Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  “But we don’t want anyone to know just yet, Mom,” Evan said, giving his mother a big smile as she hugged us again.

  “Your secret is safe with me,” Clare said as she turned to me, and gave me the biggest smile in the world. “You’re going to be a Miller now too. You’ll officially be my daughter.”

  “I know,” I laughed as she hugged me once more. “I can’t wait.”

  “Well, right now,” Evan said, once more being the voice of reason. “We have to go back to Will’s house. He asked if you and Dad wanted to come over, He’s going to have a barbeque before Cassie has to head back to the hospital.”

  “We would love to,” Clare said, hugging us both once more. “And I promise, I will keep your secret. I’ll go let Tim know. Oh my, God, you’re getting married!”

  With one last smile, she turned and hurried back out of the kitchen.

  “I guess we should go back,” I said, giving Evan a worried smile.

  “I guess we should,” Evan replied, holding out his hand to me. “Please try not to worry, everything will be okay. She actually seems really nice.”

  “I hope so,” I sighed, before I let him lead me back to my dad’s house.

  Chapter 24

  Evan

  “I can’t believe I’m back here,” Cassie sighed as she pulled the covers up over herself in the hospital bed. I knew she wasn’t thrilled about being back at the hospital, but still she was smiling, and it was lovely to see.

  As promised, I had her back at the hospital by six o’clock, ready for her treatment to start the next day.

  “The weekend went by far too quickly,” she continued as she fixed her pillows behind her. “I wish we could do it all again.”

  “You’ll be home before you know it, Cass,” I assured her as I set her bag into the wardrobe in her room, then walked back and sat on the edge of her bed. “In the meantime, I will be here with you with my sparking personality and my dazzling wit.”

  Cassie rolled her eyes and flopped back down on the bed as she laughed out loud.

  “Well I’m glad to see the weekend pass helped cheer you up,” Doctor Altman said with a smile, as he suddenly walked into the room.

  “It sure did,” Cassie replied with a bright smile as she sat up in bed to greet the doctor. “Do you want to hear a secret?”

  “Of course,” he replied with a smile as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I love a good secret.”

  “Evan and I are going to get married once I get back out of here,” she whispered, giving him the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. I loved how happy she seemed, even though she was about to start this horrible treatment.

  “Oh, wow!” He exclaimed, looking genuinely happy for us both. “Congratulations!”

  “I thought you wanted to keep that a secret?” I laughed as I gave her a questioning look.

  “I do,” she replied, smiling once more, before she added. “But I need the doctor here to know I have big plans when I am done here, so he needs to make me better, and more importantly, keeping me alive.”

  “I promise,” Doctor Altman assured her as he reached out and took hold of her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I will do my very best to kick this cancers butt. I just need you to do your part too. You have to keep fighting, Cassie. I need you to promise that no matter how hard this gets; you can’t give up.”

  “I give you my word,” she replied, giving him another smile.

  “Good,” he replied with a nod. He then proceeded to go through everything that we should expect from the next few weeks. He listed the side effects that could happen during both the conditioning process, and the actual transplant itself.

  Cassie took in every word he was saying, but for some reason I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off her. There was something different about her this evening, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  It was like she’d found a new inner strength, and there was a look of determination I’d never seen on her face before.

  We’d spent the afternoon with both our parents. Despite a slow start, Cassie and Laura seemed to be getting on relatively okay. I knew Cassie was still holding back a little, but considering where they started, I thought she was actually handling the whole situation pretty well.

  I knew she was more than a little thrown when Laura told Cassie she had remarried and that her husband, Ian had also driven down from Monterey, which was where they lived now, and that he would love to meet her.

  In true Will style, he insisted the Laura call her new husband and ask him to join us, but I knew Cassie wasn’t thrilled about that. When he arrived, she was friendly and polite, not showing how she was truly feeling. I was the only one that saw it in her eyes. She would turn to me and give me this look, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. All I could do was give her a reassuring smile.

  Ian seemed like a nice man. He was quite a bit older than Laura, maybe in his late fifties. He was a quiet but a friendly guy, and he seemed to love Cassie’s mom a great deal.

  When Laura explained to Cassie that she never had any more children, Cassie tried to seem unphased, but I knew that there was a part of her that felt relieved somehow. I could see it in her face.

  When it came time for us to leave for the hospital, Will wasn’t thrilled about not coming back to L.A. with us that evening, but Cassie insisted that there was no point in him making the journey too. I knew she just needed a little time to herself after the day she’d had. Still, he assured her that he would drive to L.A. first thing the next morning, so he could be there with her when she had her procedure to have her chest port put in the next day.

  When it came time to saying goodbye to her mother, Cassie hugged her, but I could tell from her face, it was something she felt uncomfortable with. I knew deep down it was all moving too quick for Cassie, but she felt she needed to try because of what her mother was going to do for her.

  “Evan,” Cassie called me, pulling me from my thoughts. Instantly I smiled at her. “Are you okay? You were miles away.”

