those times.”
My mother waved her hand in a gesture that said it was nothing. “Pfftt, you’re our daughter. And we are so proud of what you accomplished in France.”
Daddy lifted his coffee mug at me and winked. “I agree.”
“Something to eat?” my mother asked.
“No, I’m actually heading out. I think I want to drive around Boerne today. Daddy, do you mind if I borrow your truck?”
He looked surprised. “Um, no, I don’t mind at all.”
With a worried expression on her face, my mother asked, “Where are you going to go?”
I gave her a half shrug as I peeled a banana. “I’m not sure. I’ve had a few flashbacks, memories, whatever you want to call them. I think what I need to do is go to the locations and see if anything jogs my memory more. Honestly, I’m a bit angry with myself for letting so many years go by and not facing the demons of my past.”
“Demons?” my mother said in a voice barely above a whisper.
“Well, maybe not demons, but there’s a reason why my mind is blocking that part of my life. Don’t you both agree?”
I waited for their responses. Their silence was answer enough. Finally, they both nodded.
“Since the two of you have remained steadfast in me finding those missing years on my own, I’m going to do just that,” I said.
Daddy pushed off the counter and said, “What type of memories?”
With a smile that hinted at a bit of stubbornness, I said, “Private ones.”
“Ahh, I see.”
My mother huffed. “I don’t see. Why can’t you tell us what these memories are?”
I ignored my mother. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but honestly I was pissed at them both right now.
“Daddy, your keys?”
His head bounced from me to my mother and then back to me. “They’re hanging up in the hall.”
“Thank you!” I kissed them both and reached for my purse. As I left the room, I purposely hung back a bit to see if they would say anything.
“I need to make a call,” was all my mother said.
I drove out to the air strip that I had been told was on the other side of town. As I drove toward the very end of it, a grin broke out on my face. It was the exact location of the memory I had when Saryn had mentioned Nolan. It bugged me that I couldn’t place Nolan. I knew that I knew him. Of course I knew him, I went to high school with him. There had been other people who had come up to me when I was in town on my last visit, and I had no idea who they were. I hadn’t thought twice about it. But why would I have been out here watching him fly a plane?
“This is the same spot,” I whispered as I pulled up, parked Daddy’s truck, and climbed out. I saw the private property signs, but chose not to take heed. I put the tailgate down and then jumped up and just sat there. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in that position before I leaned back and stared up at the sky.
I had missed Texas. Missed home. I hadn’t felt like myself ever since I woke up in that hospital, for obvious reasons, but being back home now, I realized I had stayed away entirely too long. Now that I was back, a strange peace settled over me. This place had a special meaning. I couldn’t describe how I knew that. I simply felt it in my very bones.
The sounds of a distant plane caused me to sit up. I turned around and saw it coming in. It looked to be a smaller jet plane. As it flew over me and landed, I couldn’t help but laugh with delight.
“That’s a Cessna 750 Citation X. It’s a fast little jet.”
I spun around and saw a man standing next to the truck. He looked to be my age.
“You scared the crap out of me!” I said.
He laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But I am going to have to ask you to leave, Miss.”
“Of course. I was only …”
What in the world had I been doing? It didn’t matter. The memory clearly wasn’t going to make a repeat performance.
I jumped down and shut the tailgate of my father’s truck. “Do you know who owns that plane?” I asked as I glanced down the long runway before turning back to the gentleman.
He nodded. “One of the ranch owners in town. He owns a jet like that, so I’m guessing it’s his. That’s not a cheap plane.”
“I see.”
“He doesn’t come back often, but when he does come to town I know he flies in.”
The only thing I could do was nod. Lord knows how many people owned planes, especially in Texas. And would someone who owned a plane like that own a crop plane as well? And for goodness sake, how many planes landed at this little airport each day? What in the hell was I expecting to find here?
“Well, thank you for not yelling at me for trespassing.”
With a friendly smile, he replied, “No yelling. Unless you come back in an hour, then I may have to raise my voice.”
I laughed and made my way to the front of the truck and slipped inside the driver’s seat.
For the next two hours, I simply drove around town. I didn’t have any idea where I should go, so I took whatever turns struck my fancy. Before it got too late, I did stop at a small shop on the main road and ran in to grab little Nolan a birthday present. I also bought Liliana a gift as well.
“Do you gift wrap?” I asked the sales lady.
“Yes! Give me fifteen minutes!” the young girl said as she disappeared into the back. I wondered around the store and then headed to the front window and glanced out. Boerne had grown so much in the past eight years. The small-town charm was still there, kind of, but there were certainly a lot of people walking around, and I had no clue who they were.
Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. It was the strangest feeling. I hadn’t felt it since that day in Paris when I saw my mystery man.
“Here you go!” the store clerk called out as I jumped and spun around. “All ready for the party!”
I quickly made my way back over to the counter and took the two presents. “Thank you so much! They look adorable.”
“You’re so welcome.”
“Have a wonderful day!” I said as I nearly sprinted out of the store. The moment I got outside, I frantically looked around.
The feeling I had only moments ago was gone. Dammit. My body deflated, and I laughed at myself. “Goodness, Linnzi, you’re truly losing your
mind. Thinking you would run into someone thousands of miles from you.”
“Do you often make a habit of talking to yourself?”
I spun around and found Sayrn standing there. “Saryn! What are you doing?”
She smiled. “I just left my mother’s store. I came out to buy Nolan one more little gift. What about you? How was your first day back in Boerne?”
“It’s been…odd,” I said with a laugh.
She tilted her head and looked at me. “What do you mean?”
I waved off my words and replied, “Nothing. Where are you parked?”
Saryn motioned down the street. “Down a few blocks.”
“Me too, let’s walk together.”
“Tell me why your day was odd.” I could tell by the concern in her voice she truly wanted to know. “When I saw you run out of the store, you looked as if you were searching for someone.”
I let out a dramatic sigh. “Oh Lord. I truly think I’m losing my mind.”
“It’s a big adjustment, Linnzi. You’ve been gone a long time, and to come home and have this gap in your memory still… It will take time.”
I nodded. “I know. I went to the airport today and parked at the end of the runway. I was hoping maybe I’d have another memory just being there.”
Saryn’s eyes lit up. “Did you?”
“No,” I said, sounding utterly defeated. “And just now, when you saw me rush out of the store, I can’t even explain it, but I felt…I felt…”
“What! What did you feel?” Saryn asked as she tugged at my arms. “Tell me!”
Laughing, I said, “I don’t know what I felt. Like someone was out here. Ugh, that doesn’t make sense. The entire time I was in Paris I turned down date after date.”
“Why?” she asked.
I closed my eyes briefly and shook my head. “You’re going to think I’m crazy, and maybe I am.”
“There is no way I’m going to think you’re crazy.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I worked up the courage to tell her. It wasn’t like Saryn and I weren’t friends—we were. We had been close at one time. It dawned on me that I could remember bits and pieces of Saryn during those few years I had forgotten. Us in a barn. The two of us riding horses.
Take Me Away Page 4
