Dead World Rising (Book 1): Staying Human

by Petrova, Katerina

  'How's Frankie?' Asked Faye smiling.

  'She was asleep when I left, her breathing seems more normal now so I think she's on the mend,' I was glad of her asking, I'd never known such a caring young girl.

  'I'm sorry for being a dick to all of you,' I said apologetically looking at the floor.

  'Don't worry about it mate, I'd be the same if it was Faye in that state,' Finn replied looking at Faye affectionately.

  'I know but I'm still sorry, I shouldn't have treated you guys that way.'

  I sat with them for a while before going back to check on Frankie. I opened the door to Frankie's room to find her bed empty, she was nowhere to be seen. I felt the fear rise inside of me, the sweat dripped down my face. I pushed my hair out of my face, how could she have got out of here without anyone noticing? I felt dizzy and nervous, every bad thing I could think of was running through my mind.

  As I ran in the direction of the pub I tripped and fell over a stone, my face went smack into the road. As I tried to get to my feet I saw something coming towards me, I was too dizzy to really see what it was. It was as I got to my feet that I heard the familiar moaning of a dead head, I had my knife in my belt and struggled to get it out. I tried to stop it from biting me, but I barely had any strength left. I held it by the throat pushing it away from me, I grabbed my knife and shoved it as hard as I could into its head.

  Tamara came walking up, once she saw me she ran to my side to help me up.

  'What happened?' She exclaimed. I told her that I was looking for Frankie, she in turn told me that they hadn't found her. Tamara told me that she wanted to get me back and that I go straight to sleep. I wanted to argue but felt too weak, I let her practically carry me back. She left Frankie's room and locked it from the outside, curses I couldn't get out now. I lay down on the mattress, my mind was still racing, why would she leave the safety of the compound? Due to my lack of sleep and food it did not take long for to fall asleep, as the last image of Frankie passed in my mind I felt a wave of exhaustion take over me.

  Chapter 20

  Frankie

  I had to get away I just couldn't deal with it all any more, I had never told anyone but I suffered with a secret illness. I felt everything more extremely than others did, I often got overwhelmed with things and had to bail.

  Now I felt guilty poor Jensen had spent weeks by my bedside, we had used up all our drips on keeping me alive. It didn't seem fair that so many others had died when I had lived, I couldn't stop thinking about how Maggie should be here. Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought of her, she was so young so innocent. I wished I could change things, that I could go back in time and swap places with her. I fell to the floor sobbing, I pulled at my hair until there was a clump of it in my hands.

  Jensen had lost more than the rest of us, at least Finn had got his sister back while Jensen had lost his. I had been so ill that I wasn't even awake for Tom's funeral, I hated myself for being stupid enough to get stabbed. When my family needed me to be strong I had let them down in the biggest way possible, maybe they could forgive me but I wasn't sure I could forgive myself.

  I could picture Maggie's face in my mind, her bright green eyes so full of life her beautiful long ginger hair that she usually wore in braids. How is it that I got to be with our family and she had to be with worse people than Dave, I didn't even get to say goodbye.

  I screamed at the top of my voice, I just couldn't think logically my heart had well and truly over ruled my head. I pulled my dagger out of my jacket pocket and just stared at it. It would be so easy to end it all right now, I had killed enough people to know how to kill myself. I held it to my wrists and started to press the blade against my aching veins. How could I live like this? I fought so hard, lost so much and I had feelings for some one who wasn't Nikkita. I had betrayed her, we swore that we would find each other no matter what and I had given up. My mind just couldn't cope with it all, I didn't want to live like this.

  I slid the blade along my wrists and watched as the blood poured out, still crying I got up and hid in a nearby bush. I didn't want to be found, I couldn't let Jensen or Tamara see me like this. I smiled for a moment as I remembered the time we were in Esco before all this happened, it was such a simple thing we all did but it took away all the pain for a bit. We laughed and ran around like kids, seeing Jensen smile was like sunshine on a rainy day. I had not been able to get our kiss out of my mind since then, but I dared not speak to him about it. I had concealed my feelings, before Nikkita there was not a soul who had loved me and I doubted that there would be another who could.

