Aftershock

by Sylvia Day

  “Good question. I haven’t heard anything.”

  The pretty redhead didn’t look happy. I didn’t know if that was because her brother had shot out of the proverbial gate before she did or because Ian was spending the evening at Isabelle’s side. By all appearances, Ian had a new favorite.

  “Does it bother you that he’s here?” I asked, searching the room until I found Jax talking with a man I recognized as the host of a Food Network TV show. Taking a deep breath, I enjoyed the sight of my man, which still hadn’t lessened in impact even after months of living together. He wore an elegant black sweater and dress slacks, and I was looking forward to stripping him out of both in just a few hours.

  He caught me staring and winked.

  “Ian?” Lei shook her head. “I would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t come. You should say hi to him.”

  “Will you?”

  She grinned. “When he breaks down and comes to me, yes. I’ll offer him a drink, too. It’s the least I can do.”

  Lifting my flute in a farewell toast, I took her advice and started mingling. Eclectic fusion music pumped through the hidden speakers, an audible reflection of the menu. The food was garnering raves and the excitement was high. Opening a new restaurant was always a momentous occasion. Like Lei, I lived for the high.

  Soon Vincent would be launching his own Rossi’s. So much to celebrate. Life was getting better every day.

  “Congratulations, Gianna. This is quite an accomplishment.”

  I stopped and faced Ian Pembry. My mother would call him “dashing.” I thought of him as arresting, with an undeniable charisma.

  “Thank you,” I said, holding out my hand to him. “I’ll pass the kudos along to the chefs.”

  He kissed my knuckles with firm, dry lips. “I know exactly how much work goes into a successful launch like this. Take the praise—you deserve it.”

  I bowed my head in acknowledgment. “I couldn’t have done it without Lei. She’s an awesome mentor.”

  Ian’s blue eyes gleamed with amusement and he squeezed my hand before releasing it. “You might be surprised at what you can accomplish without Lei. When you’re ready to take that step, let me know.”

  I debated keeping my mouth shut for a minute, then I just went with it. “You blew it with her, you know. She loved you.”

  Ian’s face hardened, but before he could reply, his gaze fixed on a point beyond my shoulder. When a steely arm hooked around my waist, I knew who’d drawn his attention.

  “Jackson,” Ian greeted him stiffly. “I hear congratulations are in order for you, as well.”

  Jax tucked me into his side. “I’m a lucky man who got a second chance.”

  I arched a brow at Ian, since Jax’s words tied so neatly into what I’d just said. Ian’s response was a tight smile.

  Jax excused us and led me away, his hand cupped around my hipbone in a grip that sent heated thoughts through my mind. “I managed to get us the same room you were in the last time we were here together.”

  I remembered that trip well. It had been a turning point for us. The beginning of the end that kicked off a new beginning. “Are you being sentimental?” I teased, drawing to a halt and facing him.

  “Still working on fixing past mistakes.”

  “Oh? What was the mistake?”

  He ran the tip of his finger down the bridge of my nose and his dimple flashed. The one-two punch made me more than a little weak in the knees. “Leaving you naked and wanting. Gotta fix that, baby.”

  “I think you’ve left me hanging more than once. Maybe I should make a list.”

  Jax’s grin widened. “Absolutely.”

  “It might be a long one,” I warned, thinking about all the times he’d gotten me hot and bothered, then made me wait until I thought I’d lose my mind.

  He reached for my hand and played with my ring. “Good thing we’ve got plenty of time.”

  A lifetime. Which might just be long enough.

  * * * * *

  We hope you enjoy this

  Cosmo Read-Hot read from Mills & Boon.

  The sexy romances for today’s fun, fearless female are

  dangerously addictive! Sex in real life can often be a little

  different from how it appears on the page…and that’s where

  Cosmo comes in with honest, relatable advice to make sure

  you get exactly what you want in bed—and every

  other area of your life.

