Leveled

by Jay Crownover

  After my freak-out over his face when he was hurt I noticed Dom’s attitude about his job started to change a little. For the first few weeks when he went back, he left for every shift from either my house or his apartment with a loose smile and some pep in his step. After the incident which left him slightly roughed up and me practically inconsolable I noticed that he was leaving for his shifts with more trepidation and far less enthusiasm. I questioned him about it one night while we were getting ready for bed and he brushed me off saying that he was just having some trouble finding his groove with a new partner. I didn’t believe it was that simple but as he had wanted his badge and his job back so badly, I couldn’t figure out what could be bothering him, since he had gotten everything he wanted … including me.

  I let it drop for the time being but as the days went on, the more and more dissatisfied he got. He was withdrawn and sullen. He was quiet and moody. He was acting an awful lot like I did when I first realized I was falling for him, so I called him on it and was promptly shut down again.

  That morning before we both left for work, I handed Dom a cup of coffee.

  “You need to tell me what’s going on with you. I can’t be in a relationship where we keep things from one another, Dom. There’s too much at stake here for you to start shutting me out now.” I knew it was hypocritical considering I’d kept him in the dark for so long, but I knew now what we had to lose if he didn’t let me in.

  He narrowed his eyes at me over the rim of his coffee mug. “Everything is fine, Lando. I’m just trying to settle in.”

  I shook my head at him. “Things are not fine. You’re not happy, Dom and I can see it.”

  His dark eyebrows winged up and he turned to put his mug on the counter. “You make me happy. Coming home to you and going to bed with you every night is better than anything has ever been.”

  Well, this was something, but it wasn’t enough. “You make me happy, too, but there has to be more to life than that. You worked so hard to get back to work. I thought you would be celebrating, not moping around.”

  He shrugged absently and moved to grab his coat and his keys. “I thought I would be celebrating, too. It hasn’t worked out that way.”

  I followed him to the door and grabbed his arm as he was about to leave. He looked down at my fingers and then up at the concerned expression I knew was stamped all over my face. “There has to be a reason it hasn’t worked out that way, Dom. I don’t want you out there, drifting in a job as dangerous as yours is. That’s a recipe for disaster.”

  He opened his mouth to argue, I could see the fight fire up in his eyes and I had flashbacks to the last time I disagreed with someone I loved right before they walked out the door. My panic must have been clear in my expression because I saw the battle go quiet as he continued to watch me and then he leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss before shouting over his shoulder, “Maybe you’re right. Don’t worry about me and I’ll see you later.”

  Had we met? Of course I was going to worry about him and a few hours later, when I was in the middle of a session with a pro golfer with a wicked shoulder injury and one of the staff came and found me to tell me once again there was a cop waiting for me in my office, I almost passed out. All I could imagine was Royal or one of Dom’s other coworkers there to tell me he was hurt, or worse.

  I pawned my client off onto another therapist and hurried to the office and came to a standstill when I caught sight of my guy standing in front of the set of shelves that still had the picture of me and Remy on it but now sat next to a picture of me and Dom from his surprise party at the bar. We had our arms around one another and even from this distance I knew how happy we looked together.

  “You scared the shit out of me.” I closed the door and bent over and put my hands on my knees so I could catch the breath that had been sucked out of me by the chill of fear and the dash to the office.

  Dom looked genuinely confused as he turned around and stared at me. “Why?”

  I waved him off figuring he would just make light of my overreaction and straightened so I could make my way over to my desk. I propped my ass on the corner of it and let my eyes rove over him. He really did look exceptionally sexy in that uniform.

  “I wasn’t expecting you. Did you stop by for lunch? I was with a client, but I found someone else to finish his session for me.”

  He came closer to where I was standing and took his hat off and flung it on the top of my desk. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “No, I didn’t come by for lunch. I came by because I want to talk to you.”

  “Oh yeah? About what?” I couldn’t imagine what was so important that had taken him from work and brought him to me. I also couldn’t keep the trepidation out of my voice.

  He grinned at me and it settled some of my nerves. “I told you not to worry about me Mr. Fancy-Pants. I just needed to figure some things out at work and I wanted to run everything by you first.”

  I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “What’s going on with work?”

  He started to pace back and forth in front of me with a loose gate. “I haven’t been happy at work; you were right about that.”

  I snorted. “Obviously.”

  He cut me a sideways look and kept moving. I was getting whiplash watching him, but I knew he needed to get whatever was bugging him off his chest, so I didn’t bother asking him to stand still while we talked.

  “I couldn’t figure it out. Something was off after I finished all the requalification. I shoulda been doing backflips, but all I wanted to do was drink a beer and sulk.” He paused for a second and put his hands on his hips and looked down at the tips of his black boots. “I thought I just needed to get back in the rhythm of the streets that I just had to find my groove again.” He blinked as he looked up at me. “The groove is gone. The passion I had for my job is gone. Something’s been missing, and I haven’t been able to put my finger on what it is.”

