I shook it off and focused on what I was about to admit to. “The whole reason I ran off to Paris was because it was the only memory I had at the time. I remembered wanting to pursue art and live in Paris. After the accident, I knew something was off. My parents were keeping something from me, and my mother practically pushed me out of the door to go to Paris. Once I got there, I thought maybe I would be okay with those missing years. I wasn’t, though. I felt such a profound loss, it’s hard to explain.”
Saryn’s face almost seemed to drain of color, and she looked away from me as we started to walk again. “Loss?” she whispered.
“Yes. It’s silly, but I’ve always felt like there’s been someone. A man. The man I’ve been dreaming about all these years. I don’t think he’s the guy I saw in Paris. Honestly, I think I was so smitten by his looks that I simply latched on to him. He was the first man to spark something inside of me. But the reason I didn’t go out with anyone was because I felt this deep feeling in my chest that I’d already known love. Not a normal love, a wild love. The kind that you can’t keep fenced in. Heck, I don’t even know if I was dating someone before the accident. All I know is I’m hopelessly devoted to a man I’m not even sure exists. Or has ever existed. Maybe my parents didn’t even know I was in love. So it’s not like they’re keeping something from me—maybe they don’t even know themselves. Gahhh, it’s all so overwhelming at times.”
“W-what do you mean, your parents maybe didn’t know you were in love?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, Saryn. Maybe they did and he left and they’re trying to keep me from having my heart broken. I’ve seriously considered every possible scenario over the past eight years.” I laughed away the silly notion. That would hardly be enough reason for my folks to keep a secret from me. “How can your heart be broken if you don’t even remember a person? But I feel it, Saryn. God, I feel it, feel him, and I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve literally spent the last eight years turning down any man who asked me out because I felt like if I even dared to let anyone else in, I’d actually lose him. If there even is a him. See what I mean? Losing my mind.”
When I looked at Saryn she was crying. I stopped and took her hands in mine. “Saryn, why are you crying?”
She shook her head. “I can’t do this, I can’t do it. Not with you standing right in front of me.”
“Do what?” I asked, confused.
Saryn drew in a deep breath and then let her words fly out with sonic speed. “You were in love, Linnzi, so madly in love. And he loved you just as much.”
My eyes widened in shock. “What? What do you mean?”
Suddenly, as if she was silenced by some realization that she had said too much, she frantically shook her head. “I just mean, well, don’t stop looking and searching for him. Don’t ignore that voice in your head and that feeling in your heart. I walked away from Truitt and spent years with the wrong man. My happily ever after finally came true, and I know yours will too.”
I could have pressed her for more information, but I stopped myself. A part of me truly wanted my memory to come back on its own, and dammit if that didn’t make me a stupid fool.
I smiled and pulled her into a hug. When we separated, I saw it in her eyes. She wasn’t telling me everything. There was for sure more to this story than anyone wanted to admit. Had the whole damn town been in on this secret? But why?
“You’re coming to the birthday party tomorrow, right?” Saryn suddenly asked, changing the subject.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I got Nolan a gift and picked up a little something for Liliana, too.”
With a warm smile, she said, “You didn’t have to get them anything.”
“I wanted to, and yes, I did.”
We walked the rest of the way and talked about the birthday party. Saryn filled me in on the cake, the games, and even told me that Nolan’s namesake had flown in for the party. It was hard not to notice that each time she mentioned this Nolan Byers, my stomach dropped slightly.
What in the world could that mean, and why was I suddenly so anxious to meet Nolan?
Nolan
THE SOUND OF a rapid heartbeat, a baby’s heartbeat, followed by a scream and skidding tires caused me to fly up into a sitting position. Sweat poured down my face and covered my entire body. Each breath burned as I struggled to take air into my lungs.
“Fuck,” I mumbled as I scrubbed my hands down my face. I concentrated on slowing my breathing. One glance at the nightstand told me it was five in the morning. I threw the covers off and quickly searched for something to wear. I needed to go for a run. It was fairly cold outside for Texas, but then again, it was only the beginning of February.
After I slipped on a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and hoodie, I put my running shoes on and went for a five-mile run.
The crisp morning air felt good on my skin, and the dream that had woken me up flew to the back of my mind with every step that I took. I ran down the driveway of the ranch and along the county road until I turned and headed back. I needed to be at Truitt and Saryn’s by eleven, and I still wanted to saddle up a horse and ride around the ranch with Paul, the ranch foreman, if he was available.
As I started up the steps to the ranch house, I heard my name.
“Nolan!”
Turning, I smiled when I saw Ryan Night. He had been another one of my best friends in high school and was Saryn’s brother, which made him and Truitt brothers-in-law now.
“Ryan, what in the hell are you doing here this early?”
He laughed and made his way over to me. My hand was outstretched for a handshake, but he pulled me in for a quick hug instead. “Damn, Nolan, it’s good to see you. I had no idea you were back in town. I came to meet with Paul. I’ve got some city slickers coming next week to the dude ranch, and I need to borrow a couple horses. Three of mine had to have their shoes removed. There’s no way I’m making them do any trail rides.”
