Not Until Us (Hope Springs Book 4)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  She’d left eight years ago with the intention of never returning. So what was she doing here now?

  She had let herself get caught up in her sister’s excitement, had let herself believe that she’d left behind all the shame and regret that had driven her to flee Hope Springs in the first place. But now that she was almost home, it squeezed against her lungs, as if someone had over-pressurized the cabin.

  It may have been eight years since she was in Hope Springs, but one thing she knew about small towns—they had long memories.

  And Jade had given the people of Hope Springs plenty to remember—even if no one there knew the worst of it. None of them knew the real reason she’d fled.

  Jade straightened in her seat. And they never will.

  She caught her breath as the plane skimmed over the runway, then bounced lightly as the wheels touched down.

  Her heart was suddenly thrumming faster than the jet’s engine. She couldn’t do this.

  Maybe she could sneak off the plane and skip picking up her luggage. Then Vi wouldn’t see her, and she could sneak onto another plane to somewhere else—anywhere else—and no one would ever have to know.

  Jade let herself indulge in the fantasy for all of ten seconds. But the thought of what that would do to Vi put an end to it.

  She was lucky her sister had forgiven her for running the first time. She couldn’t do that to her again.

  Anyway, she was stronger than this.

  She steeled her shoulders and stood. She wouldn’t worry about what any of them thought.

  She was Jade Falter, and she was proud of it.

  A nagging voice at the back of her head said she shouldn’t be, but she shoved it away, along with all the other nagging voices she’d ignored over the years.

  She clutched her carry-on and followed a white-haired woman off the plane, forcing herself to keep her chin up.

  But the moment she stepped off the plane and into the airport, a wave of memories slammed against her. Of course she’d have to be in the same terminal she’d fled from that last day. Everything looked almost identical to how it had then. There was the bank of chairs in the corner she’d huddled in as she’d waited for her flight to be called. The terminal had been crowded, and at least a dozen people had approached the seats next to her. But they’d all walked away the moment they’d spotted her. Not that she blamed them. She’d been unable to stop sobbing, her arms wrapped around her middle, rocking back and forth.

  Tears sprang to her eyes for the scared girl she’d been then, but she blinked them away.

  She wasn’t that girl anymore.

  She pointed her head forward and made her way to the baggage claim without another look back.

  The moment she neared the luggage carousel, she heard her name shrieked, and then arms were engulfing her.

  “I’m so happy to see you. I can’t believe you’re here. You look so good.” Violet squeezed so hard that Jade couldn’t lift her arms to return the hug.

  “It’s not going to do much good to have your sister home if you crush her before she gets out of the airport.” A man with a light layer of scruff and slightly shaggy hair gently pulled Violet’s shoulder.

  Vi laughed, wiping at her cheeks as she took a step back. “I’m sorry. It’s just so— I can’t believe this is real. That you’re really here.”

  “I’m here.” Jade swallowed down her own unexpected tears. When was the last time someone had been so happy to see her? “I just need to grab my bag.”

  She stepped around Violet toward the luggage carousel, giving herself a minute to collect her composure. It wasn’t like her to lose it over a little thing like this. Probably just all the emotions of the day catching up with her.

  Nate insisted on taking her bag for her as they made their way to Violet’s car. At the vehicle, he opened the door for each of them. Jade climbed into the backseat with a weary sigh. All she wanted was her pajamas and a bed.

  She settled back into the seat, training her gaze out the window. The familiar sights were more of a balm than she’d expected, and her eyes drooped with fatigue from the long day.

  “I don’t think we have time to stop at home. Hope Street will be closed by now anyway.” Vi’s voice broke into her half sleep, and when she opened her eyes, dusk had already fallen. As she peered into the graying night, she picked out the town’s various landmarks. The Old Lighthouse. The giant sunfish. The church.

