by Elle Linder
All the air left his lungs. “This isn’t about her. It’s about my kids. They have no one else over there. I have to go.” He sat down next to her. “I know you’re hurt and angry, but you don’t understand. They’re my kids. Try to understand.”
“I do understand! Those poor kids have no choice but to deal with her shit. Don’t you see it’s because of them that she can control you?”
“She doesn’t control me!” He ground his teeth and went to retrieve his duffle. “When I get there and have answers, I’ll call you.”
“Don’t worry about calling. Just take care of your family. Before I was in your life, you had nobody to answer to, except Renee.” A satirical laugh rolled out of her. “Now that I’m in the picture, I’ll learn to deal with you flying off at a moment’s notice when she calls. Boy, that sounds glorious! At least I know what I’ve signed up for! We’ll be one great, big happy family, right? Have a safe flight!” Julia stormed off to the bedroom.
Luke should have left five minutes ago. But he couldn’t leave her yet. He crossed the threshold of their room and found her curled into a ball in bed, softly crying, and it broke his heart. “I have to go.” He crouched down beside the bed and kissed her temple. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll call you later.” He waited a few seconds for a response. When one never came, he left her.
Thirty-two
Our Mess
Julia ignored the faint knocking on the front door. She had been in and out of consciousness after Luke left. When she would wake up, she’d cry for a while and then eventually fall back to sleep. The knocking grew louder, and her phone rang. As much as she wanted to disregard it, she had to answer her mother.
“Hello?” she answered in a quiet, gravelly voice.
“Morning, sleepyhead. Did you forget we were coming for breakfast?”
Julia looked at the clock on her phone and saw it was 10:05. “I’m sorry, I did forget.” Her voice broke when her tears returned. “It’s not a good time. I’ll call you later.”
“Julia, open this door right now!”
“Mom…please. I want to be alone.” Tears pooled on the pillow.
“Julia Rebecca Greene, you will open this door right now, or I’ll have Becky break it down—and you know she will!”
Julia groaned, rolling out of bed. She ended the call when she got to the door and opened it. The bright morning sun made her squint, or maybe it was the scratchy sting of crying for hours.
“Baby, what happened?” Donna asked, taking her into a warm embrace. Julia grabbed onto her and fell apart. “Becky, you take care of breakfast while I take care of my baby,” Donna directed. “Where’s your room?” Julia motioned to the back of the house.
“What do you think happened?” Zoey asked with a smirk in her voice.
“I have no idea, but Luke’s truck isn’t here. It’s why I continued knocking on the door. If I thought he was here, we would have left. I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.” Becky clicked her tongue.
“Do you think they fought? I mean, she’s crying.”
“Zoey, mind your own damn business,” Becky chided. “Now let’s see what we have in here to eat.” Becky rummaged around the kitchen and found the breakfast casserole and muffins.
In the tiny cabin, Julia heard everything Becky and Zoey said until her mom closed the bedroom door. If she hadn’t been so broken, she might have been embarrassed, but right now, she honestly didn’t give a shit what they said and thought.
Donna joined her on the bed and held her close while she broke down again. The depth of Julia’s pain felt similar to when her dad, Anthony, died in a car accident three years ago. Donna had held her tightly then, just as she was now. The sudden loss of her husband had sent Donna’s world into a tailspin.
At the time, Julia hadn’t understood Donna’s anguish, but now she felt a paralyzing ache in her heart. A suffocating pain. An indescribable emptiness for a man who was alive.
“Honey, you’re making me worry. I don’t want to have to guess what happened between you and Luke. From what I saw of him last night, he’s a good man. You both looked so in love. Now he’s gone, and you’re here in my arms sobbing. Please talk to me.”
“Did Becky tell you he’s divorced?” Julia sniffled.
“Yes, and that he has two kids.”
“How long have you known?” Her chest shook through her ragged breaths as she tried to calm down. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you didn’t say anything. I figured you had your reasons for not mentioning him. So, tell me now why you didn’t mention him.”