I smiled and hit him on the side of the arm. “I’m sure that’s not going to be a problem. Last I heard from Paul, we had twenty horses he was bitching about having to exercise.”
Ryan laughed.
“Let me change really quick, and I’ll head to the barn with you. I was actually going to see if Paul could ride along the ranch this morning. I don’t think he knows I’m here yet. I got in last night.”
“I’ll meet you in the barn—sound good?” Ryan asked.
With a quick nod, I said, “Ten minutes.”
I raced up the steps and into the house. I took the steps two at a time and headed up to my bedroom on the second floor. I had kept the same bedroom I grew up in even after my folks died. The thought of moving their stuff out of the master bedroom wasn’t something I wanted to deal with then, and, truth be told, I still didn’t want to now. I hadn’t stepped foot in that room in years. The last time I was in there, I laid down on the bed and clutched the blanket that my mother had knitted after she’d taken a class a few years earlier. She’d said it was practice for when she had grandbabies, and holding onto that blanket was almost my undoing.
My heart paused for a beat. “Not now,” I said as I pushed those thoughts away and quickly changed. Fifteen minutes later, I walked into the barn.
“Nolan, Ryan told me you were here. Had I known, I would have turned up the heat in the main house,” Paul said as he reached out his hand for mine.
Paul Rogers had been the ranch hand for as long as I could remember. He had been high school friends with my father. His light brown hair was now peppered with gray, and his face was tanned and showed his age, most likely from working hard labor and being in the sun day after day. I would honestly be lost without this man taking care of the ranch.
“Don’t even worry about it. It wasn’t that cold in the house. Thanks for keeping an eye on it. Have we had any hard freezes this year?”
“One in December, but there’s a cold front moving through next week that we’ll need to watch out for,” Paul stated.
&nbs
p; After getting caught up on everything that was going on with the ranch, Paul, Ryan, and I saddled up some horses and headed out to ride the property for a bit. Paul pointed out some changes that had been made since my last visit two years ago. Ryan talked about the changes Boerne had seen with all the new growth, and I simply enjoyed the fresh air and being with friends. I had missed this, missed Texas more than I had realized. The Air Force had been my life since I was seventeen years old, when I knew I wanted to go to the Air Force Academy like my father had before he left to run the ranch. I wanted to fly planes, like my father had, and serve my country, like my father had. The ranch had been in the family for four generations now, and there was one thing I knew for certain: it would stay in the family come hell or high water. At some point I’d get out of the Air Force and head back to Texas. I simply needed the motivation to return to the ghosts buried here. Or, in all honesty, face those ghosts head on.
“Shit!” Ryan said as he looked at his watch. “Nolan’s birthday party is in an hour.”
I reached for my phone but realized I had left it back at the house.
“Saryn will kick my ass if I’m late for the party.” Then he looked at me. “She’ll kick your ass too.”
Laughing, I replied, “The only difference is, I’m not afraid of your sister.”
Ryan shot me a look as he slid down off his horse. “You would be if you knew her better.”
“You two go on, we’ll take care of the horses,” Paul stated. “And, Ryan, I’ll load those horses up and swing them on by the day after tomorrow.”
Ryan gave him a wide grin. “Thanks so much, Paul.” Then he looked at me. “Thanks for letting me borrow them.”
“Anytime,” I said with a smile.
Taking off toward his truck, Ryan spun around and jogged backward, “Did you get Nolan a gift?”
I sighed inwardly because no, I hadn’t gotten him a gift. I shot him the finger. “I’ve got multiple degrees, Ryan. I think I’m smart enough to buy a freaking gift for my godson.”
All he did was laugh and then turn back and run faster.
After he got into his truck and started to pull out, Paul said, “There’s a toy store on Main. Might want to get Liliana a little something too.”
I clapped him on the back. “Give yourself a bonus, Paul, you’re worth every dime and more.”
He laughed as he took the reins of all three horses and walked toward the barn where a ranch hand was waiting to cool the horses down and give them water.
After taking a quick shower, changing into jeans, a white button-down shirt, and my favorite pair of cowboy boots, I headed to the closet and looked at the plethora of cowboy hats I had collected over the years. The black Stetson Linnzi had given me before I left for the Academy was the first hat I saw. I reached for it and placed it on my head. I couldn’t help but smile as the memory came to me.
“Open it, Nolan!” Linnzi said as she bounced in her seat. The girl always bounced around when she was excited, and I loved it.
With a wink, I asked, “What is it?”
“I know you know it’s a cowboy hat, but this one is special.”
I laughed and opened the box. Inside was a black Stetson cowboy hat. I lifted my eyes to meet her gaze.
“It’s a Lariat—you said you wanted one. Your daddy has one in black too. I thought it would make your eyes stand out.”
“Linz, you didn’t have to buy me this.”
With a giggle, she leaned over and kissed me. “I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to. Do you like it?”
I stared down at her and felt my chest expand. I loved this woman so much. “I love it. Thank you.”
“Put it on, Nolan! I want to see it on.”
When I slipped it on, her eyes widened. She licked her lips and then crawled onto my lap. “You look so handsome.”