  Now that was surprising. “What’s changed?” I loved the idea of him not being in danger every day but I didn’t want him to give up something he loved because of me. I didn’t want him to look back on his life and regret being with me or feel resentful that he had to give up something in exchange for my happiness.

  He huffed out a breath and started pacing again. “I changed. For most of my adult life, all I’ve ever been is a cop. That is the skin I was most comfortable in; that was the title I brandished around whenever I felt like I needed to justify who I was as a man. I was scared to lose that, to have to be something other than a police officer because that is all I’ve ever been. I was telling you to take a risk and yet I was refusing to take one of my own.”

  I made a hum of agreement but said nothing as he continued to pace and talk.

  “It started to occur to me recently that I’ve always been a lot of things that are more important and more impressive than being a cop. I’m a big brother. I’m a son. I’m a best friend. I’m a survivor.” He stopped directly in front of me and his eyes locked on mine. “I’m a boyfriend.”

  I couldn’t hold back the grin that teased my lips. “A great boyfriend.”

  He grinned back at me and it made my heart trip and my blood start to heat up. “I think I’ve been trying to play the role of a cop instead of actually being a cop since I’ve been back and you’re right, that is a recipe for disaster.”

  “So what’s the plan, Dom?” I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t be here practically jumping out of his skin if he didn’t already have something up his sleeve.

  He lifted his hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over the curve of his bottom lip. The action pulled my attention there and I wanted to replace his thumb with my teeth. “I’ve spent the last month with a rookie partner, a kid fresh out of the academy and while I may be slightly jaded and less enthusiastic about keeping the peace, this kid reminded me what it was like to be new, to have that drive and passion. He also reminded me what it was like to be a clueless kid trying to figure out how to make it h
ome each day when the bad guys outnumber us and are better armed. I am starting thinking about another thing I’ve always been, something else that has always made me happy and fulfilled.” He stopped in front of me and put a hand on the center of my chest. “I’m a good teacher, Lando. I taught my sisters how to ride bikes, I taught them how to change the oil in their cars and most of my favorite memories of going through the academy myself are tied to helping Royal and the other cadets out.”

  I reached out my own hand and put it on his hip. He was missing the heavy black belt that held all of his gear, so I wasn’t worried about putting my hands anywhere dangerous.

  “I still want to be a cop. I want to be involved in the law and I want to make a difference. Eventually I want to work my way up to detective but the need to pound the pavement and tangle with the bad guys isn’t as strong as it was before I realized I had so many other things that defined the kind of man I am, a man that I know my dad would be proud of.”

  I tipped my chin down in a slight nod. “He would be proud of you. I sure am. So if you aren’t on patrol but you stay on the force, what does that mean?”

  He took a step closer and when he exhaled his chest brushed against mine. It made desire start to churn thick and slow all throughout my body.

  “I mean I’m putting in to transfer to a position at the academy. I understand the hunger, the drive that new cops have and I think I can be more useful to my city fostering that and molding the new generations who will protect and serve than I will be running down drug dealers and arresting petty criminals. I’ve always wanted to make an impact. This allows me to do that.”

  He closed the gap between us and kissed one corner of my mouth and then the other. It was a light touch, so soft and delicate that if I hadn’t been looking right at him I would have questioned whether it was real or not.

  “It also lets me do something I love without having you look at me like your heart is breaking every time I walk out the door, because you are more than fear too, Orlando. We are worth taking risks and venturing into the unknown.”

  If he hadn’t already stretched my heart out so that it was big enough for him to fit into, it might have burst at the sudden rush of emotion his words had surged through it.

  “You know I’m going to kiss the shit out of you for that, right?” My voice was raspy and full of a thousand different emotions.

  He chuckled as I moved forward to make good on my threat. “Be my guest. I like having the shit kissed out of me by you.”

  I was going to kiss him.

  I was going to hold on to him.

  I was going to get my hands inside of his police blues and on his dick.

  I was going to put my mouth all over him and then turn around and let him put his mouth all over me.

  In the future, I was going to move in with him. I was going to marry him. I was going to have kids with him.

  But right now I was going to love and be loved because Dom had taught me how when I forgot.

  He was right, he was a good teacher … among many other things … all of them great … all of them mine.

  Epilogue

  Many months, first kisses, engagements, weddings and babies on down the line …

  I’d had to invest in more than one pair of slacks and more than a handful of dress shirts over the last year. I refused to wear a tie still and I would die before putting on shoes that were shiny but Lando was okay with my dressed-down, dressed-up style and I hadn’t been kicked out of a wedding yet. In fact when spring rolled around the following year, I was walking my best friend down the aisle and handing her off to the southern charmer who had stolen her heart forever. I’ll only admit to a select few that there may have been a tear or five in my eyes when Royal asked me to do the honors. I told her of course I would do it, even if it meant I would have to wear a tux. It was an honor and I jokingly told her I could use the practice because both of my sisters were involved in pretty serious relationships and eventually it would fall on me to give them away.

