The Perfect Child

by Berry, Lucinda

  “Better than this morning,” I said. I’d thrown up three times before ten and hadn’t been able to keep any coffee down, so I had a raging headache on top of everything else. “Thanks so much for taking her. I hope she didn’t give you too many problems.”

  She plopped down on the couch next to me, propping her legs up on the coffee table just like Christopher. “Honestly, it was a little rough. Promise you won’t feel bad if I tell you something?”

  I nodded. Nothing could make me feel worse than I already did.

  “You always talk about how difficult Janie is, and I’ve never seen it. She’s so well behaved and sweet whenever I’m around. Part of me thought you were overreacting.” She glanced at me before continuing, making sure I didn’t look hurt or defensive.

  I waved her off. “It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.”

  She looked relieved that I wasn’t angry. “She can really be difficult.”

  I burst out laughing. “Um, you think so? What’d she do?”

  “First she insisted on being carried everywhere, which lost its cuteness almost immediately. Then I couldn’t get her to use the toilet, and she kept going in her pants.” She wrinkled her nose. “Even the boys started to get annoyed with her because she kept acting and talking like a baby. You know it must’ve been bad if her two biggest fans were annoyed. But the weirdest thing was how she kept getting up during the middle of the night and coming into our bedroom. She’d just stand over us and stare. Does she always do that?”

  “She used to do it all the time, but she hasn’t done it in a while.”

  “Probably just part of the adjustment period.” She squeezed my knee. “Can I get you anything before I leave? I have to go get the boys from soccer.”

  “I’m good. Thanks for taking her.”

  She nodded and looked away. It wasn’t lost on me that she didn’t say “no problem” or “anytime” like she normally would.

  “Bye, Janie! I’ll see you soon,” she called out. She waited a second to see if Janie would respond and shrugged when she didn’t. “Text me later, okay?”

  Janie came into the living room as soon as she heard the door close.

  “Did you have fun with Auntie Allison?” I asked.

  She stuck out her lower lip. “I don’t like Allison.”

  “What? Since when don’t you like her? You love your aunt.”

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t. She’s a big meanie.” She looked around. “Where’s Daddy?”

  “He’s at work.”

  “Will you play with me?”

  “Why don’t you go play with Blue? I’m sure she missed you.” I turned away. Her presence was unnerving.

  “You never play with me. You’re mean too. Just like Allison.” She stuck her tongue out at me and stomped back to her room.

  There was something about having her in the house again that sucked the air out of the room. My heart hammered. I grabbed Cole from his swing and squeezed him against my chest, hoping his heartbeat would calm mine, but it did nothing for the panic surging through my body. I had to get air. There wasn’t enough air around me. I stumbled toward the door as waves of heat coursed through my veins. I was so hot, drenched in sweat.

  I pushed open the front door and stepped outside onto the porch. The cool air hit me and felt good against my face. I sucked it in, trying to pull myself together.

  She’s just a girl. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

  FORTY-ONE

  CHRISTOPHER BAUER

  I was happy to see Hannah up and moving around but was a little concerned as I watched her bustling with frenetic energy through the house. She’d been obsessively cleaning the house for three days, ever since Janie had gotten back from Allison’s. She kept Cole wrapped tightly against her chest while she worked.

  “Hey.” I came up behind her as she arranged the picture frames on top of the fireplace. “You’ve been busy all night. Why don’t you take a break?”

  She pushed me aside. “It’s just a mess in here. It’s too dirty.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Good. I feel good.”

  “Do you want me to take him?”

  “No, but can you do something with Janie?”

  Janie stood behind the baby gate in her room like she was an animal in a zoo, looking bewildered. We’d never made her stay in her room like that before, not even when she was at her worst.

  “Mommy made me go to my room,” she said as I unlatched the gate.

