Dare to Love

by A. L. Brooks

  Sophie nodded, her hands twisting the bottom of her T-shirt. “Okay. Thanks.”

  The client arrived, and she got him settled in the chair. This was an easy piece: a string of barbed wire encircling his bicep. She got started, settling herself into that calming zone where it was just her, the tattoo gun, and the ink following the lines she’d laid out. At some point through the work, the front door opened and closed. After reaching a convenient pause in her work, she flicked a glance over her shoulder.

  Sophie and her friend Trina sat with their heads together on the sofa. Although still looking worried, Sophie was talking. And Trina was listening.

  God, I hope I’ve read Trina right all this time . Ash turned back to her client.

  Half an hour later, the piece was done. After wrapping the arm and giving the client the usual spiel about aftercare, Ash showed him to the front desk.

  She risked another glance at the two young women as the guy fished his wallet out of his pocket. To her utter relief, they sat close together, laughing.

  The client left, and Ash strolled as casually as she could manage over to the sofa. “Hi, Trina.”

  Trina looked up. “Hey, Ash. All right?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.” Ash looked across at Sophie. “Okay?”

  Sophie’s smile was so wide she looked like a cartoon character. “Totally cool.” She grabbed her friend’s hand and squeezed.

  Trina rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s okay!”

  Ash gave her a quick nod. “Thanks. It’s never easy, you know.”

  Trina’s expression turned serious. “I get that. But, you know, Sophie’s my bestie. There’s nothing she could tell me that would make me forget that.” She turned to Sophie and grinned. “Well, unless she told me she was in love with that arsehole Justin Bieber. Then we’d have a big problem.”

  Sophie laughed. “I think you’re safe.” She looked up at Ash. “Thanks for telling me to tell her. I know I took a bit of time, but you were right. I feel so much better for just getting it out there.”

  “I’m pleased.” Ash hugged her. “Listen, why don’t you two take off? Go grab a McDonald’s or something?” She pulled a twenty from her wallet and handed it to Sophie.

  “Really?” Sophie’s whole face lit up.

  Laughing, Ash stepped away from the sofa. “Yes, really. Go on, have some fun.”

  “Cool. Thanks, Ash.” Trina beamed at her.

  The girls left, and the studio fell silent. She had a twenty-minute gap until her next client, so she made herself a tea and sat on the sofa, gazing unseeing out of the big window. The late-afternoon sun cast a soft golden glow onto the wings of the phoenix painted on the glass. Every time she looked at the image, her pride at what she’d achieved and at how she’d turned her life around swelled. She’d worked hard, not only on her business but also on figuring herself out, and her emotional strength these days was a huge source of satisfaction.

  Her mind returned to her earlier troubling thoughts of Carmen and where her feelings were leading her. She’s straight, her protective inner voice said, trying to stop the internal conversation in its tracks.

  Ash sighed. Yes, Carmen was straight, and even if she was curious about what being with a woman was like, Ash’s past made her immediately want to back away from what that could lead to. But Carmen was also beautiful, intelligent, amusing, and driven to succeed, something that Ash always admired in a woman. Something else she admired was a woman who remained kind alongside that drive, and Carmen was all that.

  So what were her options? Stop seeing Carmen? That thought just made Ash feel sad. So keep seeing her, but always with the awareness of the dangerous line she was walking between friendship and wanting something more. She’d be able to control that, wouldn’t she? After all, what happened with Vikki was lesson enough. You’re a strong person now, and you haven’t run from anything in years. You can handle this if you keep your wits about you.

  Pep talk complete, Ash finished her tea and walked to the counter near the chair. Her sketchbook was wedged behind a box of disposable gloves, and she tugged it out. Determined, she ripped out the page containing the sketch of Carmen and crumpled it up into a ball.

  Chapter 23

  “Annabella, I think I’m going to have to say no to that idea.” Carmen leaned her chin on her hand, the phone pressed to her ear, and barely managed to bite back an exasperated sigh. And it’s only Monday morning. God help me.

