Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  I smiled at him, but I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what I should even say to that comment.

  “I wish we could go back to that night,” he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “I would do everything so differently.”

  “I wish we could too,” I breathed out, my eyes not leaving his.

  Evan stared at me for a moment, as the atmosphere suddenly changed between us. As he stared at me, as his pupils dilated, and his breathing changed ever so slightly.

  Is he actually going to kiss me? I thought to myself, as I held my breath.

  He began to inch closer to me, and I closed my eyes as my heart hammered so fast in my chest, I was sure it was going to burst free from my chest. This was really going to happen.

  “Cassie! Evan!” Dad’s voice came through the door as he knocked on the door. Sending Evan jumping back from me, almost like he’d been struck by lightning. He was up off the bed before I even had time to draw breath. “I’m going to order some pizza. Do you guys want some?”

  “Eh, yeah,” I reply pushing myself up from the bed too. “Sure. Thanks, Dad.”

  “I’ll order it now,” he said, before he hurried back down the hallway, heading for the stairs.

  Suddenly I felt very self-conscious being alone in the room with Evan. I turned and gave him a nervous smile, unsure of what had just almost happened between us.

  “I feel a little icky,” I said, having no clue what else to say right at that moment. “I think I will freshen up really quickly before the pizza comes. I might change into something a little more comfortable.”

  “Okay then,” Evan nodded, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but right here at that exact moment. “I’ll head down and give you… eh… some privacy.”

  “Thanks,” I replied, realising he was probably just as confused as I was feeling right at that moment.

  He stared at me again, still looking a little uncertain.

  “Okay then,” he repeated as he moved awkwardly towards the door. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

  I smiled but I didn’t reply. Instead, I just stood there and watched him disappear out through the bedroom door.

  When I was finally alone, I walked to the bed and sat on the edge before I flopped backwards onto it. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to process what had just happened.

  Was Evan about to kiss me?

  I had no idea.

  I close my eyes and let out a long, frustrated sigh before I pushed up from the bed, heading straight towards the bathroom to freshen up before I had to go down and face Evan once more.

  Chapter 11

  Cassie

  I stood and looked in the mirror, checking my hair and summer dress for the hundredth time. In my heart I knew this wasn’t really a date, but still deep down inside I wanted to look perfect. I was beyond nervous about the day ahead.

  After our moment in my room the night before, Evan had tried to keep things light and easy between us as we sat and watched a movie together after pizza with my dad, but deep down inside, I knew that something had changed between us.

  I thought about the last time I dressed up to go on a date. It was the night I went out with Danny, the same night I ended up in the emergency room.

  I remembered how nervous I’d felt that night and how Flick was there to help me get through it. Part of me wished she was there with me right now. I missed her more than I ever imagined I would since she went back to Georgia, but tonight I would have given anything to have her right there in my room.

  I’d talked to her several times on facetime since she headed home, but it wasn’t the same as having her actually here with me.

  The last time I talked to her, she had told me all about her summer job and the new boy she was dating. How she was already dreading having to leave him to go back to L.A. in the fall for our final year. I laughed to myself, knowing that it was typical Flick to fall in love, fast and hard with a guy she hardly even knew.

  I forced a smile on my face when she said that at least leaving him meant she was coming back to be with me, and that I was her best friend in the world, but deep down inside I felt sad. I still hadn’t found the courage to tell her that it was unlikely I would be returning to UCLA in the fall as I would still be going through chemotherapy. The doctors didn’t think that the pressure of college and exams would be a good idea while I was still undergoing treatment. They suggested that I defer my MBA for a year. That it would give me the time and space I needed to focus on just getting over this disease and getting back on my feet.

  Then I thought about Evan and wondered what his plans for the future would be. I knew that he’d turned down the internship to be with me while I was going through chemo, but I knew deep down he couldn’t keep putting off making plans for the future forever.

  I thought about the argument he’d had with his father the day before. He wanted him to start thinking about his future, and I knew in some ways Tim was right. As much as I hated the thought of Evan not being there whenever I needed him, I knew that at some point, he would have to start thinking about what his next move should be for his future.

  I also couldn’t help but wonder if I would have a part in that future, and just what my part would be.

  Finally, I thought about the kiss we almost had the night before. I smiled to myself as I remembered how he looked at me right before my dad had knocked on the door, interrupting us. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would try to kiss me again.

  I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like to kiss Evan. It was something I had imagined many times over the years. I used to dream about him coming to look for me. In my dream, he would come and tell me how much he loved me, and he couldn’t live his life anymore without having me in it.

  It was a stupid dream, but one I had held onto for the longest time. Now I was back in his life, I wondered if that dream would ever come a reality.

  “Cass,” Dad said suddenly from the doorway, startling me. “Sorry, I knocked, but there was no answer. You were miles away.”

  “It’s okay,” I smiled as I turned to face him. Then, giving him a quick twirl, I asked. “How do I look?”

  “You look beautiful,” he said with a smile as he stepped further into the room. “Are you ready to go?”

