Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  I held my breath and looked up, hoping more than anything that Evan would walk through the door. But when the door opened, I was surprised to see Danny standing there.

  “Danny!” I said, pushing up in the bed, having no clue what he was doing here.

  Flick had come by to visit me a few times, now that she was back in L.A. She’d been by the day before, and as much as I tried to pretend that I wasn’t falling apart, Flick could see past my smile, and she did everything she could to try and cheer me back up.

  She had told me that Danny had been in touch with her several times, that he’d been checking in to see how I was doing. I told her I thought that was very sweet, but I never imagined she would get him to come visit me. Clearly, I had underestimated Flick.

  “I hope you don’t mind me coming to see you,” Danny said as he moved cautiously into the room. “It’s just, I was talking to Flick, and she mentioned that you were a little down, and I thought I would drop by and see if there was anything I could do to help?”

  “Of course, I don’t mind you coming by,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. “It’s great to see you.”

  “You too,” he said as he walked towards the seat next to the bed and sat down. “How’s the treatment going?”

  “Good,” I said, shaking my head, and for some unknown reason, I began to cry.

  “Cassie, please don’t cry,” Danny said as he climbed up from the chair, moving to the bed. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me so tightly as I continued to cry. “I know about Evan, and I know that you’re trying to hold it together for everyone. But you don’t have to pretend for me. That’s why I came here.”

  “I just want him to come back,” I sobbed quietly. “I mean, I just need to know that he’s okay. He was upset when he left here, and I don’t even want to think about what he could have done. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m not to worry, Evan will come back, but what if he doesn’t?”

  “You have to believe that he will,” Danny said, giving me a reassuring smile. “I mean I get it, I guess. He loved you so much, and he thought he’d lost you. He’s upset, but he will realise that you would never want him to give up too. He will remember everything you ever said to him, and he will know that he needs to come back to those he loves, and those that love him. And when he does, he’ll find you here, waiting for him.”

  “I want to believe that,” I said, trying my best to smile through the tears that were now streaming down my face. “I just don’t know how to do this without him.”

  “I think that Evan is probably thinking the same thing right now,” Danny offered, and for the first time since all this began, I realised just how scared Evan, and my father for that matter, must actually feel. I was so consumed in my own thoughts and feelings, I never stopped to truly think about what they’re going though. “But I’m sure he will be back before you know it, then you can tell him just how much you love him; after you’ve kicked his ass, of course.”

  I smiled at his words, grateful to him for making me see things from a different perspective.

  But that was two days ago. Now I knew that Evan was okay. My dad told Clare that he and Tim found him at the beach house, which was where I suggested he might have gone. Clare said that Evan thought I was dead, and that he was a mess, but my dad and Tim were sorting him out, and then they’d be returning with him.

  That was a few hours ago, but still they hadn’t come back and now I was worrying that Evan was worse than Clare had said. To keep me happy, Clare went out to call them again, leaving me alone with Laura for the first time since the first day in Clare’s house.

  “Cassie,” Laura said, from her seat next to my bed. “I’m sure they will be here soon. Clare said that when she talked to Tim last, they were just leaving the beach house.”

  “I know,” I said, giving her a smile, trying not to let her see just how panicked I was feeling. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to her so deeply, so soon.

  In some ways it was weird that, after everything that we’d been through in our lives, she was the one sitting here with me right at this very moment. The moment I felt like I had been in some ways abandoned once more.

  Since she had her procedure, she’d stopped by to see me every day. Each day, I found that I felt a little easier with her, but still there was something holding me back. For example, I couldn’t bring myself to call her Mom; not yet. I usually called her Laura, or I would begin a sentence with just, umm, before she would make contact with me, then I would speak.

  I know it seemed almost passive aggressive in some ways, but it was something I just couldn’t bring myself to do. Maybe part of me was still angry, or maybe there was part of me that wasn’t completely ready to forgive her yet.

  “Evan loves you,” she continued, and I just wished that this once, she would stop talking. But she didn’t. “You and he were always best friends, and now you are the love of his life. He loves you too much to just leave you.”

  “You did,” the words were out before I even thought about it, and the moment I said it, I regretted it. “I’m sorry, that’s not fair.”

  “Maybe not,” she replied, giving me a sad smile. “But I guess it’s true. I loved you, and yet I did leave. But I came back. That has to count for something.”

  “It does,” I replied, returning her smile. “You gave me a chance of beating this thing, and for that I can never thank you enough. I know it couldn’t have been an easy thing to do.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Cassie,” she replied, leaning forward in the chair. “If I’m honest, part of my reasons were probably a little selfish.”

  “In what way?” I asked, surprised by her honesty.

  “I’m not going to lie,” she replied, giving me a smile. “I wanted to do this because I want to be part of your life again.

  “So, you did this so I would have no choice but to be nice to you in return?” I asked, surprised by what she said.

  “God, no!” She exclaimed, shaking her head vigorously. “If you had refused to see me, even after I donated, I would have respected your right to do that.”

