by Elle Linder
“What?”
“You just pulled the rug out from under me, and then in the next breath you’re asking what kind of foods my kids like? Jesus, Julia. How am I supposed to go five days without talking to you? Don’t you know how the sound of your voice connects me to you?”
“Yeah, well the bed is empty and cold, and your lake house is too big for just me. If I can deal with the silence and emptiness, so can you. I need this, and I hope you can understand, but this isn’t up for debate, Luke. At least you have your kids to keep you company. I have nobody.” A knock at the door jolted her. She quickly wiped the tears off her face. “Who is it?” The door crept open, and her mom appeared in the doorway. Julia held her hand up. “Luke, I have to go. My mom just walked in.”
“Dammit! I don’t want to go the whole week not talking to you.”
“I’m sorry, but if you call, I won’t answer. If there’s an emergency, call the front desk. And if you do that, it better be an emergency. I don’t want to play games with you. I need this time.”
“I love you.” His voice cracked.
“And I love you. Tell the kids hi for me, and I’ll talk to you Saturday.” Julia ended the call quickly while staring into her mom’s sad eyes.
“Son of a bitch!”
Luke stormed out to the garage where his old punching bag hung. When he’d moved to Idaho, he hadn’t wanted to take it with him, fearing a bad mojo would come with it since, more times than not, he’d beaten the crap out of it because of Renee. Now, in a fit of rage that had everything to do with Renee, he pounded on the bag with all his might until he could hardly breathe.
In a hefty thump, the weight of anguish pulsating in his chest sent him to his knees. He cradled his face in his hands as he heaved in the stale air of the past. Tears poured down his face as the dread of losing Julia crippled him. In a mound of muscle, flannel, and dreams for the future, the lumberjack cried.
After a lifetime of being with the wrong person, he had finally found the right person—the woman who made him want to be a better man, who made him laugh and brought out a playful side he hadn’t known existed. He couldn’t lose the one woman who’d found her way into his soul and sprouted new life in him. Being without her would be like dying a slow, excruciating death.
Luke scraped himself off the cement. He wouldn’t give up, and he wouldn’t let Julia give up on them either. He went to take a shower and prepared for his meeting with CPS.
The kids were moving to Idaho, and they would all return Friday evening, two days early to surprise Julia.
Thirty-Five
A Decision to Make
Julia turned away from her mother toward the window. “Don’t look at me like that, Mom. I can’t take the pity in your eyes.”
Sunbeams filtered in through the blinds, illuminating little particles of dust in the air. How she wished the bright specks were fairy dust. She would make one wish—to be numb to Luke’s prior life so she could love him for the rest of hers.
“Honey, it is not pity, it’s love and sadness.” Donna sat in the chair in front of Julia’s desk.
Memories flashed in her head of how Luke’s playful smirk or dark, intense gaze would absorb her from the inside out. A stray tear escaped out the corner of her eye.
“Julia, I leave in three hours. Do you want me to cancel my flight and stay longer? I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“No, Mom, I need time to figure out Luke and me. Go home. I don’t want you using up your vacation time on me. Not like this anyway.”
“You’re worth it.” She smiled. “What do you think you’re going to do? Go back to L.A.?”
“I ran back home in February, and it about killed me. I’m not running this time, but I have to put a halt on marrying him.” She lifted her hand to reveal that her engagement ring was gone.
Donna gasped.
“I’m not breaking up with Luke, but I can’t rush to the altar with him. Not with his ex and all her drama. I have to see how this all plays out.”
“I think that’s very wise and mature. I’m so proud of you. Just remember one thing. When love finds you and takes root in that small place in your heart, it often won’t give you a second chance if you let it go or walk away. Sometimes we only have one chance at real love. So don’t be so hasty, honey. Luke didn’t ask for any of this, and his hands are tied. I could see how much he loves you. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
“That’s just it; I know he’s the one for me. God, we’re so good together when it’s just us. But now it looks like his kids are coming back with him, and I have no idea how long they’ll be here or if I’m ready for any of this.”
