Not Until Us (Hope Springs Book 4)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  Finally, he pulled his eyes away and let them scan the congregation. “He meant that she wasn’t a slave to her sin anymore. She was free to live for him, out of love for him. And so are we. Every one of us. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. You are forgiven, and you are given the power to live for God. Every last sin is erased. You are a new creation.”

  Jade’s heart had climbed up past her chest, past her throat, and was beating so wildly to get out that she had to leave before she erupted in full-out sobs. It was too much, knowing that she was forgiven. Knowing that she was a new creation in Christ. That her past was erased.

  This time when she stood, Vi didn’t stop her.

  She made it to the car before she collapsed into a sobbing heap.

  She was free. She was finally free.

  “Thank you, Jesus,” she whispered into the empty vehicle.

  Dan forced himself to loosen his grip on the hyacinths before he crushed them. He’d seen the look on Jade’s face when she’d run out of church this morning, and he’d wanted to follow her so badly he’d almost lost his place in the service.

  He could tell the sermon had touched her, but he’d written it for himself. He’d learned in seminary that he should preach to himself first of all, and he’d definitely needed to remind himself of God’s forgiveness, of the Savior’s refusal to condemn those who believe in him.

  All this time, he’d been condemning Jade, but he was just as guilty a sinner as she was.

  He’d been so busy worrying about what people would think of him if he was with her that he’d never considered what she was going through. Never paused to tell her she was forgiven, not only by him but by God.

  But that was going to change. From now on, he was going to do everything he could to show her how much he loved her. Starting with these flowers and the scavenger hunt he’d spent all afternoon setting up. If everything went well, they’d end up at his house, where Leah would be waiting with a gourmet meal—and where dessert would be served with the infinity necklace he’d bought her.

  He parked his car and ran up the steps to Violet’s apartment. He couldn’t wait another second to show Jade how he felt.

  Violet’s smile as she opened the door and saw him standing with the flowers bolstered his confidence. Surely, this would be enough to show Jade how he felt. And if it wasn’t, he’d come up with an even bigger gesture. And a bigger one after that if need be.

  “I’m so glad you haven’t given up,” Violet whispered, stepping aside so he could come in.

  Jade was sitting on the couch, reading a book, but the moment her eyes fell on him, she snapped it shut and pushed to her feet.

  “I’ll give you two a minute.” Violet slipped out the door as Dan entered the room.

  “That’s all right, we don’t need―” Jade started, but Violet had already disappeared into Nate’s apartment across the hall.

  Dan held the bouquet out to Jade, but she didn’t take it.

  “What’s this for, Dan?”

  “For you.” He shook the flowers a little, but she crossed her arms in front of her, so that they rested on her baby bump.

  This was going to be harder than he thought. But she was worth any effort.

  “I was hoping you’d give me another chance. I have a whole scavenger hunt set up―” He passed her the first clue, which she didn’t bother to read.

  “You made your feelings about me clear when you found out I was pregnant.” Jade’s brow lowered.

  Dan set the flowers on the table and took a step closer to her, but when he reached for her, she flinched.

  He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I know. And I’m so sorry for that. I was wrong. That’s what the flowers and the scavenger hunt are for. To show you . . .” He trailed off. He could hear how lame he sounded. He’d completely written her off, abandoned her, and he thought a little scavenger hunt was going to make up for that?

  “I should have been there for you.” His voice was quiet, and he couldn’t look at her. “And I wasn’t. And I’m so sorry for that. I hope you can forgive me someday.”

  He turned to the door, leaving the flowers on the table without water.

  Chapter 42

  “No peeking.” Jade felt like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy all rolled into one as she led Vi and Nate up the walk to the front door of their house.

  She and Grace had finished the painting yesterday, just in time for Vi and Nate to come home to it tomorrow night after their wedding.

  “You can look!” She nearly jumped up and down at the shocked expressions on their faces.

  “What―” Vi wandered from the living room to the kitchen, her mouth hanging open. “Where’d all the wallpaper go?”

  “Do you like it?” Jade fought back the sudden fear that maybe she’d miscalculated. Maybe Vi had wanted to do this on her own.

  “Are you kidding? It’s perfect.” Vi spun slowly, as if taking everything in.

  “You did this?” Her sister was staring at her as if she didn’t recognize her.

  “No. I mean, yes. I mean, we all did it. Ethan and Ariana and Peyton and Jared and Tyler and Sophie and Spencer and Emma and Grace and Leah and—Dan.” She tried not to hesitate before the last name but didn’t quite succeed.

  She pushed on, so she wouldn’t dwell on it. “I hope the colors are okay. They were inspired by that pillow.” She pointed to a gray-blue pillow she’d found in Vi’s store right after she’d come home.

  Or, rather, right after she’d come back to Hope Springs. She had to stop thinking of it as home. LA was home. And she’d be going back in two days.

  “This is amazing, Jade. Thank you.” Nate’s voice was full of emotion as he pulled her into a hug. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve another awesome sister, but I’m glad I did it.”

  “You take care of my big sister, and we’ll call it even.” She hugged him back.