  In the weeks before we left Jade's house Jensen was in so much pain over Maggie, I thought that my comfort did not help him. I was useless, I did nothing but live with the guilt that so many others had died to save me, even Jade's own husband had died to save me.

  I cried even harder thinking that I was letting everyone down, if they were with me now they would do everything in their power to convince me to carry on.

  How could I? The world had gone to crap, I was being unfaithful and somewhere along the way I had let the people I cared about down. I should have stopped Tom getting bitten, I should have been there for Maggie and Jade, more than anything I should have looked for Nikkita.

  I looked down at my bleeding wrists, another cut and it would be enough to finish me off. My blade was so sharp that a single cut had already made me feel dizzy, while I tried to use the last sane part of my brain to think of a way to live I didn't hear Faye come up behind me.

  She grabbed the knife out of my hand and gave me a hard slap across the face, she hit hard for a little girl. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

  'How can you do this? Don't you think we've lost way too much already, what about Tamara and Jensen don't you think they've been through enough?' She screamed at me.

  With no warning I threw up, she let me go and jumped out of reach. I felt so ill, I cried as I puked up into the bushes.

  'I'm sorry,' I wailed between bouts of vomiting.

  She came up behind me and held my sweaty, damp hair out of the way. She rubbed my back, it was then I realized that while she was only twelve she was old beyond her years. Finn may have protected her from walkers but he could not save her from the psychological damage this world inflicted on people. She held me once I'd emptied my stomach, I felt even worse now as the extra food I had eaten had gone to waste.

  It was some time later that my crying stopped and Faye looked less angry and more sympathetic, she took a thick bobble off her wrist and put my hair into a loose ponytail. She wiped the leftover tears from my red raw face, and pulled me up to look at my wrists. The blood had started to dry, she got a bandanna out of her pocket and tightly wrapped it round my wound. As we set off back to the base Faye told me what had happened in the last few weeks, some of the girls we had rescued couldn't cope and committed suicide. I was overwhelmed with sadness thinking of the innocent lives that had been lost, then again would I be able to live with having a child conceived of rape? Definitely not, it would be my worse nightmare.

  'Where have you been?' Shouted Tamara as she ran up to me looking worried.

  'Sorry, I went to visit Tom.'

  It was the only valid excuse I could come up with.

  'Well next time tell some one, Jensen went out of his mind looking for you. He's passed out in your room.'

  I could tell she was really worried about him. I left Faye and Tamara talking while I went to see Jensen, as I unlocked the door I could see him lying on my bed. He looked weak and pale, I felt even worse for having done this to him. I sat down next to him, he had spent so much time watching over me now it was my turn.

  It was morning when I opened my eyes, I hadn't been aware of even closing my eyes. Jensen was just starting to open his eyes, I held his hand and smiled at him.

  'Morning, here have some food,' I handed him a tin of beans that was on the floor.

  He sat up weakly and looked at me with relief, he reached out and held me clos
e.

  'Please don't leave like that again,' he almost cried.

  I told him what I had told Tamara, I didn't want anyone else to know about my moment of weakness. He gobbled up the food with such ferocity that I wondered when he had eaten last.

  'I'm sorry, I promise I won't do anything like that again,' I told him. He flung his arms around me, and just clung to me. I felt awful for making him worry, even worse for seeing how my disappearance had affected him. He pulled away and just looked at me for a moment, I wanted nothing more than to tell him how I felt but my nerves got the better of me.

  Chapter 21

  Finn

  I could not be more thrilled with having my sister back, even though she wasn't the same girl she was all those months ago. She still held on to her optimistic nature, she had not let the trauma ruin her like so many of the women. She was stronger, harder, but I could still see that she had retained all her loving qualities. Today we were all sat around trying figure out what our next move was going to be, it was clear that Frankie, Jensen and Tamara wanted to rescue their friends, and I had volunteered to help them. I knew all too well what pain they were living with, and wanted to return the favour for them rescuing my sister.