“I think it’s good that the kids are coming. It’ll give you a chance to be with them and decide if you’re in it for the long haul. There will be bumps and twists in the road. With kids involved, they need stability, to know who they can depend on, and if that isn’t going to be you, then you need to get out of the picture quick before they get attached to you. And they will get attached to you.” Stunned, Julia looked at her mom with tears in her eyes. “Don’t look so surprised, darling. You are a kind, generous, and loving woman. Those kids would be lucky to have you in their lives, and they will love you.”
Julia rushed into her mother’s arms. “I love you, Mom,” she cried.
“Aww, baby. I love you more than you’ll ever know.” They held each other in a long, emotional embrace before letting go.
***
Julia granted Calvin permission to drive Donna and Zoey to the airport in her Lexus. He strutted out the lobby door, dangling the keys in the air, and Julia giggled for the first time since Luke had left.
While she operated the front desk for Erika, it occurred to her what to do next. There was no question Luke wouldn’t like what she was about to do, but he didn’t have a choice. Either he gave her space or she would go back to SoCal where the distance between them would give her what she needed. She opened the resort’s reservations screen on the computer and blocked out her old suite for the next two months. Room two-fourteen would be her home once again, and tonight she would move her things out of Luke’s house.
“Hey, so did you and Luke work things out?” Erika asked, walking up to Julia. “What are you doing?” She peered around Julia’s shoulder to look at the computer screen.
“I’m moving back into room two-fourteen, tonight.”
Erika’s eyes bulged.
“We didn’t break up. I think we moved a little fast, and he’s bringing the kids here. I shouldn’t be living with him if we aren’t married. What kind of example would that be for his kids?”
Erika shrugged, a sour expression on her face.
“I think this will be good. It’ll give us a chance to get to know each other better. To find out if we’re right for each other. Some space apart will be good while we figure us out.” She placed a hand over her forehead, then the other on her stomach. “Yeah, this will be good.”
“Are you done rambling?”
“Rambling?”
“Yeah, rambling. You do it when you’re nervous or trying to justify yourself. You don’t have to explain to me why you’re moving back to the resort.” Erika touched her shoulder. “I know you love him.”
Julia nodded her head, then returned to her office. She was trying to justify herself. She was also trying to convince herself that moving back to the resort would be good.
A waiting room in social services should never be packed to the max. Luke looked around the plain room. It hurt his heart as he thought of all the kids in the system, including his own.
Rick entered the room. They nodded to the other, and he sat next to Luke. “I’m here to see Marg Reed, what about you?” Rick asked.
“Same. My appointment’s at noon. Are you here early?”
“I like to be early, and Izzy was up half the night. After I dropped her off at my mom’s, I wanted to get out quick. I’ve been sitting in my car for the last fifteen minutes. Then I was rudely awak
ened when my head hit the steering wheel. Did you hear the horn?”
Luke chuckled, shaking his head. “You always did fall asleep fast.”
“It’s worse when I have Izzy. She drains me. She’s not adjusting well with Renee gone. She keeps crying for her. It breaks my fucking heart.” Rick rubbed the top of his head. Luke could imagine his frustration and knew he wouldn’t be able to handle a toddler crying for their mama either. “So, what are you going to do?”
“I’m taking the kids back to Idaho. What about you?”
“This morning I called a lawyer. I’m moving forward with full custody and supervised visits. If Renee can get clean, she’ll get weekends.”
“That sounds like a solid plan. But I thought you were watching her? How did this happen?”
“I was watching her, and she wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, so I dropped it after a couple of weeks. I have a life too, you know?”
“Yeah, but didn’t you notice any changes? You see her weekly.”
“Man, I just grab my kid and go. If I didn’t, she’d try to get me in bed.”
