The Face At the Window

by Ruby Speechley

  We must be only metres away from each other. How can he arrange to meet me when he’s on his way to see his wife and new baby son?

  Of course, what time? xx

  Be there at 8 p.m.

  What’s your address?xx

  I thought you knew it?

  Er no??

  49 Lansbury Road, near the park.

  See you later xx

  Has he guessed I’ve been in his house? I check the corridor is clear and walk briskly out of the ward, past the lifts and hurry down the stairs.

  Amy strides towards me as soon as the lift doors open on the ground floor. I slump into her arms. She guides me out to my car. I’m glad to be away from the stagnant medical fug of the hospital. I don’t say much at first, just follow the rhythm of our steps, letting the last twenty minutes sink in. I stop and cling to Amy’s arm. Him becoming a dad is so huge, as though a crater has opened up between us at my feet.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Monday 13 August 2018

  Gemma

  ‘Do you think you know Rosie, Nick?’ Greg asks.

  ‘I think she went to a school I taught at a few years ago. But her name wasn’t Rosie. I can’t think what it was. She was a nasty piece of work. Always bullying kids and slinging all sorts of accusations around at the teachers.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘Accused one teacher of touching her up and another of spying on her in the changing room showers. Right little trollop.’

  ‘Please try and remember her name.’ Greg sighs.

  ‘Gemma let her in the house, gave her a key to come and feed our cat. She could have got up to all sorts here on her own.’

  ‘When was this?’

  ‘About three days before Thomas was born,’ I say.

  ‘Tell him what you found in the clothes I brought up to the hospital.’

  ‘A pair of women’s knickers that weren’t mine.’

  ‘Oh really? You said earlier that you didn’t think a former pupil could be targeting you, but now do you think Rosie could be one?’

  He shrugs. ‘It does seem that way. Gemma wasn’t to know what a psycho the girl is.’

  ‘I thought the knickers were from someone he’d been seeing.’ The words I’d been thinking pop out of my mouth.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Nick says.

  ‘You stay out overnight without telling me where you are.’

  Becca lays her hand on my arm.

  ‘Is there anything you want to tell us, Nick? Anything at all that could help us find your son, because now would be a good time.’ Greg waits but Nick doesn’t answer so he takes his phone into the kitchen and shuts the door.

  ‘What did you tell him that for?’ Nick shouts at me.

  ‘Because it’s true, isn’t it?’

  ‘I think it’s time you left, Becca, don’t you?’ he says.

  Becca looks at me and I nod. I mouth at her that I’ll be okay, Greg’s only in the other room.

  Nick and I sit in silence, listening to the cameras clicking as Becca opens the front door, and the thud of it shutting after her. Reporters shout questions at her as she crosses the road.

  ‘You’re punishing me, aren’t you?’ I say. ‘Because of Christmas.’

  ‘You need to keep your trap shut. Get it?’ He punches the sofa on the way out and stomps upstairs.

  It’s hard to know what are lies and what is the truth anymore.

  The final thread of trust snapped on the plane home from the Maldives. We’d stayed for five days, a beach honeymoon and mini photo shoot so people could see for themselves how beautiful we were together, how wrong they’d been about us.

  People had still been boarding the plane. We were sitting in our seats and Nick was taking our passports out of his shirt pocket. He unzipped the inside pocket of the rucksack to put them away.

  ‘Let’s see your photo.’ I’d swiped the passports out of his hand.

  ‘Give them back.’ His tone had been flat. More a command than a request. I handed him mine and he tried to snatch his back. I held it in the air, stood up in the aisle to avoid his grasp. The man sitting next to him in the window seat was watching us, amused at the newlyweds. Nick tried to unlock his seatbelt but was fumbling in his haste. I’d already opened the passport to his photo.

  ‘You look lovely. I don’t know what you’re worried about,’ I’d said.

  He looked so young and serious.

