This time I laughed harder. “I’ll have to try and make up for that then.”
Her arms folded over her chest as she stared out the window at more cattle. “You can try, but no promises.”
Even though her face was turned away, I still noticed her slight smile.
I pulled up to the barn and parked, lifting my hand to greet Paul.
“Who is that?” Linnzi asked.
“Paul, the ranch foreman. He’s my rock, and the guy I depend on to keep this place running while I’m gone.”
After I opened my door and jumped out of the truck, I tried to jog around and get Linnzi’s door, but Paul beat me.
“Paul, this is Linnzi Cunningham. Linnzi, this is Paul Hart. Y’all have met before, but…” Paul smiled at Linnzi. “He keeps this place running,” I finished saying.
Paul reached out his hand and shook Linnzi’s. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Ms. Cunningham.”
“Please, call me Linnzi.”
With a nod, Paul replied, “Linnzi, it is.” He turned to look at me, and I could see it on his face. It was hard how everyone knew that in the past it had always been us together, and now they had to act like they didn’t know a thing. “I’ve got two geldings saddled up for you. And the group you were expecting earlier is up at the hunter’s cabin now getting everything ready for you.”
I could feel Linnzi’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look at her. “Good, thanks for taking care of that Paul. I owe you.”
“Nonsense. It turned out to be a nice day, so I think you should have a good ride,” Paul stated as he looked up at the cloud-covered sky and nodded. Linnzi did the same and appeared to be trying to see what Paul was looking at.
“Nice day, indeed,” he said once more before he headed into the barn.
Linnzi giggled. “What was he looking at? It’s cloudy!”
“Trust me, the man has some weird weather forecasting ability. I’ll bet you ten bucks the sun will be out in thirty minutes.”
She glanced up at the sky once more. “No way. Look at those clouds.”
I put my hand out, and she laughed as she took it. “It’s a bet,” she said.
Paul walked out with two chestnut geldings.
Linnzi inhaled a sharp breath as Paul brought both horses to a stop in front of us. She immediately did what the Linnzi from eight years ago always did when it came to horses. Her hands were everywhere on the first horse.
“He’s beautiful!” she mused. “Goodness, how old is he?”
“Seven,” I replied.
“Good temper?”
“He always has one when I’ve ridden him,” I stated as I looked at Paul.
“Whiskey is one of our best horses,” Paul said with a smile.
Linnzi looked up and grinned. “Whiskey? That’s a cute name.”
“Well, sure, considering Nolan drank a bottle of whiskey and lost his stallion in a card game in exchange for this guy.”
Linnzi’s eyes widened. “What?”
I laughed. “I was the one who ended up the winner. Whiskey is one of the best horses we have on the ranch. I’m surprised you didn’t let Ryan take him,” I said to Paul.
He snarled his lip. “Hell no. He’s one of my favorites.”
“I should be honored I get to ride him, then,” Linnzi said as she ran her hands down one of Whiskey’s legs and then lifted it. She dropped it and proceeded to do the same with his other three legs. Then she ran her hand along his body, and I gave Paul a quick glance before focusing back on Linnzi.
With a sigh, I said, “I’m starting to get jealous of the damn horse, Linz.”
She startled and looked over at me, her cheeks slightly pink. “I’m sorry. It’s just I haven’t been around horses in so long, I’ve forgotten how desperately I love them.”
“You’re more than welcome to come over anytime and ride,” I said.
Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as she took a step away from Whiskey. “Are you serious?”
“Of course. I’ll give you the gate code and make sure you have Paul’s number. We wouldn’t want him thinking someone stole his favorite horse.”
Paul rolled his eyes at me. “The sun is fixin’ to come out, go ride.”
Linnzi and I both looked up, and I couldn’t help but grin when I saw the clouds drifting away and making way for the blue sky.
“Damn,” Linnzi whispered.
“I’ll collect my ten dollars later.”
Linnzi looked at me, and I winked. Her teeth instantly dug into her bottom lip, and I had to force myself to look away as I mounted my own horse.
