Not Until Us (Hope Springs Book 4)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  Grace and Melody moved toward the cover of the trees, leaving Dan alone with Jade. He cleared his throat. Now what?

  “She’s made for this, isn’t she?” Jade’s gaze had followed Grace and Melody.

  “Her dad was the resident pastor at a church camp for a few years, so it’s in her blood.”

  “Ah.” Jade sat on the very edge of the picnic table, leaving plenty of space between them.

  “You’re doing a great job too.” He kept his eyes on his hands but looked up when she snorted.

  “This isn’t exactly my thing, if you hadn’t noticed.”

  “I know.” He looked her in the eye. “But you’re doing it anyway. And the kids really like you. You have a gift for working with them.”

  Jade’s lips parted, but she didn’t say anything. The voices of the kids around them faded, and the quiet stretched between them, softer than the night.

  “Okay. Worm is in a good home.” Grace was all business as she returned to the picnic table. “Should we start the devotion?”

  Dan jumped. Why did he feel as if he’d been caught doing something wrong? He pulled out his phone, scrolling to his Bible app.

  Nothing like a good devotion to clear his head of the unwanted thoughts that had crept in. Thoughts about how Jade’s lips shone in the firelight. Thoughts about what it might be like to feel those lips on his again. Thoughts that maybe, just maybe, God had brought her back to Hope Springs to give them a second chance.

  He pushed every last one of those thoughts aside.

  They were all ridiculous and unrealistic.

  But when he let himself chance another glance at her, he couldn’t help it: They all came rushing back in.

  “Sleep well, girls.” Jade clicked off the cabin light. She had never been more exhausted in her life, but somehow she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep yet, so she slid out the cabin door, zipping up the sweatshirt she’d put on over her blouse—which was now covered in dirt stains and chocolate from little fingers.

  “Miss Jade?” Penelope’s voice followed her out the door, and Jade turned to find the nightgowned girl standing in the doorway behind her.

  “What is it, Penelope? You’re supposed to be going to sleep.”

  “I’m scared.” The girl’s lower lip trembled, and Jade moved closer. How could she have forgotten that Penelope was afraid of the dark?

  She held out a hand to the little girl and led her to the rickety-looking porch swing. She sat tentatively, and when it held, she pulled Penelope onto her lap. They sat like that for a couple minutes, listening to the squeak of the swing, as Jade tried to figure out what she could possibly say to help Penelope sleep.

  “See all those stars?” Jade pointed to the night sky, which was filled with more stars than she had probably ever seen in her life. They made her feel small and yet important all at once.

  Penelope nodded. “They’re so far away.”

  “Yes, but―” Jade swallowed, hoping she wasn’t about to accidentally say anything blasphemous. She wasn’t exactly fluent in God talk. “Do you know who made them?”

  “God made everything.” Penelope said it with such conviction that Jade almost envied her. Had she ever been that sure about anything in her life?

  “Right. And remember what Pastor Dan said in his devotion tonight?”

  Penelope didn’t say anything, so Jade answered for her. “He said that God is your Father, and he’ll never leave you. So, if God made the stars and―”

  But she broke off as Penelope sniffled and a drop of water fell on her shoulder.

  “Pen?” She held the little girl back to examine her. Silent tears slipped down Penelope’s face. “Oh, Penelope, what’s wrong?”

  Penelope nuzzled into Jade’s neck, leaving her skin wet, and Jade tightened her arms. Just when she’d thought she was getting the hang of this camp leader thing, she went and made a little girl cry.

  “My daddy left,” Penelope finally said.

  “I know.” Jade rubbed a hand up and down Penelope’s back. It’d been insensitive of her to mention fathers when she knew Penelope didn’t have a father at home anymore.

  “Does that mean God is going to leave me too?”

  “What?” Jade stopped rubbing Penelope’s back so she could adjust their positions and look the little girl in the eyes. “Of course not. Pastor Dan said God will never leave you.” Jade only hoped she was getting that right—and that Penelope didn’t ask for too many more details.