  ‘I said, give it back.’ He’d told me off, like one of his naughty children.

  I glanced at the page then had to look again properly. His date of birth was the same as on the wedding register. It wasn’t a mistake then. Nick really was forty-two. More than twice my age. He’d told me he was thirty-two which was still a big gap, but he’d said it didn’t matter when it was true love.

  I’d looked up at him and he’d snatched the passport from me, his face tight and burning with anger. He made me swap seats with him so I was sitting in the middle and wouldn’t let me out until he was forced to because the man by the window needed the loo. All the way home he’d flirted with the woman seated in the aisle opposite. They’d shared two bottles of wine together and he’d barely spoken a word to me. I’d hardly been able to eat or drink a thing for the whole journey because of the tight knot of anxiety in my stomach. I wondered what my future would be like with a man who’d lied about his age and treated me with such contempt. I’d dreaded the thought of telling my parents we’d married in secret, knowing how strongly they would disapprove and how disappointed they would be in me.

  Greg comes out of the kitchen. His face is drawn. He calls Nick down. My pulse spikes. Could there be news?

  ‘Neither of you have been completely honest about who you are, have you?’ He sounds weary and seriously pissed off.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I look to Nick to say something.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were hopping from school to school as a supply teacher, Nick?’ Greg leans against the wall.

  ‘I didn’t think it was important.’

  ‘Just long enough to find your next girlfriend, was it?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ Nick coughs.

  ‘And you, Gemma, you failed to mention that you were his seventeen-year-old pupil.’

  I look down at my lap. Shit, I bet Mum’s been on to the police.

  ‘You ran away together to get married,’ Greg says.

  ‘And why does that matter?’

  ‘Apart from you abusing your position of trust, you mean?’

  ‘You’ve got nothing on me.’ Nick points a finger at Greg. ‘I’d finished my contract.’

  ‘Not exactly. Dismissed for inappropriate behaviour. Lucky for you the school chose not to prosecute, wasn’t it?’

  ‘What has any of this got to do with our baby son going missing?’ Nick crosses his arms.

  ‘Because we don’t think Gemma was the only one.’

  ‘Now what are you going on about?’

  ‘We suspect that the woman who has taken your baby is another former pupil of yours. One you’ve been having a relationship with.’

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  8 August 2018

  Scarlett

  ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have gone to see the baby. I feel so much worse now. I probably looked a right idiot turning up uninvited.’ I open a can of Coke from the corner shop and take a long gulp, imagining the bubbles floating to my brain, carrying me away.

  ‘No, you didn’t. And anyway, if you hadn’t gone, you’d have been driving yourself mad with curiosity,’ Amy says, opening her can.

  ‘True.’ I want to be stronger, less affected but I can’t help how I feel about him. Seeing their baby has left me weak and disarmed. I need to regroup.

  ‘According to her they’ve never split up. Has he really been lying to me from the beginning?’

  ‘She might be onto you and only saying that so you back off.’

  ‘There’s something about them that’s not right. She wasn’t exactly all
glowy and gushing after their weekend away. When she came in the restaurant that night, she seemed glad to be away from him and even said he likes to be in charge at home.’

  ‘I think you’re reading too much into it. What man doesn’t like to wear the trousers and make all the decisions?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ I drink a mouthful of Coke.

  ‘If he’s anything like the blokes Mum goes out with, most of them think they can come in and take over.’

  ‘Why does he want to see me, though? It’s not because he’s going to leave her, is it? More likely that he’ll end it for good because he’s scared of me telling her everything.’

  We finish our cans and chuck them in the bin.

  ‘Will you come with me tonight and wait outside his house in case I need you?’ I ask Amy.

  ‘Of course I will.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I say and we hug.

  * * *

  While I’m getting ready upstairs later, Amy changes into black clothes so she’s not easily spotted.

  ‘I was looking up online about other ways of finding out who your dad is,’ Amy whispers, ‘you can do a DNA test with a genealogy firm and see if they can match it with someone on their database.’