  “I guess I am,” I replied, giving him a smile as I walked to him and kissed him on the cheek. As I stepped back, I notice a look in his eyes, something that he wasn’t saying. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed, then shrugged. “I was just wondering if maybe going to the beach was such a good idea? You’ve just finished your first round of chemo. Maybe you should wait a day or two. The doctor did say you should be taking things easy.”

  “Dad,” I sighed as I walked to the bed and sat down. “I’m going to the beach to sit in the sun and stare out over the ocean. Nothing more, I promise.”

  “So, you’re not going to go surfing once you get there?” Dad asked, giving me a knowing look. “I saw Evan loading his surfboard onto the back of his jeep.”

  “And?” I asked, giving him a questioning look. “Just because Evan is going surfing, doesn’t mean I am.”

  “Cass, I know you.” Dad said as he walked to the bed and sat down next to me. “And I know how much you loved being out there on the sea; the wind in your hair as you pushed up on your board…”

  “That was a long time ago, Dad,” I sighed, giving him a sad smile. “A lot has changed since then.”

  “And some things haven’t,” he replied, but this time I knew he wasn’t talking about surfing. “You still have feelings for Evan, don’t you?”

  “Evan and I are just friends,” I replied, not answering his question directly. “You know that, Dad.”

  “Cass, this is me you’re talking to,” Dad sighed as he gave me a knowing smile. “I’ve known you were in love with that boy since you were fourteen years old. I just don’t want to see you getting hurt. Not again.”

  “Nobody is going to get hurt, Dad,” I
assured him. “Evan and I are just friends, nothing more. But I’m a big girl now. I know what I’m doing.”

  “As long as you’re sure,” he sighed as he leaned forward, softly kissing my forehead. “But for the record, you’ll always be my little girl. No matter how grown up you think you are. I love you, Cassidy.”

  “Love you too, Daddy,” I replied, kissing him on the cheek.

  “Where is everybody?” Evan’s voice suddenly echoed through the house, and instantly my face lit up.

  “Yeah!” Dad claimed with a worried smile as he walked towards the door. “Sure, you two are only friends.”

  Grabbing my bag from the bed, I sighed as I followed my dad to the door of my room, then down the stairs. As we reached the bottom, Evan appeared from the living room, looking so handsome, I almost forgot to breathe.

  He was wearing a crisp, white t-shirt that showed off his summer tan perfectly; a pair of navy shorts, and brand-new white trainers, that finishes off his outfit perfectly. His chestnut coloured hair was still damp from the shower, and even from where I stood on the stairs, I could smell his aftershave. A scent that always made my stomach tense with longing.

  I looked down at my white summer dress and purple sneakers, and I wished I’d made more of an effort when I was getting ready for our, whatever this was.

  “You look…” I said as I made my way down the last few steps, pausing to think of the right word. “You look very handsome.”

  “Why thank you, Princess Cassie,” Evan replied with a broad smile. “And may I say you look very pretty in your dress, and of course, the purple sneakers.”

  “Of course,” I smiled as my face flushed with embarrassment. I wished more than anything, right at that moment, my dad wasn’t standing there too.

  “Is that your bag?” Evan asked, looking almost nervous as he walked towards me and reached out for the bag. “Let me take it and put it in the car for you.”

  “Thank you,” I said with a big smile as I handed him the bag.

  “Mom packed a picnic for us, which I have in the car too” Evan explained, his eyes meeting mine for the first time. “And a blanket for the sand, and one just in case you get cold. You know what Mom’s like. Anyway, we’re all set.”

  “Great,” I said, having no clue what else I should say.

  “Then let’s get this show on the road,” Evan said as he turned and headed for the door. “I’ll have her home before midnight, Will, or at least before my jeep turns into a pumpkin.”

  Evan disappeared out the door and down the front steps of my dad’s house.

  “Just friends,” Dad muttered under his breath, as I kissed his cheek.

  “Bye, Dad,” I sighed as I followed Evan out the door, down the porch steps, then down to his jeep, which was parked behind my dad’s car.

  “Your chariot awaits,” Evan said, as he pulled open the door of the jeep, then gave me a theatrical bow. I realised right then that Evan was just as nervous as I was but was overcompensating with humour to try and seem less nervous.

  “Thank you,” I chuckled before I climbed into the passenger seat. Evan closed the door behind me, before he hurried around to the driver’s side. Moments later, we were pulling out of the driveway, heading off on our journey.

  As we drove, neither of us talked for what felt like forever. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through Evan’s mind at that exact moment.

  He finally glanced over at me and gave me a smile, before he returned his focus back to the road.

  “Want to turn on some music?” Evan asked, without taking his eyes off the road.

  “Ugh,” I groaned, knowing that Evan’s taste in music was questionable at best. “I’m almost afraid to ask what you have in the player.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Evan laughed, clearly realising I hadn’t forgotten about his God-awful taste in music. “I listen to the best music. You just don’t know good music if it bit you on the ass.”