  Her heart jumped as her gaze swept over the beach below the church. The beach where she’d thought maybe her life would change. Where she’d let herself hope that she’d found a man—he was really a boy then, she supposed—who could love her in spite of her reputation, in spite of her past. Who could believe that she’d changed. The man she’d fled the moment she’d had to confront the fact that there was no changing who she was.

  She briefly considered asking Vi what had ever become of Dan but then thought better of it. There was no point in rehashing old dreams that could never be. Besides, Vi would probably find the question odd, since Jade had never told her—or anyone else, for that matter—that she and Dan had spent time together at the end of senior year. Had developed feelings for each other. Anyway, that was a long time ago. If Dan had followed his plans, he’d moved far away by now.

  “Why don’t you park here? It’s probably as close as we’re going to get.” Nate gestured down a side street, which was almost parked full.

  Vi nodded and pulled up to the curb. Throngs of people funneled down the sidewalk toward the lake.

  “What’s going on tonight? Why’s everybody out?” Jade leaned forward to watch a mother trying to quiet a crying baby. The familiar pang jabbed her behind the belly button, and she looked away. She kept waiting for the guilt to end, but it was always there, hovering like her own personal cloud of regret.

  The young mother moved down the street, and Jade sat back. If things had been different, if she had been different, would she be like that young mother?

  “It’s Hope Fest.” Vi put the car in park and opened her door. “We’re going to have to hurry or we’ll miss the beginning of the fireworks.”

  Jade’s stomach plummeted. Vi didn’t really expect her to go to the town’s annual celebration, did she?

  “Come on.” Vi opened her door.

  “I’ll wait for you guys here. I need a nap.” Jade forced a yawn that even she could tell wasn’t believable.

  “It’s going to be too loud to sleep.” Vi planted a hand on her hip. “Come on, everyone is dying to see you.”

  Jade sincerely doubted that. If there was one person besides Vi in this town who wanted her to come back, she’d eat her left shoe.

  Nate opened her door. “I didn’t think I’d like it either when Violet made me come last year. But it was actually pretty fun. Come on. I’ll buy the popcorn.”

  Jade threw her hands in the air. “If you two are going to gang up on me, I guess I don’t have much choice, do I?” She slid to the door, and Nate stepped aside to let her out.

  Vi and Nate closed the car doors, and she let them pass in front of her. The two linked hands, and Nate leaned over to drop a light kiss on Vi’s cheek.

  Jade’s stomach clenched as she fell into step behind them.

  She was happy for her sister. No one so young should have to experience the loss of a spouse like Vi had.

  But Jade hadn’t even gotten one happily ever after. So how was it that Violet had been given two?

  As they approached the marina, Violet glanced over her shoulder, as if to make sure Jade was still there, and Jade offered her a tight smile. It was the best she could do.

  “Dan texted that he’s saving us a seat in front of the gazebo,” Nate said.

  Jade almost stumbled but caught herself at the last second. “Dan?” She forced the name out.

  Violet’s brow wrinkled. “Dan Zelner. You remember him, don’t you? I’m pretty sure he was in your class.”

  Jade nodded but couldn’t answer. Her mouth went completely dry.
Dan was here? As in here here?

  A huge crowd covered the hill of the public park above the marina, and Jade let a momentary relief wash over her. The gazebo was on the far side of the hill. There was no way they’d be able to get through the crowds to it—and even if they did, the chances they’d find Dan in this mess of people were small at best.

  “There he is.” Nate held up a hand to wave, then started weaving through the people toward the gazebo.

  Jade’s feet wanted to remain planted, but Violet reached back and grabbed her arm, tugging her forward.

  She was about to be reintroduced to her past. Whether she wanted to be or not.

  Chapter 4

  “You were saying?” Grace’s voice reached Dan’s ears, but he had no idea what he’d been saying. He’d just spotted Violet and Nate—and being dragged behind them as if being taken to detention—Jade.