  “That’s the plan.” Nate let go of her and smiled at his bride. “Forever.”

  Jade blinked and looked away. What would it be like to have someone who was willing to love her—faults and all—forever?

  Vi crossed the room to hug her too. When she pulled away, she and Nate exchanged a significant look.

  “What?” Jade swiveled from one to the other. Were they going to tell her they hated the paint colors after all?

  “We were talking, and we’d like you to move in here with us.” Vi’s smile was wide but tentative. “After the wedding.”

  Jade stared at her sister. She couldn’t be serious.

  “You guys are newlyweds as of tomorrow. You don’t want me around. Especially not with a baby that’s going to disturb you at all hours of the day and night.”

  “We do want you here. Along with our little niece or nephew.” Vi touched Jade’s belly.

  Jade sighed. They might think they wanted her here, but they’d forgotten about one little detail. “I’m an unwed mother. Wouldn’t you be embarrassed to have me here?” She kept her eyes on her belly as she said it.

  Vi rested a hand on her shoulder. “That’s the amazing thing about God’s grace. He can take even our weaknesses and our sins and use them for his purposes. The baby inside you is a blessing. And he or she is a blessing we want to know and spoil.”

  Jade laughed and swiped at her teary eyes. How had she taken her sister’s love for granted for so long?

  “Please,” Vi pleaded. “It would be the best wedding present in the world.”

  “Better than house painting?” Jade raised an eyebrow.

  “Better than anything.” Vi grabbed her hand. “Please at least think about it. I feel like I’m getting a second chance at a family. And I want you to be part of it.”

  Jade opened her mouth to promise she’d call weekly, but Vi beat her to it. “I want you here, Jade. With us. A real family.”

  Jade turned to Nate. “And you’re on board with this? Living with your sister-in-law?”

  Nate grinned at her. “I’m afraid so. Can’t use me as
your excuse.”

  Jade wavered. She’d been trying to mentally prepare herself for returning to LA for weeks now. But she couldn’t deny the hope that filled her at the thought of staying.

  Sure, it’d be awkward seeing Dan on a regular basis. But so far, she’d been mostly able to avoid him, and eventually, she’d get over him completely.

  Wouldn’t she?

  She looked from Nate to Vi one more time. Both were watching her expectantly.

  “I’ll think about it,” she promised. Before she could warn them not to get their hopes up, they’d both engulfed her in a group hug.

  Chapter 43

  “You are the most beautiful bride there has ever been.” Jade couldn’t get over how amazing Vi looked in her wedding dress, with its delicate beadwork and slight flair.

  “You could light up the room with your smile.” Nate’s sister Kayla maneuvered her wheelchair next to Vi to give her a hug. Jade couldn’t have agreed with her more. She and Vi had spent some time at the cemetery this morning, talking about Vi’s first husband, Cade, and Jade knew this day was one of mixed emotions for her sister. But now that they were here and she was about to walk down the aisle, Vi was positively radiant.

  “What can I say?” Vi’s smile grew even larger. “God is good.”

  Jade nodded. She hadn’t thought so a few months ago, but now she saw it in every part of her life. She slid a hand over the seafoam green bridesmaid dress that had been let out to make room for her belly.

  “I think we’re ready.” Sophie passed them their bouquets. Vi had asked each of her bridesmaids to choose their favorite flowers months ago. Which meant Jade was now holding a bouquet of hyacinths that looked a little too much like the bouquet Dan had brought her last week—the one she’d tossed in the trash.

  She’d been so tempted to accept them and fall into his arms. But they’d tried too many times already. Clearly, they weren’t meant to be together.

  There was a knock on the door of the church conference room they’d been using as a makeshift dressing room, and all four women turned toward it expectantly. Jade was closest, so she opened the door.

  Then she froze, her limbs going numb.

  On the other side of the door, Dan seemed to be frozen in place as well.

  He recovered first. Looking past her, he sought out Vi. “We’ll be ready for the processional in five minutes. Nate is waiting upstairs.”

  Violet gave her dress one last check, then squeezed past Jade out the door. Nate had been teaching her to play piano, and the two of them were going to play a duet of Canon in D as the bridesmaids walked down the aisle, before taking their own positions at the front of the church.

  “We’d better get lined up then.” Sophie passed through the door too, followed by Kayla.

  Still, Jade’s legs wouldn’t move.

  “Can we talk for a second?” Dan stepped into the room, and Jade’s legs finally came unstuck as she moved to open up more space between them.

  “I just wanted to tell you―” Dan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “It doesn’t matter to me what you did in the past. In high school. That you cheated on me―”

  “I didn’t cheat on you.” She hadn’t been planning to tell him what really happened, but it suddenly seemed important that he know.

  He tugged on his tie. “Yeah. I guess you can’t cheat on someone you’re not really with.”