“What’s this handsome boy’s name?” Linnzi asked, giving Jack a loving pat on the neck.
“Big Mac Jack.”
She looked up at me, her blue eyes competing with the sky. “Is there a story behind that name as well?”
“There is. My mother named him after my father had gone and picked him up from a friend of his who needed to find him a new home. My father had insisted on pulling over and grabbing McDonald’s to eat, even though my mother wanted to beat a storm home. They didn’t beat the storm and ended up having to unload him in the rain, and he was fit to be tied. She called him Big Mac Jack ever since then. His name had been plain ol’ Jack before that.”
Linnzi kissed his nose and said, “You’re a sweet old boy, aren’t you?”
Jack bobbed his head, and we both laughed.
“Ready?” I asked.
She expertly mounted her horse, and we started down one of the well-worn trails. It only took five minutes before she turned to me and flashed a seductive smile. “I’ll race you to the next pasture.”
My heart stopped for a moment. Had she remembered? The way she said it didn’t give any hint that she did. But how would she have known about the pasture up ahead? I slowly let out my breath and tried to sound perfectly normal as I said the same thing I had all those years ago. “You won’t win.”
She winked, and before she kicked Whiskey into a run, she said, “Watch me!”
Linnzi
IT ONLY TOOK a minute for the memory, or should I say memories, to hit me. Nolan and me racing to the next pasture dozens of times. It was so clear, it nearly caused me to gasp. I was so angry with myself. I had hidden in Paris like a damn fool. Now that I was back home, a part of me was angry that my parents had been clearly keeping something from me—though the other part was terrified they had a reason to keep whatever it was a secret.
But ever since yesterday in Saryn and Truitt’s kitchen when I saw Nolan, the memories were slowly trickling back in. It was as if my past was drip-feeding me clues, knowing it had to be slow-going for reasons I wasn’t yet aware.
Nolan and I had clearly been something much more than friends. I could feel his confusion when he looked at me. He was keeping his own pain hidden, and while he thought he hid it well, I could see the pain in his eyes. On his face.
The memory floated back down to me. “I’ll race you to the next pasture.” Before I could stop myself, I blurted it out loud.
Nolan visibly flinched but attempted to play it off. Then, with a sexy-as-sin smile, he replied with the very same words from my memory. “You won’t win.”
With a swift kick, I spurred Whiskey on. The feel of the wind against my face was thrilling. I had missed this. Goodness, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed Texas.
A tree stood in the middle of the pasture, and I knew that was our ending point. The place where we had ended countless races. I glanced back over my shoulder, only to see Nolan’s horse not even breaking a sweat.
Then, he smiled, nudged the horse, and like a bolt of lightning, he ran past us.
“You cheated!” I cried out, and I swore I heard him laugh.
Whiskey and I were only a few seconds behind as I brought my horse up to a stop next to Big Mac Jack. I was laughing so hard, I nearly felt like I could cry. “This is magical! I haven’t felt like this in…I don’t honestly know now long.”
His smile was still on
his face as he stared at me with a look that said he wanted so much more from me. It made my entire body shiver.
“Thank you,” I said.
Nolan gave me a slight nod, then looked away.
“There’s a spot over here I want to check out,” he said. “Maybe we should walk the horses. There’s a creek for them to get a drink.”
“Of course.”
“And I won, in case we needed to clarify that.”
With a roll of my eyes, I scoffed. “Pfft. You cheated.”
He chuckled. “How did I cheat? I didn’t even pick out the horses!”
I felt my cheeks ache slightly, and I realized it had been from grinning like a mad woman. I was truly so happy in this man’s company.
Then, Nolan’s smile faded. “Linz, did you remember racing like that before?”
A part of me wanted to tell him yes, but I needed to keep the memories a secret a little while longer. At least for now. I wasn’t sure why, but I wasn’t ready to let anyone know I had been remembering more and more. I didn’t want to hurt Nolan by withholding my memories, but I felt deep in my soul that I needed to keep this to myself, at least for now.
“I don’t think so.”