  If you enjoyed this book, don’t forget to tell us on e-mail

  (cosmo.mail@hearst.co.uk), follow us on Facebook

  (CosmopolitanUK) or tweet us your thoughts

  (@CosmopolitanUK).

  So turn the page to discover what advice

  Cosmo’s sex psychotherapist, Rachel Morris,

  has for women (and a few men!) like you.

  Then six Cosmo writers reveal what

  they wish they’d known about sex

  from the start.

  SEX THERAPY

  For change-your-life sex advice, ask Cosmo’s sex psychotherapist, Rachel Morris

  ‘Will I ever orgasm?’

  Can you please tell me how to have an orgasm? I’m twenty-two and almost ready to give up. I’ve come close, I think, but never actually had one. Can all women orgasm or are there some who just can’t?

  Unless you’ve had a nerve-degenerating disease or genital surgery, it’s extremely unlikely that you’re incapable of orgasm. Most women who struggle to achieve orgasm find it hard because they struggle. You can’t force your body to come; it has to be encouraged, cajoled and then tipped over the edge. Many teenage girls don’t masturbate, so they don’t learn what makes them purr. Instead, they leave it to the inexperienced fumbling of teenage boys to show them the way.

  Tip 1. Masturbate. Tense your thighs and buttocks and focus on your clitoris. 2. Use lube. Try Stimul8 Pure Lube, £5, from Sh-womenstore.com. 3. Relax your mind and focus on the silky sensations and your sexy thoughts. 4. Be patient and persevere.

  ‘I love porn!’

  Is it weird that I like porn? Every guy I know watches it, but no girls. I feel ashamed about what I like to watch, although it’s not what I’d want in real life. But my orgasms are so much stronger with porn.

  No one raises an eyebrow about guys masturbating to porn; it’s what men do. But when a woman explores her sexuality away from her lover’s bed, the world winces. Stand up to this inequality by ignoring it. There are things about our sexual tastes we don’t understand or want to share. So what? It’s OK to be private, but shame is destructive—so shame no more! Take care, though: porn is a powerful stimulant. Use it too much and you risk losing the ability to be fully satisfied by a lover.

  ‘My libido’s gone’

  What’s happened to me? I used to love sex, but now I’ll make any excuse not to have it. My boyfriend wants it daily, but I can’t manage more than once a week. I need to find myself again before he finds someone else.

  You describe yourself like a sex toy that isn’t doing what it said on the box. Is sex all you believe this guy wants from you, or all you feel you have to offer? Ask yourself what you want. The pressure you’re putting on yourself to perform is exhausting you. It’s OK for him to want sex 24/7, but you don’t have to provide it. If your relationship can’t survive his momentary disappointment each night, it’s not worth having.

  HE WANTS TO KNOW …

  ‘Am I too kinky?’

  I can’t believe I’m saying this but … I can only come with a vibrator up my bum. I fancy women so I’m not gay, but I fantasise about having sex with a strap-on. It’s messed-up, right? Am I abnormal?

  With society having such a narrow idea of what’s ‘normal’, it’s no wonder so many of us feel left dangling ‘outside’. There’s nothing freakish about wanting your erogenous zones stimulated, wherever they are. The prostate—
close to the anal wall—is extremely sensitive to pressure, which is why plenty of guys enjoy that area being stimulated. Vibrators offer a quick solution, but if you rely on them too much your body can forget how to come without them, so try doing without for a while.

  ‘I fantasise about my unsexy boss’

  My boyfriend thinks I’m great because I role-play for him (he was a virgin before me), but I feel like a terrible person because I secretly fantasise about my boss when I want to come. I don’t even fancy him—he’s old and fat—so why do I do it?

  When it comes to sexuality, it’s best not to ask, ‘Why?’. Desire is a constantly evolving, complex mosaic of experiences, thoughts and sensations; why waste time trying to see what’s on each tile when the whole picture brings such pleasure? All sexual fantasies are rooted in having or relinquishing power. Sex with your inexperienced boyfriend might force you (temporarily) into a more dominant role, whereas the ‘boss’ fantasy allows you to feel submissive, which is probably what triggers your orgasm. We can’t control what pops into our heads, but we can decide how to feel about it. Choose not to feel guilty and the problem will go away.