Suddenly Luke had flashbacks of the recliner, and it made him shudder. He tried not to think of that day, and when he was with Julia, he never did. But he couldn’t control his dreams. There had been a few nights he’d woken in a cold sweat with his heart racing after dreaming he was back in the recliner and overpowered by Renee. Then he would see Julia sound asleep next to him and hated himself for letting Renee get one over on him, even if he was only dreaming. The shame he felt from the actual incident had seeped into his sub-conscious, and he couldn’t stop it. Out of disgust with himself, he never told Julia about his torment.
A clerk called his name and waved him over.
“I’ll see you, Rick.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
Despite Julia’s loneliness, the week flew by at lightning speed while she dealt with the process of buying the resort from Becky. After she became the proud owner of her second business, they celebrated with pizza and brownies by the fireplace. The next day, Becky returned to Prescott to begin her retirement.
Each day it got a little easier being apart from Luke, which confirmed she had made the right decision moving out of his house. Back in her familiar suite, she binge-watched Scandal and ate vanilla ice cream with huckleberry syrup.
While at Luke’s Friday evening, she looked over the kids’ room and smiled. The beds had fresh linens, and on top of them were special gift baskets she’d made for each of the kids. Heather’s had fun nail polish in a variety of colors, tinted lip gloss, and top-of-the-line personal hygiene products she’d brought back from her spa. But the best part, in her mind, were the two tickets to see Thomas Rhett in Seattle. She hoped Luke wouldn’t be angry, but she’d taken a chance buying them even though she wasn’t sure Heather would be able to go in July. If she couldn’t, Julia planned to give the tickets to Erika and Lindsey.
Brice had been a little harder. Julia had no idea what little boys liked. So she had enlisted Calvin to help her. And was she ever grateful to him. Calvin had told her that Luke had mentioned getting new fishing poles for him and Brice this summer. It was perfect. Not only had she been able to buy something fun for Brice, she had also gotten something for Luke as well. With Calvin’s help, Julia had bought all the supplies for a father-son fishing excursion.
Lastly, she didn’t want the kids to find the fridge and cabinets bare. But once again, what would they like? Erika helped in this area and made a short list of snacks for her to buy. Julia added milk and all the ingredients for pancakes, plus a new bottle of huckleberry syrup, and hoped the kids would like her sweet addiction as much as she did. After they arrived, she planned to make a menu and hoped Heather would want to go to the market with her.
Satisfied with her welcome home project, she headed over to The Peak for dinner. As usual, the place was packed. When she saw Bruce at the bar, he waved to her. It warmed her to be greeted by name everywhere she went. Faithful Falls had become her home in three short months.
She had felt the difference the other day when she was in Los Angeles. The traffic bugged her, the smog choked her, and more importantly, Luke hadn’t been there.
It had hit her that she didn’t belong in California anymore. Not when her heart lived in Idaho.
“Hey there, little lady, haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?” Bruce flashed her a wide grin.
“I’m doing all right. And you?” She hopped onto a barstool. A glass of wine appeared in front of her. Her eyes brightened as she took her first sip. Bruce looked past her for Luke. “He’s not here. It’s just me.”
“Oh, okay. Well, can I get you something to eat?”
“Ha! It’s always food with you.”
“Darlin’, you’re a lightweight, and Luke says you have a two-glass limit.” He winked at her, but his teasing put a bitter scowl on her face.
“Bruce, Luke doesn’t control me. If I want three glasses or ten, you better damn well serve them up, understand?” She stared him down, one brow arched.
“What’s wrong? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this way. You’re usually so sweet.” He splayed his hands out on the bar and leaned his head down to stare at her with an examining eye. “And for the record, I’m the owner of this establishment. I decide how many drinks you’ll have. Now tell me, what’s wrong?”
She sipped her wine slowly. How could she have let her mouth run away with her? Over the last few days, she’d focused on building herself up in case Luke was difficult on Sunday. She hadn’t meant to dish it out to Bruce. “I’m sorry, Bruce. I’ll have the appetizer combo…and truthfully, I only planned to have two glasses of wine.” She grinned sheepishly.