  Across the room, Monica caught her eye and smiled knowingly.

  Carmen had to look away to avoid laughing.

  “But everyone is going on that show and doing something outrageous,” Annabella Mitchell whined in her ear.

  Carmen was thankful that the technology of phones prevented her from reaching into the receiver and slapping the woman. “I know, and I know it’s very popular. But honestly, you’re not hearing what I am from the best directors and producers in the business about the people who are going on it. I’ll be frank: they’re not impressed. It’s seen as, well, you know, cheap. And tacky. And we’re trying to do better for you than that, aren’t we?”

  Annabella sighed.

  “And while I’m sure your, um, sex toy collection is impressive”—across the room Monica snorted, but Carmen didn’t dare meet her eye—“I honestly think you need to consider the long game here. Five minutes on the front pages next week isn’t going to be worth anything the week after if no one will work with you.”

  “Ugh, I suppose you’re right.”

  “You know I am. Have I ever steered you wrong before?”

  “No, I suppose not.”

  God, it was like talking to a six-year-old, not a woman in her mid-thirties who’d been the darling of Britain’s top-rated soap for the last eight years. Clients like this made Carmen wonder why she’d ever wanted to work in this business.

  “So you carry on as you are and leave me to work my magic, yes? I’ve got a couple of good leads I’m following, and I’m sure I can get you something worthwhile very soon.”

  Another big sigh. “Okay, Carmen. Thanks, darling, you’re the best.”

  I know , Carmen thought as she hung up, just before she laid her head down on the desk.

  Monica’s laughter spilled out as if expelled from a cannon, and Carmen shot upright again.

  “Sex toy collection?” Monica spluttered.

  “Don’t.” Carmen held up a hand. “She wanted to show the whole lot off on that reality show, My Secret Passion . Some friend of hers thought it would be good for her image. Make her seem more interesting.”

  Monica laughed so hard she clutched at her side with one hand while the other gripped her desk to presumably stop herself falling off her chair.

  Carmen shook out her shoulders. “God, I don’t even know why I still represent her. Maybe I can pass her off at her next contract renewal.”

  Monica nodded a couple of times. “Maybe you should. I mean, come on; she’s not exactly in the same league as most of your other clients.”

  “True. I suppose I felt a kind of obligation—she was one of my first when I branched out, and she stuck with me when people didn’t really know who I was.”

  “I know. But that’s also true for Tamsyn Harris, and she and Annabella are definitely not in the same league.” Monica hesitated, then leaned forward. “Look, I know I’ve only been here a year, so if this is out of line, tell me.”

  Carmen said nothing, wondering where this was going.

  “Well, it just seems to me that you might not realise what your own reputation is now. I mean, when I tell people in our world I work for you, they’re impressed. Like, seriously impressed. I’m just wondering if you need to focus on the more elite clients and move the company in that direction.” Monica blushed but sat up straighter in her chair. “It’s…it’s just that if you only had people like Tamsyn on the books, you could be just as successful but maybe not have to work so hard, and your image would be better as a result. Quality not quantity, you know?”

 
; “I can’t just drop the clients I don’t like.” Carmen scowled. “What kind of message would that send to anyone who wants to work with me?”

  Monica squared her shoulders. “I don’t mean that.” She stood and walked over to Carmen’s desk. “Keeping people like Annabella might be doing you more damage than good. And it’s not about liking her. It’s about her talent and her potential. She has very little of the former and therefore next to nothing of the latter.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Compare her to Daisy Menon. She’s a bitch; neither of us like her, but she’s a brilliant actress and is going to be winning awards soon. She’s worth keeping, not the likes of Annabella. I’m sorry if I’m out of line, but I think you need to look at this. If for no other reason than you’re working yourself into the ground.”

  Carmen stared at her. Since when did Monica get to tell her how to run her own business? The business she knew better than the back of her hand?

  “I’ll take a coffee if you’re making one,” she said, forcing her tone to be polite.