  “That’s what my daddy used to say too. But then he left.” Penelope swiped a finger under her runny nose.

  “Well―” Jade tipped her head back, thinking. “The thing is, God is even better than our daddies. And when he promises something, he always has to keep his promise.”

  “He has to?” Penelope’s eyes widened.

  Jade nodded. She was pretty sure that was how it went.

  “Did your daddy keep his promises?”

  The question hit Jade right in the gut. She hadn’t thought about her dad in years.

  “No, he didn’t. He left when I was a little girl. Littler than you, actually. But I had a great mommy just like you do.”

  Penelope looked thoughtful. “But God never left you?”

  Jade had to think about that one. Had God ever left her? He’d sure felt far from her for many years.

  But maybe it wasn’t that he’d left her so much as she’d left him. She’d wanted to live her life the way she wanted to live it, so she’d pushed him away. But lately, since she’d been home, she’d started to wonder if he was still there, waiting for her to come back.

  Penelope was still watching her, so Jade finally gave her as honest an answer as she could. “No, I guess maybe he never did.” She slid Penelope to her feet. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. Do you think you can be brave and sleep now?”

  Penelope nodded and let Jade lead her into the cabin. They tiptoed past the other sleeping girls, and as Jade tucked the blankets around her, Penelope reached up to hug her again. “Goodnight, Miss Jade. I love you.”

  Moisture gathered behind Jade’s eyelids. When was the last time anyone besides Vi had said those words to her?

  “I love you too,” she whispered into Penelope’s hair.

  The little girl gave her a sleepy smile and rolled over, leaving Jade to watch her fall asleep.

  Chapter 18

  Jade was pretty sure this wasn’t how scrambled eggs were supposed to look. Liquid seeped from the grainy, almost white lumps in her pan.

  Oh well. There wasn’t much she could do about it with hungry campers lined up for breakfast. They’d just have to fill up on Grace’s perfectly golden pancakes.

  Jade had no idea how the other woman did it. Grace had been in about a million places at once as the two of them managed breakfast duty while Dan and Tyler led the morning devotion.

  It had been all Jade could do to man her egg station. And look how that had turned out.

  “Good morning.” Dan reached them, offering a warm smile. “Everything go all right last night?”

  “Perfect.” Grace slid three delicious looking pancakes onto his plate with a bright-eyed smile.

  “We had one little issue in my cabin.” Jade fought to suppress a yawn but failed. “Penelope was scared of the dark, but we talked for a bit, and she went to sleep.”

  She cringed inwardly as she scooped a large pile of eggs onto Dan’s plate.

  To his credit, he didn’t blink. “Thanks.” Despite the mess on his plate, his smile was genuine.

  “You might want to take some more pancakes and ditch the eggs.” Jade wrinkled her nose at the egg juice that was spreading to fill his plate.

  “The eggs look great. Thank you for making them.”

  Jade waved him off. “Pastors aren’t supposed to lie, you know.”

  “No lie.” He grabbed a fork and stabbed a big bite. Jade winced as he shoved it in his mouth. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to taste them.

  “They’re better than t
hey look.” He grinned at her and stabbed another forkful. “See?”

  Jade rolled her eyes, but her cheeks grew warm.

  She brushed off the compliment. “So what’s on the agenda for today?”

  “Not much. Some swimming, hiking, high ropes, crafts―”

  Jade’s head jerked up. “What did you say?”

  Dan wrinkled his brow. “Crafts?”

  “No.” She brandished her spatula at him. “Before that.”

  “Oh. High ropes. It’s this course where you―”

  But Jade held up a hand to stop him. “I know what it is. But I did not know I was signing up for that when I agreed to come. You probably don’t remember the time freshman year when I totally froze on that high ropes course we went to for phys ed, but I swore then that there was no way I would ever do something like that again.” It had been the single most embarrassing moment of her high school career. Everyone had seen her weakness and her need for help.