  “If you say so,” I laughed out loud, knowing he was talking out of his ass now.

  “Well, I think you’ll like this one,” he said as he reached out and turned on the sound system in his car. I waited for a moment, having no clue what song was about to begin.

  Suddenly the sound of Olly Murs, ‘Troublemaker,’ filled the car, and instantly the biggest smile filled my face. This song was both of our favourite song the last summer we’d spent together. We nearly drove my dad crazy playing it, over and over again.

  “OH MY, GOD!” I squealed when I heard the song. “I haven’t heard this in forever. We used to love this song. I can’t believe you remembered it.”

  “Of course, I remember,” Evan said, glancing over at me, giving me a warm smile. “I remember everything.”

  I looked at Evan, and I knew right in that moment, I have never loved him more than I loved him right at that moment. I didn’t know why, but suddenly I wanted to cry.

  Trying to hide my true feelings, I reached for the volume on the sound system in the car and turned the music up as loud as I could.

  As we drove, we both sang along at the top of our voices, and it felt so awesome. Just like old times. As we travelled, I was able to forget about the past and about the fact that I was sick. For just a few minutes, we were just Cassie and Evan once again, and it felt amazing.

  As the song ended, another song from our formative years began, then another one, and another one.

  Before we knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot that was next to the beach. And it was like I had just stepped back in time.

  When Evan and I stopped talking to each other, coming here was no longer an option for me. It hurt too much to do anything that reminded me of him. So, I refused to go anywhere or do anything that I had once done with Evan.

  Now, as I climbed out of the car, I walked to the front and looked out over the sea where Evan had taught me how to surf, and the beach where we had spent so many hours, making so many memories. Memories that would last me a lifetime.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked, as he appeared next to me.

  “Yeah,” I replied with a big smile, but for some reason tears pooled in my eyes once more. “I… I just forget how much I loved this place. How much I loved coming here with you.”

  “But you’ve been back here since…right?” He asked, as I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t turn to face him. Not right away. I knew if I did, I would cry, and crying was the last thing I wanted to do right at that moment.

  “No,” I shook my head as I took a deep breath, then finally turned to look at him. “I never came back.”

  “But you loved it here,” he said, and I could tell he was a little thrown by my reply. “You loved to surf.”

  “I loved to do it when I was here with you,” I explained, giving him a sad smile. “After we, well you know. I didn’t want to come back here. It just didn’t feel the same. Nothing did without you.”

  “Cass,” he said, as he stepped closer to me, and once more I could smell his aftershave and my heart began to race in my chest. “I’m so sorry for everything that I put you through.”

  “You didn’t put me through anything,” I replied, smiling as I blinked back my tears that were now burning my eyes. “I did it to myself.”

  “But if I’d have pushed harder back then,” he sighed. “Made you talk to me. Made you see that there was no one in the world that meant more to me than you…”

  I leaned forward, and softly pressed my lips to his, stopping him mid-sentence. I let my lips linger against his for a few moments before I pulled back slow and smiled when I saw the look of surprise on his face.

  “You did when it mattered most,” I whispered as I gave him another smile. “And if this thing is too hard for me to beat. Then at least I can be happy that I get to spend the rest of my life, however long that time is, with my best friend.”

  I smiled at him once more, before I turned and hurried back to the jeep.

  “Now, hurry up!” I called over my shoul
der. “I’ve waited long enough for this. I want to get back out there on the waves.”

  “You’re going to go surfing?” Evan exclaimed as he hurried back to the jeep too. “But you’re not strong enough. I don’t think that this is such a good idea.”

  “Evan, you really need to lighten up,” I laughed as I pulled my bag from the back of the jeep. “You’re starting to sound like my dad. I know you don’t like when I say this, but this time I mean it. I’m not dead yet, so please, stop acting like I am.”

  I threw my bag over my shoulder then grabbed the blanket from the backseat, before I turned and headed down onto the white sand. I stopped and kicked off my sneakers, then picked them up before I hurried further down onto the beach.

  As I hurried along the hot sand, I realised that for the first time in forever, I finally felt like myself again. I stopped and dropped my bag, shoes and the blanket on the sand, before I reached down and pulled my summer dress over my head.

  Beneath it, I was wearing a pale purple bikini that I knew left little to the imagination.

  I glanced back over my shoulder and smiled to myself when I saw the look on Evan’s face. He was making his way down the beach with his bag in one hand and his surfboard under the other arm.

  The moment he looked up and saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks.

  I couldn’t help but giggle to myself before I turned back and continued down the beach, running straight into the surf.

  The cold water caught my breath for a moment, but it felt good on my skin, reminding me once more that I was still alive. I dove beneath the waves, then letting the water wash over my entire body, setting every nerve in my body on fire.

  As I came up out of the water, I spotted Evan still standing on the shore, watching me closely. I gave him a bright smile and beckoned him into the water.

  I didn’t know what the rest of this day would bring, but it was already shaping up to be one of the best days of my life.

  Chapter 12

  Evan