The Perfect Child

by Berry, Lucinda

  “We’ve heard from others that he was very good with her. Is that true?”

  I nodded. “He’s a pretty huge guy—over six feet tall—but he handled her like she was a teddy bear. It was clear he was her favorite person.”

  Christopher was one of those guys you would never fall for when you were a teenager because he was so nice, too sweet. There wasn’t a semblance of a bad boy in him. He was the guy you permanently placed in the friend category when you were young. But when you got older? He was the kind of guy you wanted to marry and build a life with.

  “What about Hannah? What were your initial impressions of her?” Luke asked.

  “She seemed more anxious than Christopher over the situation, but she was as eager to get Janie home as he was.”

  “Did you discuss the potential challenges they might be up against if they were responsible for Janie’s care?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I’d always been honest and up front with them about Janie’s challenges. It didn’t do any good for there to be a mismatch between a foster parent and the child, so I made sure everyone knew what they were up against and could make an informed decision. It was my policy for every family.

  “What kinds of things did you share with her? Could you please be more specific?” Luke smiled at me.

  I was going in the direction they wanted me to go. They were only polite and nice when you were doing something they liked or giving them something they wanted. I’d been fooled before. I wasn’t going to be fooled again.

  “They’d officially diagnosed Janie with child abuse syndrome. People always assume sexual abuse is the worst kind of abuse that a child can endure, but it’s not. It doesn’t have the kind of lasting effects that you see in kids who’ve been severely neglected. Don’t get me wrong. Sexual abuse is terrible, but the type of neglect that Janie experienced? That affects brain development.”

  Ron eased his chair off the wall, returning all four legs to the concrete. “How did Hannah respond when you told her?”

  “Hannah didn’t go into the situation blindly, not like Christopher did. He was convinced love would heal all Janie’s wounds, but Hannah was more realistic. She understood you couldn’t go through what Janie went through and come out unscathed. She walked into the situation with her eyes open and ready for any of the challenges Janie presented.”

  “And what about Christopher? Did you ever present this information to him?”

  “Of course.”

  “But he wasn’t as receptive to it?”

  “How do I explain this to you?” I took a minute. “He was fully aware of her potential difficulties and problems. He just didn’t care.”

  It was what I loved the most about him. But it was also what had gotten him into the most trouble.

  TEN

  HANNAH BAUER

  I only had ten minutes to fill Allison in on everything before she had to pick up Caleb from soccer practice, so I talked fast. “Do you think we’re crazy? It’s only temporary, until they find a permanent placement for her, but we thought it’d give her the extra time she needs to heal while they get everything else figured out.”

  I’d just finished telling her how Christopher and I had applied to be emergency foster parents for Janie. It meant she would live with us after she was discharged until they found a family to adopt her. Neither Christopher nor I could stomach the idea of her going into foster care, getting settled with a new family, and then having to be ripped from that family to go live with her adoptive family. Staying with us would seem like a logical extension from the hospital and was the way we’d present it to her if our application was approved.

  “You’re not scared?” Allison asked.

  “Of course I’m scared. It’s going to be hard, but I think it’s something amazing we can do for her.”

  Allison shook her head. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

  “You mean her situation?” I dropped my voice low so no one could hear. “Like whoever killed Becky coming back to kill Janie?”

  “Or you and Christopher.”

  “It does freak me out.” Christopher and I had spent hours going through different possible scenarios. We’d already made an appointment to get an alarm system installed in our house. “They still have no idea who killed her. Well, at least that’s what they’re telling us.”

  I liked Piper as a person, but she wasn’t the best at keeping us updated on all the case details, and sometimes it felt like she was purposefully trying to keep things a secret from us.

  “How do you know for sure that whoever hurt them won’t try to finish what they started?” Allison asked.

  “We don’t, but she’s not going to be with us for that long. It’s not going to be more than two weeks—probably even less than that.” I leaned across the table and whispered, “And honestly, I think the police or FBI, something, is following us anyway.”

  Her eyes grew big. “Are you serious? What makes you think that?”

  I shrugged. “I just get this feeling, like I’m being watched. I don’t really know how to explain it. But it’s more than a feeling. Both me and Christopher have seen random unmarked cars following us and parked outside our house.”

  “That doesn’t freak you out?”

  “No, because I’m pretty sure it’s the good guys following us.” I smiled at her, trying to ease her worries. I would’ve felt the same way if the roles had been reversed. “And besides, it’s not like the investigation is going to end just because she gets out of the hospital. Who knows: they might catch whoever did this before she’s discharged, and all this time spent worrying will have been for nothing.”

  “I think what you’re doing is really honorable.” I could still hear the hesitation in her voice. “But aren’t you afraid of getting too attached? What’s going to happen to you once they place her with a family?”