  His stomach rolled uncomfortably, and his pulse rocketed past any heart rate he’d ever achieved on the treadmills at the gym. He had a sudden urge to give himself a quick sniff test, even though he’d gone home and taken a shower after the parade. How was it that one glimpse of Jade had sent him right back to feeling like a self-conscious teen?

  He kept his hand raised in the air until he was sure Nate had seen it, then turned toward the lake as if he couldn’t care less that the woman he’d once dreamed of spending the rest of his life with was coming his way at this very moment. Anyway, he reminded himself, she was also the woman who’d torn his heart out and left it to rot in the sand.

  “About camp.” Grace’s prompt reminded Dan that she was still sitting next to him on the blanket Leah had called to tell him to pack. If his sister micromanaged this date any more, she might as well be the one on it. Then again, since she was sitting right behind them, she practically was.

  “Look who I brought with me.” Violet stood to the side and motioned Jade forward, but Jade barely moved. “Sophie, Dan, you remember Jade, right? Everyone else, this is my sister, Jade.”

  “Welcome home.” Sophie stepped forward to hug Jade, her husband Spencer following with a handshake. The rest of the group—Jared and Peyton, Emma, Grace, and Tyler—stepped forward and introduced themselves.

  Finally, Dan was the only one left who hadn’t said hi. Jade lifted her eyes to meet his for a second, then let them dart away. A tiny worm of satisfaction crawled through Dan’s gut. At least she had the grace to look embarrassed to see him. But a moment later he reprimanded himself. He’d forgiven her long ago, so he had no right to hold the past over her head.

  He took a step closer, thinking he’d give her a hug, but then changed his mind at the last second and held out a hand instead. She stared at it, as if not sure what to do with it, then put her hand in his. He tried not to notice the warmth her grip sent up his arm.

  She could have stepped right out of the pages of their high school yearbook. Same white-blond hair, same smooth complexion. Same standoffish confidence she’d worn like a shield through most of high school, except in those rare moments when she’d dropped it with him.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Jade.” Lame, but what else was he supposed to say?

  Jade’s nod was slow and deliberate, but her eyes drifted from him to Grace, and he groaned inwardly. She was going to think he was here with Grace.

  You are here with Grace.

  Dan shook himself. Of course he was here with Grace. And so what if Jade knew? She wasn’t here to see him. And he most definitely wasn’t here to see her.

  “I think the fireworks are about to start.” He laid a hand on Grace’s elbow to steer her back to her seat on the blanket, then sat next to her. “Have a seat, you guys. There’s plenty of room.”

  He kept his gaze directed toward the lake as he felt people shuffling next to him.

  A second later, someone’s leg brushed his as they sat. He risked a glance over.

  His eyes landed on Jade just as the first firework exploded overhead, lighting her in a wash of blue.

  She tilted her face up at the sound, but he noticed the lines of tension around her lips.

  As if she felt him watching her, Jade turned toward him. Her eyes were the same shade he’d remembered—like a summer sky on a perfect day. But there was something new in them—something broken. Dan pressed down the urge to ask what it was.

  She’d chosen to run. Whatever had happened to her since then was none of his concern.

  Still, he had to say something, or this would get awkward. “How have you been?”

  “Good.” She bobbed her head vigorously. “Fabulous.”

  “Oh. Good.” Dan fumbled for something else to say. What did you say when the girl of your dreams suddenly showed up in real life again?

  Girl of your former dreams, he reminded himself.

  His new dreams had nothing to do with her.

  A sharp prod in his back made Dan jump. He cast a quick look over his shoulder at his sister, who jerked her head toward Grace on his other side.

  Dan returned Leah’s glare but turned his attention back to Grace. Her legs were stretched out in front of her as she leaned back on her elbows to watch the fireworks, her lips slightly parted like she was mesmerized. Her relaxed demeanor was a perfect contrast to the tension exuding from Jade on the other side of him.

  As Dan lifted his eyes to the sky, Grace leaned a fraction closer. “Your sister wasn’t exaggerating. These are the best fireworks I’ve ever seen.”

