BE MY BRAYSHAW

by Brandy, Meagan

Fuck.

  Chapter 15

  Captain

  I fucked up.

  I tested and tasted the deceiving forbidden fruit when I should have stomped it beneath my feet. A flavor so sweet I want more, a sight so gripping I’ll never forget.

  She was accepting, greedy.

  Gorgeous.

  Fucking dangerous.

  It should make this easier, fighting and denying, knowing there’re parts of her she doesn’t want to share—what a story the marks on her skin must tell—but it doesn’t.

  Somehow, as sickening as it is to admit, it makes it worse.

  She doesn’t trust me either.

  What’s worse is the way the knowledge makes me ache.

  I want her to give me all the things a woman gives her man.

  Her faith, her heart, her heat.

  For what, though?

  What will I do with those things once I have them?

  Even more frightening, what will she do when she realizes she’s stolen parts of mine?

  I close my notebook, tucking it back into the drawer at the side of my bed, and lift my laptop from my comforter, rewinding and pressing play for what must be the hundredth fucking time, each one making her voice clearer and clearer.

  “Cap. Yo,” Royce shouts from the stairwell. “You up there?”

  I let the rest of the video play out, then hit pause, and toss it aside. “Yeah,” I call back, swinging my legs over the side of my bed.

  He comes around the corner as I run my hands through my hair.

  He frowns, nodding his chin. “What’s going down?”

  I hang my head a moment before slightly lifting it and glancing up at him. “She recorded the videos.”

  At first, he frowns, tilting his head a bit and then his eyes widen. “Wait, what?”

  I sigh, letting my arms fall to the keyboard.

  When I made my way back to my room last night, I did so after having snagged Zoey’s tablet from the media room so I could copy all the files to my hard drive.

  “Listen.” I rewind it by a few seconds and press play.

  Royce hesitantly looks from it to me and back, nodding.

  He steps closer, watching us fuck around on screen. Like me, a hint of a grin finds his lips as Raven talks, but then his shoulders straighten and the video cuts off. I pause before it can move into the next one.

  He turns to me with a frown, looks me over, easily spotting my lack of sleep. “I’m guessing you already watched it a solid dozen times to be sure?”

  “It’s her, Royce. Raven must have been walking up this time, and she cut off before she was seen.”

  “And she had to hide it ‘cause we didn’t know she knew about Zoey.”

  I nod.

  He licks his lips as his hands find his hips. “Huh. That explains the back and forth footsteps in the hall last night.”

  A scoffed laugh leaves me, but a groan quickly follows, and I drag my hands down my face. I let them fall to my sides and look to my brother.

  “What if she wasn’t here? I wouldn’t have been able to make Zo happy, help her feel better.”

  “Stop.” His forehead tightens and he steps in to grip my shoulder, his eyes firm. “None of us have ever felt more worthless or weak or any other fucked up thought you could possibly have than we did last night. You were alone in none of it. We fucking felt it, shit, we feel what you’re feeling right now. She’s ours, too, brother. She hurts, we hurt.”

  A heavy sense of comfort weighs on me, mixing with the ache of helplessness and overwhelming me to the point I have to look away.

  Royce steps toward the door, and I nod, moving with him.

  “Let’s go tell the others.”

  We make our way down the stairs, through the billiard room, and out the backdoor.

  As we step around the large pergola and into the grass, Zoey’s animated voice reaches us, and Royce swings a grin my way. “Thank fuck she’s feelin’ a little better, and it’s cool enough out.”

  I nod. “She was sweating pretty bad this morning, so I’m hoping tonight won’t be a repeat. Not sure I can handle that.”

  “Yeah, brother. You can.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “But I sure as fuck hope you don’t have to.”

  As we get to the curve of the yard, my family comes into view, and I quickly throw my arm out to stop Royce’s advance.

  His head snaps my way with a frown, but then he looks out and a light nod leaves him.

  Maddoc sits in the grass with his legs bent, feet planted on the ground while Zoey sits on her knees between them.