  “Yeah,” I replied, giving her a smile, before I turned and looked at the doctor. “Sorry, I guess this weekend is just catching up on me.”

  “Hey,” he replied, giving me a broad smile. “If it put the smile back on this girl’s face, then I would say it was worth it.”

  “Oh, I think so,” I said, smiling too, and I reached for Cassie’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  “I know the next few weeks are going to be hard,” Doctor Altman said, his tone now a serious one. “But we are going to do this. We are going to beat this cancer. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Cassie said, giving him a smile, before she looked at me once more and her smile widened.

  She was determined she was going to beat this thing, and in my heart, I actually believed she would.

  “Are you okay,” I asked Cassie as she lay on the trolley, waiting for the orderly to take her to surgery the next day. She was having a port put into her chest to get ready for her treatment. The doctor assured her that it was the best option for her, while she is undergoing such intensive treatment and Cassie agreed.

  Still, I knew she was nervous, but she refused to admit it.

  “I guess so,” she said, looking up into my eyes, giving me a cheeky grin. “I mean, would I rather be on our beach, drinking a cocktail? Sure, I would. But I am thinking about a white dress and standing on that beach with the man I love and saying two little words.”

  I smiled as I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

  “You’ve got this,” I said, wishing more than anything I could change places with her.

  “I know I do,” she replied, giving me the most beautiful smile, I’d ever seen, just as the orderly arrived to take her to surgery. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay,” I nodded, giving her a smile in return, before I stepped back, letting them take her.

  “She’ll be back before you know it,” Will said, placing his hand on my shoulder, as we both watched her disappea
r down the hallway.

  “I know she will,” I sighed, suddenly feeling a little over come. “She’s promised to marry me.”

  Will turned to look at me, a look of surprise on his face, but then a big smile spread across his face.

  “Then I guess we have a wedding to plan,” he said, his voice cracking, but this time I knew it was with happy tears.

  “You’re not mad that I didn’t ask you first?” I said, giving him a worried look. “I mean, I know I should have. It was the right thing to do. But it just kind of happened.”

  “Do you love her, Evan?” He asked, but I knew he already knew the answer.

  “With every breath in my body,” I smiled, knowing that she loved me just as much.

  “Then that’s all I need to know,” he replied, giving me a smile too, before he put his arm around my shoulder. “Come on, future son-in-law, let me buy you a coffee.”

  Over the next two weeks, Cassie went through her conditioning process to prepare her for the bone marrow transplant. She was moved to a special unit in the hospital to keep her safer from germs, and now we had to wear gowns and coverings on our shoes while we were in Cassie’s room with her.

  The good news was, Laura was a perfect match for Cassie, so she would be able to give her the bone marrow she needed to fight this thing, so everyone was feeling very hopeful.

  Still, as the two weeks past, I could see Cassie growing weaker with each passing day. The doctors assured us that it was very normal for this to happen while a person is preparing for a bone marrow transplant, but it didn’t make watching her almost fade away, any easier.

  It was the last day of her radiation treatment, and Cassie had barely opened her eyes since she’d come back. In fact, she had spent most of the time sleeping the last few days. Waking up for short periods, but they never lasted very long.

  “Why don’t you go get some rest,” Will offered as we sat there next to Cassie’s bed. It had been a long day, and we’re both feeling exhausted.

  “I want to be here if she wakes up,” I sighed, feeling like everything that mattered to me in this world was slipping through my fingers.

  “She could be asleep for hours yet,” Will sighed, but there was nothing he could say that would make me want to leave her.

  “It’s okay,” I sighed, my eyes not leaving her. “I’m good right here.”

  “Then I’m going to go and check in on Laura,” Will said as he pushed up slowly from the chair. “I won’t be long.”

  “Okay,” I nodded, still not taking my eyes from Cassie’s face as Will made his way to the door.

  Today was the day Laura was having the bone marrow taken from her pelvis. It wasn’t a long procedure, but it would be a painful one. Or at least the recovery would be. But she was determined she was doing it; that it didn’t matter how much it would hurt, if it saved Cass, then that’s what she needed to do.

  Laura had spent a lot of time with Cassie over the last two weeks too. Despite a slow start, Cassie had actually begun to open up a little more to her mother. Still, I knew Cassie, and I knew it would take her a long time to let her mother in completely.

  But it had been good for her to get the chance to get to know her mother a little.

  If I was honest, my favourite part of the day was the night-time, when everyone else was gone, and it was just Cassie and me. I would climb up on to her bed and Cassie would snuggle into my side, resting her head on my chest. Some nights we would just conk straight out, but some nights we would lay awake for the longest time talking about our future and the plans we had.

  “Cassie,” I leaned forward and whispered into her ear once we were alone. She moved but didn’t wake. “Cass!”

  Slowly her eyes opened, and I was greeted with a big smile.

  “Hey, Sleepy head,” I breathed out against her lips before I softly kissed them. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired,” she sighed weakly, looking up into my eyes. “But okay, I guess. How did it go with Laura?”

