The Mayor of Noobtown

by Ryan Rimmel

  Now, I had various types of prompts. I saw levels, as well as skill boosts; there was also a third icon that I guessed was for talents.

  ● Level UP, Rogue 4

  ● You have gained one Perk. Please select it from the Rogue menu.

  ● You have gained one Buff. Please apply it to the stats on your character sheet

  ● Your Hit point total is increased by 10. Your Stamina is increased by 10.

  ● Level UP, Warrior 5

  ● You have gained one Perk. Please select it from the Warrior menu.

  ● You have gained a Specialization. Please choose your specialization.

  Glancing over to Woodsman, I saw that I was almost, but not quite, at the next level. The formula for experience was slightly different for each class. I’d earned more Warrior experience than Woodsman experience, because I had done more Warrior actions. Rogue had leveled, but I’d been pretty close to leveling in it, anyway.

  The specialization was new, so I flipped to Warrior first. The Warrior menu still had the normal skill tree that I was used to. The difference came with the tree’s trunk. It now broke into three very large branches, each topped with a specialist node. There were Duelist, Knight, and Man at Arms. The Duelist was best at fighting one on one battles against single opponents. The Knight was a heavily armored warrior who was best at fighting from a mount, though it didn’t specify a horse. The Man at Arms was a general warrior who was broadly skilled in many abilities.

  The Man at Arms made up the middle section of the trunk. It carried on straight up the tree, whereas the Duelist and Knight sections branched off. Based on what I could tell, a Man at Arms would be good at everything but great at nothing. However, both Duelists and Knights had some unique perks that the Man at Arms lacked. Reviewing all of my recent battles, each had come down to a one on one duel with someone. That made Duelist specialization a clear favorite.

  On the other hand, Knights were not just skilled in riding, but they also had perks that improved their Mass Combat abilities that the Duelist totally lacked. Man at Arms had perks for fighting duels and commanding men, but neither went very deeply. So, the question came back to “Did I want to be decent at everything, or good at a few things?”. Also, did my Unbound talent allow me to learn those perks elsewhere?

  I considered that briefly. My Unbound talent let me choose perks that were outside my level to be certain; I still had to meet all of the other prerequisites, first. So, by taking Man at Arms, I would be sacrificing the higher power perks from Duelist or Knight.

  Finally, I found an issue with the Knight specialization. While it was effective in certain situations, such as with a mount or in Mass Combat, its primary focus was on the heavier weapons side. It sacrificed abilities in lighter armor to concentrate on medium and heavy armor. I didn’t even have any medium or heavy armor.

  I would undoubtedly find some but, until then, would taking Knight be worth it? The Duelist specialization utilized all kinds of armor and weapons, which seemed to synergize with my other classes better. Finally, I chose Duelist.

  ● Specialization selected: Duelist

  ● You gain one rank in Strength and Dexterity.

  ● Your Hit point Total is increased by 10. Your Stamina is increased by 20.

  ● You gain the Talent Duelist Strikes.

  ● Your skill in: Swords, Axes, Maces and Spears increases to Initiate.

  ● Your skill in: Heavy Armor, Medium Armor, Parry and Block increases to Novice

  ● Several of your skills were already to the correct level, bonus skill experience has been moved into your Duelist Strikes talent. You are at Rank 3 in Duelist Strikes.

  Well, that was handy. I glanced at the Duelist Strikes. It was a talent tree similar to Marksman, but for one-handed swords. I verified that meant short swords, long swords, and the ever popular rapier. Glancing over at the nubs of my old short swords, I decided to allocate those points later.

  With Rogue, I took my buff and placed it into Charisma, as I had a note to do just that. I trusted the old me that left the note. He must have had a plan. I was just winging it.

  Glancing down at Rogue, I was disappointed to see that I didn’t have as many perk choices as I would have liked. My first problem with Rogue was that it was harder to level because of the limited weapon selection. There was nothing available to counteract that. The second issue I was having was the whole getting horribly injured all the damn time thing. I didn’t see anything that worked on that, either.

  Well… I brought up Poisoner. That looked suitably Rogue like, but I wondered what poisons were made of. I was betting herbs, and I was right. After I selected Poisoner, I noticed several herbs suddenly appear in my vision; they were highlighted in purple. Also, the Warg droppings became a shade of violet. I was suddenly sitting in a field covered in violet shit. The Poisoner perk gave me the ability to make poisons from commonly found herbs and Warg feces. Whether it would only work with Warg feces or simply feces in general was an experiment I was not interested in conducting. According to the perk, normal Alchemists could make poisons, but they had a penalty. In addition, a critical failure during application of the poison caused the alchemist to poison themselves. What was more important to me was that Poisoner granted Novice rank in Herbalism and Alchemy, so I didn’t have to just make poisons. I could make potions with the Alchemy I would be granted.

  Next, I flipped over to my newly improved skills, which were an assortment of improvements. The Weapon skills worked about like you’d expect, with my Dagger skill improving because of my goblin throat slitting extravaganza. My other Weapon skills improved due of my specialization. That meant improved Speed and Damage. I’d also improved my Two Weapon Fighting skill and Twin Weapon Strikes skill, but not enough to move up a rank. I’d inexplicably picked up an Unskilled rank in Martial Arts, which I resolved to explore later.