“What are you doing?” I asked with a slight chuckle.
Her baby blue eyes turned dark. “I’ve always wanted to make love to you while you wore a black cowboy hat. With you sitting in a chair.”
I lifted a brow. “Is that so?”
She dug her teeth into her lower lip and pressed her body into mine. “Nolan, please.”
With one look around the barn, I reached down for the belt on my jeans as Linnzi smiled. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m not wearing any panties under this dress,” she said.
The memory faded, and I rubbed the sudden ache in my chest. With a sigh, I reached for my phone on my dresser and slipped it into my pocket. By the time I stopped at the toy store, Nolan’s party would have already started.
I grabbed the truck keys and headed into town. After purchasing two gifts for Nolan and a little tea set for Liliana, I headed to Truitt and Linnzi’s house.
My phone rang, and I saw it was Truitt. The party had only started a few minutes ago.
“Hey, I’m almost there. Sorry I’m running late.”
“Yeah, it’s okay, no worries.”
Truitt sounded strange. No, more worried than strange. “Geesh, did you hurt yourself already?” I asked.
My best friend was notorious for being accident prone. He was the only guy I knew who had betting pools going on for how many times in that year he would end up in the ER. I’d won twice over the years, guessing the exact amount of times. And I won once for calling that he’d get two broken bones in one year.
“No, I…I…didn’t hurt myself. Saryn just surprised me with something.”
I rolled my eyes. “Dude, I really don’t want to hear about your sexual escapades, especially since the only action my cock has seen in the last eight years is my own goddamn hand. Save it, will you?”
“No, Nolan. I don’t really know how to tell you this.”
My heart dropped. “Are the kids okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing like that. Fuck, I guess I need to come out and just say it. Saryn got a phone call yesterday to pick up an old friend at the airport, she had no idea they were coming in, so it was a complete surprise. She didn’t tell me because she wanted to surprise me. I also didn’t tell her you were coming in for Nolan’s actual party. She thinks you’re coming in a few days.”
I gripped the steering wheel harder as I pulled up and stopped at the end of Truitt’s driveway. “Well, you probably should tell me since I’m sitting outside your house.”
Truitt’s house was a good way down the long driveway that meandered along the oak-covered pastures on either side of the drive, though, so it wasn’t like I was about to knock on the front door. There were still a few minutes’ drive before I got to the house.
“Christ,” Truitt whispered. “Hold on, let me walk away from the house.”
I frowned. The strangest feeling came over me, and I found myself holding my breath. My phone beeped with another call, and I pulled it away to see it was Amy, Linnzi’s mother.
“Amy’s calling me. She’s been trying to get a hold of me since yesterday.”
“You didn’t answer her calls?”
“No, I mean, in all honesty I knew I was coming back home, and I didn’t really want to deal with it.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to deal with it, because the moment of truth is fixin’ to happen. Nolan, Linnzi is here. She’s moved back to Texas for good.”
It felt like I was in my plane and banking at 9 Gs. “What?” I said, not sure how I had inhaled enough air to be able to speak.
“When I say here, I mean here, here. At the party. Saryn invited her.”
My throat felt like it was closing. “She’s back?”
“Yes.”
With a deep breath in, I nodded. Then stopped, realizing I was alone. “Let me call Amy back and I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I guess that’s going to depend on if she remembers anything when she sees me.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
I blew out a deep breath. “Thanks for giving me a heads up. I’ll be there in a few.”
“See ya
.”
I hit End and then looked at my phone. Holy shit. All the deleted texts and missed calls over the last twenty-four hours. Amy had been trying to tell me Linnzi was back.
I hit her number and waited.
“Nolan! I was starting to worry but thought you might be out of the country or…something.”
“No, I’m not. I saw your missed call yesterday, but in all honesty, Amy…” My voice trailed off.
“I know. I know, Nolan. But I’ve been desperate to get a hold of you. Linnzi is back. She’s here in Texas. She flew in yesterday and surprised us. We had no idea until she showed up at our door.”
“I know, Truitt just called me. It looks like Saryn picked her up and then waited until Linnzi showed up for baby Nolan’s birthday party to surprise him.”
“Oh goodness.”
Clearing my throat, I forced the words out. “Amy, I’m here. In Texas. I flew in last night.”
Her breath caught. “Oh my goodness. Lord. I need to sit down.”
I put the truck in drive and started down Truitt’s driveway.
“This is it. Are you okay, Nolan?”
“I’m not sure. It’s been eight years.”
“Eight. Years.” Her voice was so soft I could barely hear her.
“We did the right thing,” I said, not even sure if I believed it anymore. “We did the right thing.” Why I said it twice was beyond me. Maybe trying to reassure her, or possibly myself.
“I don’t think any of us thought it would take her so long.” “When they said she might not ever remember, I really thought they were wrong,” I stated.
“Oh Lord. She’s going to hate us. Hate us, Nolan.”
When Truitt and Saryn’s house came into view, I felt my heart race. I was finally going to be able to look right into those baby blues again. God, how I missed her. I missed her so much I felt sick thinking about it. “I’m here, Amy. I need to go in.”
Take Me Away Page 5