  “I’m obviously going to get attached. I mean, we already are, but leaving the hospital is going to be her first step into the real world, and we want to make sure it’s a good one. She deserves that. What if she ended up in one of those messed-up foster homes and they screwed her up even more? At least this way, we know she’ll be as prepared and secure as possible until she goes into her permanent home.” Christopher and I had taken her to the park again yesterday, and it was everything we could do not to tell her that we were trying to bring her home with us for a while, since she was becoming more and more obsessed with seeing our house. Christopher had taken pictures of every room in it and shown them to her. But of course we couldn’t tell her until it was a sure thing. “I knew Christopher was going to be the best dad. You should see him with her. It’s about the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. I fell in love with Greg all over again when I saw him with the babies. There’s something about watching them be fathers that makes you love them in a completely different way.”

  “Totally. He’s probably going to have a harder time than me when it comes to saying goodbye because the two of them are already so close, but we can do it. She deserves to have a safe place to recover until they find her a home that’s a perfect fit,” I said with determination.

  “I don’t know. I’m just going to be honest—it makes me a little worried.”

  I held back the urge to laugh. Everything made Allison worry. Always had. She was the only kid I knew who had had an ulcer in elementary school.

  “We’re going to be fine,” I assured her.

  I was calmer than I imagined I should be, but we were doing the right thing. Christopher had been shocked when I had proposed the idea to him a few nights ago. I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t usually that impulsive.

  “Why not?” I had smiled. “Maybe it’s just what we need right now. A break to think about someone else for a little while and take our minds off of ourselves.”

  “Theo would be so proud of you.” Christopher had laughed.

  Theo was the leader of our infertility support
group. He had a twelve-step background, so he was always saying that the best way to fix yourself was to get your mind off your own problems and help someone else with theirs. I couldn’t think of anyone who needed our help more.

  “Really, though. We can let her stay in a cocoon a little while longer before she’s thrust into the world. We’ll give her an extra step of healing and care she wouldn’t normally get.”

  “I’m totally up for it if you are,” he had said, his face filled with excitement.

  ELEVEN

  CHRISTOPHER BAUER

  Becoming Janie’s emergency guardians wouldn’t be as simple as we thought it’d be. I called Piper and let her know we were interested. She informed us we’d have to go through a home study as part of our petition for guardianship. The first part meant meeting with us in person, and we agreed to meet at the hospital the following day.

  She strode into Janie’s hospital room with quiet confidence, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, a bag strapped across her chest. Her chestnut hair was slung into a messy bun, graying at the roots. “Hi, everyone. I’m Piper.” She shook hands with Hannah first. Janie was tucked on my lap and hid her head when Piper spoke to her. “Hi, Janie.”

  Janie didn’t move or respond. Piper had warned me that her previous meetings with Janie hadn’t gone well, so I wasn’t surprised when Janie didn’t speak to her. She liked most people, but there was something about Piper that Janie didn’t like.

  “Can I get you some water or coffee?” Hannah asked. She was twisting her hair around her finger, something she only did when she was nervous or upset.

  Piper held up a travel mug with the Starbucks logo printed on the side. “Thanks, but I’m good. Today’s visit is basically just for us to sit down and get to know each other better. You’re going to see lots of me in the next few days. You might think I’m coming to live with you, too, but I promise I’m not.”

  We all laughed nervously, trying to ease the tension. She didn’t waste any time getting started. The next hour was like a grueling job interview focused on our childhoods, any past abusive experiences, our views on discipline, and any history of domestic violence. We filled out questionnaires on our medical histories, education, and employment.

  There were specific guidelines the state required for all foster parents, and a home inspection was mandatory for anyone in our situation. Hannah took it all in stride, but she was really nervous for the home visit with Piper. So nervous that the night before she was still up scrubbing bathroom floors at midnight, even though she’d already been over them once. She’d spent the last three hours cleaning our house like an obsessive-compulsive person. Our house hadn’t been that clean since we had bought it. It wasn’t like we were messy people, but our house definitely looked lived in. The last thing either of us wanted to do when we got home after a long day at the hospital was vacuum the floors or do the dishes.

  I stood in the doorway, watching her bent over on the floor with a bucket and washcloth as she furiously attacked the tiles. “Honey, I think that’s enough. There’s no way there’s a speck of dirt anywhere on that floor. We haven’t even walked on it since the last time you washed it.”

  She turned to look at me, the sheen of perspiration on her forehead. She brushed the hair off her face with the back of her arm. “I just want everything to look perfect.”

  “Well, you’ve pretty much turned our house into a museum, so if that’s what you’re going for, then I’d say you’ve succeeded.”

  She threw her rag at me. “You’re terrible. Everyone knows that women are judged by what kind of a house they keep. I don’t want her to think I’m some kind of slob.”

  “Slobs are good people too.”

  “Shut up!” She laughed. “You’re not making me feel any better.”

  “Come on, let’s call it a night.” I walked over and grabbed her bucket. “Sink or tub?”

  She pointed to the tub, and I poured the rest of the water down the drain. I held out my hands and pulled her up, then brought her against me and rubbed her back. “It’s all going to work out okay.”