  My Block skill went from Amateur to Novice, which granted me the ability to transfer force away from myself. A knock down attack would suddenly be much less serious. There was a Stamina cost in line with Powerful Blow, so it was probably very useful.

  Parry had also increased. Amateur Parry had let me block blows with some reliability. Novice Parry gave me a chance to riposte; that chance was augmented by my Weapon skill and the actual weapon. That might prove to be interesting in the next battle.

  I had gotten both Medium and Heavy Armor skills. Medium armor at Novice rank allowed me to move as if it was light armor. Heavy armor at Novice rank further upped the armor’s defenses. As I had no medium or heavy armor to test against, I moved on.

  Herbalism went from Unskilled, where I could notice some kinds of herbs to Novice, where I could notice most of the local herbs. Most were green in my vision; some were purple. The purple ones were poisonous. Novice Herbalists were able to chew two herbs at once and gain both effects. Furthermore, herbs I ingested were more effective in general. I additionally gained some Poison Resistance from the Rogue specific perk.

  You have the status: Slow heal, you will recover 1 hit point per minute for the next 6 minutes. Due to your Spirit, your recovery period is 1 hit point for 50 seconds. Due to your Endurance, the duration increases from 6 minutes to 8 minutes. Due to your Herbalism, the base effect of the herb is increased by 50% to 1.5 hit points per minute. You have 4 minutes 23 seconds remaining.

  That was a much better effect. It would give me just over 14 hit points per root and, even from the tunnel looking out into the valley, I could see a few likely contenders for more Heal Root. If I could find enough Heal Root, I could take over the world.

  The next skill I reviewed was Alchemy. It let me craft potions unsurprisingly, and poisons, as well. It functioned similarly to other crafting skills, meaning that my basic Crafting skill applied to it. Hopefully, this would allow me to make better potions than my skill level would otherwise dictate. I would need some time to experiment to really see what it could do.

  I had figured out how to tune out the constant interactions o
f my Improvised Tools skill because the world was starting to look like that one scene in the Lego Movie. Now, I relaxed a bit and glanced around at my options. I immediately turned it off again, as goblins were great building blocks; parts of them were at any rate. I shuddered.

  Walking to the body of Grou’tuk, because everyone had looted everything else while I was unconscious, I flipped through his stuff. He had a ring that I obviously took His sword looked to be of decent quality for a short sword, but not very special aside from that. I still took it. The only other significant item in his possession was a key.

  The key didn’t have anything magical about it; it certainly didn’t feel mystical or mysterious. I was guessing it was human made. There was only one place a key could have gone in the fortress and that was the tower. I didn’t allow myself to believe I would be that lucky, though. With my luck, this key probably went to some private outhouse in another long forgotten town. Still, I headed to the tower.

  “Finally,” stated Shart, as he latched onto my shoulder.

  “You seem to vanish when other people are around,” I said, cautiously.

  “Yup” replied the demon, before he whispered in my ear, “I can never be too careful. One of them might have a Demon Finding perk.”

  “Why would anyone want to find you?”

  “My boy I’m hurt,” said Shart. “I’m a demon and every bit of me is soaked in magical power. They might want to get a little bit of Shart, if they can manage”

  We were both quiet for a moment, as I finally made it to the door of the tower. “We won. “

  “I had every confidence that my powers would let you win. You can thank me by opening up the Demon Door for me.”

  “What do I have to do so you won’t destroy me when I open the door?” I asked.

  Shart got quiet. “Sorry, my boy. I like you. I really do. You are like a stupid, ugly, dumb pet. Yet, when I get back, I need to overwrite you. I need to use your soul to kill the Dark Overlord.”

  “So, I need to kill the Dark Overlord?”

  Shart looked at me for a moment. Finally, he sighed. “Yes. If you kill the Dark Overlord, I’d leave you alone. It’s impossible, though. He’s a Godling. His soul is incorruptible. You don’t even want to know how many hit points he has.”

  “If I did, though. You’d let me continue to exist?”

  “Yes, but you’ll die.”

  “I’d rather die fighting than be erased by you.”

  Pushing the unlocked outer door open, I entered into the darkness of the Western Gate Tower. I almost regretted it, as the place stank. Maybe this really was an outhouse. The tower wasn’t just putrid; the air felt heavy, like you were breathing in some form of disease. Goblins and Wargs had been using everything as their own private bathroom and the stench was overwhelming. I mucked through it, climbing stairs that were used by goblins and Wargs until I came to a door that had obviously been left intact. Using the key, I stood mesmerized as it actually entered the keyhole and turned. The lock clicked open easily, and I carefully stepped inside.

  It must have been the captain’s quarters. There was a main room that would also have served as an office, as well as a side room that appeared to be his chambers. Stepping through the pile where at least one Warg previously slept, I stepped into the bedroom. It was not much better, but one spot stood out; nothing had been piled on top of it. Brushing away a coating of dirt and muck, I found the outline of a safe in the floor. It had a clever looking lock attached to it. However, the goblin had left it undone. After a moment of looking for traps and finding none, I opened it.