  “Everything went great,” I assured her. “Ian dropped down a while ago and said she was back from surgery and that she was fast asleep. Your dad has just popped up to check on her.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, her eyes lifting up, searching for mine. When she found them, she gave me a breath-taking smile.

  “What are you smiling about?” I asked, lifting her hand, bringing it to my lips.

  “Just how much I love you,” she whispered, sounding weaker and tired. “You know that I love you so much.”

  “Of course, I do,” I replied, giving her a smile, but something was off with her. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. “But not as much as I love you.”

  “Not possible, Evan Miller,” she said with a smile as she closed her eyes once more and released a long, tired breath.

  I smiled as I lifted her hand, still inside mine and brought it to my lips once more, kissing it softly.

  Suddenly her hand seemed to let go of mine as her arm grew limp.

  I looked up at Cassie’s face, and my heart almost stopped when I say how pale she’d suddenly become.

  “Cass,” I said, shaking her gently, trying to rouse her once more. There was no reply. “Cass wake up. Please, open your eyes and look at me.”

  Suddenly the machines she was hooked up to started to beep loudly, as alarms began to sound around the room.

  “Cassie!” I cried again as I jumped to my feet, my heart almost jumping out of my chest. “You can’t do this to me. Wake up, please! CASSIE! WAKE UP!”

  Before I knew what was happening, the room was flooded with medical staff.

  “Evan, we need you to wait outside,” one of the nurses said, almost pushing me towards the door.

  “No, I’m not leaving her,” I said, not taking my eyes off Cassie. “What is happening? Why isn’t she moving?”

  “We’re going to take care of her,” the nurse assured me, but her words offered me little comfort. “But we need you to wait outside and let us do our work.”

  “You…you can’t let her die,” I begged her as tears suddenly streamed down my face. “Please. I can’t lose her.”

  “We are going to do everything we can,” she assured me as she led me out through the door. “I just need you to wait right here. Please.”

  Without saying another word, she turned and hurried back into the room, closing the door behind, leaving me standing outside, feeling like my world was ending.

  I stood there in the hallway, watching through the glass door as Cassie’s limp pale body was worked on by all the medical staff who were working frantically trying to do whatever they can do to save her. My lungs suddenly felt like they were burning, and I realised I wasn’t breathing. I sucked in a breath, but still I felt like I was suffocating, and my head was spinning. I pressed my hands against the glass, trying to breathe as I stared helplessly at Cassie.

  “Evan!” Will’s voice cried out from behind me as he came racing down along the corridor. “What’s happened?”

  Before I could answer, he turned and looked into Cassie’s room. The moment he saw the medical staff working on her, he instinctively rushed towards the door, but before he could get inside, the nurse rushed to meet him, stopping him in his tracks.

  “Will, we need you to wait here and let us work,” the nurse said, telling Will the same thing she’d told me. “We’re doing everything we can, but we need you to let us do our job.”

  She gave Will a smile, before she closed the door once more, as Will pressed his head to the glass, looking pretty much how I was feeling. Finally, he stepped back and turned to look at me.

  “What the hell happened? He asked giving me a terrified look. “She was fine when I left her.”

  “She… she woke up and was talking to me,” I explained, my eyes once more turning back to what was going on inside the room. “Then she just seemed to fall asleep once more. Next thing I knew, alarms were going off, and I was being pushed out of the room.”

  He turned and stare
d into the room, without saying another word, but then, what was there to say. We both knew our lives were now in the balance, because neither one of us would survive if Cassie didn’t make it.

  I watched as Doctor Altman, who had arrived at some point during the commotion, placed paddles on her chest.

  I jumped each time her body lifted off the bed from the jolts of electricity being sent through her. Each time my heart shattered into smaller and smaller pieces until there was nothing left inside me.

  “I can’t do this,” I whispered, knowing I couldn’t just stand there and watch as my life was falling apart. Again, and again they sent electricity through her body, but each time there was nothing, no response, no glimmer of hope, nothing.

  I took a step back, and then another.

  “Evan?” Will said, giving me a questioning look. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, hating that I was not strong enough to do this. “I just can’t stand here and watch my world fall apart.”

  “They are going to get her back!” He exclaimed, like he knew it for certain in his gut. I just wished I could have that confidence too.

  “What if they can’t?” I asked, as the tears flowed freely. “I… I just can’t. I can’t watch her die. I’m sorry, Will.”

  With one more glance towards Cassie, I turned and took off down the corridor, each step my feet felt heavier and heavier, but I kept pushing forward.

  I don’t know why, I just needed to get out of there. I needed to escape the walls of this building, escape the place where my life was ending.

  “Evan!” Will called, but I didn’t look back. “EVAN!”

  Suddenly the need to get out of there was so overwhelming, I broke into a sprint, running until I was out of the building. Out into the cool night air.

  Cassie was gone.

  Just like that, it was over.

  I didn’t know how to be in a world that she was no longer a part of.

  I dropped to the ground and sobbed, letting go of all my grief and heartache.

  Chapter 25