Butler, Vermont Series: Boxed Set, Books 1-3

by Force, Marie

  “The day I take marriage advice from you is the day they put me in the loony bin,” Nolan said.

  Dude, taller than her beloved by at least a foot, put her arms around Skeeter and nuzzled him into her formidable bosom. “You could take a page from my lovey’s book. He’s the most romantic man who ever lived.”

  Skeeter all but cooed from the compliment.

  “I can’t deal with this day,” Nolan muttered, taking Hannah with him when he walked toward the diner.

  “Dude,” she said, “call me about the baby moose.”

  “I will,” Dude said.

  “You won’t,” Nolan said, scowling at Dude.

  “Don’t listen to him,” Hannah said over her shoulder. “I don’t.”

  Nolan gave her a playful spank on the ass and sent her up the stairs to the diner. “Go get our daughter while I go back to work—and stay away from that moose.”

  She turned on the stairs and planted a loud kiss on him. “Yes, dear.”

  “Don’t humor me, Hannah. I mean it. No moose.”

  “Okay.”

  To Mia, who was standing on the sidewalk, he said, “She’s humoring me. Let me know if you hear her talking about taking in that baby moose.”

  “She’s not going to side with you. She’s my sister-in-law.”

  “She’s our sister-in-law, and even she can see that you’re half nuts getting that close to a fully grown bull moose.”

  “He’s my friend!”

  “He’s a moose, Hannah!”

  “Go to work, Nolan.” She patted him on the face and went into the diner, letting the door slam shut behind her.

  “She’s going to be the death of me,” Nolan said to Mia.

  “Umm, she is rather passionate about Fred.”

  “You have no idea. Sorry for the spectacle, but they tend to happen from time to time in this family.”

  “I’m starting to realize that.”

  “Let me know if you need a place to hide out from the madness. I can always use an extra set of qualified hands at the garage.”

  “I might take you up on that. I miss my grandpa and his garage.”

  “Come by anytime.”

  “I’ll do that, thank you. I forgot to ask what I owe you for getting my car.”

  “No charge for family.”

  “How do you stay in business with that policy? The family is huge.”

  “Fortunately, I’m not related to everyone in this town, despite how it seems.”

  “Well, thank you again. I appreciate it.”

  “No problem. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  “You do the same.”

  He headed back to the garage, intending to have a word with Skeeter, the most romantic man alive—ugh—about keeping Dude and that baby moose far, far away from his wife.

  Mia returned to the booth where Wade was helping Hannah zip her daughter into her snowsuit.

  “Come on, sweetheart,” Hannah said, lifting the baby from her brother’s arms. “Let’s go home so you can take a nap and I can research the care of baby moose.”

  “Nolan is going to kill you, Hannah,” Wade said.

  “No, he won’t. He’s all talk. He doesn’t scare me.”

  “What the hell do you want with a baby moose anyway?” Wade asked.

  “The poor thing’s mother is lost. That baby needs a mother, not a man moose who doesn’t want him.”

  “You do realize it’s possible you’ve gone completely around the bend, right?”

  “Because I love animals and moose in particular? Call me crazy, but I want that baby.”

  Wade held up his hands in surrender. “I can see there’s no point in trying to talk some sense into you.”

  “No point at all.” Hannah shouldered her diaper bag. “See you guys later.”

  “I never got to thank Nolan for lunch,” Wade said.

  “Yes, me, too,” Mia said.

  “I’ll tell him.”

  She and Callie took their leave, and Mia slid in across from Wade.

  “Is that Dude out there?” Wade asked.

  “Is she the tall lady with the little boyfriend?”

  “That’s her. I’ll be right back.” Wade ran outside to talk to Dude while Mia watched and wondered what he was doing.

  He came back a few minutes later.

  “What was that about?”

  “Seeing a woman about a dog. She said she’ll keep her eyes open for us. I asked for cute but fiercely protective. She said it could take a month or two to find the right dog.”

  “Oh, I can’t wait!”

  “I love to see you so excited.”

  “Having my own dog would be super exciting.”

  “We’ll make that happen as soon as we can. Dude is very good at matching animals with people. So Hannah, Nolan and the moose. Entertaining, right?”

  “Extremely.” She couldn’t get over the way Hannah had spoken to her husband. If she’d ever been that sassy with Brody, he would’ve backhanded her.

  “What’re you thinking?” Wade asked.

  “I was thinking about how she talked to him and how he just rolled his eyes and put up with it.”

  “That’s how they are with each other. He worships the ground she walks on, and despite what he says, if she wants that baby moose, he’s not going to stand in her way. But he will tell her all the reasons why he thinks it’s a bad idea.”

  “It’s just very… refreshing.”

  “That’s the way it should be, Mia. No one should have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing and being physically harmed for being themselves.”

  “You’re right. No one should worry about that. It’s going to take some time for me to not be afraid of what’s going to happen when I see a woman talk back to the man in her life.”

  “You’ll never see the men in my family treat their women with anything but love and respect, even when they’re exasperated or angry.”