  Monica’s mouth pressed into a tight line. Then she spun on her heel and marched out of the office.

  Carmen watched her go, her anger simmering. It wasn’t Monica’s job to tell her what to do. She was merely here to assist. To take the pressure off Carmen’s workload and—

  She slumped back in her chair. Yes, that was exactly what Monica was here for, to take the pressure off. And she’s just suggested a way that could happen, and I treated her like dirt .

  Carmen dropped her head into her hands and groaned softly. How to be a class A bitch in one easy lesson. Nice going, Carmen .

  Monica was right. Carmen did have an awful lot of what she called small potato clients. The ones she’d held on to because of loyalty, even though they had considerably less talent than her top clients. How far did loyalty go? And how come she hadn’t seen this? Carmen answered herself in the next moment: because she had been far too immersed in the business of building the company up to take the time to step outside and see where it was going.

  Monica walked back into the room, two steaming mugs in her hands. Wordlessly, she placed Carmen’s on her desk and turned away.

  “Monica,” Carmen said quietly.

  After a moment’s hesitation, Monica turned back. Her face was set in a hard mask. “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

  Monica’s entire posture relaxed. “I’m sorry if I—”

  Carmen held up a hand. “No. You, my young Jedi, are brilliant.”

  “I-I am?” Monica’s coffee wobbled in her hand.

  “You are. Everything you said was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.”

  Monica beamed at Carmen. “You’re welcome.” She cleared her throat. “We’ve…we’ve been so worried.”

  “We?”

  “Beverley and me. We love working here, but we hate seeing you so run-down and stressed.”

  “Well.” Carmen reached for her coffee. “Let’s see if we can do something about that, yes?”

  Monica nodded and turned back to her own desk. A moment later the sound of her tapping vigorously against her keyboard filled the office.

  The message from Ash pinged on Carmen’s phone a couple of hours later, and her heart missed a beat when she saw it.

  Hey, how are you? I go away at the end of the week and wondered if you’d like to meet before I go? I’m free each morning until 11:30, but only have tomorrow evening free after eight. Every other night I’m working till ten! Let me know if anything works for you

  Thankful she was currently alone in the office, she allowed herself a small smile. It was great to hear from Ash, even though Carmen had almost convinced herself over the weekend that stepping back was the right idea. Except that, every night, when she’d finally turned her phone off and settled in to try to sleep, her mind had inevitably turned to Ash. Thoughts of what might be, if she only had the courage to ask for it, taunted her.

  Ash by her side, making her laugh, grounding her.

  Ash holding her, kissing her, and touch—

  She sat bolt upright. Nope, not going there. Not in the office.

  It shocked her, how far her fantasies were taking her. Sure, she’d fantasised about her boyfriends in the past, but doing so about a woman was a whole new ball game. Her face heated as she recalled locating that copy of Maggie’s book on her Kindle and flicking through to all of the sex scenes. It had been far too easy to picture herself and Ash in the positions described.

  And if she ever wanted the chance to find out how it would feel in reality, she knew what she had to do. Even if the thought scared her witless.

  She breathed out slowly. For starters, she could make sure she had time to see Ash this week, before she went away. If she held back much longer, Ash probably wouldn’t contact her again. There were only so many times a person could be ignored before they gave up. And Ash was too good a person for Carmen to treat her that way.

  No, she had to see her.

  She flipped to the calendar on her laptop and scanned the week ahead, then picked up her phone.

  Hi! Thank you for getting in touch. Sorry again for Friday. Hope you had a good weekend. How about meeting on Wednesday? I’m free from 10:30 to 11:30, if that works? And yes, I have checked my calendar this time! Would be great to see you.

  The reply came about half an hour later, just as she grabbed her purse to head out and buy some lunch.

  10:30 Wednesday is perfect. See you at our usual spot.

