Always With Me: Whisper Lake #1

by Barbara Freethy

"It's morning. It's time to get back to reality."

  "This is reality, Gianna. It's not a dream."

  "It feels like one. A very fast-moving dream."

  "So, we'll slow things down."

  "To what speed?"

  "Whatever speed you want."

  "What if I said I didn't want to do this again?"

  "I'd think you were scared, or that you were lying."

  She stared back at him. "Okay, that would be true."

  "One day at a time, one moment at a time, remember? I'm not getting down on one knee. I'm not asking you to commit your heart forevermore. I just want to take a shower with you. Let's keep it simple. You can handle that, can't you?"

  "I feel like we're postponing the inevitable, but—" She stopped abruptly as he nuzzled her neck with his very sexy mouth. "That does feel good."

  "Wait until you see what I can do in a shower."

  Zach wasn't just good in a shower; he was good everywhere. Two hours later, Gianna watched him greet Chloe when they got to the café, then say hello to Lizzie and Chelsea, who were seated at the counter and had just finished breakfast. Every one of her friends was completely charmed by him. And every one of her friends also found a way to give her a very pointed look, no doubt wondering what the heck was going on with them, even though they could probably guess.

  "I'll show you to a table," Chloe said, leading them across the room.

  "You should be at home resting," she told her.

  "Keeping busy is better for me. I'm only going to work for another hour, just through the breakfast rush and the lunch prep." She paused, her smile dimming. "And, no, there's no news."

  "I wasn't sure if I should ask."

  "I talked to the wife of another soldier in Kevin's unit. She hasn't heard anything, either, and she talked to two other wives. We're all in the dark."

  "Maybe you can take comfort in that. The guys are all together. It's not just Kevin who is out of touch."

  "It does make me feel a little less scared," Chloe admitted. "But I still need him to get home in time to see his son born. Anyway, same old song…sorry."

  "Don't apologize, please."

  "What are you two up to today?" Chloe asked.

  "Work," she said.

  "Me, too," Zach said.

  Chloe laughed. "You two need to come up with a better story." She handed them menus. "Whatever you want is on the house. My thanks for the other night."

  "Absolutely not," Zach said firmly. "You've got a kid on the way. We'll pay for our breakfast."

  "He's right," Gianna agreed.

  "If you insist, fine, but I still might throw in some extra home fries." She paused. "I almost forgot to ask, Gianna, have you progressed any further in your search for your biological mother? Keira told me that the Theresa Harper lead was a dead end."

  "Actually, that dead end might have come alive. I don't want to jinx it, but I'll let you know if anything happens."

  "And if I can help."

  "Absolutely." As Chloe moved away, she picked up the menu. "Everything looks good. I'm starving."

  "We worked up an appetite this morning," he said, giving her a small, intimate smile. "And last night."

  "Stop that," she said. "People will start talking about us."

  "Too late. Your friends are already wondering why we're so often together."

  "I also wonder that," she said with a helpless sigh.

  He laughed. "You don't have to wonder; you know why. You can't stay away from me."

  "More like you can't stay away from me," she retorted.

  "It's not a crime to want each other."

  "Not a crime, but probably stupid. We didn't end well the first time."

  "Maybe we don't end at all this time."

  She took a quick breath at his words, at the look in his eyes, and she had no idea what to say. Fortunately, they were interrupted by a waiter wanting to take their order.

  After a hasty look at the menu, they decided to split a waffle and a veggie omelet, along with a side of sausage, and two tall glasses of freshly made orange juice.

  After the waiter left, a busboy came by to fill their coffee mugs, and Gianna took a grateful sip. "I love Chloe's coffee."

  "It's good," Zach agreed. "Do you have an opinion on what I said before the waiter came over?"

  "I think it's too soon to have an opinion."

  "That's fair. What time do you have to get to the shop today?"

  She was happy that he'd decided to pursue a less personal topic. "Officially one, but I'll go back to the store after we eat. I need to move items out of the storeroom into the showroom. We have some displays that need filling."

  "How is your aunt doing?"

  "Better. I spoke to her briefly yesterday. I think she's actually enjoying the time off now that she's not in as much pain as she was."

  "Did you ever tell her about Helen's break-in?"

  "No. I didn't want to worry her. And it's better for you if I keep that quiet."

  "I appreciate that." He glanced down at his phone as it buzzed.

  "If you need to answer that, go ahead."

  "No. It's Hunter. He's going to drive down to Denver for the night and show Cassidy the city."

  "That will be fun. She seems very nice." Another buzz had her reaching into her bag for her phone. It was a text from a number she didn't recognize. Her entire body stiffened.

  "What's wrong?" Zach asked.

  "I'm not sure. It's a text, but I don't know the number. Could it possibly be my mother?"

  His gaze met hers. "Only one way to find out—open it."

  Her fingers were shaking as she opened the text and read the message: This is Jill Kenner. Tammy told me that I need to talk to you. I can meet you at Greta's Bakery in Paxmore between eleven and one today if that works. Let me know.

  "Well?" Zach asked impatiently.

  "It's from Jill."

  "Really?" he asked, a light in his eyes. "What does she say?"