  Dan nodded, fighting every impulse to glance at Jade when she shifted next to him, causing her arm to brush his.

  “I didn’t think you’d still be in Hope Springs.” Jade’s voice was low but closer to his ear than he’d expected, and he leaned slightly away. It would be dangerous to let her get too close. He’d made that mistake once already.

  “I thought you were going to go to seminary and then go off and do big things for God.” Her words held a trace of a sneer, but under that he sensed something softer—curiosity, maybe?

  He frowned at the white streaks flashing above them. “I guess I was meant to do smaller things for him.” He let himself glance at her out of the corner of his eyes, but she was looking toward the sky. “I’m actually head pastor at Hope Church.”

  In his peripheral vision, he saw her head snap toward him. “You are?”

  “Yeah. I am. I was serving with my dad, but he died a few months ago.” He swallowed past the sharp jab the words brought.

  “I’m sorry.” Jade set a hand on his arm for the briefest second.

  But the touch was enough to send him back to those few months in high school, when the touch of her hand meant everything to him.

  Sometimes, he wondered if it had all been a dream after all—their relationship was just too unlikely. He was the pastor’s son. She was the rebel.

  All through grade school and middle school, she’d teased him mercilessly. In high school, she’d finally lost interest and ignored him.

  Until they were paired as lab partners for chemistry senior year.

  He’d nearly groaned out loud when Mr. Burns had read out their names. So much for a peaceful final year of high school.

  To his surprise, though, she hadn’t said an unkind word to him all year. Hadn’t said more than a handful of words to him at all, actually.

  She always showed up to class with one guy or another. Dan lost count of how many boyfriends she went through during first semester alone. One constantly called her crude names, another couldn’t seem to keep himself from grabbing at her, and another was always giving her compliments on various parts of her anatomy.

  Dan had kept his head down and his mouth shut.

  But one day right before spring break, she’d walked into the room earlier than usual, with a hand pressed to her ribs.

  Dan tried to focus on the homework he’d come in early to finish up. He told himself not to say anything, but when she winced as she sat, he couldn’t help it. “Are you okay?”

  He could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. But i
f there was one thing he knew about Jade Falter, it was that she didn’t cry. Ever. Not even in grade school when she’d taken a baseball to the nose.

  He leaned closer, keeping his voice low. “What is it?”

  She shook her head and blinked hard enough to clear the tears. “Let’s just say Brett wasn’t a big fan of being dumped.” Her laugh was sardonic.

  The lead of Dan’s pencil snapped, leaving a jagged line across his paper. He threw it down.

  “Did he hurt you?” He fought to get the words out past his gritted teeth.

  Jade shrugged, but her hand tracked to her side again.

  “Let me see.” Dan reached toward her, but Jade slapped his hand away.

  “I didn’t expect you of all people to try to take my shirt off.” Her smirk was calculated to irk him.

  “Whatever,” he muttered under his breath, picking up his pencil and crossing the room to sharpen it.

  “What?” Jade watched him as he sat down again. “Now you’re not talking to me?”

  “You wouldn’t listen anyway.”

  “You never know.” She gave him an exaggerated wink. “I just might surprise you.”

  He almost let it go at that. But something about her tone told him she needed to hear what he’d been wanting to say to her for months.

  “I don’t understand why you keep dating all these jerks.” He clamped his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have said it. He knew it the moment the words were out.

  But Jade fixed him with a look he’d never forget. One that told him whatever she was about to say was from her most vulnerable place.

  “The good guys don’t tend to ask me out.” She shuffled through her bookbag and pulled out her textbook. It was the first time he’d seen her with the book all year. A curtain of hair shielded her face, but he could have sworn her cheeks were tinged with pink.

  “I’m sure―” Dan stuttered, not knowing where he was going with the sentence. “I’m sure there are plenty of good guys who want to go out with you. They’re probably just scared of you.” Now he could feel his own neck warming. That wasn’t supposed to come out as an insult.