by Elle Linder
Laboring to breathe, feeling like he might go into cardiac arrest, Luke drove out to a remote area on Douglas Island—his favorite place to hunt with his Marine buddies when they were on leave. It was a place that gave him peace in the solitude among the mammoth mountains, and now he was hell on wheels, unable to get there fast enough.
The fury unleashed in him didn’t come close to the repulsion of being assaulted. Just like the last time Renee had put the moves on him, his disgust and outrage could not mask the feeling of violation that filled him.
Upon arriving at his beloved spot on the unmarred land, he instantly put the car in park and banged his head on the steering wheel. A stupid thing to do for sure, but how else was he to get the images of Renee and the grip of her hand around him out of his head? He slammed his forehead again, this time rattling his brain.
Dazed from the pain of his stupidity, an onslaught of spasms in his stomach hit without warning. Luke pushed the door open just before he forcefully heaved onto the snow-covered field.
FIFTEEN
Desperate Times
On day five of Luke’s supposed three-day trip to Juneau, Julia was staying focused on the Sweethearts Retreat. Presumably not the best project for a gutted heart, but she pushed through it anyway. It was just how she rolled. Work was work, and her problems would not impede her responsibilities. She avoided her delicate and personal quandaries while she kept busy with everything else.
A master avoider, she would leave her cell phone in her handbag to avoid seeing Luke’s texts, which he regularly sent throughout the day. In the evening, when she was ready, she would send him a courteous reply.
Not once had Luke taken a harsh tone with her in his replies, which were kept short, and he didn’t press her for more than what she gave him. His lack of communication hurt more than she cared to admit.
The swoony love-feels she’d once had were in freak-out mode, disoriented and scared, but they would not be locked away, despite her attempts. Why wasn’t he back? Every text alluded to nothing about extending his trip. It baffled her. Even if he didn’t like texting, he could have given her a timeline, a day he would return. Or a resignation. Was he obstinate because she didn’t question him directly or ask to talk on the phone? It all seemed weird, and not at all like him.
What was going on in Alaska?
Luke felt the sting of Julia’s avoidance all the way in Alaska, and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do. To make matters worse, he had to delay his return because Heather’s principal fell ill right before the final meeting. Adding fuel to the fire, Renee refused to attend the meeting without him.
He felt like a trapped animal in the house, so he drove out to Chichagof Island to think and call Julia. After two days of her delayed responses to his texts, he couldn’t take it anymore. But then, he had avoided calling her to regroup after the recliner incident.
What he hadn’t expected were the feelings of rejection from her detached responses. Frustrated and hurt, he called the resort directly to guarantee he talked to her and not her voicemail.
“Good afternoon, Brook Trout Resort, this is Erika.”
“Hi, Erika, it’s Luke. Is Julia around?”
“Hey, Luke, let me check…”
The pause annoyed the crap out of him. “Don’t screw with me, Erika. I know she’s there. Please put her on.” Luke wasn’t a fool; Erika’s tone and the silence following her answer was enough to tell him Julia was right there.
Erika laughed. “Oh please, I had a guest at the counter.”
“I’m not playing this game with you. Put Julia on the phone.”
“Um, just a second.”
Luke struggled to make out the whispers, but he would know Julia’s voice anywhere, and it turned his stomach to know she might refuse to talk to him.
“Okay, Luke, I’ll put you through to her phone.”
“Thanks.”
***
Julia sat at her desk to collect her thoughts. She inhaled, holding her breath, and released it as she lifted the receiver. She stared at the light on her phone. It flashed as her heart raced. Then her mouth went dry. She had left her mug of coffee up at the front desk. Dammit. She had to answer his call, cottonmouth or not. She pressed the blinking button.
“Hello, Luke?”
“Hi. How are you?”
“I’m fine—busy.”
“So I’ve gathered. You’ve taken to replying to all my texts at the end of the day. Are you actually busy, or are you avoiding me?”
“Both. So what can I help you with?”
“Shit. Don’t do this. I said I’m sorry. I’m very sorry.”
“What exactly are you sorry about? You don’t owe me anything, Luke. No apology, nothing.” Her voice quieted.
“Jesus, Julia, I do owe you an apology for being gone longer than three days and for staying at the house. I’m sorry, baby.”
“Why do you think you owe me anything? It’s been what, a month?” Her voice broke.
“Don’t say that. It’s been the best month of my life, and we’re together.”
“Are we? It seems there’s a lot about you I don’t know. Maybe this has been a good thing.”
“What does that mean? What does any of that mean?”
“Let me be frank. I don’t want to be the woman who comes between you and your kids. I also don’t want to be the woman who worries her man is screwing around with his ex in the guest room while he visits his kids.”
***
“I would never do that.” Luke grimaced. Renee’s advances had been unwanted. “I’m a one-woman man, and I’m with you.”
“When will you be back? You’re the grounds manager, and there are a few things I need you to do.” And just like that, she had ignored what he said and steered the call toward business.
Luke angrily hit the steering wheel of his rental car. His heart pounded beneath his flannel shirt. She had shut him out. He gripped the steering wheel and took a calming breath.