  She handed him the phone, so he could read the message. "What should I do?"

  "Meet her. You just said you don't have to be at the store until one." He handed her back the phone. "This is what you wanted."

  "I know, but I'm terrified."

  "She wants to talk to you. That's a good sign. She could have blown you off."

  "That's true." A seed of hope took root within her. "She is willing to meet me. But she obviously doesn't want to do that at her house or at my home or even here in Whisper Lake. Paxmore is ten miles away."

  "Maybe that's where she lives. It's not that far, Gianna."

  "I know." Her hand tightened on her phone. "If I do this, there's no going back."

  "Nope," he agreed, meeting her gaze. "But if you don't do it, you'll have regrets forever. Whatever happens, you're strong enough to deal with it."

  She didn't feel strong at the moment. "I guess."

  "I'll drive you."

  "I have to do this myself."

  "You will do it yourself. I'll just get you there. I don't have anything pressing this morning. Let me support you."

  She gave him a grateful smile. "Okay. I wouldn't mind the company on the drive." She drew in a breath and let it out. Then she typed in her answer: I'll meet you at eleven.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Gianna was quiet on the drive from Whisper Lake to Paxmore. In fact, she hadn't said much since they'd finished breakfast. Not that she'd eaten much. Her hunger had evaporated after the text from Jill. Zach thought it was a good sign that Jill had gotten in touch so quickly and that she wanted to meet Gianna, but whether it would turn out to be positive in the long term was up in the air.

  He glanced over at Gianna, who was drilling her fingers on her thighs as she gazed out the window. He had no idea what she was thinking, which felt wrong, because they'd gotten so close in the past week. He'd gotten used to being very much in sync, but she was on a solo daydream that did not involve him.

  He didn't like it, but he could understand it. This wa
s the moment she'd been waiting for her entire life. He really didn't want her to be disappointed. But there was nothing he could do to control the situation. She was going to have to live through whatever was coming. And while he'd encouraged her to take the risk, because he knew she would regret it if she didn't, part of him wanted to turn around and take her back to Whisper Lake, keep her safe with the status quo, protect her from further pain.

  She turned her head to meet his gaze and gave him a tentative, shaky smile.

  "Second thoughts?" he asked.

  "Second, third, fourth, fifth…" She gave a helpless shrug. "Am I making the right decision, Zach? Am I going to hurt people because I'm curious? And I'm including myself in that."

  "It's not just curiosity, Gianna."

  "What do you think it is?"

  "It's not for me to say."

  "What? Now you don't have an opinion? You always have an opinion, Zach."

  "This is your journey. I don't need to put my thoughts on it."

  She frowned at his comment. "I would really like to know what you think."

  "Okay, but don't shoot the messenger."

  "What does that mean?"

  He thought about not answering her, because he didn't think she'd like what he had to say, but the stubborn gleam in her eyes told her she was ready to fight someone, and right now it was him.

  "Here it is," he said finally. "You've always said that you just want to know your heritage, your medical history, whether you look like your parents. But I think it's more than that. You hurt down deep inside from what you perceive as your mother's rejection. She gave you away, and you can't understand it. You can't accept it. No matter how much your adoptive parents love you, there's still this raw wound that you can't seem to heal." He glanced over at her, seeing thoughtfulness in her gaze, but not anger. He was relieved that she hadn't immediately gotten defensive.

  "That's very insightful," she said slowly. "Do you think all adopted kids feel that way?"

  "I don't know. I just know you."

  "I'm sure that Jill gave me up because she was sixteen and too young to have a kid. She probably wanted me to have a good life and thought she was being generous in allowing me to be raised by two people who desperately wanted children. It's hard to blame her for that. I have had a wonderful life, an amazing family. Maybe Jill made the right decision."

  "But it's more complicated than that."

  "Yes. I do feel that burn of rejection, even when it makes complete sense that she gave me away. I don't know that meeting her will change that. But whatever happens today, at least one thing will change—I won't have to keep wondering who she is and why she did what she did."

  "That alone could be life-changing."

  She drew in a breath as she met his gaze. "I hope I'm ready."

  "You are."

  "Thanks. And by the way, Zach, I'm glad you're here."

  "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

  They walked into the bakery café together, but while Zach got in line to get himself coffee, Gianna headed for the middle-aged blonde woman sitting alone at a table. The woman hadn't seen her; she was checking her phone. Gianna slowed her steps, taking a minute just to look at Jill. She was much older, but she was definitely the girl in the photo.

  As she took another step forward, the woman raised her head, her brown eyes meeting hers, and in that moment, Gianna knew the complete and utter truth. She didn't need an introduction, a confirmation, a blood test—this woman was her mother. It was like she was looking into a mirror, seeing a future reflection of herself.

  It gave her some joy that Jill was attractive. Her blonde hair was shoulder length, her face was thin, and she was dressed in skinny jeans and a sleeveless top that made her look younger than her forty-five years.

  Jill stood up as she arrived at the table, giving her an awkward, hesitant smile. "It's you," she said. "I think I would have known you anywhere."

  "I feel the same way. I'm Gianna."

  "And I'm—Jill."

  She wondered if Jill had started to say she was her mother, then thought better of it.

