Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  “Fine!” He exclaimed with a deep sigh. “But if I tell you, you have to promise that you can’t freak out.”

  “Okay,” I agreed as I turned back to look at him.

  “You remember that my grandpa was a huge baseball card collector,” Evan explained with a sigh. “Well, when he died, he left most of his cards to my dad, the rest he left to me and my brothers. We got five each.”

  “You sold your grandpa’s cards?” I asked, feeling so guilty that he had to do this.

  “Just one of them,” he assured me. “I still have four others.”

  “But your grandpa left them to you to have something of his,” I said, feeling sad he lost something important to him like that.

  “He left them to us so if we ever needed something for a rainy day, we would have them,” Evan explained. “If these last few months don’t qualify as a rainy day, then what does.”

  I stared at him for a moment, thinking how I had never loved him more than I did right at that moment.

  “I love you, Evan,” I said, reaching up, softly touching his face. “I hope you know that.”

  “I do,” he replied, taking hold of my hand, bringing it to his lips. “But not nearly as much as I love you. Now, lie down, and get some sleep young lady.

  “Yes sir,” I laughed as I did what I was told. As Evan lay down next to me, he quickly wrapped me in his arms, pulling me closer to him. “Goodnight, Evan.”

  “Goodnight Cassie,” Evan replied. “Sweet dreams.”

  Chapter 22

  Evan

  We sat on the decking at the back of the house, watching as the sun was setting over the ocean. We’d had an amazing day, but now I knew Cassie was tired. As we sat on the large deck sofa, Cassie rested her head on my lap.

  “I’m scared,” she whispered to me.

  “There is nothing to be afraid of,” I smiled but inside my heart broke. The truth was I was scared too. I couldn’t imagine living in a world that didn’t have Cassie in it. Even during the time that we went our separate ways, I always knew in my heart, we would find each other again. How was I ever going to say goodbye to her, but I needed to be brave. I needed to be brave for her. “I’m right here with you. I will not let you go alone.”

  “This isn’t how our story was supposed to end,” she said as unshed tears glistened in her eyes. “We were supposed to live happily ever after.”

  “We will live happily ever after,” I said as my voice cracked as I fought to hold back my emotions. “Because I will never let you go, Cass. Everywhere I go and everything I do, for the rest of my life, you will be with me in my heart.”

  “Tell me about our future,” Cassie breathed out softly and smiled. I looked down at her head on my lap and swallowed the lump that was almost choking me.

  “We will get married on a warm Saturday afternoon in June,” I begin and was instantly rewarded with a contented smiled as she closed her eyes, “You will be dressed in a simple white dress, with flowers in your hair, because you don’t need any fancy sparkles to make you shine. Everyone will say that there has never been a bride more beautiful and that I am a lucky man to marry my best friend.”

  “Will I cry?” she whispered softly.

  “You will,” I replied with a smile. “You will cry tears of joy when the minister tells me I can kiss my bride. Once I kiss you, I will wipe away your tears, and I will carry you out of the church.”

  “Where will we live?” She asked but this time her voice was weaker, and I knew she was getting tired. Still I continued.

  “We will live in a white house on the beach,” I told her. “Complete with white picket fences, and a swing on the back porch, so you can sit there and watch our kids play in the sand.”

  “How many will there be?” Cassie asked, and I smiled because I knew that would be her next question.

  “Two boys and a girl,” I replied knowing that would be her answer too. “The eldest will be a boy. Will, called after his grandfather, then twins. Grace and Jack. Grace will look just like you when you were little. Blonde curly hair, and the prettiest emerald eyes anyone has ever seen.”

  “Will we be happy, Evan?” She asked as the smile faded from her face a little.

  “We will,” I replied as tears filled my eyes. “I will tell you every day for the rest of my life, that I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. We will sit side by side on the swing, and watch the kids, and then our grandkids grow up. We will laugh every day, even on days we feel like crying because we will know there is no one else in the world that loves each other as much as we do.”

  She turned and looked up and me, and I could feel my heart break.

  “Promise me you will be happy,” she said as she reached up and wiped the tears that where now trickling down my face. “Promise me you will get married and you will have lots of babies. Promise me you will live the life we should have lived together. Live it for us both.”

  “I promise,” I cried softly pulling her closer to me. “I promise no matter what the future holds, I will be happy. I will be happy because I have been so lucky to have had someone as perfect as you in my life. I love you, Cassie.”

  “I love you too, Evan,” she whispered weakly. I kissed the side of her head and closed my eyes. I wanted to plead with her to fight, to not give up, to not leave me, but I just silently cried instead.

  I reached for her hand and it felt cold.

  “Cassie, we should go back inside,” I whispered as I kissed the side of her head again. “You’re getting cold.”

  I waited for her to reply, but none came.

  “Cassie,” I repeated, but in my heart, I already knew she was gone. “Cass, please answer me.”

  No answer came.

  “Oh God,” I sobbed quietly as I held her lifeless body in my arms. “Please don’t do this now. Please Cass, please don’t leave me, not yet.”

  “Evan!” I heard her voice in my mind. “EVAN!”