“I’m shooting for Monday evening if Heather’s principal doesn’t cancel our meeting again. It’s why I’m not back and missing our weekend together.”
“Don’t worry about it. Stay as long as you like. I’ll figure it out.”
“Julia, I don’t want to be here. I want to be with you. We’ll have our special night on Valentine’s. I’ll make it up to you, baby. We never should have waited to make love. I’m a fool for putting it off.”
“Luke, I don’t think so.”
“What? Why not?” His jaw tensed.
“You know why. I don’t see how we’ll work. And I’m not the type of girl to sleep around. I have standards. I need a commitment before sleeping with someone, and you’re committed elsewhere.”
“I’m committed to you. Are you breaking up with me?”
“Were we an official couple?”
“Goddammit!” He hit the steering wheel again. “Yes! Official, exclusive, boyfriend and girlfriend! Don’t pretend like we aren’t. Everyone in town knows we’re a couple.”
She was silent, and it tore him up inside.
“It’s because of the kids and Renee. They changed everything, didn’t they?”
“I’m just seeing things differently.”
“It’s my baggage, isn’t it? Just be straight with me,” he asked, his voice rising in pitch.
“Yes.”
“How do I fix this? How do I get us back on track?”
“I don’t think you can. Look, I don’t want us to be awkward while I’m here running the resort. Let’s keep things professional, okay? Maybe we can be friends?”
“Friends? Jesus, Julia, do you know what you’re asking? You’re killing me here.”
There was a long pause. “I need to go.”
“Of course you do. Just shut me out and run away,” he yelled with a desperate, painful thickness in his voice.
“What do you expect from me? Do you think I thought this was going to happen or that I wanted this to happen? Dammit, Luke! This is k
illing me just as much, if not more, than it is you, so cut me a fucking break!” She blew in an explosive way that rocked him. Not only had she lost control, she was showing her true feelings. The emotional moment confirmed two things while he listened to her sniffle: she wanted him, and he had hurt her.
“I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was a jerk move taking a dig at you. You’re slipping through my fingers, and it’s making me panic. Please, Julia, don’t end us. Just give us a chance to figure this part of my life out. Listen, don’t decide anything until I get back. Let me take you to dinner so we can talk. I promise, whatever you decide after that I’ll respect. What do you say?”
“I don’t know.”
“I hate the seventeen hundred miles between us. I want to hold you. I think you want that too.” She stayed silent, so he continued talking. “I know you’re scared, and you have every right to be, but we can figure this out. Please have dinner with me.”
“Okay.” Her voice shook. “I’ll have dinner with you. See you when you get back.” The call ended.
Luke stared at the island, the Alaska Panhandle. The raw, imperfect, rugged land mirrored him. It was dependable, in that you knew what to expect, like brown bears lurking in the brush or your yard. Luke was also reliable and loyal to the end.
The incident with Renee had messed him up for the last couple of days. It was why he hadn’t called Julia. She had captured his heart, and she deserved the best of him. And he had defiled their relationship. He believed he didn’t deserve her, but he needed her desperately.
How could he give her everything she deserved when he also had kids? And an ex-wife who manipulated him…who he let manipulate him. That had to stop now, or he would for sure lose Julia. There had to be a balance and firm boundaries with Renee. He had to show Julia she could trust him, depend on him, that she was a priority.
The first few beats of a song grabbed his attention. As he listened, he remembered “Make You Miss Me,” and it transported him back to The Peak’s dance floor with Julia in his arms. He could feel her, smell her, taste her. If he needed a sign to validate what he already knew in his heart, the song did it. Julia was it for him.
In that instant, his mission became clear. Luke pulled out of the clearing and headed back to Juneau. His first stop: Rick’s house.
All the bad memories flooded back when Luke arrived at Rick Torres’s house—the lies, the deceit, and finding him in bed with Renee. After Luke had moved past the anger, he’d grieved the loss of his marriage and the end of his closest friendship. There were few people Luke let into his circle, but the two he’d thought he could trust, should have been able to trust, were the two who had blown up his life.
Old animosity resurfaced. For the next fifteen minutes, Luke stayed in the car trying to get in the right state of mind before he knocked on the door. The last time he’d seen Rick had been three years ago during divorce mediation. Rick had been by Renee’s side for moral support. After that, he had hoped never to see him again.
Now he would swallow his pride for a woman who’d waltzed into his life in her fancy boots and expensive sweater. In one month, she had brought him back to life and stolen his heart. He was here for Julia; she was his priority.
Luke exited the car, stuck his hands into his coat pockets, and walked to the front door. If his plan worked, Renee would be out of his hair once and for all. And then, he hoped Julia wouldn’t feel like she had to compete with his past. This was merely the first step in making things right so that Julia would stay with him.
He took a deep breath and lifted his hand, and the door flew open.
“I wondered if you’d actually get out of the car. Are you here to kill me? Do I need to pat you down to see if you’re armed?” Rick accused with a suspicious glint in his black eyes.
Luke glared at him; he hadn’t changed a bit—always the smartass. He should have known Rick would see him drive up. Once a Marine, always a Marine.
