by Nicole Thorn
Strange.
Something else had changed, but I could quite figure out what in my hungover state. I shook the worry off and went to shower. I stepped out of my bathroom, and I still couldn’t figure it out, so I decided it must not have been important.
I shouldn’t talk to Anna. I doubted she’d want to, even if I gave her the option. I did something cruel to her before I left. She had been kind enough to let me sleep with her, and I decided that I need to take her jacket back.
My every thought was of her. I couldn’t escape, even with a gallon of whiskey. At least I didn’t dream last night.
Mostly.
I’d had a brief dream of her kissing me, but it ended quicker than it came. Another illusion.
I checked my phone as I pulled my dagger from the dresser and sheathed it. I had a text on it from Rupert. He needed to see me.
I didn’t bother eating breakfast first. I could go on an empty stomach.
I closed my eyes and focused on Hell.
The smell of dust and sulfur surrounded me, and I opened my eyes to see the familiar bus stop. It sat empty, but I knew it wouldn’t last very long. Bad people died every second.
I heard a strange noise, and looked around until I saw it. A bird circled above me. It flapped its wings in an odd way, as if one side of him didn’t quite work as well as the other.
I looked harder and decided it had to be a pigeon. I almost couldn’t tell, since it looked perfectly round and double the size of any pigeon I’d ever seen in my life.
“Don’t mind him,” my boss said as he approached me. I kept my eyes on the bird. “His name is Darwin.”
“How’d he get here?”
“Lucifer had a bad day. The bird met with a sword that had a similarity to your dagger.”
I looked at him, finally. “But only the hellions have weapons like mine.”
He nodded. “Helena fell at the hands of a Fallen. Several days ago,” he added.
She had been one of the other assassins. The ones like me. There were four—three now—hellions that went after specific people Lucifer wanted dead. And seven others that had far more specific tasks than we did.
I didn’t know the woman very well. I didn’t talk much with the other hellions, because I had no reason to. She had been far younger than me, only having the job for forty years.
“Why?” I asked.
“I’m not filled in on the situation. All I know is that it’s being taken care of by people that Lucifer himself decided could do the job.”
“Great,” I sighed. The last thing anyone needed was a Fallen after them. I just felt bad for the poor bastards that had to chase them down. And the people on the Fallen’s hit list. Not a lot of things could escape a Fallen.
“How is the Amarus case going? You didn’t come down after Travis McGuire was taken care of.”
I didn’t have an answer, so I made one up. “Travis was complicated. He had people with him that I had to kill. I meant to come down, but I had things to take care of.”
“And the girl? It’s not like you to take this long on an assignment.”
“She and her friends are powerful, but I have no way to know the extent.”
Rupert looked unhappy with that answer. “Then I suppose you should just kill her. If she gets raised again, then the friends die too. It seems to be the only thing to do.”
No. Please no. It was all I could think. I tried to not panic in front of him. I couldn’t let him know how badly I didn’t want to do this.
Could I talk my way out of it? I’d never tried before.
“Does she need to die?”
Rupert’s forehead creased, and he almost laughed. “What do you mean?”
I took a moment. “She’s just a girl. She doesn’t have any desire to use her powers.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that her soul belongs to Lucifer until she is redeemed. What is it to you?”
I love her. “Nothing. I just don’t see the point in it.” Did I sound as desperate as I thought I did?
My life had been tied to hers. I could feel it in my bones. I managed to survive the death of Divina. I’d not even considered lying down and dying. But if I lost Anna… I wouldn’t survive it. Not now. The man I’d become with her couldn’t take the loss. I wouldn’t even have the chance to end my own life, because the second she died, my heart would be kind enough to stop beating.
“Lucifer does.” Rupert nodded once, sharply to get the point across. “So she dies. Remember your job, Ezra. Remember what happens if you choose to forsake your responsibilities. There will be consequences. The girl needs to be ended. Soon.”
“Is that all?” I asked.
“It is.” He took a step backward. “I’ve never seen you talk like this, and frankly, it’s unsettling. Please, don’t be foolish.” His eyes looked soft as he turned and left me in the dry wasteland.
It felt like an hourglass turned over.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt so far past lost.
I closed my eyes and went back to the loft. I sat on the bed that I no longer considered only mine. How could I? I’d never slept as well as I did when Anna had been in it with me.
I wished I could stop being angry with Anna over this, but I couldn’t. How could I be so angry with someone, and they remain the only thing that can make the pain stop?
Nature could be cruel.
I sat on our bed, unmoving, for the whole day. No food. No alcohol. At a couple different moments, I thought that my heart had actually stopped beating. Sadly, it did not.
Only one option remained. I looked out into the black sky and made the decision that I knew would hurt me more than help me.
I needed to see her.
I knew it would ease the hurt while I was with her, but the second I left, it would flood me.
I got on the motorcycle anyway.
***
Again, the apartment was pitch black. The whole street looked abandoned.
Empty.
The world seemed to be reflecting me as of late. My bed, the sky, the street. All things far too empty.
I climbed the fire escape, and sat down with my back to the metal railing.