  “Then how was it being selfish?” I asked, still not following her completely.

  “Because I knew that if you died,” she continued, giving me another smile. “I would never get a chance to make things right with us. Because I really do want to make things right between you and me.”

  “I would like that,” I replied, honestly.

  Before she could say another word, Clare stuck her head around the door, and gave me a big smile.

  “Guess who I found wandering the corridor,” she said before she pushed the door open further.

  The moment she did, Evan stepped through the door, looking like hell but also the most welcome sight I’d ever seen. He stood there for a moment, looking very uncertain, without saying a single word.

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Laura said, pushing up from the chair next to my bed, before walking towards the door.

  “Hey,” Evan said, giving me a nervous smile, as he stood there, just inside the door of my room and I could tell from his body language that he didn’t know what he should do next.

  “Hey,” I said, and instantly hot tears burned my eyes, longing for him just to hold me.

  “Cass!” Evan said as he suddenly rushed towards me, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I thought I’d lost you. I… I just couldn’t watch them pounding on your lifeless body. I couldn’t breathe. I just needed to go, but now I know I acted like such an idiot. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive,” I whispered, hugging him tightly, before I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “Because I thought I’d lost you too, Evan…”

  “I never meant to scare you,” he cut in as he wiped the tears away from my face. “That was the last thing I wanted.”

  “No, that’s not what I mean,” I said, taking his face in my hands. “I thought I lost you and my world fell apart, so I get it. I get why you freaked
out.”

  “So, you’re not mad at me?” He asked, giving me an almost relieved look.

  “Oh, I was,” I laughed as I softly brushed his face. “I was scared, and I was mad as hell. But Danny was here, and he said something that made me realise that I understood how you felt, so now I’m just happy, and relieved to have you back.”

  “And you’re feeling okay?” Evan asked as he pressed his forehead to mine. “The treatment is going okay.”

  “I guess,” I replied, giving him a smile, feeling beyond happy to have him back. “I still get tired all the time, and I have these horrible mouth ulcers, but I am hanging in there. I have five more days, then it’s a waiting game to see if it worked.”

  “You’re going to beat this,” Evan said, looking down into my eyes once more, looking more determined than I had ever seen him before. “You came back from the dead, Cass. If you can survive that, you can beat this.”

  “I’m sure as hell going to try,” I said, leaning up and pressing my lips to his. “Just promise me, you’ll never run again.”

  “I give you my word,” he said, giving me another smile. “From now on, come hell or high water, I am going nowhere.”

  It was two weeks since my last engraftment, and I was finally allowed to go home. Granted I was on so many different medications, I felt like a pair of maracas, I was sure if you shook me, I would rattle. I was on medication for nausea, diarrhoea and headaches. Also, I had a strange taste in my mouth, so food tasted like crap, but I was feeling good, and more importantly, I was going home.

  “So, I need you at the medical centre first thing in the morning,” Doctor Altman said as he looked through my chart one more time. “You need to go in every second day for blood tests. I know there has been positive results in your last three tests, but it’s still early days, so we need to keep a close eye on you.”

  “Got it,” I replied with a nod, then a big smile.

  “Cassie, I know you’re excited about going home,” he said, giving me a serious look. “But I need you to promise me, if you feel even the slightest bit unwell, you will head straight back to the hospital immediately.”

  “I give you my word,” I assured him. “I’m not taking any chances.”

  “Then I guess you can go home,” he said, giving me a broad smile.

  I stood up from the bed, walked towards the doctor, and gave him a big hug.

  “Thank you so much,” I whispered as I held him tightly. “For everything.”

  “It was truly my pleasure” he replied. “Now, get out of here, before I change my mind.”

  I didn’t wait to be asked again, I looked at Evan and gave him a nod, telling him I was ready to go.

  Two hours later, we were pulling into my father’s driveway. As we did, I spotted my mom’s car parked outside, and I smiled to myself.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked, as he turned to look at me.

  “Yeah,” I said, giving him a big smile. “It’s just… part of me thought I might never get to come back here.”

  “But you did,” he said as he reached out and took my hand, bringing it to his lips. “And I am so proud of you for how you fought this thing.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” I said, wishing I could tell Evan just how much him coming back into my life made this whole fight so much easier.

  “I’m just glad I have you back in my life,” Evan said, leaning over, this time kissing me softly on the lips. “Everything is so much brighter, and so much more Cassie.”

  “Is that even a thing?” I laughed out loud.

  “Oh yeah,” Evan nodded, then smiled too. “Now, I think it’s time to head inside.”

  He gave me a look, and I knew there was something he wasn’t saying. Then it hit me.

  “There’s a surprise party waiting for me,” I said, giving him a knowing look. “Isn’t there?”

  “Oh, you know my mom,” Evan laughed, giving me a pleading look. “She has everyone waiting for you. But you can’t tell her I told you. My life would be over.”

  “What’s it worth?” I asked, giving him a cheeky grin.

  “A trip to the beach?” He asked hopefully.