  'Does anyone have any idea's?' Frankie asked.

  'There's enough food here to last us a good while, same with the medical supplies. Though we do need backpacks to carry them all in, and preferably some form of transport,' I told them.

  'You're right, but pretty much all of the cars round here have been used or stripped of parts,' Cammi said calmly.

  'Hmm,' Frankie muttered.

  'What is it?' Tamara asked.

  'Going to Scotland is no doubt gonna be the hardest thing we've ever done, and I'm thinking if we shouldn't leave some of us here to hold down the fort,' she replied.

  'Don't we need all the manpower we can get though?' I inquired.

  'You're right in a way, but think about it, do you want your sister to be on the front lines when we fight those men?' Frankie, spoke gently.

  I looked at Faye for a moment who looked back at me with determination almost as if to say 'Don't even think of leaving me here.' 'No I don't, but what else can we do? Dave's group could come back and Nathaniel's lot are due back in less than a month, this place is still too near the cul-de-sac for anyone of us to stay safely.' I told them.

  'I have an idea,' Faye piped up.

  'What is it?' Asked Frankie softly.

  I had to give Frankie credit, she never treated anyone differently despite their age, if someone had an idea she would listen. 'I didn't want to say anything as we have enough going on, but I found another secret room in the cellar and inside it I found documents that our parents left.... and they might still be alive, they've been living in a lab in a place not to far from here called Holywell Green,' she spoke quietly, not looking at me. The room fell silent, I didn't know what to say. All these years I'd thought my parents were long dead, but now there was chance they could be not only alive but so close to where we were.

  'You want to go and find them, don't you?' I asked nervously.

  'Yes, and I think those who won't be useful in a fight should come with me,' she replied softly.

  'I think it's worth trying,' Frankie piped up.

  I smiled at my little sister to let her know that I wasn't angry about her not telling me sooner.

  'What do you think Finn?' Frankie asked, looking directly at me.

  'Honestly, I don't like the thought of you being away from me, I've only just got you back. But, if there's any chance our parents could be alive, you should go,' I said nervously.

  Faye smiled at me, I knew she was older than her years, but I also knew that she was a smart kid and I could trust her to be careful.

  'I'd like to volunteer to go with her,' Gail offered.

  'So would I,' Cammi piped up.

  'Alright, is everyone else in agreement?' Frankie asked. Everyone else nodded and agreed. I felt nervous about being away from my baby sister, but I couldn't wrap her up in cotton wool, she has to find her own path.

  After a few more hours of talking, we decided that we needed maps, backpacks and hopefully some form of transport. Frankie, Jensen, Tamara and I would go into Holmfirth while Cammi, Jillian, Gail, Faye and Izzy would scout the area around the summer house to see what they could find. We were going to set off tomorrow morning, Frankie warned Faye and the others that we might be gone a few days and to only come look for us if we were gone more than four days. It wasn't that Holmfirth was far away, but rather than keep going and coming back with stuff we would make a base at the old chippy and leave our stuff there until we had what we needed. I noticed how quiet Izzy had been through all of the discussions, I'd thought that her losing Hayley was far tougher on her than she was letting on. Izzy didn't really speak much to anyone but nodded in agreement when we put forward the plan, I didn't know how good she would be in fight I thought she could hold her own. I fell asleep thinking about my parents, I didn't want to give myself too much hope on finding them alive though I couldn't help but try to picture them. As I fell into a deep sleep, I dreamt about my parents.

  I was three years old. I heard the front door unlock and came running downstairs, my babysitter Amy was sat on the new cream sofa my parents had bought the week before. We had not long moved into the house in Mossley, everything was new. My mother loved pastel colours, our living room was pale pink with a flowery border going round the whole room. The new black albeit overly large television stood on large wooden stand in the corner of the room, I remembered watching my favourite cartoons on it. The carpet was cream in colour, thick and plush, it felt soft on my feet.