He nodded but couldn’t hide his frown.
“Did we race a lot? You and me?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
He looked at me once more. “We did. To that tree, as a matter of fact. You loved being on horses. You even talked about training them once we got…”
“Once we got what?”
A look of utter panic swept over his face.
“Nothing. You always said if you didn’t do something with your art degree, you’d work with horses.”
I stared down at the reins in my hand and let my eyes move to the neck of the horse. I wasn’t sure how long I stared down at Whiskey before I said, “I can see myself doing that now.”
“Doing what?” he asked.
“Working with horses somehow. Maybe start a boarding barn. I’d have to buy a good-sized lot for it, though. At least twenty acres, if not more.”
All he did was nod and then focused straight ahead.
The sound of a creek slowly began to emerge, and I could tell Whiskey knew exactly where it was coming from. He picked up his pace, and I giggled.
“I think he knows where the water is.”
Nolan let out a quick laugh. “I know he knows where it’s at. You could let the reins drop and he’d take you there.”
Coming to a stop, Nolan got off his horse, tossed the reins over the saddle, and then walked up to me. “Need help getting down?”
“Nope, I’ve got it.”
Doing the same with my horse as he did with his, I drew in a deep, cleansing breath. “It’s so clean out here. Nothing like how Paris was.”
“It’s much quieter here too.”
“It is,” I said with a lightness in my voice I hadn’t heard in a very long time. I felt at peace out here, and I wasn’t sure if it was simply from being in the country, or if it had everything to do with being with Nolan.
“Are the horses okay?” I asked, glancing back over my shoulder to see them both making their way to the small creek.
“Yeah, they’re fine.”
I followed Nolan as we walked along the creek for a bit before coming to a stop at a small bridge that crossed over to the other side.
“It’s still here,” he mused.
“Were you expecting it not to be?”
He shrugged. “Every heavy rain when it floods, I always expect it to be gone. But it never gets washed away when the creek floods. It’s like there’s some sort of protective shrine around it.” He peeked over at me. “As stupid as that sounds.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that sounds stupid at all. It looks old, so it’s most definitely weathered some storms in its lifetime.”
Something moved over Nolan’s face, and I felt a sudden rush of emotion. He seemed sad, and I realized I didn’t like knowing he wasn’t happy. I wanted to do something to make him smile. To take his hurt away. This place was special to him, yet at the same time something about it made him sad.
“My granddaddy built this bridge. He had a little hut-type place he had built on the other side of the creek. He brought my grandmother here when they were dating and asked her to marry him right on that bridge.” His voice seemed to trail away, as if lost in the moment when his granddaddy told him the story.
My chest squeezed with a strange sensation. “How romantic.”
Nolan laughed. “My dad thought so too. He asked my mother to marry him on this bridge as well.”
Then, he looked directly at me and waited. What he was waiting for, I had no idea. I looked from him, to the bridge, and back to him. “That’s so incredibly sweet.”
A look of utter disappointment came and went so fast, I almost missed it.
“Anyway, I haven’t been back to the ranch since baby Nolan was born,” he said, “and the last time I was here, some kids had been trespassing and drinking beer in the gazebo.”
I smiled and whispered, “I love gazebos.”
“Yes, I know,” Nolan said. I was positive he wasn’t aware he’d said it out loud. “Let me walk over the bridge first to make sure it’s sturdy, then you can walk over.”
“Okay,” I replied as I watched him carefully walk over the old wooden bridge. “Your granddaddy must have built it pretty strong to last this long!”
Nolan didn’t say anything as he made it to the other side and then turned around. “Okay, come on over.”
I carefully stepped onto the wooden bride and walked across it. When I touched the grass on the other side, I let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in.
“You sure didn’t look very confident in Granddad’s skills as you were walking over it,” Nolan said with a crooked smile.
My hand came up to cover my mouth. “Truthfully, I wasn’t!”
Nolan reached for my hand and curled his fingers through mine. The way it made my body instantly warm felt so good. It had been a long time since I felt so…content. Happy. Safe. Those were only a few of the words to describe how I felt in that moment.
