Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3)

by Faith Gibson

  “Nope. No more secrets. You know about my panic attacks and nightmares. You now know how I got the scars. That’s the worst of me. You still want the rest of me?”

  “I want all of you, Andy. The good and the bad. I might not have the scars on the outside, but I’m flawed, too. I bet there’s a shrink out there that would tell us we shouldn’t do this, but I think we’re good together.”

  “So where do we go from here?” Andy asked.

  “My bedroom. The door actually locks.”

  Andy laughed and shoved Bryan back. “I meant long term.”

  Bryan grinned and pulled Andy back to him. Not that Andy minded. Ever since Bryan put his shirt on, Andy had been dying to touch him. Something about his shirt hanging open and showing only a tease of his chest was so fucking hot. Andy placed his palms on Bryan’s pecs. Hard muscle was covered by soft skin. Bryan’s chest was dusted with dark hair that Andy wanted to rub his cheek on. Andy pushed the shirt open farther then down his arms so he had an unimpeded view of Bryan’s upper body. Andy had not had the pleasure of seeing Bryan’s ink up close and personal. Andy’s tattoos were minimal – nautical stars on his chest, Marine tats on each upper arm, and one tribal band circling his right bicep.

  Bryan’s Marine ink was crazy intricate, and it spanned his upper back across his shoulders. Andy couldn’t wait to get Bryan in bed on his stomach so he could go over every inch of it. That wasn’t the only reason Andy wanted to get Bryan on his stomach. He wanted to explore Bryan’s sculpted ass cheeks, too. Andy had seen plenty of naked bodies over the years, but none were as perfect as Bryan’s. Andy’s cock had softened while talking about Patrick, but thinking about Bryan’s ass had him erect and pressing against his zipper. Andy ghosted his thumbs across Bryan’s tiny nubs. Bryan hissed, so Andy went a step further. He bit one then licked the pain away.

  Bryan growled and reached between them, cupping Andy’s erection. “B…” Andy pushed his hips into Bryan’s hand, wanting more friction. Bryan had offered to blow him earlier, and Andy was ready to take him up on it. He’d told Bryan everything, and Bryan still wanted him. Andy wanted everything with his friend, and he wanted it right then.

  Bryan must have read his mind. He put his lips against Andy’s ear and hissed, “Like I said, my bedroom.” Andy followed a stalking Bryan inside. Bryan stopped long enough to lock the door. “I’m going to make sure the house is secure. When I get to my room, I want you waiting for me, and Lily, I want you naked.” A shiver ran down Andy’s spine at the authoritative tone. It should have scared the shit out of him, but this was Bryan, his best friend. He knew B would never hurt him. He was counting on him to make him feel good in a way he’d never felt.

  Andy did as he was told and was waiting on the bed. He was propped against the headboard with his legs stretched out in front of him. He felt stupid, not knowing if he should pose for Bryan, spread his legs and offer up his hole, or get under the covers and hide. He’d only ever stripped for Patrick, and then he was always on his knees with his ass in the air. He shouldn’t be nervous; this was Bryan. His best friend and now soon to be lover. Still, Andy bit his bottom lip and worried about doing something to scare Bryan off.

  Bryan entered the room and locked the door before turning his gaze to Andy. The hunger in Bryan’s eyes had Andy’s dick getting harder. He subconsciously ran his hand down his body until he fisted his cock. If Bryan didn’t hurry and get on the bed, Andy would be the one embarrassed. He was ready to come from the way Bryan was eyeing him. His body language left no doubt Bryan was the predator and Andy was the prey. Bryan made quick work of his clothes and crawled between Andy’s legs. Bryan glanced up at Andy, and without preamble, he sucked Andy’s cock all the way down.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Bryan

  Bryan should be nervous about giving his first blowjob, but he wasn’t. He was eager to taste Andy. To show him what it meant to be with someone who wanted to please him and not use him. Someone who loved him. Andy’s cock wasn’t so long that it gagged him when he sucked him all the way down, but it was beautiful, nonetheless. Bryan recalled how Andy had alternated between sucking on the tip and sliding along his shaft, so that’s what he did. Andy’s pubic area was cropped close, and when he bottomed out on Andy’s dick, his nose touched the hair. Bryan breathed in, relishing the scent of Andy. It was a mixture of body wash, musk, and man. He’d never envisioned being turned on by the way a man would smell, but this wasn’t any man – this was Andy.