  It didn't feel like I was in a dream, it was all too real. I saw my beautiful mother, she was tall like I was now with the same pale blonde hair as me and Faye. Her sparkling blue eyes were lit with joy and wonder as she walked through the door, I looked up at my father who was a very tall man. His dark reddish brown hair was cut short, I remembered how he used to complain if it got too long. His pale skin glistened in the moonlight, I knew I should have been in bed but I was filled with too much excitement to be able to sleep.

  'Where's the baby?' I squealed happily.

  My parents looked at each other, smiled and then laughed.

  'Come into the living room, and we'll show you,' my mother said happily.

  'Yay!' I squeaked as I ran into the living room.

  In my dream I wasn't in the mind of my three year old self, but I was watching almost as if I were a ghost.

  I plonked down on the sofa smiling brightly as I held out my arms to the baby, my mum sat next to me and gently put her in my arms.

  'What is it?' I asked, not knowing if it was a girl or boy. My parents and Amy laughed once more, I never realised that I was such an inquisitive child.

  'It's a girl,' my dad said kindly. I looked down at her little face, she kinda looked like an old man all wrinkly and bald. She cooed as I rocked her, as I looked at my little self I felt such an overwhelming sense of love for my little sister. I had always remembered this memory clear as day, but to see it so vividly was enough to bring a tear to my eye.

  'What's she called?' My little self asked.

  'We haven't decided on a name yet,' my mum said. I didn't remember the part that came next, but my little self looked at Faye with such love and affection that it made my heart swell. All the years I'd looked after her, both before and after the outbreak, were not out of duty but out of love for my little sister.

  'Can we call her Faye?' I asked, smiling.

  My parents looked at each other, Amy just smiled. It was then that my older self remembered, Faye was the name of my favourite aunt who'd died shortly before my sister was born.

  'After my sister? I think that would be a wonderful idea,' my mum replied tearfully.

  How could I have forgotten my favourite aunt? I knew the answer, she died when I was three and my actual memory of that time was foggy at best.

  'Hiya Fay
e,' my little self said happily.

  From that moment on, I doted on Faye. We spent ever moment together, when I went off to school she would cry in Amy's arms until I returned home. I woke the next morning having remembered my dream, there was a single tear in my eye as I got out of bed. I couldn't help but smile though, she would always be my baby sister but I saw that now she had her own mission to go on. I would worry about her frantically, but I knew deep down that she could take care of herself. If there was any hope of finding our parents alive, then I had to let her go. I knew Faye would be one of those who made it through this world, despite what she had been through she was still my sweet sister. I had to give her the space and trust in order for her to become the amazing woman I knew she would one day be.

  Chapter 22

  Frankie

  It wasn't far into Holmfirth but with the rain pouring and the wind howling it was making the walk increasingly difficult, as we followed the path Gail had told us to we saw no biters or any other forms of life. We'd left a little later than planned, as we'd waited to see if the rain would stop. After a few hours it became apparent that the rain wasn't going to ease up, so me, Tamara, Jensen and Finn set off.

  In the time since the remainder of our family had been taken to Scotland, I'd thought long and hard about my feelings for Jensen. I still could not make sense of them really, I'd accepted that Nikkita was most likely dead and that she'd want me to be happy. I had no doubt that Jensen would be good to me, but I didn't know if I could risk getting that close with anyone. What if I confessed my feelings, but he died? Or what if he didn't feel the same? I shook my head at that thought, while my family loved me it had been Jensen who'd sat by my bedside all that time. What if I was setting myself up for disappointment by revealing my true feelings?

  I sighed quietly, we had other matters to attend to right now. I couldn't afford to be distracted by such things, we all walked in silence for most of the way. The rain was becoming worse and before long we were all drenched.