  She has something in her hand and slowly opens it.

  Maddoc darts his out, attempting to take whatever it is, but she quickly yanks it into her chest.

  She laughs loudly, her little head tipping back. She falls to her butt when Maddoc reaches out to tickle her. After a moment, she pushes the little loose curls from her face and smiles at him.

  Her mouth is moving, but I can’t hear what she says.

  I look to my brother, watching as a smile grows, one I’ve never seen. It’s soft and gentle, but there’s a strain at the edge of his eyes.

  Raven stands, having spotted me, and tiptoes behind him, so we move forward until we reach her.

  She spins, leaning into me as she pulls the sleeves of her hoodie to her mouth.

  She watches Maddoc through tender eyes. “Last night...” She shakes her head. “I’ve never seen him act that way. He was terrified, fully. Completely.” She glances between us, and I’d swear her eyes gloss over, but it’s hard to tell, they’re already so light. “I think, for the first time, he realized there’s gonna be situations where he’ll be completely powerless.”

  She looks back to Maddoc, who lays his hands in Zoey’s as she places her palms out for him, not taking his eyes off his niece for a second.

  “He hadn’t spoken a word all day. Not one.” Her lips twitch and she meets my gaze. “Not until she came charging into the kitchen, blew past me and Rolland, and walked right up to him, asking if he wanted to go play.”

  I blow out a long, heavy breath, a light chuckle following.

  “It’s like she knew what he needed,” Raven mimics my thoughts exactly.

  She’s intuitive.

  Zoey latches her thumb around the edge of Maddoc’s hands and stands, only to let them go so she can grab his face between her hands.

  She smiles as she leans in, rubbing the tip of her nose to his.

  Eskimo kisses...

  A glare takes over and I look away, officially brought back to the issue at hand.

  Victoria.

  “Daddy!” My head snaps forward again, Maddoc’s having now jerked our way, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t tense or draw away from her.

  In fact, when she climbs over his legs, he looks about ready to reach for her.

  That has me smiling again.

  “Daddy!” Zoey bounds forward. “Uncle D says I’m a wolf!”

  I laugh, bending down to pick her up. Her eyes are a little tired, but she’s got some color back. I kiss her cheek, checking her head as I say, “You tell Uncle D you’re no wolf, you’re a raven.”

  She gasps, smiling and kicks her feet to be let down, running right back to Maddoc. “Daddy said I’m a raven!”

  In time, Zoey will grow to understand what that means.

  The raven will lead her wolves.

  Maddoc chuckles and waits for Zoey to run back to him, but she spots our dad coming around the opposite side and darts passed.

  “Papa, I’m a raven!” she yells as she goes.

  Royce chuckles beside me, wrapping an arm around Raven and kissing her temple only to let go and move toward Maddoc.

  He doesn’t bother standing, so we lower beside him, Raven gripping his bicep as she drops into the grass, only to be moved onto his lap.

  Maddoc looks from Royce to me and the switch is flipped. “What is it?”

  “The videos from last night.”

  Maddoc’s frown mirrors Ra
ven’s.

  “It was her, she recorded them.”

  “What the fuck?” Raven snaps.

  “You’re sure?” he asks.

  I nod, looking between them, explaining how I figured it out, and they jump up, ready to watch the video for themselves, so I nod at my dad across the yard and he lifts his hand, letting me know he’s got Zoey.

  We make our way to my room and I play it back for them.

  They sit there, glaring at the screen.

  “That’s the one and only mistake I was able to find on all hundred plus videos,” I tell them when they finally focus on me.

  Raven’s brows jump. “Hundred plus?”

  I nod.

  “How far back do these go, Cap?” Maddoc asks, his tone dark and low.

  “Sophomore year,” I tell them.

  Maddoc and Royce jump up.

  “Hold on, back the fuck up.” Royce lifts his hands, shaking his head. “Sophomore year.” He dips his head forward slightly. “Sophomore fucking year?”

  “Zoey was a newborn...” Raven trails off.