  Bryan’s mouth was getting tired, so he pulled off and licked Andy’s nut sac. Bryan was encountering so many firsts that his head should be spinning. It wasn’t. It was filled with the knowledge that he was giving Andy something no one else had. They were each other’s firsts in so many ways. He only wished he would be the first one to make love to Andy so his memories would be good ones. Bryan vowed silently to work Andy’s body over in a way that erased the bad and filled him with nothing but good.

  When he sucked Andy back into his mouth, Andy tried to grab onto Bryan’s hair, but it wasn’t long enough to pull. Andy grabbed his ears instead and pushed his dick farther into Bryan’s mouth. “Fuck, B, that feels so good. I’m not going to last.” Andy pumped his hips harder, and Bryan let him take over. “I’m… ahhh, fuck… You need to pull off, B. I can’t hold back.” There was no way Bryan was going to pull off. He wanted to taste Andy. To swallow him down the way he had Bryan earlier. Bryan wrapped his arms around Andy’s thighs and held on tighter, his fingers digging into Andy’s skin. The first stream of jizz hit the back of his throat, and he did his best to swallow with Andy’s dick in his mouth. It was an odd experience but not unpleasant. Andy continued surging inside until he was spent. Bryan swallowed again and licked the tip of Andy’s dick for good measure. He placed open mouth kisses along Andy’s inner thighs, on the area above his pubic hair, up his abs, and finally on his lips. Andy sucked on Bryan’s tongue, tasting his own spunk.

  Bryan was dizzy. He’d given his first blowjob, and he loved it. Having Andy’s dick in his mouth along with the enticing way he smelled was a heady combination. If he had any doubt before whether or not he was gay, he had none then. His dick was hard again, and it was because he’d given this part of himself to Andy. His erection was pressed between their bodies, and Bryan wanted to be buried inside Andy’s hole. He knew that wasn’t a possibility. Not yet anyway. Maybe once Andy was more comfortable being together, once Bryan showed him he’d never hurt him, maybe then. Until then, he’d have to be content with what Andy could give him.

  It was like a dam had burst, and Bryan craved everything to do with sex with Andy. Andy spread his legs wider, wrapping them around Bryan’s thighs. It didn’t take long for Andy to get hard again. Andy deepened the kiss and grabbed onto Bryan’s ass, thrusting their cocks together. Bryan thought about asking Andy to fuck him but decided he wasn’t quite ready. This was their first night together, and they had all the time in the world to explore things between them. Bryan pulled back from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. “I love the way you taste, Lily. The way you smell. And fuck me, the way you feel in my arms? This is perfect. We’re perfect.”

  Bryan rutted against Andy’s cock, not worrying if he seemed needy. He was. Bryan needed this connection with Andy. Andy pushed on his chest and said, “Turn over.” Bryan didn’t hesitate to do as Andy requested. He knew his best friend wouldn’t hurt him. “Do you have any lube?” Andy asked, kneeling on the bed between Bryan’s knees.

  “In the drawer,” he said, pointing to the bedside table. Andy opened the drawer and grabbed the bottle of slick. He poured a generous amount in his hand and held himself up with the other hand. When he fisted their erections together, Bryan thought he would come immediately. He propped up on his elbows so he could watch what Andy was doing. Most of the friction was on Bryan’s cock, so he reached down and added a hand to Andy’s so they both had equal attention. Andy grinned at him, and together, they stroked. The slower pace Andy had set seemed m
ore erotic somehow.

  Andy kept his eyes on Bryan’s face, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Bryan wanted to be the one biting his lip, so he said, “Kiss me.” Andy obliged, and Bryan sucked Andy’s lip into his mouth. Sucking, licking, biting.

  Andy jerked back, his eyes darkening. Bryan pushed up so he had access to Andy’s skin. He sucked the area between Andy’s neck and shoulder. When Andy moaned at the pressure, Bryan sucked harder. He’d never given a hickey before, but fuck if he didn’t want to mark Andy. The harder he sucked the faster Andy’s hand was on their cocks.