  I opened my eyes and released a sharp breath when I saw Cassie, staring down at me. Instantly I sprung up in the bed and wrapped my arms around her tightly.

  “You were crying in your sleep,” she gasped, as I held her so tightly, she could barely breathe. “Are you okay?”

  “I… I am now,” I replied, unable to hold back the tears that were now streaming down my face.

  “Whatever it was,” she said as she too wrapped her arms around me. “Was just a bad dream. You’re okay, Evan, I’ve got you.”

  I held her tightly, as I sobbed like a baby, my tears were a mixture of heartbreak and relief.

  “Evan,” She said, her voice now filled with concern. “What is it? What has upset you so much?”

  “I just love you so much, Cass,” I said releasing her just enough so I could look down into her eyes. “If I lost you…”

  “You’re not going to lose me,” she replied, giving me a broad smile as tears now danced in her eyes too. “I promise, I’m not going to let this cancer beat me. I will do whatever it takes.”

  “Do you really mean that?” I asked, as I turned to switch on the light on the nightstand, before I turned back to face her.

  “Of course, I do,” she replied, giving me a surprised look. “I refuse to let this disease win.”

  “Then, if you really mean that,” I said, giving her a nervous look. “You’ll let your dad contact your mom. Cass, she could be your best chance to beat this.”

  “No, she’s not,” Cassie said, her face dropping as she pulled away from me. “And I don’t need her.”

  “Yes, you do, Cass!” I exclaimed, wishing that she could just get past the fact her mother had hurt her so badly when she was a kid, and think logically for once. This might be the best chance she has, but she was so hurt by her mother, she couldn’t see past that pain.

  “No, I don’t!” She exclaimed angrily, before she turned and climbed up from the bed. “And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Okay!”

  Before I could answer, she hurried across the room a
nd out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

  “FUCK!” I hissed as I flopped back down on the bed. I knew I needed to go after her, I just didn’t know what I was going to say once I did.

  Releasing a long, frustrated sigh, I pushed up from the bed and headed for the door too.

  “CASS!” I called out as I headed for the stairs, hurrying down them in search of Cassie. I stopped at the bottom, and listening for a moment, but there wasn’t a sound to be heard, so I had no clue where she was. I walked towards the living room, thinking that maybe she’d headed towards the piano. I knew it was something she seemed to find comfort in, but she wasn’t there.

  I figured the only other place she could be was out on the decking, overlooking the sea.

  As I walked towards the door, I could see her through the glass, leaning on the balcony rail, staring out into the night.

  I walked to the door and slowly opened it, but she didn’t even react, much less turn around.

  “Cass,” I said as I walked up behind her, but still she didn’t turn to face me. “I know you don’t want to see her. I know you’re angry and you’re hurt, and you have every reason to be. But you can’t throw away the best chance you have just to punish her for being a crappy mom.”

  “I’m not,” she sighed, and I knew she was upset.

  “You are,” I said, this time my voice was softer. I knew I needed to handle this carefully.

  I took a step closer to her, but she still didn’t turn back to look at me.

  “Cassie,” I began knowing that what I said next would either get through to her, or it’d make her shut down for good. “I know it sucked when your mom left. I know when she did, she took a huge part of you with her. She changed the person you were meant to be.”

  I stopped for a moment, trying not to overload her with too much information at once.

  “But maybe she isn’t the horrible mother you think she is,” I said, knowing this was a gamble. “Did you know that when her parents found out she was pregnant with you, they wanted her to have a termination, but she refused. She just couldn’t do it. So, they kicked her out. She was nineteen and pregnant, without her family there to help her. Can you imagine how scared she was? How overwhelmed she must have felt?”

  “My dad was alone too,” Cassie sighed, but I could hear the anger in her voice was gone. “But he didn’t walk away.”

  “Cassie,” I continued. “Your dad told me that your mom tried so hard to be a good mother. She loved you so much, but she didn’t think she was good enough, she thought you would have been better off without her. That’s why she left. Not because she didn’t love you, she left because she thought you would be better off without her.”

  “My dad said that?” Cassie asked as she turned to look at me.

  “He did,” I confirmed, giving her a sad smile. “Look, I’m not saying she was right for leaving. I’m not even saying that you should let her back into your life. But if she can do this, then why not give her the chance. It will give you the best chance of a future. And who knows, maybe down the road you will want to get to know her, or even just ask her why she left. But if you’re not here, you’ll never be able to do that.”

  “I’m scared that if I let her do this,” Cassie admitted as tears trickled down her face. “If I let her back into my life. I will be a disappointment to her, and she will leave again. I wouldn’t survive her rejecting me again.”

  “Why the hell would she be disappointed?” I asked, giving her a broad smile. “Do you know how amazing you are? You’re the sweetest, bravest, most amazing person I know. Besides, you’re not a little girl anymore, and neither is she.”

  “So,” Cassie whispered as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “You think I should contact her?”

  “Of course, I do!” I laughed as I stepped closer to her. “She could save your life. Give us the future we deserve to have.”