Julia looked down at her lap. “Because I didn’t know if we’d make it, and I didn’t want to bring you into our mess. I know how you get attached to people you like. And I knew…I knew…you’d like him.” She cried into her hands.
“Aww, honey. What mess are you talking about?”
“Our relationship hasn’t been easy. I mean it has, but then it hasn’t. When it’s just us, it’s incredible. But Luke’s ex-wife is always causing trouble, and it sends him flying back to Alaska within hours…hours! Just like today—he left at three thirty in the morning after the call came.” Julia jumped up and paced. “I hate this! I hate how he leaves me every time for her! Why did I meet him? Why did I fall in love with him? Why did I say yes when he asked me to marry him? I feel so stupid! Jesus! I have a life and a business I was going to give up for him.” In classic Julia form, she paced with a fierce purpose. If she went at it long enough, she would wear a hole in the wooden floors. Donna remained silent. “I was going to give it all up for him. It’s insane. He has a family that needs him. He should’ve never moved out of Alaska. He should’ve just stayed there!”
“Then what do you want to do?”
Julia’s head whipped toward her mom. “I don’t understand your question.”
“Nobody says you have to marry Luke. Nobody is forcing you to stay with him here in Idaho. You have choices, Julia. And nobody can make them for you.”
“Mom, I don’t know if I can do this with his ex-wife inserting herself in our lives every time the wind changes. I want my husband all to myself. Is that too much to ask? Do I have to share him with his ex-wife?”
“This isn’t something I’ve dealt with before. But I sure as heck don’t want my precious girl to endure a broken heart every time her husband leaves because his ex-wife calls. Nothing about this is going to be easy—whether you stay with him or leave him.”
“That doesn’t help me.” She plopped down onto the bed beside her mom.
“So why did he leave?”
“Renee, his ex, was arrested for possession of drugs, I think. He woke me up like fifteen minutes before he left. We had words, we yelled, and then he left me to catch his flight.” She sniffled, but her eyes were dry and her heart was heavy. “I told him he’d probably leave me in labor with his baby if Renee called.” Donna’s eyes shot to hers, shocked by her statement. “Yeah, I said that, and truthfully, I believe he might because the situation always seems dire. It’s not fair.”
“Wow, I couldn’t handle any of this. Are you sure you can? It seems to me it would cause a lot of strife in your marriage. What about his kids? Do you like them?”
“I do. They’re both so sweet. I don’t have a problem with them. It’s just Renee.” Julia looked at the time on her phone. It was almost eleven. “He hasn’t called or texted me.” Her lip quivered.
Donna wrapped her arms around her and rocked her gently. “He will, baby. He will.”
Luke sat in his rental car outside Rick’s house, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. It all sucked—the call in the middle of the night, Renee getting arrested, the way he had left Julia. During the flight he had told himself his hands were tied and that he had to go for his kids. But Julia’s words were seared into his head. Renee controlled him with the kids and inserted herself into their lives, and she needed him. Everything Julia had said was true.
Where are my fucking boundaries? He
glanced at his phone, hoping to see a text from Julia. A fool’s hope.
At the airport, he decided to get his kids before seeing Renee. They were his priority, not her. Again, he glanced at his phone before he exited the car.
Should he send Julia a text when he didn’t have any information? It was probably better to wait. He exited the car.
He hadn’t been at Rick’s house that long ago. That trip had turned out to be a disaster. What were the chances that he would be seeing him again this soon? He found it comical, in a strange sort of way. His ex-friend, who’d betrayed him by sleeping with his then-wife, now had his kids because she was in jail. He couldn’t make this crap up.
Luke knocked on the door.
“Dad!” Heather ran into his arms upon opening the door.
Next, Brice charged him. “Dad, you made it!”
“Hey, guys! Of course I made it. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, we’re fine,” Heather said, rolling her eyes just as Rick approached.
“Hey.” The weariness on Rick’s face surprised Luke, but maybe it shouldn’t have. Three kids would be a lot for him to handle too.