  Hannah ignored us for the rest of the night. She kept Cole on her chest and moved through the house like she couldn’t clean fast enough. Our house sparkled and shone. You could smell bleach when you walked in the door. It looked like we were about to put it on the market. It was staged to perfection—everything in place, proportional—except Janie’s room. Hannah wouldn’t touch it.

  I didn’t know what she did with Janie all day while she cleaned and didn’t dare ask. Ever since the biting incident, Hannah had avoided talking about her or doing anything with her. I understood how hurt she was and gave her the time she needed to work through her emotions, but then I came home and found Janie in soiled clothes.

  Her poop had been in her pants for so long it had hardened against her skin like a rock. I couldn’t even scrape it off. She was still in the pajamas she’d been wearing for the last two days. Her hair was a tangled mess, there was food all over her face, and her breath smelled foul, which meant she hadn’t brushed her teeth either. I waited until she was in bed to talk to Hannah about it.

  “Can you put the broom down and talk to me for a second?” I asked.

  “What? I can talk while I clean.”

  “Hannah, that’s the third time you’ve swept the floors since I got home. I’m pretty sure they’re clean. Are you getting ready to adopt another kid that I don’t know about?” I joked to lessen the tension. The only other time she’d cleaned like a madwoman was when we were getting ready for Janie’s home visit.

  “I just don’t like dirt. You can’t see it, but I can. Besides, Blue sheds everywhere. I don’t want Cole breathing all that in. We never should’ve gotten a cat. He might be allergic.”

  “I don’t think he’s allergic to cats. He would’ve had some reaction by now.” I massaged my forehead. “Can we sit down, please?”

  She shook her head. “I ordered a carpet cleaner on Amazon today.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “We don’t even have any carpets.”

  “We have rugs,” she said like that explained everything.

  “Can we please talk about Janie?”

  “What’s there to talk about?” she asked, immediately defensive.

  “Honey, I know you’re still upset because of what she did to you, but you can’t treat her the way you’ve been treating her.”

  “The way I’ve been treating her?” She laughed sarcastically.

  “Yes, you can’t let her sit around in poopy pants all day.”

  “She knows how to go to the bathroom when she needs to go. I’m done playing her games. Done.” She stopped sweeping, walked over, and locked eyes with me. “If she’s going to be a brat and poop in her pants, then she can sit in it.”

  “Dr. Chandler said it’s totally normal for her to revert to babylike behavior.”

  “She also said Janie is manipulative.”

  I sighed. “What about the fact that she’s filthy? She was still in her pajamas when I got home tonight and hadn’t even brushed her teeth.”

  “I tried to get her to brush her teeth and change her clothes. Do you know what she did?” Her jaw was set in a straight line. “She stuck her tongue out at me and said she wished she had a different mommy. I’m tired of pretending like she’s ever going to like me. That girl hates me.”

  “She doesn’t hate you.” It broke my heart to hear her talk about Janie that way.

  “Really?” She laughed. Bitterness lined every word. “The only person she cares about is herself. And you,” she added as an afterthough
t.

  “That’s not true.”

  She gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue with her.

  “It’s just rough right now. Everyone’s emotions are on edge. This happens to all families when there’s a new baby. You’ve still got to take care of her even when it’s hard.”

  She opened her mouth but quickly shut it again, changing her mind. She turned on her heel and stormed away, taking Cole into our bedroom with her and slamming the door behind her.

  Hannah met me at the door the next day when I came home. She started screaming immediately. “Tell her to give it to me!” Her eyes were wild. Her hand shook as she pointed to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “She’s in there. Tell her to give it to me.”

  I set my stuff on the end table next to the couch. “Whoa, calm down. What are you talking about?”

  “My phone. She took my phone and hid it somewhere. She won’t give it back.” Her voice trembled with anger.

  “Your phone? Why would she take your phone? Are you sure you didn’t just misplace it somewhere?” I eyed the room, expecting to spot it.