  I pull my lips in, looking to my brothers.

  “I want her,” I throw out without pause. Sure.

  “We know, brother.” Maddoc eyes me.

  “What do I do?”

  “We’re not real good at leaps of faith.” Royce licks his lips, pulling his bottom one into his mouth.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Raven shakes her head. “Look what’s in front of us, what we have seen. What we do know,” she stresses. “I mean, shit, you guys, why would she do this and never ask for a fucking thing? Never use it to get paid or blackmail or any other reason?”

  A tremor shoots across my shoulders and I look to the door, right as she appears, saying exactly what I need to hear.

  “Because I didn’t do it for me.”

  The others’ heads snap toward the door, heavy, hard glares in place.

  She doesn’t cower but slips inside. When she licks her lips, I force my eyes away a moment.

  “The fuck should we believe that?” Royce crosses his arms, unable to hold back his protective nature.

  She lifts a single shoulder, letting it fall back to her side. “I don’t expect you to, but it is what it is.”

  I move toward her, and her head tips with my advance.

  Heat builds in my chest at the way her eyes soften when met with mine.

  “Why? Why’d you do it?”

  I had no intention of whispering, but for some reason my words are low. Heard around the room, but low, nonetheless.

  “Because she deserved it.”

  “She should have been with me,” I force past clenched teeth, unable to swallow beyond the ache in my throat.

  “But she wasn’t,” she breathes, sorrow woven in her words. “So I did what I thought was right, or as right as right could be then.”

  “You spied on us,” Royce spits.

  She nods but doesn’t look away from me. “Yeah, I did. Every single day until Raven finally arrived and I’d do it all over again, even if I ended up right here in the end.”

  Her deep brown eyes beg me to ask, and everything inside me fights not to, screaming we can’t trust her answer anyway, but closed mouths don’t get fed… I want to believe in the girl in front of me.

  “Why?”

  Her chest falls with a silent exhale and she says, “Because Zoey deserved to have you when she couldn’t, to know you when she didn’t yet. To hear the sound of your voice, to picture your face, to picture all of your faces.” Her hands twitch at her sides, and I know she wants to reach out and touch me, but that’s a comfort she’s unsure she’ll get. “You have always been her favorite show, and she’s the little girl she is, because of you.” She looks across my family. “Because of all of you.”

  My eyes fall to the carpet, and I take a deep breath.

  My baby girl, a healer by nature, sweet and innocent and kind, nothing like us in that sense, yet everything we needed and dare I say, at the perfect time.

  Royce needed someone to love him purely before he lost all hope in himself.

  Maddoc, approaching fatherhood, needed affirmed proof of goodness in our dark, twisted world.

  Raven needed hope, a reason to believe she’s worth the life she now lives.

  My dad needed a second chance.

  And me, I needed help fulfilling my purpose.

  I’ve always felt like the father, even though my brothers are the same age. Like we’re witnessing more often with Zoey, my brothers and I each have natural instincts, whether we were born this way, or if our lifestyle demanded the skill, I don’t know, but for as long as I can remember, mine was to listen and learn, to teach and help guide. I think each of us has felt something missing at one point, and my missing piece was Zoey.

  A lot happens in the course of a lifetime, and for whatever reason, becoming a father at fifteen was what I was meant for.

  My eyes flick between Victoria’s.

  The comfort Zoey felt so easily wasn’t simply because she’s young and unaware, but because she already loved us, each of us.

  She gave this to me, to my daughter, to my family.

  “You said when I finally arrived.” Raven steps closer, pulling my attention to her.

  Victoria’s brows crash together, and she licks her lips.

  “It was you...” Raven drags off. “You’re the one who told Collins Graven, the chosen grandson of the man who raped our mothers, the person who tried to tear me away from this place, take over this town and leave this family bleeding, who I was and when I’d be here.”

  “The fuck?” Royce shouts, he and Maddoc hopping to their feet.

  I jerk back.