  Chapter 24

  Carmen hadn’t slept well Tuesday night, but that wasn’t a surprise. Nor did it surprise her that her stomach was in knots as she walked along the street leading to Alma’s. It was a hot day, and she was glad she’d worn a sleeveless silk blouse paired with linen trousers. The last thing I need is to turn up sweating like I’ve run a marathon.

  Now only a block or so away, her heart decided to join her stomach in its cartwheel routine. Her pulse rate jumped to a level that couldn’t be healthy. She breathed deeply and slowly to try to restore some semblance of calm.

  She crossed the last junction and looked towards the café.

  Ash waited for her at their usual table. She threw Carmen a beautiful smile, and Carmen’s steps faltered. My God, how does she do this to me?

  Eventually reaching the table, Carmen pulled out a chair and gratefully sank into it. “Hi.”

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m actually very well.” Carmen grinned as Ash clutched both hands to her chest. “I know, I know. But I have good news about my workload, you’ll be pleased to hear. No more complaining from me!”

  “I’m pleased. About the workload, I mean. I would never suggest you’ve been complaining.” Ash faked an innocent look, but her eyes twinkled.

  “Ha ha.” Carmen willed her heart to slow. Ash looked adorable, and it was making her tongue-tied. “How’s life at the studio? And how’s Sophie?”

  “How about we get some coffee, and then I can fill you in?”

  “Oh! Yes, of course. Sorry.” Carmen smiled sheepishly. She stood just as Ash did.

  “No, I’ve got this.” Ash waved Carmen back into her seat.

  “You sure?”

  “I am. I did eat your last pastry, after all.”

  She winked, and Carmen’s insides fluttered for an entirely different reason than nerves.

  When Ash returned a few minutes later, a tray in her hands, Carmen had just about talked herself into a more normal state of pulse and breathing. It hadn’t been easy.

  Ash passed her a coffee and a plate with a pastry, laid her own on the table, then headed back inside the café to return the tray. Once she’d sat down again, she leaned forward. “So, in answer to your questions, the studio is great. Really busy this week, which I love. And Sophie is brilliant. She came out to her best friend, Trina, and it went very well.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful!”

  “It is. I never doubted Trina, but it’s always so hard to know h
ow anyone is going to react when it comes down to it.”

  Carmen shivered, despite the warm weather. Yes, I think Sophie and I have a lot in common these days. So far, having only told Felicity, Tamsyn, and Maggie about her attraction for the woman sitting opposite her, she knew she’d been fortunate to have such good reactions from them all. How would she feel if it had gone differently? If she had a Courtney in her life? Well, actually you do—there’s still Mother to think about . But maybe not in this decade.

  “Are you okay?”

  Carmen’s gaze drifted back to focus on Ash. “Sorry, what?”

  “You zoned out there. Is everything okay?”

  Her cheeks burning, Carmen reached for her coffee to give herself a moment. “Oh, yes, fine. Just a few things on my mind, but all good. Trust me.”

  “Okay.” Ash drank her own coffee, then took a big bite out of her pastry.

  “So, are you all set for Friday? Packed already?” Yes, let’s talk about something other than people’s sexualities and coming-out processes.

  “Not quite packed, but there are piles of clothes and stuff everywhere in the flat.” Ash laughed. “I like to lay it all out beforehand, then do a final inventory to make sure I’ve got everything. It’ll all get packed up tomorrow night.”

  “It’s so exciting. And I’m so jealous!”

  “I can always try to squeeze you into one of my suitcases.” Ash tapped her chin, her eyes sparkling.

  Oh God, don’t tempt me . Carmen’s knees shook at the thought of being alone with Ash for three whole weeks. Fearing she was blushing profusely again, she attempted a chuckle, which came out more like a choking sound. She covered that—she hoped—by eating the last of her pastry.

  “I’ll miss these when I’m gone.” Ash gestured with her last morsel of pastry before popping it into her mouth.

  “We’ll have to meet up as soon as you’re back so you can get your fix.” Thankfully, her voice sounded close to normal.

  Ash nodded. “I like that plan.” Her smile was warm and genuine, and Carmen melted all over again.