  “I like it here,” she said. “It’s the nicest place I’ve ever lived.”

  “I’m so glad you feel that way.”

  “Could I ask a favor?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “Could I borrow the Wi-Fi in the office to check my messages?”

  “Of course. No problem. I’ll set you up when we get back. And Hunter has the paperwork for you to fill out to get you on the payroll.”

  “I’m so excited to find out more about the company. You said your mom’s grandparents founded it, right?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Mia dipped one of the tasty sweet potato fries in ketchup. “So how did your dad end up running it?”

  “When my Gramps retired, he made Dad the CEO. He’s a graduate of Yale’s business school, and the business has really grown under his leadership. However, we walk a fine line between modernizing and keeping the old-time feel of the place intact.”

  “It’s really cool that you and your siblings are third-generation proprietors.”

  “We’ve very proud of that. Some of the employees, like Evelyn, have been with us longer than I’ve been alive. It’s a family business in more ways than one.” Wade checked his watch. “And now I have to get back for the training this afternoon. You don’t happen to have a Xanax handy that I could take beforehand, do you?”

  Mia laughed. “Sorry.”

  “This is going to be a nightmare of epic proportions. I’m warning you now… If you want to reconsider attending, I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

  “I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

  Chapter 19

  “Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.”—Buddha

  Wade walked into the conference room and wanted to turn around and walk right back out. The table had been set with placemats as if they were hosting a dinner party. On each placemat was a wide array of products, things normally used in the privacy of one’s bedroom and not laid out like a se
xual buffet on the conference room table.

  Will came in after him, took one look and groaned. “Do we hafta?”

  “Dad says we hafta.”

  “Maybe we should look into a nursing home for him. He is getting on in years.”

  “I heard that, William,” Lincoln said when he came in. “And good luck with that plan.”

  “I can’t sit in a room with my sisters and talk about sex toys,” Will said.

  “Yes, you can. Think of them the same way you would anything else we carry—foot fungus cream or hemorrhoid remedies or yeast infection cures.”

  “We don’t have to have special training for any of those products,” Will said.

  “Um, I did,” Wade said.

  “Not with Charley in the room,” Will said.

  “True.”

  “This product line has nothing to do with me,” Will said. “It’s not Vermont Made. Why do I have to be trained on it?”

  “Very good question, Will,” Hunter said when he joined them. “I’m an accountant. Why do I need to know about this?”

  “Because we’re going to have to train the sales team on the floor and at the distribution center,” Linc said, “so we need to be able to answer their questions. And we don’t ask anything of our employees that we aren’t willing to do ourselves.”

  Most of their “sales team” were grandmothers who’d worked for the company for decades. The thought of indoctrinating them on this product line had given Wade nightmares for months. Fortunately, the contractor from the company that produced the line would be doing most of the heavy lifting. But he had to be in the room. He didn’t want to be in the room.

  “I don’t work with the sales team,” Hunter said. “They won’t be asking me questions, so I don’t need to be in this meeting.”

  “I never realized I’d raised such a bunch of prudes,” Linc said. “Where did your mother and I go wrong?”

  Molly breezed into the conference room. “Are they being prudes, love?”

  “You warned me they would be,” Linc said, accepting a kiss from his wife, who marched right over to one of the place settings and began picking up and examining the various objects. She pushed a button on one of them, and it roared to life, making her laugh.

  “I can’t,” Hunter said, staring at their mother, eyes agog. “I just can’t.”

  “Oh, sit down and be quiet,” Molly said. “These things are going to generate revenue unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Think about the money you’ll get to count, Hunter. That always makes you happy.”

  “Put that thing down, Mom,” Will said, “and never touch it again.”

  Elmer came bustling in, stopping short at the sight of his daughter holding a phallic object. “Oh. Well. Here we go, then.”

  “What,” Will said, “is he doing here?”

  “I’m the reason you’re here, young man, so I’ll remind you to mind your manners.”

  “Are you providing counseling for those of us who’re going to be traumatized by this?” Will asked his father.

  “Sit down and chill,” Linc said. “It won’t be that bad.”

  Elmer hit the power button on one of the devices, and it launched right out of his hand.

  “It will be that bad,” Will said, slumping into a chair with Hunter next to him.

  “Did they bring blindfolds?” Hunter asked. “That’d help.”

  Emma came to the door, saw Molly holding one of the vibrators and cleared her throat. “Um, Wade, Amanda said to tell you she’s ready whenever you are.”

  He’d never be ready for this. “Thank you, Emma.”

  She scurried away, not that he could blame her. “We need to give Emma hazardous duty pay for having to see Mom manhandling a vibrator.”

  Will glared at him. “Don’t ever again use the words ‘Mom’ and ‘vibrator’ in the same sentence, do you hear me?”

  “Honestly, Will,” Molly said. “You’re a married man, and the thought of your mother looking at a vibrator makes you squeal like a little girl?”

  “I did not squeal,” Will said indignantly.