  She doesn’t deny it, shocking us all when she unapologetically admits an even bigger secret. “I was the one who convinced them to bring you home in the first place.”

  Shock flies through me, stiffening my body as I try to make sense of her words.

  Raven lurches forward but freezes in place when Victoria adds, “I knew you’d be taken care of, at your own hand or theirs. I could only protect one of you.”

  Raven’s jaw is clenched tight as she glares at her sister.

  Victoria lifts her hands. “I picked her... just like you would have.”

  “Fuck you for what you did,” she whispers, and without warning, punches a hole through the wall at the side of Victoria’s head.

  “Raven!” Maddoc barks, bounding toward her.

  “And fuck you even more for being right,” she growls, rushing out.

  “Goddamn it,” Maddoc hisses and chases after her.

  I stare at the empty doorway, slowly swinging my eyes back to Victoria.

  All the trouble we dealt with the last several months, the pain she caused my family, almost cost us my brother when he disappeared as Raven slipped from his grasp, both of us landing ourselves in the hospital...

  My baby girl being safe and away from it all...

  A heavy weight descends on my chest and I can hardly fucking breathe, can’t look at her.

  I know I’d cave right here, right now, if I did.

  I’d fall to my fucking knees, grab and pull her close, and maybe I should, but I don’t have to decide, and the struggle only gets worse when Victoria proves to understand me, walking out before I’m forced to face her.

  Royce glares at the empty doorway.

  It takes him a minute, but he locks his gaze with mine. “Maybe I’m more fucked up in the head than I even knew, but if she did what she just said she did, protected my niece like that, your daughter, then we owe her our respect if nothing else.”

  My heart beats uncontrollably against my ribs. “She lied to our faces.”

  He shakes his head, his eyes dark and tortured, angry. He walks for the door, pausing just outside it to glance back at me. “She lied, yeah, or more, hid shit—don’t ask, don’t fuckin’ tell type. I’m fuckin’ pissed about it, too, brother, believe that, but, man. That lie... who was it for?”

 
Who was it for...

  My brows dig in and he nods.

  Fuck.

  Chapter 16

  Victoria

  It’s six in the morning, the sun just beginning to show its colors above the trees when Raven drops in the chair beside me.

  I didn’t sleep for shit, so finally I stepped in the shower and here I am.

  My eyes slide her way, spotting her hair is as wet as mine, so she must have had the same issue—a mind that won’t shut up.

  She knows I’m looking at her, but she’s stubborn and holds still for a solid minute before finally facing me head-on.

  “You were right yesterday.”

  “You already said that.”

  She glares. “Yeah, but there’s still a big-ass difference.”

  A sourness coats my mouth, making it water. I don’t want to know what she’s thinking, but I ask anyway. “And what’s that?”

  “I risked myself for them once I knew who they were, you did it having never spoken to them in your life.” Her frown deepens and she looks away. “I’m not sure I would have done the same for strangers.”

  I scoff, not having expected anything remotely close to that to come from her. “Please, Rae.” I shake my head and stand.

  “I’m serious,” she snaps, but there’s a hint of vulnerability mixed with her standard ‘fuck off’ approach.

  “So am I. You didn’t risk yourself knowing who they were, Raven, you did it because something told you you should.” While she continues to face forward, her eyes find mine. “You saw what I did. We felt it, the pull toward them, deep in our gut, beneath our bones like nothing ever before.”

  After a quiet moment, she whispers, “Why did we feel it?”

  “Because this is where we belong. We were born Graven, Rae. Born part of this town, but this is where we belong.”

  Her lip twitches the smallest bit. “You’re a leg out, Victoria.”

  I chuckle despite myself and nod. “Yeah, but that means I’ve still got one in, right?”

  “An optimist.”

  “A survivor.”

  Her features smooth and after a moment she nods, a faraway look in her eye as she faces forward.

  “That’s all we do, isn’t it? One thing we’ll never escape, no matter where we are... or end up,” she adds for my sake. “We just… forever keep trying to survive and hope we don’t fuck up everything along the way.”