  “She took it! You said I needed to take care of her, so I did. She wouldn’t go to the bathroom today when I asked her to or brush her teeth, so I told her she couldn’t watch any cartoons until she’d done what I asked. You know what she did? She looked right at me and took her pants off. She walked over to the rug in the dining room and peed on it. Then she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.”

  I’d never seen her so unhinged. “That’s not okay, but what does that have to do with your phone?”

  “Oh, the phone? The phone happened when I took away her Barbie dolls. Ask me why I took away her Barbie dolls. Ask me.” She moved in front of me, smashing Cole between us like a sandwich.

  “Why did you take her Barbie dolls away?”

  “I set Cole down. Just for a second. That’s why I never set him down. Never. You want to know why I carry him around all the time. That’s why. That’s why.”

  I put my hands on her shoulders and moved her back from me. “Hannah, please calm down. You’re not making any sense. None of this makes sense. Why don’t we sit down just for a second?”

  She jerked away. “I don’t want to sit down. I want you to make her give me my phone.”

  Janie stood in the doorway of her bedroom, watching everything play out with a blank expression on her face.

  “Janie, did you take Mommy’s phone?” I asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Yes, you did! You took it!” Hannah screamed.

  “I did not! You’re a mean mommy!” Janie yelled back.

  Cole started to wail.

  “Now look what you’ve done!” Hannah said, red faced and furious.

  “Everybody, calm down. Just calm down.” I motioned to the couch. “Sit down while I get him a bottle.”

  I walked into the kitchen and took some deep breaths while the water heated up. The beginnings of a headache throbbed behind my temples. I didn’t care what Hannah said anymore. I couldn’t live like this. None of us could. Dan had given me the number of the woman they had used when their girls were young, and I was calling her tonight as soon as I got a chance. Enough was enough.

  “I’m going to call your phone,” I said.

  “I already did with the house phone. It must be dead because I didn’t charge it last night,” she responded from the living room.

  Her phone immediately went to voice mail. I pulled up the Find My iPhone app just in case she’d gone out and left it somewhere. The pin showed it was in the house. I shook the bottle on my way back into the living room, bracing myself for a fight. I handed the bottle to Hannah, and she stuck it in Cole’s mouth. He settled on the bottle and stopped crying.

  “Okay, let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this. Janie, can you come out here?” I asked.

  She walked out of her bedroom, hanging her head. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I don’t know why Mommy is so mad. I tried to get her to calm down.”

  Hannah glared at her.

  “I’m going to ask you again, and I want you to tell me the truth. Did you take Mommy’s phone?” I asked.

  “I didn’t,” she said adamantly.

  “Yes, you did,” Hannah said through gritted teeth. “You told me you took it.”

  “She told you?” I asked.

  “Yes. I took away her Barbies. Then later on this afternoon, I needed my phone and couldn’t find it anywhere. When I asked her about it, she said, ‘Give me my Barbies, and I’ll give you the phone.’”

  Janie crossed her arms on her chest. “Did not.”

  Hannah looked like she was one second away from screaming again.

  I put my hand on Hannah’s shoulder, trying to calm her. “How about this? Why don’t we all look for the phone just to make sure?”

  Hannah glared at me, but she got up and went into our bedroom. I took all the cushions off the couch and searched underneath the furniture. It wasn’t in the living room. I checked on the toilet paper stand in the bathroom because she’d misplaced it there before, but it was empty. Janie scurried through the house, and every few minutes she called out, “It’s not here, Daddy.”

  I emptied out everything in Hannah’s purse even though I was sure it was the first place she’d looked. It wasn’t there either. Finally, I moved into Janie’s room.

  Her room was a mess—a sharp contrast to the rest of our put-together house. Her toys were everywhere. The bed was rumpled and unmade. Her books were strewn across the room. Broken crayons were ground into the floor. I picked up the chunks as best I could and threw them in the trash. I picked up a few toys and tossed them into the plastic toy containers. Her stuffed animals were scattered around the room, and I scooped them into a pile. I straightened out the covers at the end of her bed, and Hannah’s phone rolled out onto the floor when I tugged on one of the blankets.