“No worries. If you need to blow off steam, go for it. That’s what a superb bartender like me is for.” He tugged on his collar and puffed out his chest. Julia smiled at his antics. “It’s part of our job to listen to the customers. I’ll go put in your order.” Bruce dashed off to the kitchen.
Julia looked around but didn’t see anyone she knew. It would have been nice to have someone to eat and chat with at the bar. Not that there was anything wrong with Bruce, but he was Luke’s friend and would likely blab. It was not like there was a bartender-patron confidentiality clause that would protect her if she got tipsy and rambled like a fool. If she talked to Bruce, she’d have to choose her words wisely.
Luke unlocked the front door, and Brice bolted by him, aiming straight for the bathroom. When he’d pulled into the driveway, he had expected to see Julia’s car, but then, she didn’t know about his plans to arrive two days early, nor did he know what she had going on. His plan to surprise her wasn’t turning out as planned. Luke dragged his exhausted body into the house and shut the door.
The last four days not talking to Julia had about killed him. It also shocked him how much he needed to hear her voice, and to be without it left him empty. To occupy himself, he’d packed the kid’s things, met with teachers to collect their schoolwork, and joined Rick twice for a beer at a local pub.
The craziest part about getting together with Rick was how much they’d related to one another regarding the kids. They never talked about Renee—that would have been more than a little awkward.
“Why don’t you take your things up to the loft?” Luke told Heather.
“Sure. When do you think Julia will be here?”
“Probably soon. Tell your brother to get his bag while I grab the rest of the stuff from the truck.”
“Okay.”
Luke left to retrieve the rest of the bags. The instant comfort he felt being home was immeasurable, and he couldn’t wait to wrap his arms around Julia. In his mind, the drama was over. Renee was in Alaska. They could relax, adjust to having the kids with them, and move forward.
As for Renee, Luke had gone to see her yesterday to inform her that he was taking the kids to Idaho with him. It had gone about as well as he had expected. She’d raged and thrown her glass of water at him. But that was
nothing compared to what she’d said after that: “If that bitch bonds with my kids, I will make your life a living hell.” Luke didn’t waste his breath responding.
Worse yet, this Renee didn’t have drugs or alcohol in her veins. The woman was clear-headed and angry. When he’d asked her if she wanted to see the kids before they left, she’d said no. The agreement was that he would bring them back if she stayed clean for a month. If she didn’t, they would stay in Idaho with him through the summer. If she still didn’t get clean, he would file for custody. The visit had only lasted ten minutes.
“Dad! Dad!” Brice hollered, running down the stairs. His face beamed as he carried down a fishing pole. “Check this out! I found it upstairs in the loft. And there’s a tackle box filled with all kinds of stuff and a pole for you too!”
“Is that right?” More than ever, he couldn’t wait to wrap his beauty in his arms. She was the most generous woman he knew.
“Yeah, and there was this basket for me too.” Heather held it up. “I’m guessing Julia did this, didn’t she?”
Luke nodded with a proud grin. Julia was the best.
“Yup, it has her written all over it. Now don’t make a mess up there.”
Luke went to his room to put his bag in the walk-in closet, and his heart plummeted at the sight of Julia’s empty side. “Shit!” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, nearly dropping it as he fumbled to pull up her number. His heart rate was off the charts as he waited for her to answer. On the fourth ring, it went to voicemail. “Fuck!”
One by one he opened her drawers in the dresser, slamming each one shut upon finding it empty. Something rolled in her top drawer, so he yanked it back open. There in the top drawer lay the black ring box. He took it out with trembling hands and opened it. His vision blurred with tears as he stared at the sparkling ring.
“Is that an engagement ring?” Heather excitedly asked. She bounced over with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. “You’re going to ask Julia to marry you! That is so awesome! When are you going to ask her? Have you planned it all out? It has to be romantic!”