“I’m not here to kill you, today.”
“Hmm. Then what are you doing here? I didn’t know you were back in Juneau.”
“You must be falling off your game. I thought you kept tabs on me?”
“I usually do. I wasn’t expecting you to return so soon,” Rick admitted.
“Good to know for when I come back to kill you.”
“Don’t joke about that shit. I have the place wired.”
“Who’s joking?” Luke’s pithy response made Rick squint as if he were trying to read him, but that was nearly impossible. Luke had the best poker face in their Force Recon Platoon. “Are you going to invite me in? We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“What happened between you and Renee?”
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“You really are off your game. Are you going to let me in?”
Rick moved out of the doorway, and Luke entered. Rick then closed the door and went to the kitchen to grab a couple of beers from the fridge. He handed one to Luke.
“This isn’t a friendly social call.” Luke maintained a hardened exterior as he looked at the bottle, then at Rick.
“That’s what the beer is for, to take the edge off. I have whiskey if you’d prefer?”
Luke took the beer and guzzled.
A child’s pink play kitchen stood in the far corner of the room with a small table and a couple of dolls ready for a tea party—undoubtedly Izzy’s. In the opposite corner was a sixty-inch flat-screen television and two recliners. He scowled; the place looked like a bachelor pad except for the toys.
“Then what is this non-social call about?” Rick asked, taking a swig of his beer. He eyed Luke curiously.
“What happened with Renee?”
“Man, the woman is nuts. And she was cheating on me… Ironic, don’t you think?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Why are you asking?”
“Because she’s bugging the shit out of me and interfering in my life.”
Rick took a long look at him, then raised his brows as only an old friend would do. It made Luke uncomfortable. “There’s a woman.” It wasn’t a question. If anyone could read through Luke’s ironclad façade, it would be Rick.
Luke turned away.
“Who is she? She’s obviously someone special if you’re in my house.”
“You need to help Renee more with Izzy. She’s your kid and responsibility. Don’t be a deadbeat dad.” He said, deflecting Rick’s questions.
“Hey, man, watch it. I do everything for my kid. My mother would have my ass if I didn’t. I pay child support, take her on the weekends and during the week. What in the hell is Renee telling you? You know all she does is lie.”
Rick walked back to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of Don Julio Tequila along with two shot glasses. He poured and handed a glass to Luke. As if in perfect sync, they pushed back their shots at the same time.
“She called me ranting about how she couldn’t handle all the kids. How you haven’t seen Izzy in weeks. And that you don’t pay child support.”
“That’s bullshit! I had her last weekend. I give her seven hundred a month in child support and more when she calls crying that you didn’t pay up.” Luke’s eyes shot to his. “Yeah, exactly. I told you she’s crazy. I know you’d never skip out on your responsibilities. Plus, I had her accounts checked. You pay her three thousand a month?”
“Yes. Why do you think she’s always broke? She makes two thousand on her own.”
“Drugs. She always had a stash of weed, but maybe she’s moved on to harder stuff.” Rick shrugged.
“Weed?”
“Yeah, you didn’t know? She’s smoked weed since we got together. Probably since before.”
“No, I didn’t know.” Luke put the bottle to his lips. “Heather was caught smoking weed in the girls bathroom. That’s why I’m out here.” He drained his beer.
“Shit. Had to be Renee’s. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to search the house. Then I’ll confront
her. I’m not going to have my kids living with a druggie.”
“What about the woman who made you knock on my door?” Rick asked again. “You know it wouldn’t take me long to find out who she is.”
“You fucking bastard! You would try to figure it out, wouldn’t you?” Luke got up in his face.
“Hey, I’m just saying,” Rick said, unflinching. “But I wouldn’t do that. I respect your privacy.”
“Respect?” Luke spat. “Since when? Just stay the hell out of my life.” He put the empty bottle on the counter.
“Hey, despite what you think of me, I’m sorry for sleeping with Renee. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The only good to come out of it is Izzy.”
Luke shook his head. “Just keep an eye on Renee. If she’s using, Izzy may be at risk.” And with that, he left Rick’s house.
On the drive home, Luke had a new outlook on Renee. If she were on drugs, it would explain a lot of her crazy tirades, like crying on the phone for more money and the recliner incident. Things had just gotten a whole lot worse. Now he worried what he might find at the house.
SIXTEEN
The Truth
What was she to believe? After ending the call with Luke, Julia sniveled in her office, hoping Erika couldn’t hear her. Finally she calmed enough to work on the spring promo idea she had for the resort. A knock on the door made her stiffen.
“Hey there, how ya doin’?” Erika peeked her head inside the office.
“Hi. Come in and have a seat.” Julia pointed to the chair.
“Okay.” Erika looked at her expectantly.
“What can you tell me about Luke?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on, you’re a smart girl. I want to know everything. What kind of man is he? Has he slept around with random women? Have you met his wife? Is she pretty? What about his kids? Is he really divorced? Is his word really his honor? I need to know everything, the good and bad.” Julia took a deep breath and stared at a wide-eyed Erika.