  “Then I guess I will let my dad call her,” Cassie said as she looked into my eyes. “I can’t do it myself. If she said no to helping me, then I would rather my dad tell me, than hear it from her.”

  “I think that’s probably a good idea,” I said, wrapping my arms around her. “But I want you to know that no matter what happens, you’ll have me. I will never leave you, Cass. I give you my word.”

  “I know you won’t,” she said, giving me a broad smile, before she leaned up and kissed me softly on the lips. “Now, are you going to take me back to bed?”

  “I am,” I replied, giving her a broad smile. “But you’re going to sleep, young lady.”

  “You’re no fun,” she groaned, then squealed as I scooped her up into my arms and headed back into the house.

  The rest of the weekend passed by all too quickly. It didn’t matter how much time I spent with Cassie, it never seemed to be enough.

  Early on Sunday morning, I packed away our bags into the car, then went to look for Cassie. I headed through the house, out to the back decking where I spotted her sitting down on the sand, watching the waves crash onto the shore as the tide was coming in.

  I could have stood and watched her sitting there, all day. She was beyond beautiful in her white summer dress and her pink and white head scarf that was blowing in the wind. I loved this girl more than I thought it was possible to ever love another human being.

  I smiled to myself as I headed down the steps to the sand.

  “I think you must have been a mermaid in another life,” I said with a chuckle as I reached where she was sitting on the beach and sat down next to her. “I have never met anyone more in love with the ocean.”

  “How can you not be?” She asked, glancing at me, giving me a quick smile, before she turned back to the water. “It makes everything else seem so small and unimportant. Imagine just climbing into a boat and sailing away.”

  “Leaving all your worries behind,” I added, knowing what she was worried most about at that moment.

  After Cassie had agreed to ask her mother for help, we called her father first thing the next morning. I figured it was the right thing to do before she had time to overthink things and change her mind about her mother.

  When we told Will she was willing to let her mother help, he cried, but they were tears of relief. He assured her that he would make the call, and that Cassie didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t completely comfortable with.

  “You’re afraid your mother will be waiting for you when you get back home,” I sighed, reaching for her had. “Aren’t you?”

  “You know my dad,” Cassie sighed. “He will think he’s doing the right thing, but he won’t stop to think if he should first.”

  “Well,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Whatever happens, I will be right there with you.”

  “Thank you,” she said, as she glanced at me again, giving me a big smile, before she turned back to the ocean once more. “I wonder when I will get to come back here again. Even if the transplant takes, it could be months before I will be well enough to come back here.”

  “I promise,” I said looking out at the ocean too. “I will bring you back once you’re well enough.”

  “But then what?” She asked surprising me. “You’ll be going back to San Francisco next summer; I don’t even know if I will be able to go back to college yet.”

  “Actually, I was thinking about that,” I said, knowing that now was as good as time as any to tell Cassie what has been on my mind for the longest time.

  The truth was, I thought about nothing else the last few weeks. When all this was over, when she was well enough to get back to her life, what would happen to us?

  “Oh,” Cassie said, giving me a worried look. “And what were you thinking about?”

  “Well, I was wondering if maybe you could transfer colleges,” I said, not really sure how she would react to that idea. “I mean, all your friends will be finished at the end of this year, so you won’t know anyone there. And San Francisco has some really good schools, and of course, it woul
d have me.”

  “You… you want me to come to San Francisco with you?” She asked, giving me a look that was completely unreadable.

  “Well, yeah,” I replied, giving her worried look. “Or, you know, I could come to L.A. All I know is, I don’t want to lose you again, Cass, so I will do whatever it takes to stay in your life.”

  “You really mean that?” She asked, giving me a hopeful smile.

  “Of course, I do,” I laughed. “Cass, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Hell, I would marry you tomorrow if I thought you would say yes.”

  “You want to marry me?” She asked, looking completely stunned.

  “Cassie,” I said, giving her a smile. “I am going to marry you.”

  “Are you now?” She replied, giving me a smile that almost stopped my heart.

  “I am,” I replied with a nod, as suddenly a crazy idea popped into my head. “Actually, I’ve just had the most amazing idea ever.”

  “Go on,” she replied, still smiling at me.

  “Okay, hear me out,” I said, taking a deep breath before I continued. “What would you say to us getting married right here on the beach?”

  “You want to marry me on this beach?” She asked, looking surprised by my suggestion.

  “Think about it,” I said, as excitement suddenly rushing through my whole body. “You love this place, and I love you. When you’re well enough, we’ll come back here with our family and friends, and we can get married right here on the sand. It would be perfect.”

  “It would,” she replied, giving me the biggest smile. “It would be amazing.”

  “So, is that a yes?” I asked, giving her a questioning look as my heart hammered in my chest.

  “Are… are you being serious right now?” She asked, once more giving me a stunned look.

  I smiled at her before I climbed up to stand, then turned to her dropping down to my knee.

  “Cassidy North,” I began, giving her the biggest smile ever. “You are my best friend, and the love of my life. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. It’s always been you and me, even when it wasn’t. Even when I lost you, you never left my heart. Would you do me the greatest honour in the world and agree to be my wife?”