  Inside, there was a small folded piece of paper, as well as 4 bright red potions that glowed faintly purple in my vision. Pulling the stopper from one, I inhaled sharply.

  You have found Potion of Healing, will restore 20 hit points over 10 seconds. The potion contains Deathroot poison, which will case 60 hit points of Damage over 30 seconds. Deathroot nullifies active healing for 10 seconds. Your Poison Resistance will lower the damage by 18 points. Your Endurance will lower the damage by 9 points. Your Endurance will increase the healing by 3 points.

  Well, that was just evil. If you didn’t have the Poisoner perk, you would think you had a good old healing potion. Unless I could either mitigate the poison or improve the effects of the healing, these potions were basically useless. Still, into my pouch they went. There was also a small amount of gold, silver, and copper coins, which I took.

  The folded piece of paper appeared to be a note, but it was chicken scratch over parchment. The goblin had written it down for some reason but, despite my ability to understand the goblin language, I couldn’t read it. I wondered if perhaps one of the people downstairs could. Folding it for later, I carefully placed it in my pouch as well.

  Unsatisfied, I looked over the room once more and prepared to leave. Just before stepping out of the room, a tear in a tapestry caught my attention. The tapestry itself hung above the main door to the chambers. It contained a roughly sewn picture of a hot BDSM scene. Not like 50 Shades of Grey, either. Like, real hardcore shit. The stuff you can only do on a Saturday night because you got to take your ass to church right after. Just kidding. It was the field with the town behind it.

  The tear happened to be in just the right location for a glint of metal to be seen, if the light caught it in a certain way. The door was short enough that, with a bit of stretching, I could reach under the tapestry. As I pulled it back, I could see the upper edge of a shield.

  I carefully took down the dusty metal shield from its place on a hidden shelf. On the bulwark was a strange crest. It was orange and black in color. At first, I thought it was a cross. Further examination led to the realization that all four sides were the same length. This made it more of a plus sign than anything else. A fancy plus sign, but definitely a plus sign. Farther back on the shelf, lay a sword. The weapon was in much better shape than it had any right to be, though it needed a good cleaning to wipe away the fine layer of gunk that coated it. Underneath the grime, the sword was still sharp and seemed to be of good quality. I carefully examined it, but the blade was not magical.

  You have found: Soldier’s Longsword Damage 14-20 (2-8 Base + 6 Strength + 6 Skill), Durability 75/80, Durable, Enduring

  I focused on the qualities. Durable weapons had double the normal Durability and Enduring weapons took Durability damage at half the usual rate. They also didn’t rust or tarnish under anything less than the most trying conditions. Rubbing the filth off the blade demonstrated its sharpness, as I felt my Mitigation skill activate.

  I turned my attention to the shield.

  You have found: Soldier’s Shield Defense 24, Durability 18/40 Rotted

  The straps that hold this shield to armor have rotted. Take it to a leatherworker to get the rotted condition removed.

  There wasn’t a scabbard for the blade, but I slipped it into my belt anyway. I figured my armored leg was tough enough that it couldn’t really cut me unless I got stupid. The blade actually had a ricasso, or unsharpened part, just past the hilt for gripping. I, of course, knew the term ricasso because … reasons.

  Knowledge being rammed into my brain hardly bothered me anymore.

  After I scanned the room one last time, I decided that I’d had enough of the smell and headed out. The air outside smelled of crisp mountain breezes and the sea. I inhaled deep lungfuls, trying to clear them of the scent of shit.

  “Jim,” called out Jarra. There was a hint of longing, or maybe hope, in her voice. She had followed me to this semi isolated, though filthy, spot. Things were looking up.

  I smiled, walking towards the sound and spotted Jarra, picking up a small dog, “Yes?”

  She blushed prettily, “Um… Jim, this is my dog. Jim.”

  Chapter 26: The Townsfolk and the Village

  After we left, I made some inquiries of the townspeople and found that Jim was a name they gave to little dogs. It wasn’t like naming your dog Carl or Mark. It was like naming your dog Spot. My name was this
place’s equivalent to Spot. If that wasn’t going to make it hard to be taken seriously, I didn’t know what was.

  No one said anything, though, as I kept walking off the path and coming back with handfuls of herbs. Jarra the Healer had been impressed with the goblins’ herb supply, but she quickly realized that the valley was full of them. The ones that were freshly picked tasted much better than the ones stored in goblin pouches, especially if you considered that the goblins typically stored their pouches under their loin cloths.

  I’d found twelve by the time we got to the edge of the forest and I hadn’t seen a single goblin. Fenris had been following me, and not very discreetly. I had initially believed that he was trying to protect his people, but then I realized it was something else. He wanted a favor but didn’t know how to ask for it.

  “Spit it out,” I said, finally, as he tried to steel himself up for the third time.

  “That obvious?” he sighed. “You may have heard that we were ambushed. Well, the goblins captured some of our people and took them into this valley. Not very many of them. Three, to be exact.”

  “Okay,” I said, reaching down. I gathered another strip of blue moss and placed it into my pouch, “What do you need me to do?”