“Where’s Julia? Didn’t you bring her?” Brice asked as he peered around Luke. “I want to see her,” he whined, a show of his own exhaustion from an eventful night.
No child should be taken from his bed in the middle of the night by law enforcement. The smoldering embers in Luke nearly flared as he looked at his tired kids.
“No, buddy, somebody has to run the resort. You’ll see her soon.” Luke rubbed his back.
“Can we leave now?” Heather glanced sidelong at Rick.
“Yeah, get your things and take them to the car. I need to talk to Rick for a minute.”
“Good. Come on, Brice, let’s get your things.”
Luke waited until the kids were out of sight before he turned his attention to Rick. “I appreciate you watching them.”
“No problem. I couldn’t let them go into foster care. So, you haven’t seen her?”
“Nope. My kids are my priority, not her.” The indifference in his voice shocked him. When had that happened?
“I know this royally sucks. She’s getting worse with the drugs. The last time I picked up Izzy, she ranted about you and your girlfriend, Julia. According to Renee, she’s young and perfect. You know, I take everything she says with a grain of salt these days, but she also said they walked in on you two screwing.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t my greatest father moment. She just showed up at my house one morning. No warning, just a fucking obscure text.”
“I’m not surprised. She’s pulled shit like that with me. But since she’s returned from Idaho, she’s gotten more reckless. I’m filing for custody of Izzy. I can’t have her living with a druggie.”
“Maybe she just needs rehab?”
“Probably, but in the meantime, I can’t risk my daughter’s safety. What are you going to do?”
“I have no idea. I live and work in Idaho. Do you know if she has any friends? Like who does she hit the bars with?”
“Do you really want your kids with someone she hangs out with at bars? Think about it.”
Luke rubbed his face. He didn’t like his options. “No, I don’t. But I’m not sure about taking the kids out of their schools and moving them to Idaho with me. That doesn’t seem like the answer either.”
“What? You’re moving us to Idaho?” Heather asked with a pained grimace on her face. “What about my friends? My life is here.”
“Just get in the car. We’ll talk about it later.”
Heather walked away, mumbling to herself. Probably obscenities, but he didn’t care at this point. Brice followed her out.
“Shit.” He looked at Rick. “Even when you think they’re out of earshot, they aren’t. Better prepare yourself for the teenage years with Izzy. Where is she by the way?”
“Napping, thank God. She’s been a pill since I picked her up. She won’t be asleep too much longer. I can’t let her days and nights get screwed up or else I’ll be screwed.” Rick chuckled.
“I remember those days. They were brutal.” Luke laughed, then stopped suddenly. Julia’s words flooded into his head again. What happens when we have a baby? “Ya know, I’d welcome another baby…with Julia.”
Why he’d told Rick that, he didn’t know. It wasn’t like they were buddies anymore, but he just needed to say it out loud to anyone who would listen. He wanted a baby with Julia. He wanted it all with her, and yet, he wasn’t confident he would get what he wanted. As she’d said, it wasn’t fair.
“Seriously, at your age?” Rick teased. It actually made Luke laugh despite the stress of the last eight hours.
“Fuck yeah. I’ve got it in me.” And he meant it. He had the stamina for more kids, just as long as Julia was with him. “I’ll see ya.” Luke walked out the door.
“Yeah, keep me posted,” Rick hollered.
The kids complained about being hungry the instant he pulled away from the curb in front of Rick’s house. They told him Rick only had orange foods Izzy liked—Cap’n Crunch, Goldfish, and mandarin oranges. It made him laugh recalling how his kids had also had their favorite foods when they were little.
Suddenly, he missed Julia. He glanced at the clock on the radio of the car. It was noon back in Idaho, and he wondered how she was doing.
The front deck of Luke’s lake house was the perfect spot to enjoy the splendid spring weather. After some patient coaxing, Donna got Julia out of her bedroom.