  “Whatever you say,” his mother replied. “Maybe you should take some of these home and give them a whirl. You’ll find out why they’re so popular.”

  “I’m going to quit my job if you don’t make her stop,” Will said to his father.

  “I’ll go with him,” Hunter said.

  “Ease up on the boys, Mol. I can’t afford to lose them right now.”

  “The boys are actually men, and they should act like it.”

  “I agree, but we don’t want them to quit, do we?”

  “Nah, I guess not.” She put down the vibe and smiled at her sons. “Better?”

  “Much,” Will said.

  “I’m going to get Amanda,” Wade said. “Are we ready for this?”

  “As ready as we’re ever going to be,” Hunter grumbled as he pushed his placemat full of toys toward the middle of the table.

  “I can’t wait to hear what she has to say about these doodads,” Elmer said.

  Will groaned loudly.

  Wade went to get Amanda in his office, where he’d told her to make herself comfortable while she was in town. She had set up on the small table where he kept products under consideration for the store. His table was now littered with sex toys. He’d be seeing them in his dreams at this rate.

  “We’re all set,” he said to her.

  She finished typing something on her laptop and closed it. “Great! I’ll be right in.” Amanda had shoulder-length dark hair and a smile that lit up her green eyes. What had struck Wade from the time they’d first met and in all their subsequent dealings was that she spoke of her company’s line without a hint of embarrassment.

  He hoped his family could follow her lead and keep it together during this meeting. “I just want to apologize in advance for whatever’s about to happen in there,” Wade said.

  Amanda laughed. “Don’t worry—I’ve seen it all. Nothing can surprise me.”

  “Please don’t underestimate the Abbott family when it comes to opportunities for irreverence.”

  “I’ve been warned. It’s all good.”

  “I’ll meet you in there.” Why did he feel like he was about to face a firing squad in this meeting?

  Mia came out of Hunter’s office, where she’d been completing employment paperwork.

  “All finished?” Wade asked.

  “Yep, and I checked my messages. Nothing critical. Larry emailed to let me know that Brody has been arraigned on the domestic violence charges.”

  “That’s good news.” He thought of the article he’d read in the paper and the comments that made Mia out to be the bad guy in her relationship with Brody, but didn't share that information with her. What did it matter what people in her former town were saying about her? She didn’t need to know that.

  “Is it time for the meeting?” she asked.

  “Unfortunately, yes.” Wade glanced at the conference room, where Ella, Charley and Cameron were now examining the products. “I want to go home.”

  Mia took him by the arm and directed him toward the firing squad.

  “Look at this one,” Cameron said, holding up a purple device with a long thin wand. “What does it do?”

  “That’s a prostate massager,” Amanda said when she came into the room, carrying her laptop and a bottle of water. “Push the button on the base.”

  Cameron did as directed, and the device came to life, swirling and vibrating and pulsating.

  Dear God…

  “Men who’ve suffered from prostate cancer or other urinary and prostate issues sing the praises of that little baby.” Amanda never blinked an eye as she talked about the device the way someone else would describe moisturizer.

  Wade directed Mia around the table and sat next to her. Maybe if he didn’t have to look directly at her, he could get through this.

  Amanda fired up her PowerPoint presentation and skipped ahead to the slide showing animated pictures that
demonstrated how the prostate massager was inserted and how it worked.

  Wade looked away.

  “Oh my,” Molly said, clearly fascinated. “And men like that?”

  “They love it,” Amanda said.

  Molly gave Lincoln a wolfish look that made Wade want to jump out the window—anything to get out of that room.

  “Is everyone here?” Amanda asked Wade.

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Excellent, then I’ll start at the beginning.” She went through a refresher on her company and how they’d gotten into the business of supplying intimate aids to those suffering from various forms of sexual dysfunction, whether it be from age or health problems or loneliness. “Our focus groups indicate that loneliness is actually a very big concern for the senior population, especially after an individual is widowed. They are used to sexual companionship that is lost when their spouse passes away.”

  “I can certainly attest to that,” Elmer said, picking up the prostate massager for a closer look while his grandchildren directed their gazes toward the ceiling.

  “One of the key things we try to impart in our training is how important it is to be empathetic toward customers who are interested in this line. Often it takes a tremendous amount of courage for them to walk into a store and ask for something like this. We want to make them feel welcome and supported, and I’ll emphasize that point when we train your sales team.”

  She was so matter-of-fact about it all that Wade found himself listening with interest to her presentation and thinking about how to train the sales team on the floor to best support the products—and their customers. Many of their salespeople would be embarrassed at first, but perhaps, over time, they’d become as accustomed to talking about these products the same way they were about other things that most people didn’t talk about freely.

  Then Amanda encouraged everyone to pick up the products, turn them on and become familiar with how they worked. “You should feel free to take any of them home to get better acquainted with them.”

  “Did we miss it?” Lucas said as he and Landon rushed into the room, still wearing turnout coats and covered in soot from head to toe. Their faces were so black that their eyes stood out in stark contrast. “We had a fire in Burke. We just got back. We aren’t too late, are we?”