  ‘I’ve lost my confidence’

  I used to be really sexual, then I lost my job and put on loads of weight. Now I can’t stand to be touched. I keep pushing my boyfriend away, but I don’t want to lose him either. How do I get my confidence back?

  Losing your job has knocked you, but take a deep breath and hear this—fundamentally, you are who you’ve always been. Try to remember why other people love you. If you can’t find a way to do that, find a therapist to help. Overeating, loss of libido and low self-esteem could be symptoms of depression, so speak to your GP. Your confidence and libido are right where you left them—I promise.

  ‘Our sex life is dull’

  I love my boyfriend, but sex is a massive problem; we hardly ever do it and when we do I never climax and he hardly ever does. I want to talk dirty and use sex toys, but he says they put him off. If I try to guide him, he calls me bossy. I’m at a loss!

  Our sex lives reflect our relationship as a whole. When women feel their needs aren’t being met (sexually or otherwise), we grow resentful. When men feel nagged or criticised, they grow resentful and nothing chokes the life out of a relationship faster. If you want things to change, do things differently. You know what you don’t want, so spend some time discovering what each of you does want and does like and hope for.

  HE WANTS TO KNOW …

  ‘How many is normal?’

  As a Christian, I pledged to save myself for marriage. Then I met my girlfriend, who didn’t want to wait. I love her, so I’m not a virgin any more. I knew I wasn’t her first, but I’ve just learnt I’m her ninth! How many lovers are normal for a twenty-year-old girl?

  Firstly, she’s a woman, not a girl. What are you really asking? Whether she’s a slapper or practically a virgin compared to her mates? The ‘average’ number won’t help you decide whether to judge her or not—that’s up to your conscience. Nine represents nothing more than the amount of times she decided (as is her right) to say yes (or not to say no) to sex. Has she judged you for pledging not to have sex and then changing your mind?

  ‘My boyfriend can’t make me come’

  My boyfriend’s really good with his fingers and tongue, but he can’t give me an orgasm. I’m comfortable with him, so it’s not that. I come easily through masturbation and I can even have one in front him, so why can’t he do it for me?

  A woman’s orgasm is short-circuited by one of two things—a lack of skills on her lover’s part or a lack of trust on hers. He can’t give you an orgasm; he can only facilitate your having one. If your boyfriend is as skilled as you say, then the only question is, ‘What’s stopping you?’ Do you give up before he does? Get impatient? Worry you’re taking too long? Trust means letting go of these things and maybe that’s hard for you. Some people find it almost impossible to hand over the reins to anyone, because not being in control leaves them feeling vulnerable or anxious. The answer is to stay with it. Let go—and LET HIM TRY.

  ‘How can I boost my “O”?’

  Help—my orgasms used to be so intense I felt like passing out, but now they’re weak and pathetic. I use a Rabbit (or a power shower) and they’ve never let me down before …

  It’s unlikely to be physiological, but see your GP to be sure your hormones are healthy. As you don’t mention a partner, I assume it’s down to you to keep your sexual interests perky. Not easy. Alcohol, meds, stress and fatigue all sap the desire, as do masturbating through boredom, doing it too often and sticking with the same toys and fantasies. Research new erotic material, treat yourself to a new device, then tease and linger. Effort = reward.

  HE WANTS TO KNOW …

  ‘Why is she so shy in bed?’

  My girlfriend’s twenty (I’m thirty) and quite inexperienced sexually. She’s so nervous it puts me off. We’ve only had sex a handful of times in six months. I don’t want to push her, but I want to have sex! How can I help her get past her nerves?

  Shyness can be debilitating and I’m sure she appreciates your patience. You’re right not to push her—it will add to her self-consciousness. But you do have to talk. Choose a quiet, private time on neutral ground—ideally walking hand-in-hand and side-by-side outdoors (this minimises eye contact). Say, ‘I’d like to talk about our sex life—no need to answer now, but I need us to think about how to move forward.’ She may be relieved: you won’t be the only one fretting about it.