Anna slept in her bed, but even unconscious she looked uneasy. She couldn’t possibly be hurting as much as me, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was. Her face screamed pain.
My other half—my human half—mirrored me. Like we were two sides of the same coin.
As I looked into her room I finally realized what had been missing from my loft.
She had the giant duck in the corner, and she clutched my pillow.
Something in me changed. I didn’t know how, but I felt it. Knowing that she’d risked her life by breaking into my loft, just for something as silly as a pillow, was enough to dissolve my anger for the moment. Anna took the pillow simply because it belonged to me. No other explanation made sense. The duck belonged to her, but that pillow… she had the same reason for holding it now as I had for holding hers the night before.
Anna stirred in her bed and moved onto her back. I heard her whimpering through the cracked window. My first instinct was to go in and comfort her, but those days had ended.
I just wished that I’d known at the time how I felt about her. I would have made better use of the time. I’d have been kinder. Treated her like she deserved. I’d have kissed her more.
I should have kissed her more…
Chapter Twenty-Five: Riddles
Anastasia
It didn’t taste the same, like the flavor had vanished. It turned to sand in my mouth.
“Did they screw up your order?” Poppy asked me from across the booth.
“Nope,” I said while I stabbed at the ice cream with my spoon. “Cookie dough.” Normally it was my favorite, but at the moment it might as well have been garbage.
Poppy’s nose scrunched up, and she set her cup down. “Ezra? Is that why you’re sad?”
It’s why I’m nothing. “I miss him. I miss
how I’d wake up, and he’d be writing next to me. Or how he’d give me his last piece of bacon. I think it’s funny, looking back on how it started, and seeing where it ended up.” I looked back at the vinyl-covered table. “I used to hate him so much. We were so bad to each other.”
“Hostility is to be expected when one of you wants to kill the other.”
“Yeah. I suppose that’s true. He’s still so mad at me.” He hardly looked at me on the rare occasion I got to see him.
“You broke his heart, sweetie. A heart that was fragile to begin with. I don’t know if a guy can bounce back from that.”
The truth stung, but I needed to hear it. I deserved to know the pain I’d caused him.
Poppy knew as little about him as I could get away with telling her. All I said about his past was that there had been a girl and he lost her. That all came out when I sobbed over what I did to him. She promised that she wouldn’t tell Oswald about it, and I believed her.
“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” I said, feeling the honesty in my own words.
“Everybody deserves forgiveness if they really want it.”
“I don’t.”
She didn’t say anything. Poppy finally caught on that no words would comfort me. “How’s school?” I asked, desperate for a distraction. The look on her face suggested she knew that, so Poppy launched into a story about her teacher and I tried to pay attention.
I didn’t hear a word she said.
When the story ended, I looked down at my ice cream cup. It was a lumpy, melted mess. I tossed it in the garbage, and asked if we could go home. Maybe unpacking would distract me more.
Poppy drove us home. We decided that it would be best if I didn’t drive anymore. If I got pulled over, that would make a mess I didn’t know how to clean up.
I trailed Poppy as we walked down the hall and she put her hand on the doorknob. She turned it, but it was locked.
“Weird,” she mumbled as she dug into her pocket for the key. She opened the door, and almost screamed.
Oswald laid on the floor in the middle of the living room. The furniture had been pushed around.
His skin had paled to the whitest of white, and he looked an inch from death. His mouth hung slightly open, and his eyes were closed.
Poppy ran to him, but Elisa was already there. She had been hovering over Ossy when we walked in. She had been trying to wake him up.
She failed.
“Get him outside,” I said quickly. The girls looked at me, confused. “Just do it!” I yelled, and we all carried Oswald outside, onto the grass.
I dug my hands into the dirt. Then I grabbed his hand before pushing it against the earth.
I tried to focus on waking him up as I held his hand to the ground. After a few second, it worked, and he stirred.
“Holy shit,” Elisa breathed. “How did you do that?”
Poppy leaned down to Oswald as I spoke. “I don’t really know. It was just an instinct I guess.”
“Instinct?”
“Yeah. The magic comes from the earth. It’s how you can tap into the big stuff. That and your intent.”
“Really?” Elisa looked at the ground.
“What happened, Ossy?” Poppy asked him.
He sat up, and took heavy breaths. “I don’t remember. I was in the living room, and then I was here.”
Elisa looked up. “I know what happened. That guy came by. He wanted to kill Annie, but he went for Oswald because he was there.”
“Ezra? No. No way did he do this,” I said. He wouldn’t hurt my friends. I didn’t even think he would hurt me.
“Don’t use his name like he matters,” she spat. “He’s a killer, and he tried to kill your friend.”
I looked at Oswald. “Did you see him?”
“No.”
“Poppy,” I said. “Do you think he did it?” Code for: Please be on my side.
“Annie… he is a killer, and he’s supposed to kill you. If he came to do it, it wouldn’t be surprising if he killed someone else. Who else could have done this?”
No one believes me. Should I even think he was innocent?
Yes.