  "Gianna is a pretty name," Jill continued. "I was going to call you Allison."

  "Really?" It was strange to hear even that tiny, unexpected detail.

  "Yes. I don't know why; I just liked the name. But you're definitely a Gianna." Jill licked her lips. "Do you want coffee or something else?"

  "No, I'm fine."

  "We should sit."

  "Yes."

  They sat down across from each other, and neither one could seem to find a single word to say. They were an island of silence in a bakery filled with conversation, background music, and the sounds of the espresso machine and coffee grinder.

  Finally, she cleared her throat. "Thanks for meeting me."

  "When Tammy called me and said she had met my daughter, I almost fell out of my chair. I never ever thought I would see you again. I wasn't even sure I could believe it. But she was quite convinced."

  "When Tammy said she knew you, I couldn't quite believe it, either."

  "How—how are you, Gianna?" Jill asked tentatively.

  "I'm good. I'm healthy and happy."

  "And the people who adopted you? I prayed they were good to you."

  She very much appreciated the heartfelt sincerity in Jill's eyes. "They were great parents. They still are. They love me a lot, and I love them."

  Jill blinked away tears. "It's both good to hear and a little hard."

  "Why did you give me away?" It was the question she'd wanted to ask since she'd first learned she was adopted, and she knew she couldn't leave this meeting without asking it.

  "We're getting right to it," Jill said, with a shaky breath.

  "Sorry if that was blunt, but I would like an answer."

  "I was really young—sixteen. My mother was a single mom. When she found out I was pregnant, she insisted I give the baby up for adoption. She said she knew how hard it was to raise a kid alone, and she'd been almost thirty when she had to do it. She wanted me to finish high school and go to college and not get derailed by a child."

  "I guess that's understandable."

  "I didn't want to do it, but I didn't have a choice, Gianna. I know you must think I did. But I had no money, and my mom wouldn't help me. She wouldn't let me live at home if I kept you. I was going to have to do it all alone, and maybe I should have been stronger, tougher, but I couldn't fight her. She has a really strong personality."

  "I know that. I saw her the other night. She actually told me you were never pregnant and never had a baby."

  "I'm not surprised. It has always been a secret shame for her. She sent me away to live with her sister the last three months of my pregnancy, which happened to be over the summer. I was so young and thin that I was barely showing at six months. No one in town ever knew I was pregnant. By the time school started again, I was no longer a mother. It was a terrible time for me. I felt tremendous guilt. And I missed you."

  Now, it was Gianna's eyes that were blurring with moisture. "You thought about me?"

  "All the time. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I drove my mother so crazy she sent me to college out of state, so she wouldn't have to see me moping around."

  "I didn't think you were from Whisper Lake. The adoption agency told my parents you were not local."

  "I don't know anything about that. My mom handled everything. She said it was better for me not to know where you were. She thought it would be easier, but there was nothing easy about it. I only got to hold you for a minute before they took you away. I gave you the only thing I had with me at the hospital, my locket."

  "It led me back to you," she said softly. "I wore it until I was fifteen years old, and then I lost it at Echo Falls Camp. I think now your mom took it. She must have seen me wearing it and realized who I was. She didn't want to take the chance that someone might remember her daughter wearing a similar locket. I don't know if that's true, but it makes sense to me."

  "I w
ouldn't put it past her," Jill said. "She's not a horrible person. She just loves in her own way."

  "And she couldn't love me."

  "She couldn't see past my mistakes. It wasn't you she was angry with; it was me. But you paid the price." Jill let out a sigh. "I have so many regrets, Gianna, but I never regretted having you."

  "I'm glad. Tammy said that you're married, that you have other children."

  "I married a wonderful man sixteen years ago. I have two daughters, Grace and Lily. They're fifteen and thirteen." She paused. "They don't know about you, but my husband does. I told him before we got married. I had kept the secret for more than a decade, but I didn't want to marry him without him knowing that I'd given up a baby. Fortunately, he was able to understand and accept my choice."

  "Does he know that you're meeting me today?"

  Jill shook her head. "No. I had to be sure it was really you. What about your parents?"

  "I didn't tell them. I felt the same way. I didn't want to upset anyone unnecessarily until I knew the truth."

  "Your parents didn't want you to look for me?" Jill asked.

  "They were all right with it, but I wouldn't say they were super happy. I think they had mixed feelings."

  "I can't blame them for that. They raised you."

  "And I love them very much," she reiterated. "I've just always wanted to know where I came from, who my parents are. What about my biological father?"

  Jill's eyes filled with guilt. "I wish I could say we were in love and that it was a long relationship, but the truth is that I went to a party and I drank too much, and I had sex with a guy in my class who I had a crush on, but I barely knew."

  "Not the greatest love story of all time," she murmured.

  "I really wasn't that slutty. I was just careless and stupid. It was actually my first time. I didn't have sex again for about six years after that."

  "Did he know about me?"

  "I never told him. That's the part my husband got really angry about. He thought the guy had had a right to know. He probably did, but I can't imagine he was in a position to take care of you, either. He was sixteen—same as me."

  "You don't want to tell me his name, do you?"