  It seemed like Lando and I were always off to an engagement party, a baby shower or a wedding. Now that I had immersed myself in his life and the lives of the people Royal had found to be her family there was more love and happiness floating around than anyone could shake a stick at.

  Colorado is called the Centennial State and it fit in a different way than I think the old-timers intended. It seemed like there were a hundred ways to fall in love in Mile High City and all of them were just as majestic, imposing, and rocky as the mountains surrounding the area.

  I was sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair in the heart of the Botanical Gardens waiting for yet another wedding to start. I was fidgety and sweaty because Lando had nixed the black cargo shorts I wanted to wear and told me that I needed to put on slacks. I wasn’t sure what I wore mattered to anyone, not with the bride standing under a beautiful floral arch dressed in an ivory gown with just a hint of lilac at the bottom. She was facing her big, tattooed husband-to-be and the smile on her face was radiant. Truthfully I didn’t think they needed any kind of vows to express how they felt about one another. It was there on their faces and the way no one else existed except for the two of them.

  I’d never really been into boys with a lot of ink and edge, but I had to admit the more of these shindigs I attended, the more I saw the appeal. They all looked badass and no-nonsense, but the way they were with their women was something special, something that deserved to be appreciated and celebrated.

  I jokingly tried to talk Lando into getting a sleeve or a piercing and thought my Mr. Fancy-Pants would blow me off. Much to my shock and delight he showed up after work one day with a shiny barbell pierced right through the tip of his dick. It was my new favorite thing ever, at least it was now that it was healed and I could actually put it to good use. I loved that there were still things about being with him that were surprising.

  The priest finally told the couple they could kiss and they did so to a chorus of fanfare and applause. They looked good together, maybe not like a matched set but more like a special kind of curio that you just knew you had to have to make your space feel like it belonged to you, like it was home.

  Suddenly the precious little flower girl with wild blond ringlets and a frilly lavender dress ran to where an uncomfortable little boy was standing in his miniature tuxedo amidst several giant men dressed the same and planted a kiss smack on his surprised slackened mouth. Much to the little boy’s credit he didn’t flinch or pull away from the fairy-like little girl. Instead, he seemed to give a resigned sigh and took her hand and guided her down the aisle as the music for the wedding party to exit started to play. Just like a tiny little gentleman. They were adorable. They stole the show and it was the perfect ending to a flawless ceremony. When life moved on like this, it was a charmed thing.

  I was still chuckling at the kids under my breath when Lando turned to me and put a hand on my thigh. His pale eyes glowed like the forget-me-nots that surrounded us and his heart was shining there as clear as day.

  “I’m so glad you are here with me.”

  My chuckle turned into a lump in my throat. He did that to me a lot.

  Leveled me with the way he loved me.

  “There’s no other place I would rather be.” And no other man I would want to be there with.

  BUILT

  Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can find the kind of love that is Built to last …

  Sayer Cole and Zeb Fuller couldn’t be more different. She’s country club and fine-dining, he’s cellblock and sawdust. Sayer spends her days in litigation, while Zeb spends his working with his hands. She’s French silk, he’s all denim and flannel.

  Zeb’s wanted the stunning blonde since the moment he laid eyes on her. It doesn’t matter how many smooth moves he makes, the reserved lawyer seems determinedly oblivious to his interest—either that or she doesn’t return it. Sayer is certain the rough, hard, hot-as-hell Zeb could never want someone as closed off and restrained as she is, which i
s a shame because something tells her he might be the guy to finally melt her icy exterior.

  But just as things start to heat up, Zeb is blindsided by a life-altering moment from his past. He needs Sayer’s professional help to right a wrong and to save more than himself. He can’t risk what’s at stake just because his attraction to Sayer feels all consuming. But as these opposites dig in for the fight of their lives, battling together to save a family, the steam created when fire and ice collide can no longer be ignored.

  Available January 2016

  Turn the page to read an extract or click here to pre-order now

  Prologue

  I met her at a bar.

  She had a beer bottle in her hand even though she looked like she should be sipping champagne out of an expensive flute and that inexplicably turned me on. She was pretty and looked completely out of place in the no-name bar sitting across from one of my longtime friends who also happened to be her long lost brother. He was the reason she was here. In that split second that I laid my eyes on her I wanted to be the reason she stayed.

  I knew it was rude and that the two of them needed some time together, some time to figure out what they were to each other now that she had blasted into his life unannounced. If I was a better friend I would have left them alone. As it was I made my way over to the tiny table and sat down. I was covered in sawdust and had drywall mud caked in the hair on my head and on my face, but she didn’t flinch or bat an eyelash when I purposely broke up their party of two and placed myself as close to her as I could without actually touching her.