  “I remember.” Dan’s voice was quiet. “It wasn’t that bad.”

  Jade groaned. “It was worse.”

  “Yeah, it was.”

  She hid her face in her hands. Even Dan couldn’t deny that she’d made a fool of herself. Mr. Henning, the phys ed teacher, had been forced to climb up and lead her down one step at a time. It’d taken her two days to stop shaking afterward.

  “But look at it this way.” Dan’s voice brimmed with optimism. “It’s a chance to redeem yourself. Prove to yourself you can do it.”

  “But I can’t.” Jade wanted to stomp her foot.

  Nothing he said was going to get her up there.

  “I believe in you.” Dan gave her a look and moved off to find a seat.

  Jade sighed. That line came close to making her want to try. But not close enough.

  She managed to make it through hiking and swimming—and even found she was halfway decent at helping the kids with their crafts—but when they got to the high ropes course, the shaking started.

  She tried not to let the kids notice as she directed them into a line.

  “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Dan’s voice was low in her ear, and she didn’t turn around. She simply pressed her lips together and nodded.

  She was relieved. Of course she was. But that didn’t explain the small dip in her stomach. Was it because she didn’t want to disappoint Dan? Or maybe for once she didn’t want to disappoint herself. Still, it was probably better if she didn’t try. Because if she did try, she would likely only fail again.

  “Miss Jade?” Penelope grabbed her arm. “It’s too high. I’m scared.”

  “Oh, it’s not that high.” Jade crossed her fingers, hoping the little white lie was innocent enough. Besides, too high was relative. “I promise you’ll be fine. You’re so brave, remember?”

  “I’m not brave about this.” Penelope stuck out her lower lip. “I’m scared about this.”

  “Well―” Jade took both of Penelope’s shoulders in her hands. “That’s good.”

  “It is?” Penelope seemed unconvinced, and Jade thought fast.

  “Yep. Because the only way to be brave is to do something you’re scared of.”

  Before Dan could say anything, she raised her head to meet his appraising look. “Yeah, I heard myself.”

  He grinned at her, and she turned to Penelope with a resigned sigh. “That’s why I’m going to go up first to show you how to be brave. Because I’m scared too.”

  Dan was pretty sure he’d been holding his breath for at least five minutes. His eyes were locked on Jade’s form as she grabbed the rope above her head. With each step she’d taken up the rope ladder, he’d been sure she was going to give up and turn around. But she’d made it to the top. Now all she had to do was step out onto that thin rope.

  Dan double-checked the belay line in his hands. He was sure she wouldn’t fall, but if she did, he’d be there to catch her.

  As Jade placed a foot onto the rope, the kids let out an encouraging cheer. Dan yelled along but didn’t take his concentration off Jade as she took first one step and then another.

  She was doing it! If he had a hand free, he’d pump it in the air. But he had to settle for the biggest grin that had ever stretched his face. He hadn’t been this proud the first time he’d accomplished this course himself.

  Climbing, camping, all this outdoorsy stuff was square in the middle of his comfort zone. But for Jade—wow—her comfort zone had to be so far from this that it looked like a dot from here.

  Dan fed out more line as Jade approached the middle of the rope, where it started to slope uphill, increasing the difficulty. Jade hesitated a second, then lifted her left foot. But as she did, her other foot slipped. She screamed as she started to fall to the side. Around Dan, several of the kids screamed as well.

  Before he could register what he was doing, Dan had pulled on the rope with his brake hand. The belay device reacted just as it was supposed to, locking the rope in place. Jade’s feet hung only a few inches below the lower rope, her hands still gripping the upper rope. She scrambled to replant her feet.

  Even from here, he could see the trembling in her legs. His own heart was thundering at supersonic speeds, but he forced his voice to come out calm and controlled. “You okay, Miss Jade?”

  He saw her helmet bob once, but her shaking didn’t ease, and she didn’t say anything.