  ‘Can you?’

  ‘Even if it’s not a match with your dad, someone related to him could be a match.’

  ‘Do you know how much it costs?’

  ‘No but I’ve made a list of firms that do it. I’ll email them to you.’

  I follow Cole’s instructions and text him when I’m two minutes away. I leave Amy waiting by the neighbour’s hedge.

  Cole answers the door straight away. ‘Come in,’ he says, pulling my arm and looking around outside. I guess he doesn’t want anyone to see me there.

  He shuts the door. I can’t read the look on his face but the usual joy at seeing me is missing. This is the first time we’ve been alone together for ages, but the atmosphere is brittle. I don’t think throwing myself into his arms is going to fix it, but it doesn’t stop me wanting to do it.

  Without saying anything else, he turns on his heel towards the kitchen. My heartbeat spikes remembering the last time I was here, looking through his private things; finding out he’s old enough to be my dad. He stands with his back to me for several long moments. It’s as though I’m in his classroom, holding my breath not knowing if I’m about to be told off and given detention.

  ‘When did you let yourself in?’ His voice is low and menacing, his teeth grinding.

  ‘What?’ I try and feign astonishment. He can’t know that for sure.

  ‘I took some of Gemma’s things to the hospital for her, tops, joggers, underwear, except when she unpacked them, there was a pair of knickers in there that weren’t hers. How do you explain that?’ His face twitches with impatience.

  I try to hold in a nervous snigger, but my face gives me away.

  ‘You think that’s funny, do you? That she has accused me of having an affair?’

  ‘No, but it makes it easier for you to leave her now, doesn’t it, so we can be together at last?’ I can’t pretend I’m not glad she’s found out. Does she know it’s me?

  ‘I’m lucky she’s not kicking me out,’ he shouts.

  ‘But we could live together with our baby.’ I touch my stomach.

  ‘I’m not leaving her, Scarlett. You need to get that in your stupid head.’ He jabs his temple with his index finger.

  ‘But you said we were… that I only needed to wait a few weeks.’ I try not to cry but hot tears sting my eyes.

  ‘I only said I’d think about it, but that was before I held my baby in my arms.’ He looks down at his open palms as though he can see his son there now. ‘Seriously, Scarlett, how can I leave my wife and newborn child? What kind of father would that make me?’

  ‘But what about our baby?’ My voice is so small. Still I cling to this stupid lie. Why can’t he be as passionate about having a baby with me?

  ‘I don’t want it. There, I’ve said it.’ He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, half turns away, then back again. ‘I know this sounds cruel, but you need to get rid of it, Scarlett. I’m serious. I’m not asking you anymore. I’m telling you. If Gemma finds out about this – about us – my life is over, do you understand me? You can’t do this to me. I won’t let you,’ he shouts and thumps the counter making me jump back.

  ‘What about me and our baby and how I feel?’ My voice is gravelly like I’m the one who’s been shouting. ‘What about what I want?’

  ‘It’s best for you too, believe me.’ He pours himself a whiskey and drinks it in one go.

  ‘How can you be like this, after everything that’s happened between us?’ Tears are running down my face.

  ‘It has to be done; we have no choice.’ He grabs my arms, his fingers digging into my skin. ‘If you saw my beautiful baby boy, you’d understand.’ But I have seen him, I want to shout in his face.

  ‘Don’t you love me?’ I whimper. He blinks slowly, his face a stone-cold mask. He is tired of me.

  ‘Scarlett, babe, you know you’ll always be my special girl.’ He lets go of my arms and hugs me.

  He pulls away quicker than I want him to, and he takes his wallet out of his back pocket. ‘I got this for you, to help you sort it out.’ He places a pile of fifty-pound notes on the counter.