  “No, Dan.” She moved close enough to touch his arm, ignoring the sizzle that went through her fingertips. “I mean, I didn’t cheat on you. At least not the way you think I did. I considered you my boyfriend. We were together, and it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. But after my mom died, I got kind of messed up. I didn’t want you to see me like that, so I started hanging out with my other so-called friends. One night, I went to a party with them. I was only going to stay a few minutes.” She closed her eyes. That one decision had changed the entire trajectory of her life. “But they offered me a beer. I didn’t want it, but I figured they’d get off my back if I drank it. So I did. And then they convinced me to do a few shots. Before I knew it, I was drunk.”

  The look in Dan’s eyes—she couldn’t place it. Was it worry, anger, fear?

  She had to tell him the rest before she lost her courage. “Brett was there. You remember him?”

  Dan’s nod was short, and his jaw twitched.

  “He started talking about how we should get back together. I told him I was with someone else now, but I wouldn’t tell him who because I was afraid of what he’d do to you.”

  “Jade, you didn’t―”

  She lifted her hand. She had to get through this next part. The part she had never told anyone. “He kissed me and pulled me into a closet. I tried to tell him no, but I was too drunk to put up much resistance.” She shuddered. “I stopped fighting, telling myself it was no big deal.” She dropped her head. “I never wanted you to know. But now you do.”

  She watched his feet. They remained planted for two seconds, then closed the space between them. Before she could look up, he’d pulled her tight against him. His palms pressed into her back, and her arms went up to wrap around him.

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured into her hair. “If I’d known―” She heard him swallow.

  “I should have told you,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have left without telling you.”

  Dan drew in a breath, as if preparing to speak, but the door to the conference room banged open.

  “Oh. Sorry.” Sophie grinned at the two of them. “But it’s kind of tough to have a wedding without the maid of honor and the pastor.”

  “Coming.” Dan gave Jade one last long look. “Talk later?”

  She nodded and followed him out the door. Her feelings were completely jumbled right now. But one thing she knew. No matter what happened next, she was glad she’d told him.

  Chapter 44

  “Could I have this dance?” Dan held out a hand to Jade, nerves winging through his stomach as if he were a gangly teenager again.

  Jade shook her head but offered him a smile filled with regret. “What would people think?”

  But he was done letting the fear of what people would think keep him from being with her. “That I’m with the most beautiful woman in the room.” It wasn’t just a line, either. Jade looked stunning in her bridesmaid’s dress, which set off the glow of her skin. Her hair was swept up, revealing her perfectly curved shoulders.

  He thrust his hand closer to her, but she didn’t move.

  “Fine. Have it your way. But just remember you brought this on yourself.” He trotted up to the stage, where members of Nate’s band were providing the evening’s music. Fortunately, he knew them all well.

  “Hey, Aaron. Can I borrow the mic for a second?” he called as the group finished their song.

  “Sure thing, Pastor.” Aaron passed him the mic.

  “Excuse me.” Dan spoke to the crowd without hesitation. One of the perks of being a pastor—standing in front of all those people didn’t make him nervous. There was only one person whose reaction he cared about—and he wasn’t at all sure what it would be.

  As he waited for the room to quiet, he caught Violet’s eye, hoping she’d understand why he was crashing her wedding dance, but she gave him a thumbs up.

  “First, congratulations to Nate and Violet. I know we are all so happy for them and pray for God’s blessings on their marriage.” He waited for the applause to slow. “And second, I need your help. There’s a young woman here I’d very much like to dance with, but she’s a little shy. Could you all help me encourage Miss Jade Falter to give me this dance?” He held his hands up and started clapping, grinning as the wedding guests began to clap along.

  At her table, Jade covered her mouth with her hands but not before he saw the smile starting there. He crossed the room, holding his hand out to her as the band played a slow, sweet melody. The crowd continued to applaud, and someone yelled, “Dance with him already.”

  Dan laughed, but his eyes met
Jade’s. “I don’t think they’re going to give up. And neither am I.”

  Not taking her eyes off him, Jade stood slowly and put her hand in his. He finally breathed out, as the crowd broke into cheers.

  “Thank you,” he leaned over to whisper in her ear.

  “Well, you didn’t leave me much choice.” But she smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and her hands came up to his shoulders. He pulled her in closer, suddenly unable to say all the things he’d been planning to say. Right now, all he could think of was holding her. He prayed this wouldn’t be the last time he’d ever have his arms around her, but if it was, he didn’t want to forget a moment of it.

  Too soon, the song ended, and Jade gently untangled herself from his grasp.

  “Thank you.” Her voice was full, and he wondered if she was overcome with as much emotion as he was.

  He grabbed her hand. “Talk outside?”

  She nodded and let him lead her.

  But before they reached the doors, Terrence Malone stepped in front of them. Dan tried not to groan at the sight of the church president.

  “I won’t keep you.” Terrence nodded a greeting to Jade, who offered a gracious smile that Dan could have kissed her for. “I just wanted to say that I enjoyed your wedding message today. Your father spoke on that First Corinthians text often, but you brought out some things that I’d never picked up on before.” Terrence winked. “Your father would have been proud.”

  Dan cleared his throat at the unexpected compliment. “Thank you.”

  Terrence clapped him on the back, then gestured for them to continue out the doors.