  Dan waited, giving her time to shake it off—and giving himself a second to get his heart rate under control.

  After a few minutes, the kids around him started to murmur.

  “Is she stuck, Pastor Dan? I could go get her.” Penelope had sidled up next to him and shielded her eyes against the sun as she peered up at Jade.

  “That’s very brave of you, Penelope.” Dan kept his eyes fixed on Jade. “But I think Miss Jade is braver than she realizes. Just like you. I bet she can do it.”

  “You can do it, Miss Jade,” Penelope yelled.

  On the rope, Jade’s helmet shook back and forth.

  “She can’t,” Penelope whispered.

  “Jade!” Dan moved so that he was standing where she could see him. “Look at me.”

  She gave her head a minute shake. “I can’t look down.” Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her.

  Dan tightened his grip on the belay rope. “Look at me. I’m right here.”

  He waited, holding his breath again. She stared straight ahead for another thirty seconds, but finally she tilted her head slightly downward.

  He started talking the moment she made eye contact. He didn’t know how long she’d give him. “I’ve got you.” He held up the belay line. “I’m not going to let you go. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.”

  He waited, trying to ignore the doubts that she’d trust him. He wasn’t sure she’d ever trusted anyone, really.

  After several seconds, she lifted her head. When she didn’t move, he called Tyler over. He’d have to hand off the belay and go up there to help her down.

  But before he could pass the equipment off, Jade took a tiny step. Then another. And another.

  The kids broke into wild cheers and chanted, “Go, Miss Jade. Go, Miss Jade.”

  Though he was too far away to see her face clearly, Dan was almost sure it had relaxed into a smile. And when she finally climbed down ten minutes later, he was certain of it.

  The kids all swarmed her with hugs and high fives, but Dan resisted the temptation to do the same, instead concentrating on cleaning up the equipment.

  When she passed him her safety harness, she said a quick, low “thank you.”

  But that radiant look on her face right now—that was all the thanks he needed.

  Every muscle in Jade’s body protested as she lowered herself onto the tree stump in front of the dying campfire.

  She’d gotten all the kids tucked into bed without incident tonight, but she’d felt like she needed a little time to decompress before she went to sleep.

  “Hey.” Dan
stepped into the clearing, and she jumped.

  “Sorry.” He gestured to the pail of water in his hand. “I was going to put the fire out.”

  “Oh. Sorry.” Jade moved to stand, but Dan motioned for her to sit.

  “It can wait.” He set the pail down and pulled a stump over next to hers. When he sat, their knees were only a few inches apart, and Jade readjusted to put more space between them.

  “Quite a day, huh?” Dan picked up a thin stick off the ground and twirled it between his fingers.

  Jade gave a sharp laugh. “You could say that. I’m sorry I’m not very good at all of this.” To her surprise, the back of her throat burned, and she had to swipe a quick hand under her eyes.

  “Jade, what is it?” Dan swiveled on his stump so that he was facing her head-on, his brow creased in concern.

  The look was too much, the connection too strong. She looked away, blinking hard. Why was she being so stupid and emotional about this? It was just a silly church camp. It wasn’t like it meant anything.

  “It’s nothing.” But she couldn’t lie to him this time. Not when he was looking at her like that. Like he really wanted to know what was troubling her.

  “Let’s face it. I’m not cut out for this.” The admission stung more than it should. Why did she suddenly want to be the kind of person who could handle camping and working with kids and making a difference?

  “Is that all?” Dan nudged her shoulder. “I was afraid it was something serious, like you wanted to bail on me.”

  Jade opened her mouth, then closed it. It was serious. She shouldn’t be here. She was probably the worst camp leader the kids had ever had. For all she knew, she was harming their faith instead of helping it.

  “I know you don’t see it yet, but I do.” Dan turned to the fire, which had lowered to a few flickering embers.

  Jade waited for him to make sense of that cryptic line, but when he didn’t say anything else, she sighed. He was going to make her ask.