  “You’re not nervous at all?” She raised her head to look at me. Worry lined her forehead.

  I shook my head. “I know it’s meant to be.” I pulled out her hair tie and let her hair fall down her shoulders. I loved when she wore it down, but most days it was pulled into a tight ponytail. I ran my fingers through it.

  “I’m just nervous. What if—”

  I put my finger up to her lips, shushing her midsentence. “Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see.”

  CASE #5243

  INTERVIEW:

  PIPER GOLDSTEIN

  “You couldn’t have asked for a better home for Janie. I’ve been in children’s services for over twenty years and met my share of foster parents. Believe me, they’re not all good. I wish people became foster parents because they have big hearts and want to help children, but sadly, that’s not usually the case. A lot of the parents I work with look at foster care like a job. They do it to get a paycheck, and their families run just like a business. I’m not saying all the business foster families are bad. Some of them are actually good, but there’s just not a lot of love and caring that goes on in them besides meeting the child’s basic needs. Don’t get me wrong—for many of the kids in the system, it’s way better than where they came from, so I don’t complain too much.”

  “And the Bauers?” Luke asked.

  I took another sip of my coffee. He’d forgotten my cream, so I was drinking it black, even though I knew my stomach would protest later. “Like I told you before, they were one of the good ones. Good foster homes are the ones where they really care about the kids they take in. They do it out of love versus any kind of monetary gain. They’re the homes where children thrive, and the Bauers were certainly one of them. No question.”

  Therapeutic foster homes were better equipped to deal with Janie’s issues and had more experience working with high-risk children and might have been a better fit. The Bauers hadn’t had any history dealing with kids with special needs and definitely not the kind of needs that resulted from kids being severely abused. It took special skills to live with kids who were emotionally disturbed, and there was never a doubt in my mind that Janie was emotionally disturbed, given her background and my interactions with her. But that didn’t mean that someone couldn’t learn how to do it, and the Bauers had been willing to learn whatever they needed to. It wasn’t just that, though. They had already loved her, and Janie had loved them. Well, she’d loved Christopher. She’d still been warming up to Hannah.

  My mind had been made up the day I’d walked into Janie’s hospital room for a scheduled meeting with her and found Christopher cuddled up with Janie on the bed, both of them fast asleep. He’d been dressed in his green scrubs, like he’d run to her room after surgery. He’d lain stretched out on her bed, his long legs reaching the end. Janie’s head had rested on his chest, and his arm had been protectively curled around her small body. Her tiny toes had peeked out from underneath her knitted blanket—the one Hannah had made for her. His other hand had clasped her fingers in his. Her face had been perfectly still and calm. She’d looked peaceful. Truly peaceful. In all the times that I’d seen her, I’d never seen her look peaceful. Janie was never still. Every one of her muscles needed to move, and she was an endless stream of chatter, her words running over each other.

  I hadn’t even considered waking them up, even though we’d had a scheduled visit, because the moment had been too beautiful to ruin. Instead, I had sat down in one of the chairs, pulled out my laptop, and started typing up the report to submit to family court. I had recommended that Janie be placed in emergency foster care with the Bauers.

  TWELVE

  HANNAH BAUER

  We were thrilled when we got the call from Piper that our application had been accepted and the judge had granted us temporary guardianship as Janie’s foster parents. She’d been in the hospital for six weeks, and the plan was to use the
next two weeks to transition her into outpatient care. Christopher scoured Amazon, overnighting books to the house so we could take a crash course in working with traumatized children. Piper wanted us to start having home visits with her immediately because of the short timeline, and I was so excited the night before the first one that I barely slept.

  This time Janie got into the car easily and without a struggle. I couldn’t help but smile at the small victory. It wasn’t long before we reached our house, since we didn’t live far from the hospital. It was the main reason we had chosen the house. When we’d considered buying it, we had talked about how we could bike or walk to work if we wanted to, but we’d been in the house for six years, and so far neither of us had done it.

  I turned the car off and twisted around in my seat. “This is our house, Janie. Christopher and I live here.”

  I expected her to be hesitant and shy when we walked into the house, but she embraced it all without fear. She was always surprising me with her fearlessness. She took Christopher’s hand as he led her from room to room in the house. I walked beside them. I was careful not to push myself on her. Christopher was always trying to force our physical interactions, but I wanted her to do things in her own time and come to me when she was ready.

  The tour abruptly stopped at the kitchen. She let go of his hand and dashed into the room. She spotted the refrigerator and scampered to it with a huge smile on her face. She tugged on the door and frowned when it wouldn’t open. She pointed at it. “Dr. Chris, help me. I want food.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not eating time.”

  She stomped her foot. “I’m hungry. Wanna eat. Now!” She yanked on the door again, but it was useless since it was locked tight. Her doctors had told us to lock all the refrigerators and cupboards because if we left them unlocked, she’d probably sneak into them and gorge on all the food until she got sick. It was still dangerous for her to eat too much.