  “Oh, I already have that on my to do list,” I laughed. “You made me a promise, don’t forget.”

  “Speaking of,” Evan said, pushing his hand into his pocket, then pulling out a small, velvet box. “I thought it was about time we made everything official.”

  He opened the box and revealed the most perfect solitaire diamond ring.

  “Cassidy North,” he said, pulling the ring from the box, then reaching for my hand. “I know you said yes already, but for the sake of doing things right. Would you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife.”

  “I would love to,” I replied, unable to hold back the tears of joy that were dancing in my eyes as he slid the ring onto my finger.

  “I love you, Cassie North,” Evan said, softly kissing my lips.

  “Love you more, Evan Miller,” I replied, before I returned his kiss.

  Epilogue

  “I think that’s it,” my mom said as she looked up into my eyes, giving me the biggest smile ever. “I don’t think there’s ever been a more beautiful bride.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said giving her a big smile. Then I turned to Clare and my smile widened. “What do you think?”

  “You are beautiful,” Clare gushed as tears trickled down her face. “Evan is going to die when he sees you.”

  “You really think so?” I asked, as the image of Evan filled my mind. I could just picture him standing there with all his brothers and his father, wearing his white linen trousers and white shirt, just as we’d decided he would.

  It had taken a little longer than we had hoped, but today after almost ten months since we found each other again, ten months of cancer treatments and hospitals, and needles, I was finally going to marry the only boy I had ever loved.

  And as promised, we were getting married on the beach. Our beach as it had now become. We had decided that it was going to be a small wedding, with just our closest friends and family there.

  I looked at my reflection in the mirror, and I felt happy. If I was honest, there were days I thought I wouldn’t make it to this day. But I did, and I was beyond happy.

  My dress was a simple one. It was white lace with a love heart neckline, strapped shoulders and a plunging back. The skirt was flowing, but not full, and I decided to go with no trail, as it would be easier to walk on the sand without one. Underneath, I wore a simple pair of white beach sandals with diamantes in the thin straps.

  Finally, my hair. After a slow start, my hair had begun to grow once more, and I had even managed to have it cut into a short bob style. So, all I did was add some flowers to it, and I was ready to say I do.

  “Are you ready?” My mom asked, giving me a questioning look.

  “More than I could ever be,” I replied, giving her another smile.

  As if on cue, there was a knock on the door, before it opened, and my father appeared in the doorway. He looked so handsome in his white shirt and trousers, finished off with a white calla lily pinned to his shirt.

  “We’ll leave you two alone,” Clare said, quickly heading for the door, followed by my mother.

  “What do you think?” I asked as I turned to face him, once we were alone.

  “I don’t think I have ever seen anyone more beautiful than you are right now,” he croaked as he walked further into the room. “You are perfect, Cassie. But then, you always are.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I replied, and I hurried towards him and gave him a hug. “Thank you for everything, and I don’t just mean the wedding. I mean for always being there for me, every day of my life. For being more than just my dad. You are my best friend.”

  “It was truly my honour, Cassidy,” my dad said, hugging me tighter. “You are my greatest achievement.”

  I stepped back and looked up at him, giving him a smile.

  “You’re so much more than
you think you are,” I said, wishing he could see himself as I see him. “You’re more than just my father, you are the most amazing person I have ever met, and I think it’s time for you to learn to live again, Dad.”

  “Cassie,” he sighed, giving me a smile. “I like my life the way it is.”

  “But you could have so much more,” I said looking up into his eyes. “You could find love again. Finally find your one.”

  “I’m too old…” he began to argue, but I pressed my finger to his lips.

  “You’re forty-three,” I sighed. “That’s not old. That’s not even nearly done.”

  “Cassie,” he sighed, smiling once more.

  “Just promise me,” I said, stopping him once more. “Promise me you’ll think about it.”

  “I promise,” he nodded, before he turned slightly and held out his elbow to me. “Now, are you going to keep that young man of yours waiting much longer?”

  “I guess we should do this,” I laughed, taking hold of his arm.

  We walked out of the house, then down the steps that led to the beach. It was a beautiful Californian March day, and I had never felt happier.

  As I stepped onto the sand, I spotted Evan standing at the front of all our guests, Mike, his best man standing next to him. The moment he saw me, I was rewarded with the biggest smile I had ever seen.

  Flick, who was my bridesmaid, handed me my bouquet just as the music started to play. She gave me a huge smile, before she turned and started slowly down along the sand to where Evan was waiting.

  Next it was my turn.

  I glanced up at my father and smiled, before we began our short journey across the sand.

  “Wow,” Evan said as I reached him finally. “You are more beautiful than words could ever say.”

  “I’m beautiful because I am happy,” I whispered. “And you are the reason I’m happy.”

  “And you’re wearing your lucky earrings,” he said, reaching up, softly touching my ear. “Do you think you need extra luck?”

  “You can never have too much luck,” I laughed, holding his eyes with mine. “Besides, they were given to me, by the love of my life.”