  I frown at them, then at him. ‘I don’t want your money, I want you and our baby.’ My throat catches on the words. He won’t look me in the eye. He won’t answer. Instead, he digs around in his wallet and passes me a business card for a private clinic in London. ‘This has to be over now, Scarlett. I’m sorry this has happened, but I had already ended it with you. You know I had no choice. This is a sad and unfortunate mistake.’

  For a second, I truly believe I am pregnant with his baby because losing the man I love is so real and painful, as though I’ve stepped on a landmine and my whole life has blown up in my face.

  ‘How can you call our child a mistake?’ My voice is barely a croak.

  ‘It’s not technically a child yet, it’s just a tiny dot of cells, which is why I’m imploring you to get it seen to as soon as you can.’

  ‘Our cells, joined together.’

  ‘Scarlett, come on. The sooner you get this fixed…’

  ‘Fixed? Get it seen to? Is that what you think of me? And what if I don’t?’

  ‘I will be forced to have nothing to do with you. I may even have to move away.’

  I’m stunned that he can be so cold.

  ‘You never separated from your wife, did you?’ I shake my head and back away.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’ve lied to me from the moment we met.’

  ‘Don’t talk bullshit.’

  ‘I’m right, though, aren’t I?’

  ‘You’re upset, Scarlett.’

  ‘All your friends down the pub knew. Why didn’t they tell me?’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’

  ‘Then tell me you love me not her.’

  ‘Stop it, okay?’ He yells and thumps one of the cupboard doors. Something cracks. ‘Now then,’ he says in a taut voice, ‘I don’t know how you got my key from me, but I’ll have it back, please.’

  I’m shaking. I’ve never seen him like this.

  ‘I don’t have it.’ I spit the words at him and lurch forward swiping my hand over the stack of money so it slides off the counter and flutters to the floor.

  ‘If it wasn’t you, then who was it?’ he bellows.

  I run out of the house, slamming the door as hard as I can.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  8 August 2018

  Scarlett

  Amy is waiting for me outside, behind the hedge. I stride past her and she trots along to catch up.

  ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘He went mental. I’ve never seen him like that before. Bastard tried to give me money for an abortion. He was all set to leave her a few weeks ago.’

  ‘Maybe she knows abo
ut you.’

  ‘He found my knickers in her drawer and gave them to her at the hospital. So she’s definitely worked out what he’s been up to.’

  ‘She probably threatened to move away so he can’t see his son. Some women are ruthless like that. Emotional blackmail. Doesn’t leave him much choice, does it?’

  I stop dead and Amy almost walks into me. ‘He denied lying to me about them splitting up. But I don’t believe him. All the lovely things he’s said to me, that he’s promised me. It’s all been a pack of lies.’

  ‘We need to punish him for what he’s put you through.’

  ‘I’m going to make him sweat.’ I cross my arms. ‘Let him believe I’m still pregnant and might tell his wife about it at any time.’

  ‘But what happens if he works out you were never pregnant in the first place?’

  ‘Then we’ll have to think of something else.’ I walk towards the car leaving Amy standing in the middle of the pavement, her finger to her lips.

  ‘All right then, how about this,’ she calls and I turn back.

  ‘What if their baby went missing? Just long enough to scare the shit out of him. Show him he can’t treat you like his bit on the side.’

  ‘Cole would never forgive me for doing something like that.’

  ‘What else are you going to do?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Come on, he knows you wouldn’t harm a baby. Anyway, it’ll only be for a couple of hours, enough to put the frighteners on him. And it’ll force him to tell the mouse about you.’

  ‘Do you think we can get away with it?’

  ‘Yeah, of course we can. You offer to take the baby for a little stroll. She’ll probably be glad of the break – and she will be giving you permission to take him so it’s not abduction. When you don’t come back, he’ll twig it’s with you and he’ll have to tell her everything.’

  ‘I see what you mean. Gemma will know the baby is safe with me, so we’ll only be hurting him for a little while. It could actually work.’