  “Janie! Come here.”

  “What, Daddy?” she asked.

  I crouched down in front of her. “I found Mommy’s phone in your bed. I thought you said you didn’t take it from her.”

  “I didn’t take it. Mommy put it there.”

  Hannah had been so spacey that she could’ve easily put it there and forgotten about it. She’d left the stove burners on twice last week.

  “And you’re sure you didn’t take it?”

  She nodded.

  I walked into our bedroom. Hannah was on all fours peering underneath the bed.

  “You can get up,” I said. “I found your phone.”

  She leaped up and snatched it from me. “Where was it?”

  “I found it underneath the couch cushions in the family room.”

  “But I took out all the cushions twice and never found it.”

  I shrugged. “I guess you just overlooked it.”

  FORTY-TWO

  HANNAH BAUER

  I stormed into Janie’s room and towered over her with my hands on my hips. “Where did you hide Cole’s blanket?”

  Her hoarding was out of control. She’d always stashed stuff in her bedroom, but now she was making it personal. In the last week, she’d stolen my favorite coffee mug—the one I used every morning that said I LOVE CHOCOLATE. I’d found it in her tub of Legos. She took my T-shirts and stuffed them in her drawers, buried underneath her clothes. I didn’t usually confront her about it because she’d only lie, but I didn’t have a choice this time. It was Cole’s blanket that he rubbed against his cheek to soothe himself. He couldn’t fall asleep without it.

  Janie ignored me and kept working on her puzzle. She’d been busy with it most of the morning.

  I tapped her on her shoulder. “I asked you a question. Where did you hide Cole’s blanket?”

  “I didn’t do it.” She turned her body so her back faced me. Some days I fought her, but I didn’t have the energy today.

  I checked underneath her bed first since it was her most used hiding space. At least she wasn’t very creative about her hiding places, b
ut there wasn’t anything under her bed except cookie wrappers and empty toilet paper rolls. I stood and rifled through her sheets and comforter. It wasn’t there either. I scanned the room, hoping I wouldn’t have to go through every toy bin like before, and that’s when I spotted the yellow tuft of his blanket poking out of her garbage can. I stormed over and snatched it out.

  I flung the blanket in front of her face. “How did this get in your garbage can?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. She looked up at me, doe eyed, and smiled all innocent and sweet, but I didn’t believe her for a second.

  “We’re going to give Blue back if you don’t start behaving.” My patience had run out. I’d use Blue if I had to. She’d left me no choice.

  She shrugged. “So?”

  “No more taking my stuff and hiding it in your room either. Or Cole’s. You leave our stuff alone. And you are going to stop having accidents in your pants, or else Blue’s gone.” I figured I might as well add things on since I was delivering the ultimate threat. “Do you understand me?”

  She looked at me with no expression on her face. I stared back at her, a blunt refusal to look away first, like a dog establishing dominance. Cole’s fussing in the other room broke our stare-down.

  I shook my finger at her. “I mean it,” I said before marching away to tend to Cole.

  I fed him and fixed our lunch afterward, reheating the spaghetti from last night and cutting up fruit to go with it. Sometimes I missed the days when my life wasn’t centered on food.

  “Janie, it’s lunchtime. Come eat.”

  She skipped into the kitchen with a big grin on her face and took a seat at the table, our spat forgotten that quickly. She wolfed down her food while I barely touched mine. I hadn’t had an appetite in weeks. The thought of food made my stomach churn.

  “I want to show you something,” she said after she finished her plate. She walked over to my chair and grabbed my hand. She led me into the bedroom and pointed to the spot on her floor next to her rainbow-colored toy bins. Blue lay there motionless, her paws sticking straight out. Her head was cocked to the side at a funny angle. Alarm bells went off inside me.