I stood up and left. I heard someone trying to follow me, and I shouted, “Don’t,” without turning back.
I needed to talk to Ezra. Right now. I needed to hear him tell me that he didn’t do this.
I found a bus, and took it. It brought me a block from Ezra’s loft. I couldn’t go in on the off chance he’d kill me. I went up to the desk in the empty lobby, then stole a piece of paper and a pen. I jotted down a place to meet, signing it Anna. He didn’t see me as that girl anymore, but I did. I’d be his Anna until the day I died, and long after.
I slipped it under his door, and ran before he could open it and see me. I rushed to the elevator, and then out the door.
I picked a little diner a few blocks away. I knew he liked diners, and it was public, so he couldn’t try anything.
The place had an old movies theme. The walls were covered in black and white posters. The tile and booths were black and white too. I picked one that faced the door and sat down.
It only took a few minutes for a waitress to skate up to me. “What can I get ya?”
“A burger, everything on the side. And a water.”
I didn’t realize until after she left that I ordered exactly what Ezra got. I smiled at the thought. It quickly faded.
Every time someone would pass through the glass doors, my heart would sink with disappointment. He didn’t show up by the time my food came out.
I put my burger together and drowned it in ketchup. I didn’t know that it was possible to be sad when eating fries, but it was. I ordered a strawberry milkshake, and hoped it would help.
It didn’t.
I started dipping my fries in it, and that still didn’t cure me. Boo.
“What on Earth are you doing?” I heard his voice before I saw his face. When I looked up and saw Ezra, I almost thought I felt my heart beating.
“You’re late,” I said with an eyebrow up.
“I was busy.” He put his hands on the table. Ezra wore my jacket. That bastard.
“Doing what? Brooding?” Sexy brooding, I bet. He looked cute when he was quiet and thoughtful. Dammit.
Ezra narrowed his cold green eyes. “I was witch-proofing my journal.”
Okay then.
I dug into my milkshake with a spoon as I mumbled, “How bout I bitch-proof your face?”
“What? What does that even mean?”
“It means bite me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Why am I here, Anastasia?”
Ugh. I never thought I’d miss him calling me Anna. My full name sounded so wrong on his lips.
“I need to ask you something, and you’re going to be very upset with me after.”
“I’m already very upset with you,” Ezra informed me, his face remaining unmoving, like stone.
“Oh, good then. Os was attacked at the apartment today. He almost died.” I studied his face for any hint of guilt or ownership.
“And?” He stole a fry and started eating my burger.
“I wasn’t home, and neither was Poppy. We got back and found Elisa trying to wake him up. We asked what happened, and she said that you did it. You came looking for me and when you didn’t find me, you must have just settled for him.”
Ezra stopped chewing and stared blankly at me. “Do you believe her?”
Not denying it, but also not confirming it.
I breathed out slowly. “I don’t.”
“Why not?” He set the food down and sipped on my water.
“Because even though you hate me, I don’t think you’d hurt me like that.”
Ezra considered me. “Hating requires a great deal of caring. I’m not a man who cares about many things.”
Stab me in the heart, why don’t ya?
“So, you don’t care enough about me to hate me?” Please say no. I’d rather him hate me than feel nothing.
“
Didn’t say that.”
“You do care about me?”
“Didn’t say that either.” He took the milkshake from my hand, and started drinking it.
I kicked him under the table. “Stop fucking with me.”
“Fucking with you?” He smiled. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Last time I tried doing that, you just came and went like it was nothing. Pardon the pun.” He slammed the glass down.
I rolled my eyes. “Again, sorry for trying to save my own life.” I already felt sorry enough.
“I don’t blame you for that, but I don’t enjoy being worked up, and then left handcuffed to a bed.”
I smiled through the guilt and embarrassment. “Really? Sure did feel like you were enjoying it.”
“I cannot take responsibility for what body parts of mine may or may not react when I’m being…” He looked up for a second before he decided on a word. “Stimulated. And might I add, Pet, that you seemed to quite enjoy yourself too.” He tapped on his chin and looked off again. “Now, how many times did you call out my name? I can’t recall. I was too busy focusing on making sure you enjoyed yourself.”
I felt my cheeks redden and looked up so that I wouldn’t cry. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“I suppose you didn’t,” he sighed. “The point being, that I wanted to. I wanted you to be happy because I thought you wanted the same for me. And then you left.”
I do want him happy. I cared a million times more about him than myself, but he wouldn’t have believed me if I told him.
“You said you didn’t blame me for leaving.”
“I said I didn’t blame you for trying to save your own life. I absolutely blame you for leaving like you did. I don’t take well to people trying to fuck with my very few feelings.”
“That’s not what—”
He held a hand up to stop me. “No more. I don’t want to hear it. You asked me here for a reason. You want to know if I hurt your friend.”
I nodded.
“I didn’t. Your girl must be mistaken.”
I believed him. Not that I thought there was a chance that he did it even before he sat down.
That still left me trying to figure out what happened to Oswald. If Elisa saw a man that looked like Ezra, that would mean that there was someone after us.