  Write to: RACHEL MORRIS, Cosmopolitan, 72 Broadwick Street, London W1F 9EP, or e-mail rachel@cosmopolitan.co.uk

  SEX MISTAKES BY THE WOMEN WHO’VE MADE THEM

  If you could hit rewind on your sex life, what would you go back and change? Six writers reveal what they wish they’d known from the start

  ‘I wish … I’d known it’s OK to masturbate,’ says writer and blogger Zoe Margolis

  When I turned twenty, I was a bit unsure of my sexual self. I was aware that I was bisexual, but didn’t know how to express it. I also had a keen interest in sex, but felt embarrassed about it. I’d love to revisit that time in my life and explore my body a bit more, because I know my lack of confidence came from not knowing myself and what did and didn’t work for me.

  Sex with my first-ever boyfriend was disappointing because of that. We’d go in search of my clitoris many times and, while I would occasionally shout, ‘Yes! Yes! That’s it!’, when he came up for air, if he asked, ‘Sorry, where was that again?’, I didn’t know what to say.

  We just couldn’t find the right spot and, given that I didn’t know how to bring myself to orgasm at that point, how could I expect him to?

  If I’d known that there’s no shame in masturbation and nothing wrong with using my hands or a toy, porn or my imagination, I would’ve learnt earlier that pleasure is a positive thing. Asking for what you know you enjoy, rather than hoping for it, is empowering.

  So I wish I’d become familiar with what felt nice and why and I wish I’d felt more comfortable about satisfying myself. My self-discovery improved not just the pleasure I had on my own, but my enjoyment of sex with others. It was only later in life I realised that these things are inextricably connected.

  Zoe wrote the smash-hit blog and bestselling book Girl With A One-Track Mind, writing as ‘Abby Lee’

  ‘I wish … I’d realised condoms aren’t like crisp packets,’ says writer Sarah Morgan

  Despite growing up in the 80s and 90s, when the girl group TLC pinned condoms to their dungarees and Judith Hann fiddled with Femidoms on Tomorrow’s World, the whole experience of buying them makes me go wibbly. It’s complicated and embarrassing, like ventriloquism.

  You know when you’re buying mascara and you can’t tell the difference between lengthening, plumping and separating, and you go a bit cross-eyed and start gibbering in Superdrug? It’s basically that feeling, but with sex and shame thrown in.

  So, despite spending my twenties as a healthy,
uh, liberated, er … What’s the polite way to put this? Despite having been round the block more times than an ice-cream van, I’d (shamefully) always left that side of things to the gentleman. That is, until one fateful night. It was a second date, he was coming to mine and I knew I should stock up. Confronted with lubricated tips and Fetherlites and stimulating nodules, I panicked and grabbed the nearest red box. In my naivety, I thought red meant plain. You know, like crisps.

  Turns out I’d picked up something called Tinglers. Ever experienced someone squeezing a whole tube of toothpaste inside you? That’s what this felt like. Meanwhile, he looked like he’d smeared himself in Deep Heat and made a sound like a dog eating a hot chip. I explained the whole ‘red/plain crisps’ rationale and, luckily, he laughed.

  Reader, I married him—two years later. Okay, so there are less traumatising ways of accelerating a relationship, like tattooing his face on yours. But it could’ve been worse: we could have had no condoms at all. I know we’re all marvellously liberated now and buy condoms with our cornflakes, but it can still feel a bit awkward to make that move yourself. But don’t be shy; don’t leave it up to him. And just remember that blue usually means ultra-thin. Not salt and vinegar.

  Sarah is a writer for TV and radio sketches, sitcoms and comedy dramas

  ‘I wish … I’d known eight things,’ says writer and columnist Hannah Betts

  1. Know thyself. I’m glad I didn’t have loads of sex in my twenties—I wasn’t ready for it. Things change; keep tabs on what makes you happy.