We walked down a path. Judging from the overgrowth, it was obvious Nolan hadn’t been here in some time.
“Why have you been gone for so long?” I asked.
Nolan looked lost in his own thoughts for a moment before he simply said, “Hiding from bad memories.”
I slowly nodded. “I know how that is.”
He stopped walking and faced me. “What do you mean?”
With a half shrug, I looked up into those stunningly blue eyes. They reminded me of the countless days I walked along the beach and stared out at the Mediterranean Sea when I would go off for a few days of vacation. I never thought one could get lost in another person’s eyes until I looked into Nolan’s. I found myself struggling to even form words or remember what I was about to say.
“The whole reason I stayed away from Texas as long as I did was because I knew something bad had happened to me. It was the only reason I could think of for why my parents were so vague. I mean, I could’ve found out what truly happened to me if I wanted to.”
A look of horror moved over his face.
“The doctors told me my memory was blocking out the accident. That I couldn’t remember it for a reason. An internal safety mechanism for my brain, sort of. That’s when I knew I had to leave. I could see the pain in my mother and father’s eyes and, truth be told, I was a coward.”
His eyes widened. “A coward?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Because I didn’t want to know. Honestly, I’m still very much afraid that it will all come back. And if it does, I somehow feel like my life will be forever changed.” As I stared at him, I suddenly realized that Nolan had played a part in all of this. Or, maybe deep down I already knew. I was too afraid to question how—not when—I felt so alive for the first time in years.
Coward indeed.
Nolan dr
opped my hand and started to walk away. He removed his cap and raked his fingers through his hair, then put the cap back on with a deep sigh. He turned and looked at me. The pain on his face was almost unbearable. And when he opened his mouth, I knew he was going to tell me everything.
“Don’t…” I quickly said. I could see it written all over his face. Maybe I had it seen yesterday too, when he turned and looked at me in Saryn and Truitt’s kitchen.
He shook his head as his lips pressed tightly together and his face constricted in a pained expression.
“Don’t tell me what you were about to tell me, Nolan. I’m so blissfully happy right now, please don’t ruin it. Being here with you and experiencing this feeling deep inside of me that screams that you and I were so much more…I don’t know how, and I don’t want to remember how. At least not right now. Please, keep those things to yourself.”
That caused him to jerk back, almost as if I had slapped him across the face.
I took a step toward him. I needed to make him understand how I felt. “Do you know that feeling when you first walk outside after it’s been raining for days and days, and you lift your head toward the sky and the sun warms your face?”
“Y-yes.” His voice sounded strained.
I dropped my head back and let the sun hit my face and smiled. “When you kissed me yesterday afternoon, that’s what it felt like. Like I had been trapped inside for days, months…years.” I let out a chuckle. “But then you kissed me.”
Righting my head, I met his gaze. My heart broke in two at the sad expression on his face, and I would have given anything to take it away.
“It has been eight years of being in the rain, Nolan. Eight. And I see it on your face, too, and I know you’re getting ready to leave again, and I have no idea when you’ll come back. But that kiss brought light to the dark world I’d been living in. I dreamed about you, Nolan. All those years I dreamed about you.”
I felt my cheeks heat as I pressed my fingers to my forehead and let out an embarrassed laugh. “I mean…” My hands went to my cheeks in an attempt to cool my body down. “I had these fantasies. Very vivid dreams that I was with a man. I would wake up sometimes gasping for air because they were so intense. The love and passion in those dreams…I swore I felt it when I woke up from them. I had them nearly every single night. It started about a year after I moved to Paris. Those dreams. God, they felt so real. I had it in my head there was someone out there waiting for me. Looking for me. Then I saw you sitting there at the café that one day, and something buried deep inside me ignited and I had no idea what it meant. All I knew was I had to go after you. I followed you until I lost you in the crowd. A complete stranger, and I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Then, that night, I dreamed again. But it wasn’t a faceless man who was kissing me and making love to me like it had been all those years before. It was you.”
Take Me Away Page 9