Julia breathed in the clean mountain air. The birds were singing their happy song. They were pleasant to listen to, unlike the chatter among her mom, Aunt Becky, and Zoey. Their voices pierced her ears.
For the last hour, she had tuned them out, disinterested in anything they had to say. What she wanted was for them to leave so she could go back to bed. But it seemed none of them cared what she wanted, just like Luke.
“Well, are you just going to be a bump on a log, or are you going to join in our conversation?” Becky interrupted her thoughts, always the snarkiest of the three Godfrey sisters.
“Bump on a log,” Julia shot back.
“Aww, come on, darlin’. Don’t let that hunk of a man get you bent out of shape,” Becky said. “It’ll all be all right.”
“Will it? And how do you know? And why would you put the idea of him in my head! Why would you encourage me if he’s divorced with two kids? Why? Why?”
Becky stared at her, a slight curve in the corner of her mouth. Julia fumed back at her. “Now there’s my fighter.”
“Gah! I can’t do this. Not with you three or with Luke. I need to be alone. Can you please leave me alone? I need to think. I need to cry. I need to figure out my whole fucking life before it spirals out of control.”
“Personally, I think you should dump his ass,” Zoey blurted. Julia’s head whipped toward her. “Really, who the hell wants all that baggage? You’re far too pretty and smart to saddle up with a man like him.”
Julia stared incredulously at her cousin. Was Zoey genuinely concerned for her, or was she messing with her?
“Now, Julia, if we leave you, I expect to see you later today or tomorrow,” Donna said, diverting Julia away from Zoey.
“Yes. Yes, I will see you…tomorrow. At the resort, while I’m at work. I just need some time alone, please,” Julia begged.
“Okay, we’ll leave.” Donna looked at Becky and Zoey.
“Thank you.”
Thirty-three
Choices and Clarity
Luke waited in the visitor’s room for Renee. After he’d fed the kids, he’d run them home. No way in hell would he bring them willingly to a jail. Not yet anyway. If he could avoid exposing them to the vile facility that held their mother, he would.
The door opened, but he only saw the guard. Then Renee walked out in a yellow jumpsuit with the word Prisoner stenciled on the back. His stomach turned as he sat there, surrounded by the sea of yellow.
Renee glared at him as if
this was all his fault. She looked like she needed a fix, with her oily mussed hair and sallow skin. Her arms were wrapped around herself tightly. As she pulled out the chair, the security band around her wrist grabbed his attention.
“Are you all right?” His firm voice mirrored the tension in his jaw.
“What kind of question is that? Look where I’m at,” she returned angrily.
“Seems to me you’re right where you belong. I just wanted to make sure they were treating you well in your new digs.”
“Fuck you, Luke! If all you’re going to do is badger me, then leave.”
“Badger you? No, that’s not why I’m here. You think I want to be here?” He looked around the barren room surrounded by concrete walls, metal chairs, and black tables. The room smelled of ammonia and cigarettes. It disgusted him.
Two guards stood watch on opposite sides of the room. There weren’t any windows to let in natural sunlight, only harsh fluorescent lights that buzzed above his head. This wasn’t even the inside of a cell with a urinal attached to the wall. Why would anyone want to be there?
“I had to take the first flight here so I could retrieve our kids from Rick’s house because their mother, the drug addict, was arrested for possession!”
Her lip trembled.
“Don’t you even care about them?” he asked.
“Of course I do!”
“You sure as hell don’t show it very well. Look where you are! Do you think the kids seeing you in here will show them how much you love them?”
“You can’t bring them here!” She lurched toward him, panicked.
“Are you kidding? I would never bring them here.” He shook his head. “If you don’t get help, I’m filing for full custody.”
Renee’s eyes bulged.
“Yeah, I mean it. They’re at risk with you.”
“No! You can’t do that. Please, Luke. I’ve stopped using.” She looked around the room. “This has all scared the crap out of me. I’m done using.” He watched her for a few beats as she nervously bit her lip and her bloodshot eyes squinted.