  “Oh, god, harder B,” Andy begged. Bryan sucked Andy’s neck until he thought his lips were going to bruise. “I’m gonna come… unh.” Andy thrust his hips into their joined hands, his seed hitting Bryan’s chest. Bryan’s own release followed almost immediately, and both men were writhing through their releases. Andy fell onto Bryan’s chest, the creamy liquid squishing between them. Bryan enjoyed Andy’s weight. It felt right. In that moment, Bryan knew without a doubt he’d found the person – the man – he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

  Andy rolled to his side and looked at Bryan with so much love in his eyes that Bryan knew Andy felt it too. Their lips met in a soft connection. Bryan loved how they could go from passionate to sweet so quickly. He’d never encountered either before, and he liked them both equally. “Stay here, and I’ll get us a washcloth.” Andy kissed him again before rolling off the bed. He opened the door and listened before easing his way to the bathroom. Bryan looked at the ceiling like it would help him hear better. There was no movement coming from overhead, and he prayed Mal stayed asleep until they could get cleaned up.

  Bryan wasn’t ready for Andy to go to his own room, but he also didn’t know how Mal would feel if they slept together. Andy returned and gently cleaned off Bryan’s chest. He’d closed the door and locked it when he came back. “Let’s get under the covers; I want to hold you.” Bryan pulled the bedding over them, and Andy settled next to him with his head on Bryan’s chest and his arm around his waist. “God, this feels good,” he whispered. Bryan tightened his arm around Andy’s shoulder, agreeing silently.

  There was so much going through Bryan’s head that he didn’t know how to put voice to it. His body was sated, and his heart was full. At the same time, his mind was still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. Instead of dwelling on it and trying to make sense of it all, he did his best to relax and enjoy the feel of his man in his arms. His man. Bryan kissed the top of Andy’s head before pressing his cheek there. Their bodies fit together perfectly, and Bryan closed his eyes to enjoy the moment. Andy’s breathing had evened out, and soon he was softly snoring. Bryan hadn’t planned on sleeping together, but he didn’t have the heart to wake Andy up. He allowed himself to follow Andy into unconsciousness.

  When Bryan woke the next morning, he noticed two things. One, Andy was no longer in bed, and two, Bryan didn’t like it. It wasn’t quite time to get up, but Bryan was filled with too much emotion to stay in bed and not go in search of Andy. He feared Andy had woken, and after realizing what they did was a mistake, had returned to his own room. On the way to the bathroom, Bryan peered into Andy’s bedroom, finding it empty. After Bryan peed, brushed his teeth, and washed his hands, he headed to the kitchen, where Andy was leaning against the counter drinking coffee. As soon as he saw Bryan, his face lit up with his beautiful, straight, white teeth smile. Bryan had always been self-conscious about his own smile because his mom couldn’t afford to get him braces. It was another one of those things he couldn’t help, like the color of his skin.

  “Morning,” Andy purred, setting his coffee down. He didn’t wait for Bryan to come to him. Andy met him at the door and slid his arms around Bryan’s waist. He buried his face in the crook of Bryan’s neck and placed kisses there. Bryan’s arms automatically circled Andy, and they stood there quietly for several minutes, just being. In that moment, Bryan realized it was the first time in his life he felt at peace. He let out a long, contented sigh, and Andy searched his face.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever slept as soundly as I did last night,” Bryan whispered. There was no one else in the kitchen, but he wanted his words to be for Andy only. “It felt good having you in my bed, but I hated waking up alone. I know we’re new – this is new. But do you think it’s possible to sleep together every night? Now that I’ve had you with me, I don’t want to ever sleep without you.”

  Andy’s eyes held his answer; still, he said, “Yes, I think it’s possible.” He pressed their lips together, keeping it chaste. Andy pulled away and poured Bryan a cup of coffee, adding the right amount of sugar. When he handed it over, he said, “I’ve been thinking…” He had a look on his face like a mischievous little boy.

  “Oh yeah?” Bryan sipped his coffee, eager to hear what Andy was contemplating.

  “After we get Mal and Cade back together, I think you and I should move into Suzette’s old room. It’s bigger, and it has the bathroom attached.”

  “I like that idea. But why wait until Mal and Cade are back together?”

  “Then Mal will be happy. He will be getting laid and won’t have time to worry about what the two of us are getting up to,” Andy said, wiggling his eyebrows. Bryan laughed at his lover, but he had to agree it made sense.

  “You have a point.”

  Mal’s footsteps coming down the stairs had them separating to opposite sides of the room like two teens hiding from their parents. Andy grinned and headed to the fridge. Bryan took a sip of his coffee doing his best not to look guilty. Even though they hadn’t been doing anything wrong, Bryan didn’t want Mal to have any reason to get mad at them.

  “Mornin’.”

  Andy and Bryan responded in kind, and as Andy prepared to make breakfast, Mal poured his coffee and said, “The supplies for the deck are comin’ in today. Walt’s gonna come over and help set the posts in concrete. He’s willin’ to help with the rest of it, unless the two of you want to tackle it on your own. Up to you.”

  Bryan had never taken on building something as large as a deck, but he was confident he and Andy could figure it out together. “I think Andy and I can handle it. If we get started and I’m wrong, we’ll ask for help.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Andy agreed, then added, “Mal, I’ve been thinking. I really like having your mom and Walt around. Is it okay if we invite them over for dinner on Sundays?”

  The offer didn’t surprise Bryan. He knew how much Andy was hurt by his mother’s betrayal, and Bryan missed being able to talk to his own mother.

  “I’d like that. I miss havin’ her around all the time.”

  “Excellent. I’ll mention it to Walt when he gets here.” Andy clapped his hands together and got busy cooking the bacon.

  Over the next few days, Bryan, Andy, and Walt built the deck. Walt was an excellent carpenter, and Bryan could tell he enjoyed working with his hands. Instead of leaving the two of them to build it like they’d planned, Walt asked if he could help with the rest of it once the posts were set. They didn’t have to discuss whether or not they would accept his help. One look between them was all they needed, and Andy clapped Walt on the shoulder telling him they’d be glad to have his help. Suzette came with Walt, and since Mal was holed up in his office, Suzette sat in a new lounge chair enjoying the fresh air while the men worked together. When Andy invited them for Sunday dinner, Suzette got misty-eyed and gladly accepted.

  The days were spent as friends and co-workers, and Bryan had no problem with that. Now that they had decided to be together as a couple, they were back to the easy-going relationship they’d started off with. They kept their hands to themselves, but they never went long without giving the other a smile or a knowing look. At night, they watched television together, but they weren’t comfortable being affectionate in front of Mal. Not yet. They waited until he went to bed before going to Bryan’s room and spending the night exploring each other. They kept it to blo
wjobs and hand jobs, but they always fell asleep with Andy snuggled against Bryan’s side. They both rose well before Mal did to ensure he didn’t catch them in bed.

  Walt had some work to do at his place, so Bryan and Andy worked together to put the finishing touches on the deck. They hadn’t been outside long when Mal joined them. He admired their handiwork and complimented them on a job well done. Then he said he was going to take Cochise out and look over the cattle. Both Andy and Bryan had made the rounds each evening after Walt and Suzette left, ensuring all the animals were safe and well. By the time they were finished with the deck, it was going on five o’clock. Mal still wasn’t back, but it wasn’t odd for him to stay out all day, especially if he was checking all the pastures. Eleven hundred acres was a lot for one person to cover.

  Andy had just pulled stuff out of the fridge to start supper when Mal came inside. He stopped when his phone pinged with an incoming text. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking at the screen briefly. “I’m gonna head up and take my shower,” he muttered before rushing out of the room, taking the stairs two at a time.

  “I wonder what that’s about,” Andy said. Cade’s calls to them both had come less and less. Bryan had tried talking to Mal, but he shut him down every time. Cade’s lack of communication with them both had Bryan feeling that Cade had given up on Mal. Now that he and Andy had admitted how they truly felt, Bryan wanted Mal and Cade to find their way back to one another more than ever. It would really suck if they’d found their happiness only for Mal to have lost his.

  Bryan was taking the casserole out of the oven when an excited Mal flew down the steps and slid to a stop in his sock feet. Bryan and Andy gave each other a “what the fuck” look before turning their attention back to their boss.

  “Can either one of you draw?” Mal asked, looking between them. Obviously, the text had been a good one, because Mal was practically bouncing.